Sam hadn't realised she had zoned out until Cam's voice filtered into her consciousness. With a distracted hum, she glanced up at her colleague. A few days had passed since their last session; days filled with a particularly strange convergence of several universes. Alternate universes always gave her food for thought, although this time, events prior played on her mind too. She was dimly aware of him dropping onto the sofa next to her and he said her name. She looked up again and said, still a touch distracted,
"What?"
He glared at her, not quite as intensely as he would have at Jackson had he made a cutting remark, but he felt a touch impatient. She hadn't been right since all that craziness with that other SG-1 aboard the Prometheus. Hell, he had a hard time getting his head around it.
He said, "So... what do you think the other me meant about the green wire?"
She looked around herself, remembering they were in her lounge, forgetting momentarily that she had suggested movie night this week, even if it was day time and the DVD hadn't made it anywhere near the television. She quickly gathered her wits and said, confused, "If I remember rightly, he didn't say 'wire'; he said 'cut the green one'."
He appeared momentarily pensive and asked, "Well, what else would I be cutting?"
She stood up and walked towards the kitchen. She replied with a shrug as he followed, "Maybe it's something that hasn't happened in this universe yet." She continued with a smirk as she reached into the freezer for a pizza, "Or maybe he's pulling your leg."
She placed the pizza on the side and switched the oven on. He appeared to ponder her answer before replying as he reached into the fridge for a beer, "Well... that whole team did try an' steal our boat."
He silently offered her a beer but she declined with a shake of her head. She leaned against the counter, her racing thoughts threatening to rise again. He regarded her for a long moment, and then said, his tone somewhat softer than his earlier one of impatience,
"Hey, so, that was Martouf, huh?"
She looked up at him, a tad defensive. He took a step back and said, beer bottle and free hand raised, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger; Jackson told me about him."
Her expression softened into one of wistfulness, for more than one reason. She said with a nod, her eyes on the floor, "Yeah. It was nice seeing him again." She paused, and continued as she met his gaze, her eyes softening a little, "And Janet." She paused, hesitant to speculate about her friend, before saying, "It must have been especially hard for Daniel." She cleared her throat, the wistfulness returning. "He was with her when she was shot."
Cam nodded, having read that particularly mission report, and a multitude of others. He said flatly, thinking of his own ghosts as he glanced at the floor, "I guess we all have that one shit show that haunts us." He sighed silently, not wanting to compromise himself as he felt the darkness lurking in the background.
She met his gaze again and said with an understanding nod, "Yep." Of course, she knew; she knew all too well, especially with nine or so years of SGC missions under her belt. She unwrapped the pizza and put it in the oven, needing a distraction, pre-heating be damned.
He remarked, a little too brightly, changing the subject, "So... bet Carter-stock was a highlight."
Momentarily confused, she looked up at him as she closed the oven door and set the timer. She then appeared amused as realisation dawned on her, recalling the once in a lifetime opportunity to work with more than just herself, and she said, a tad bashful, "It was... interesting."
"The things the SGC could achieve if we had all those Carters on the pay roll." He paused and then remarked, feigning innocence, "I thought Jackson's head was going to explode; poor guy."
The awkwardness resurfaced from the other night when she and Daniel had been left alone in Cam's kitchen as the latter began to sleep off what would end up being the mother of all hangovers. She had almost told him; almost told him why she could never explore things with the General, when Cam had thankfully stumbled in on them. Back in the present, she said, trying not to show said albeit growing awkwardness, "Uh..." She frowned as she looked at him again. "You guys weren't there. You were interviewing other teams."
He remarked, feigning innocence, "You'll be surprised what happens when an airman in the commissary mentions that a billion Carters are brainstorming in your lab."
She regarded him sceptically as he maintained his feigned expression, silently challenging her in return. He then began to look amused and asked, "So... did any of them have bigger balls than you?"
She spluttered at his expression, looking aghast, and then embarrassed when she caught his meaning. She looked away from him, shaking her head in disbelief. She then said, "Shut up, Cam."
He remarked, still amused, "I'm serious. Y'all had so many different configurations; one was bound to have not been as blind as you are."
She shook her head, refusing to engage him in this line of enquiry. However, inside, she admitted to herself that she had wondered the same. Perhaps in another universe, things were far less complicated, or at least would be. But there hadn't been time to chat; as usual, there was something to fix, and mercifully she could call on the mass expertise of her multiversal colleagues. She however hadn't missed the occasional flash of a wedding ring, or a small enclave of Carters showing off pictures of what appeared to be children; or the Carter that appeared to be always snacking in between discreetly shielding her abdomen.
She was brought back to the present by Cam who said as he perched on a kitchen chair, his now empty beer bottle on the table, "Yeah, the Jacksons I talked to were just as forthcoming." He rolled his eyes. "Especially the team in the black BDUs; sons of bitches, the lot of them."
She remarked with a sigh as she perched on another chair opposite him, "Well, they did have an ulterior motive."
"That they did."
She adjusted the timer, partly as a reminder to remove the pizza when it would be cooked; partly as punctuation or hopefully a page break to the conversation. She wasn't exactly a fan of dwelling on things and there had been an awful lot of dwelling going on recently. As he continued to look at her, trying to read her, she paused pensively, trying to find the right words. She grimaced inwardly and just spoke instead.
"Cam. I'm happy with my life at the moment; I'm happy on SG-1 and at the SGC." She inclined her head slightly towards him in an acknowledgement of his role in bringing the team back together. "I don't want anything to change that." She paused again, unsure of what to say, especially considering SG-1 as a team weren't particularly great at speaking the unsaid. She looked at the floor, down at her feet. "I'm... not much good outside of that." She met his gaze again, continuing to feel unsure of what emotion to show. "What I mean is that I'm fine... you don't need to feel as though you need to fix me up with anyone as penance for bringing me back."
She grimaced again. Maybe that had been a bit much. No wonder O'Neill had chosen beer and fishing over deep conversations. She dropped her gaze again, her mind going back to reminding herself why that never would work out; why she was glad it had never gone beyond awkward glances.
She didn't need to look at him to know he looked awkward. She didn't know however that he looked awkward not for fear of emotions; he was secure enough in his masculinity to allow himself some small mercy. He appeared awkward because for quite possibly the first and last time, this was the most emotionally open she had been with him. They had banter and teasing, but team-mates did that to deflect, especially team-mates that had seen the things they had had.
He chose his words carefully. He said quietly, looking at her in concern, "Sam... it's not a penance. But if you want, I'll drop it. I just thought you could use a smile outside of work."
She met his gaze again and his concern grew to see her eyes look so empty. She said at a similar volume, glancing down again, "What I have is enough."
Needing a change of subject for fear of breaking his co-command, he said, upbeat, "Come on, let's go play with the DVD extras while we wait for the pizza."