Part Four: Restoration

Kelly had found a dark corner in a sitting area of the venue that the serving staff were using to take breaks in, to cry and catch her breath. She didn't feel safe going too far off on her own, at least there were people close by if something happened.

Now that she was an adult, she quickly learned about the bad luck people referenced about going through their daily life that she never understood growing up because she lived a blessed life. Now? Well, now she did because that bad luck peppered her daily life all the time.

Whatever luck she had growing up disappeared the day Jennifer stood her up.

A hand with a cloth napkin tapped her on the shoulder, without looking Kelly took the napkin. "Thank you," she said drying her tears.

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring it to you sooner. You weren't easy to find," Jennifer said as she took a seat on a chair across from her. Kelly took note of where Jennier chose to sit, there were other open chairs next to her on both sides, yet the tall brunette chose to give her space by sitting across from her. She apricated that.

"I'm sorry Kelly," Jennifer said softly, she kept rubbing the knuckles on the back of her hand. A tick Kelly remembered her doing whenever she was nervous when they were kids. She wondered what Jennifer had to be nervous about.

"Do you still want to get together tomorrow?" Kelly asked looking up and catching Jennifer's gaze. The brunette's eyes were big, wet, and terrified.

"Yes. I really do."

"Okay." Kelly nodded to herself standing up. She dried her face then turned to Jennifer. "How's my makeup? Do I look okay?"

"Your makeup is perfect, and you'll never look okay. You're beautiful Kelly, the least you could look is stunning," Jennifer replied staring deeply into Kelly's eyes.

Kelly felt that familiar pain in her chest, she pulled a shaky smile across her lips. "Thank you, Jennifer. Do you know that fountain in the park?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think you can meet me in the morning around nine?"

"I can do that."

"Then I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

"Would you like me to find Gloria?" Jennifer asked reaching out toward Kelly, the blonde shook her head.

"I've already texted her I'm taking a cab. She's having fun. I don't want to ruin that."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm tired. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Kelly."

Kelly walked away glad Jennifer didn't follow her. She needed space to think. The walk to the street was a daze, she was so lost in her thoughts and memories. She hailed a cab and went home. Once inside exhaustion hit her hard, drained as if she ran a marathon, she stripped and climbed into the shower. The hot water revived her a little; a cup of tea after soothed the sobs caught in the back of her throat. She reached into nightstand drawer, sitting on top was a large, decorated envelope faded with age. Kelly knew what was in it, yet she still picked it up and opened it. She pulled out the photograph inside. A picture of Jennifer, the one she sent Kelly on her sixteenth birthday. It was the last picture she received of Jennifer. She had looked at it often, wondering what happened. Hoping Jennifer was okay. Now?

Now she stared at the picture of the girl she once knew and thought of the woman she met that evening. They wore the same face. They had the same smile and yet, they were not the same person. The person Kelly met tonight was a stranger. Kelly carried Jennifer's picture to her couch and put on a movie, she didn't really watch it as her eyes kept returning to the photograph. She wondered if she ever knew that girl smiling at her through the picture or if it was all a lie.

Kelly sighed and set the photograph down. She picked up her alarm clock and set it for 6 am, she would have to stop and get breakfast before her meeting with Jennifer.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I have the best staff.

I owe them all something special for covering for me the way they did last night. After Kelly left, I couldn't get my shit tighter enough to get back on track, thank goodness my staff knew what to do and everything went as expected. Well, as far as work was concerned. Jeff took mercy on me and refrained from grilling me with a thousand questions for once and simply drove me home. I only wish the shower had done its trick and helped me get to sleep. Staring at my ceiling petting my dog did little to help my running thoughts or my over wound mind.

I wished morning came quicker in one breath then cursed it in another when it finally did. I swore at the sunrise for bring bags for under my eyes, that I could not hide. The thought of eating made me almost vomit twice so I opted for highly caffeinated tea and took the long way to the park to wait for Kelly.

I hope she shows up.

