It was a calm day. The rain was steadily coming down and the Colonel and Miles were sitting in their room, making homework. This calm day was rudely interrupted by Alaska barging in.
"Those fuckers flooded my room."
"Our room," Gus corrected her. He came in after her, limping slightly.
"Well my books are ruined."
"What happened?" Miles asked.
Gus explained briefly how the Weekday Warriors had diverted a drainpipe and flooded Alaska's room.
"Now it's war," she declared.
"Good," the Colonel said. "Now that you're properly motivated, can we finally get started on a revenge plan? Like you promised me last week."
"You bet we will. Give me a pen and a notepad."
Gus sighed. "I'll get Takumi."
Not long after, all five of them were sitting around the coffee table, discussing ideas for their revenge. Alaska wrote down every idea they had.
"I don't like any of this," Alaska said. "We should take them where it really hurts."
"You want to kick them in the nuts?" the Colonel asked. "Cause I'm all for that."
"No, no. What do they really care about?"
"Their grades?" Takumi suggested.
"Popularity," the Colonel added.
"Girls," Miles said.
They all looked at Gus.
"Uhm, I don't know. Being remembered?"
"What?"
"Maybe they have this large existential fear of being forgotten."
"That's your fear," Alaska reminded him.
"Oh, right."
"Back to topic, people," the Colonel said.
"We have to humiliate them in public or in front of their parents," Miles said. "That's what they care about most."
"Yes, but how are we gonna do that?" Alaska asked.
They kept brainstorming, but no brilliant plan came out.
"I need a cigarette," Alaska said.
"The Eagle can detect cigarette smoke from a mile away," the Colonel warned her.
"Then we'll just have to go further than one mile," Alaska said.
They went outside and walked along the fake beach. Eventually, they reached a secluded spot beneath the bridge over the Culver Creek river. Some plastic chairs stood here.
"This is the smoking hole," Gus explained. "It's safe here."
They all took out a cigarette. Everyone lit up, except Gus and Miles.
"By the way," Alaska said. "Have I already told you about the boob honk this summer?"
The Colonel took a drag. "Three times."
"Oh."
They all chuckled.
None of them brought up the revenge plan again.