Hey guys, it is I, the phoenix, back with another PHOENIX ROOST REVIEW!
As you might know, I'm basically going over all my existing stories and evaluating them with a clearer head. This is basically the next in the series.
I understand that you guys have been waiting for me to update, but I've been really busy recently and I'm struggling to get all my work done, and by that point I'm too tired to write and instead just end up passing out on my bed. I'll update when I can, but please don't start asking me whether I've abandoned a story or not just because I haven't updated it in a while. I'll TELL you if I stop writing a story, like I did with Multiplayer.
That's all I wanted to say.
So without further ado, let's get on with the Review!
Phoenix Roost Review - Legend of the Spear Hero
1) Overview:
Honestly, my reason for starting this story was kind of stupid, so I'm not going to get into it. I do in fact like it very much regardless, as small as it is. It's fun, even if a little difficult at times.
2) What I Feel Is Wrong:
- The glaring issue here is that the two main concepts of the story conflict with each other, especially with the way I handled it. Making the SI Riser is one thing, and making him a Legendary Hero is another thing. The reason I combined the two in the first place is because I thought Naofumi's primary struggle as a Hero was that he didn't have a good support base, while the other three idiots didn't use the support base they had, even if it was technically fake. In practice though, this made things difficult because revealing the truth of the Legendary Weapons or even revealing what they are capable of in the DxD World would be an EXTREMELY BAD idea. The Legendary and Vassal Weapons are WAY stronger than even Sacred Gears in raw power and potential, which would draw the attention of literally everyone in the supernatural World. Soon, everyone would put their eyes on it and attempt to get it by some means, while people like Ajuka would try to replicate it. If you've read the LNs, you probably know that the Legendary Weapons CAN in fact be hacked or harmfully modified, although it would take the DxD World several years or even a decade of intensive study to crack the code, but even in the short-term there could be problems. No one can be trusted, as the DxD World has a track record of being unable to keep information. Hell, House Phoenix is so disorganized that some of them were literally abducted and cloned, with no one knowing about it. Even if kept to Riser's immediate family, logically the information would still spread somehow.
- I didn't handle Riser's interactions with his family right, they felt too artificial, not to mention nonexistent since he doesn't even have one good conversation with them. Once again, Riser not being just a plain SI but also a Legendary Hero becomes a problem because a normal SI would try to interact more with the family, but with also being a Legendary Hero things get all jumbled up as he (rightfully) fears some kind of calamity and tries to get stronger instead of reconnecting with his family. Instead of settling into the role of Riser, he has to deal with the issue of the Legendary Spear, trying to keep it hidden and train with it in the meanwhile, which cripples the story.
- I tried to cram too many concepts into one story (this seems like literally the only thing wrong with this story), trying to throw away an important part of his bloodline just to make him an alchemist and then railroaded him into being Ajuka's apprentice in an unrealistic way. This was probably the first indicator for me that I was handling this story badly.
3) What I'm Going To Do Now:
Thankfully, unlike Multiplayer there is a clear way to save this story. I'm going to rewrite it with a better, more defined concept. For that purpose, I'm going to combine it with one of my other stories, Lessons Learned. I'll put a notice on that story too before I delete it from the site.
The new story will be called "The Teachings of the Staff Hero".
Well, that's what I wanted to say, so thanks for reading this. I'm really busy right now because of the pandemic and because my college gave me TWO DAYS of summer vacation, leading to me having to scramble to get into my third year and all the material I need for it. That's the reason why I haven't been able to write, so sorry about that, but I can't help it.
I'm writing when I can, so please be patient you guys. And don't forget to keep yourselves safe, because this second COVID Wave seems even worse than the first one.
Spatialphoenix here, burning to ashes.
P.S.- I'll be posting a few more Phoenix Roost Reviews, for stories I'm going to rewrite. No more of my stories are going to be outright deleted, except for Lessons Learned which is getting fused to this one.