I don't think staring at my watch counting down the time is going to make this go by faster or be any less painful. Fuck, maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I should go. She's not here yet. I was already an asshole once. I could be the asshole again right. Fuck, no. No, I can't. Fuck why am I such a coward. Why is this so hard?

"Jennifer?"

My head snapped up at my name, I was surprised to see her standing there in a light jacket. She looked like an angel in the early morning light with the sun hitting her golden hair, it looked like she had a halo. She was also early. I wasn't sure if this was a good sign or not. Either way, Kelly showed up. The least I could do now was fulfill my part and tell her the whole horrible truth.

"Hey! Hi Kelly, you're early," I said quickly trying to hide how nervous I was.

"Yeah, I was…I was eager to get here. I'm sorry for how I acted last night. That's not like me, my emotions got the best of me. Seeing you after all this time, I wasn't prepared."

"Neither was I." I glanced down at my cup of tea; my hands were shaking. Why was I so nervous? This was just a conversation. I could do this; I've gotten through worse things. This was just a conversation with a woman I'd been in love with for a good portion of my life and my chance to begin mending what I broke. Yeah, no pressure. No pressure at all.

"Jennifer are you okay? You look pale?"

I startled. Kelly was sitting next to me on the fountain's edge. When did she sit down?

"I didn't sleep much last night," I said shrugging. I couldn't look at her, I didn't want to see judgement or worse worry or empathy in her face when I was trying to muster up courage, I didn't think I had.

"Neither did I. I kept thinking about what you said. It's important to me to know the truth, Jennifer. If your finally ready to share it with me, I'm ready to listen." Kelly reached out and placed her hand on my arm, I looked up to find her looking at me with a small encouraging smile. There was so much warmth and love reflected in her clear blue eyes.

"Will you walk with me. I won't be able to sit still for this."

"I understand. You never could still long, it's nice to know some things didn't change," Kelly said standing up. She looked around. "Which way should we go? This early there won't be to many people out, just the joggers."

"You choose."

"Okay, this way."

I followed her to the path then fell into step beside her. "I don't know where to begin," I admitted. She gave me a strange look and I shrugged again then tried to explain. "When I've had to tell someone something personal about myself it never goes back this far. No one in my life today knows about my life then. The bridge between the two was a hard, painful road that I don't like reliving for anyone."

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"Kelly…I never thought I'd see you again. I hoped I would. I even thought about looking you up just so I could talk to you or writing it all out in a letter or an email. But I never thought you'd give me the time of day after what I did."

"I would have never turned you away. Never. I always hoped I'd run into you one day and we'd have this conversation." Kelly reached out to me with her hand but before she touched my arm, she retracted her hand second guessing herself. That she didn't feel comfortable touching me, hurt. But I deserved the pain.

"When we met all those years ago Kelly, I didn't have any real friends."

"But Gloria?"

"We weren't close. I wasn't close to anyone except you."

"Oh."

"I didn't have any real friends because I had a lot of secrets. I couldn't let anyone get close because they might start asking questions or worse learn my secrets. My situation at home was…delicate. My father was always really strict, really demanding, and very particular about what he had planned out for me. And he had everything planned out for me. Every single step. He had a way of punishing me if I did something he disliked, it was terrifying. I learned early and fast not to make him unhappy, no matter what I had to do."

"I'm so sorry, you told me your dad was strict, but you never let on how bad. I'm so sorry."

I gave her a weak smile of appreciation then looked away to close my eyes momentarily to take a deep breath. As I exhaled, I opened my eyes, Kelly's warm blue gaze was waiting for me.

"By the time I reached Washington Military Academy, things were getting harder for me. I was doing everything my father wanted me to like the good dutiful daughter but it was like the costume I had been wearing for so many years didn't fit anymore. It was too tight, suffocating me. At the time I was super confused, I didn't understand why the costume I had worn since I was a child didn't feel right anymore, why it strangle me and felt like I was putting on a literal costume everyday no matter how good I was at it."

"What were you hiding Jennifer? What could have been so bad?" Kelly asked reaching out and putting her hand on my arm.

