Author: Catlover51

Genre: Crack/Humor, Romance, AU

Summary: Darth Vader thought it was the last he'd see of his former master after Obi-Wan's body mysteriously vanished.

Obi-Wan is determined to prove him wrong.

As always.

Warnings: Mentions of Death, Explicit Language

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that are in Star Wars.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."

-Neil Gaiman

"Sithspit!" Darth Vader swore, he blanched, feeling the piercing pain spearing around his leg like a million needles decides it was a good idea to poke a deadly Sith Lord (and he was deadly Obi-Wan thank you very much!). He could have sworn his coach was at least a few meters to the right, now that he looked at it everyone of his furniture is moved slightly.

Darth Vader squinted his eyes, hoping that it was the glitter from the infamous incident that was his failed mission, force that reminds him he still needs to find out who spared the damn photo, in his eyes that caused this hallucination? Illusion? But, nope his furniture is all definitely still looking like someone tip his castle over a slight bit, he sighed not surprised at the mess before him.

"Obi-Wan fucking Kenobi." Darth Vader whispered in a frustrated tired tone he rubbed his forehead, grabbed the edge of a nearby table to support his weight, tapping his gloved fingers on the table.

For this past week Obi-Wan-I-will-ruined-your-sith-hood-Kenobi has been tagging around his general area making an annoying thorn out of himself while usually floating uninterestedly.

But the more damaging behavior came after Kenobi found out he was actually corporeal. Therefore he can push objects without the force. That way the force would not try to alert Vader to his hijinx.

Vader shuddered, let's just say the deceased Jedi master has been fairly more terrifying than before. Making him keep his guard up in Kenobi's presents which turns out Kenobi seems to be around all the time.

The lines he hears on repeat these days are

"Really, Darth?" followed by Kenobi's eyebrow raised as if he is lecturing him on how to be a dark lord, "I thought I raised you better than that apparently not." and his 'favorite' "I ponder on how you survive from your stupidity everyday, Darth."

Let's not forget about how after failing the mission Darth Sidious just blinked at him, sighed once, muttered under his breath something about how he should have never chosen something. Then he gave a dismissive wave of his hand saying 19 times a charm.

Surprisingly Kenobi didn't come to that meeting, he crossed his arms over his chest then said exaggeratedly "I am a force ghost."

"Yes, but what does this have to do with anything?"

Kenobi pitched the bridge of his nose, "Sidious, although rather dark. Is a force user is he not?"

"Yes?" Darth said in a questioning manner. He stared blankly at the deceased Jedi master like he lost some brain cells and not the other way around Kenobi cringed.

"Force damnit, Darth! Force users can see force ghosts, that is the whole point. Therefore, Anakin." Darth has never known how Kenobi can pack so much 'you are an idiot and I cannot believe I have to explain this to you.' in just one utterance of his former name he insists on calling him. "Darth Sidious can see me and no doubt would try to smite me where I stand, although I cannot die again. I have no interest in spending the rest of my afterlife having Sidious have me visit exorcist after exorcist."

Vader finally understands the point and from then on tries his best to avoid the other Sith while Kenobi is tagging along like the thorn in his side that he was.

After that outburst the 'master of trolling' up his game a few notches, instead of just using words.

He took advantage of his corporeal form. He played seemingly harmless pranks like:

Tripping Vader's subordinates while they are in training simulation.

Covering Vader's lightsaber in ketchup (Kenobi the red light in not an invite! Also how did you even find so much of this sauce?)

And now pushing Vader's furniture around.

Vader must admit although these pranks may seem harmless on the surface, he shudders to think what his former master has planned for all of these annoyances to lead up to.

Vader walked out the room, he threaded a hand through his helmet. He was going to find that force kriffing ghost, but he needs to fix his messed up room first.

Vader gulped, completely mortified and also strangely aroused? He gawked at his former master in a golden as amber brass brassiere fastened over Kenobi's neck and behind the back with string, a brass thong, burgundy red flowing veils attached to the front and back of the thong.

Yes. The costume is exactly like the one Leia wore in Return of The Jedi, but unlike Leia.

When Vader took a glance at Obi-Wan's blue hue smooth fair skin and the silky red veil accentuates the curves of Kenobi's ass.

Vader felt like he was in cloud 9.

Obi-Wan's goddamn cadet blue eyes flicker to him knowingly, because of that Vader a flush crept up his face, a voice in the back of his head disturbingly similar to Darth Sidious said, 'Control yourself! For Force's sake you are a Sith Lord, not a teenage padawan drunk on hormones.'.

Unfortunately to Vader's conscience? Logic?

Vader has little to less self control, and even less brain to mouth filter.

Kenobi in a breathtaking scandalous outfit just literally in no better term, made Vader use his hormones instead of using his brain.

"Why are you in a dress?"

Vader's voice broke, not even the voice synthesizer could disguise the high pitch crack voice tone he used, Vader suddenly felt a lot of feelings that was similar when he was a teenager.

"Why thank you! I am doing fine, Darth. How are you?

You would think a Sith would have more manners."

The Force Ghost huffed, he leaned against the wall rolling his eyes.

"Why are you wearing a dress?!"

Vader raised his voice a pitch higher, which should have been physically impossible.

He threw his hands in the air, then gesture in Kenobi's general direction while facing the other way flustered beyond belief.

"First of all Vader, this." Obi-Wan rested a hand on his hip, "is not a dress honestly. Second of all I was just playing around with my wardrobe, but I figured if you like it so much..."

Vader stiffened and splattered, "No wait, change it please do-"

"I'm keeping it, it's not like I need to keep myself warm anyways." Obi-Wan smoothed down his red veil, then smirked mischievously at Vader.

And if Vader was honest to himself, that smirk does things to him he will never say to anyone. Ever.