"I realized around age twelve I found women attractive, I puzzled for years why I never found any men attractive. It wasn't until Washington Military that it really became a problem because my father expected me to have a boyfriend when I turned fifteen. He didn't like my lack of social life or interest in boys. He fixed me up with a series of boyfriends after that to fix the issue."

"Oh, so you knew you were a lesbian then?" Kelly asked with gentle encouraging smile. She pulled me closer and held my arm tighter.

My heart clenched, I never thought she would react so warmly to me.

"No," I said. "I only knew I wasn't attracted to men. What made me really question it was when I was sixteen. Someone brand new stepped into my world and turned it upside down."

"Who was that?" Kelly asked searching my face for clues. I laughed, I missed her and this so much.

"Well…Um, to be honest Kelly. It was you," I said hesitantly then waited for her to release my arm and push me away disgusted by my confession.

Only, that never happened.

"Me? How did I do that?" Kelly asked while holding on just as tight.

"You were this bright ray of sunshine that couldn't be contained. Frustrating me in every way possible, the most annoying was trying to get time with my douche of a boyfriend. I hated even the ideal of you spending time with him. I had never gotten jealous before, but I knew that's what I was feeling." I never meant to confess that, but it came tumbling out.

"You mean Brad? Oh, I never liked him at all. I was trying to get your attention the whole time. I didn't want you spending time with him if I could have helped it. I have a little confession of my own Jennifer since we're being so honest. I had a huge crush on you then. Like, maybe little more than, well…definitely more than a crush on you and that was before we really got to know each other. Once we started talking regularly the crush got so much…worse."

I was stunned. My feet stopped moving, I think my brain stopped for a long moment. Kelly was pulled to a sudden stopped and turned to look at me with confusion.

"You had a crush on me? What?"

Kelly blushed turning away for a moment then slowly rose her gaze to meet mine. Her grip on my arm never wavered as she said. "We had our part of the drill routine down within an hour. We didn't need to practice for hours every day for weeks, but we did. I loved every moment of it because it gave me time alone with you."

"Wow. I had no idea. I thought you barely put up with me so you could spend time with Brad. That's why when you hugged me after that competition, I was so surprised."

"I couldn't help myself. If I had been a little older and to be completely honest a little more bold, I would have kissed you."

We laughed.

"I've distracted you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything until you were done. I'm sorry Jennifer." Kelly leaned in halfway hugging me.

"It's okay, I appreciate the interruption. So, are you?"

"I'm a lesbian too. I did try dating a few different men, but it wasn't for me. Women were defiantly more my speed and my taste. So, you were jealous when you thought I was going after Brad?" Kelly asked.

"Yes, that was new for me. I knew I liked you. I thought you were beautiful, smart, and funny. I loved your creativity and your attitude. I thought you were in the wrong place; a military academy was no place for someone like you. I turned a blind eye whenever I could and showed favoritism whenever I could get away with it. Of course, with our age difference there was no way anything could have happened between us at the time. I was too old for you. However, to know I felt that way toward someone opened my mind about my situation."

"If we had been the same age?" Kelly asked.

"Then what happened later would have happened a lot sooner."

We had slowed our pace to almost a standstill, Kelly pulled us over to a bench in the warm morning sun. She sat us down and I willingly sat next to her taking solace in her company and physical presence.

"My dad's brother was gay, he died before I was born. My aunt told me that my dad took the death badly and that's why he's the way he is about homosexuality. It doesn't excuse it no matter what my aunt thinks. Anyway, you were the only person I was really talking to after I left Washington Military. My family didn't allow a lot of outsiders unless approved by my father."

I continued in a soft voice recalling the events that led to being disowned, kicked out of the house, dropped from university, and forced across the world penniless. My stay with my aunt only lasted a few months before I was forced to go on my own despite no job and no money. I told Kelly everything, every hard stone on the path to who I was now. There had been homelessness, bad relationships, bad choices, but perseverance and determination that the past would not dictate my future.

When I was done. Kelly was sobbing. I didn't have any more tears to shed, I had cried so many times. I thought this time I would cry only this time, there were no more tears just a light, almost weightless feeling.

"I had no idea it was so bad at home for you. I'm so sorry Jennifer. I wish you had reached out to me any of those times. I could have helped. I would have helped," Kelly said drying her face.

"I'm sorry about not getting out of that car that day. I had only been at my aunts a month. Everything was still complete shit. There was still talk that my dad was going to let me go home, which turned out to be total bullshit. I wanted to see you, I really wanted to see you. Then I saw you with that guy. I couldn't face you, not when I was in love with you, and I just got kicked out of the house for being a lesbian. Last thing I wanted was to ruin your life too, not when you seemed so happy." I felt my face heat up, I turned away.

"Wait, you never said that. Jennifer…" Kelly reached out and forced me to turn my face back toward her. "Scott's a friend of mine, only a friend. I don't even remember why I looked happy that day, but it was probably about a dance I was doing with him since he's a choreographer. You never said anything about love." Kelly's words hung in the air between us.

I sighed and hung my head as I admitted, "I was in a bad place. I couldn't put that on you, you were the best thing in my life. I couldn't ruin that too. I loved you too much to do that."

There I said it, it was all out in the open. No more secrets. Now all I had to do was wait for her to reject me.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Kelly's mind spun at everything Jennifer told her, she clutched the sides of her head shaking it as she took a deep breath. It all suddenly made sense, all of it. A weight lifted from Kelly's shoulders and her mind in way she never realized possible.

"Thank you, Jennifer."

"Um, what?"

"Thank you. That couldn't have been easy to share all of that with me, but I appreciate it."

"You don't hate me more?" Jennifer asked with her face scrunching up into a physical flinch.

Kelly's whole body softened as she realized how scared Jennifer was. The life Jennifer had lived left the woman scarred, her hesitation was earned. Kelly's own coming out was nothing of the sort. Her mother threw her a party and both fathers warmly welcomed her first girlfriend home. She had never faced any of the challenges or hardships coming out that Jennifer had.

"No," Kelly said. "I'm glad I bought those tickets. I'm glad I ran into you at your fundraiser, it gave me the chance to see you and have this conversation. Losing you in my life was my biggest regret so being here with you now is like getting a second opportunity to do things right."

"I thought I was the only one that felt that way."

Kelly smiled and reached out taking Jennifer's hand. "No, I couldn't deny giving this a second chance if I tried. The universe put us back together for a reason, the least we could do is see it out. Can we be friends again? At least try?"

"I would really like that, Kelly."

"Fantastic! Then it's settled, I get to buy my friend lunch to celebrate."

"Wait, what? Lunch?"

"Jennifer, I've been listening to your stomach grown for the last forty-five minutes. I'm going to feed you. So please allow me to. And yes, a celebration. What else would you call it when two old friends reconnect?"

"That sounds amazing."

"Alright, I know the best place and it's not far." Kelly reached out wrapping her arm around Jennifer's waist pulling her close as they walked out of the park. "Can you tell me more about your foundation and how you started it?"

"Now that you know my story it's sort of obvious. I wanted kids like me and younger to have a place to go no matter what, that's what Safe Home provides. There're too many kids like us on the street with no place to go. Too many kids coming from homes like mine. It's a start, there's so much more to do."

"You do amazing work Jennifer."

"Thank you, Kelly. So, wait a second how far is this place again. I didn't eat anything this morning before meeting you. I was too nervous."

Kelly reached into her purse and pulled out a Luna bar and passed it over. "Eat this, it will hold you over."

Jennifer's face lit up as she accepted the densely sweet nutrition bar. "Thank you, I've had these a couple of times. They're surprisingly good." Jennifer tore it open eating it within three bites.

"I like them for when I'm caught in between meals like this, so I always try to keep one in my purse."

"You're a life saver Kelly."

Kelly smiled at Jennifer wrapping her arm back around the taller woman pulling her close again.