In the first week of him settling into his new place, Hange has already claimed one of the cabinets in his small spare room, cramming it with whatever she deemed necessary. In the second week, she manages to destroy a pan because she wanted to make pancakes so badly and spills milk all over his newly scrubbed floor and counter. By the time the third week of his new life rolls around, he has a vivid headache.
But headache or not, he can't shake the warmth spreading behind his ribs. It is a relief seeing Hange like that: happy and free. The immense burden that had plagued her for so long chipping away gradually bit by bit. The haunting expression of guilt and the neverending tiredness less profound.
And if it's for Hange, well, he can lose a bit of his sanity if needed. Her antics are nothing new to him anyway. Furthermore, her overbearing enthusiasm helps him too, decreasing the weight of his own guilt, having something other to focus on than his dark and looming thoughts that like to emerge to the surface at unexpected moments.
000
"Leviii." Hange's voice rings through the air, annoyingly drawing out his name and breaking his pleasant silence and calm. Levi closes his eyes and groans. He puts down one of the notes he has been studying and turns just as Hange comes bounding into the kitchen, cheeks bright and eyes sparkling. Levi glares at her.
"On a scale from one to ten, how bad would you think it would be if-"
"At least a twenty."
She pouts for a moment, settling down at the table across him, placing her palms on the dark wood, leaning forward. "I was thinking. Since I'm able to drive a car now, we could rent one and go somewhere. We have not done that yet since coming here."
Levi stares at the polished wood beneath his fingers. Hange was right. They had not been venturing really further than their little neighborhood. At least, he hadn't. He suddenly feels cold, the back of his neck prickling. The familiar ache behind his eye that's never far away, turning up a notch.
"Alright," he says after a moment, studying the rims of his nails. Clean as always, of course. Tch.
Hange perks up. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He rubs at a crease in one of the notes. "I want to go see the ocean later this evening. I want to see the sunset."
It's a silly little thing. Levi feels foolish saying it. He senses Hange's gaze on him but doesn't raise his gaze to meet it.
"Okay."
000
It's a small patch of beach, a part that has remained undisturbed by the war and suffering.
It's nice, quiet, Levi thinks. He's standing at the shoreline and gazing over the open water. There are not many people around, save for a few parents somewhat further away, watching their children splash around in the tepid water of early summer. The sun is making her quick way downward, a mild breeze tugging at his shirt. He continues to stare ahead, eye throbbing.
It is not so bad, coming here. There's no reason for him to be worried. It's stupid, honestly. After everything that they had gone through. But there are just these things, these trivial matters that set Levi off at times. Large crowds, high heights, sudden movements. A glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror. Memories will come flooding up to the surface without his permission, overwhelming him, sending his heartbeat thundering in his chest and leaving his palms sweaty. Hange says he should try to see someone. A doctor. Someone who can help him manage it. She told him it was understandable to seek help - that it was normal to feel the way he did. He knew she did too. Saw it in the fleeting glimpses of her frightful expression, noticed in the sudden startles or the way her fingers sometimes caught his sleeve unexpectedly. He recognized it when the two of them stayed up way too late, often not even talking, but just simply trying to dodge the horrors that still came to visit them at night so often. Normal, huh. What was that even? Levi had never been normal. From his life underground to him donning the wings of freedom and carrying the title 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier,' Levi had always been an enigma in the eyes of others. Most people had seen him (and some still did) as something abnormal, a symbol of hope and strength, something to fear or idolize.
His inhuman power and speed are gone now. That's for sure. They vanished along with the titans, and it leaves behind a person crippled by war and struggle, a clean freak with nightmares and irrational anxieties.
Maybe right now he is the closest to whatever the fuck that normal is.
"Levi." His attention is pulled away from the horizon and toward Hange. She waves at him, smiling and standing knee-deep in the water, her azure skirt fluttering around her knees, loose locks of brown hair freed from her messy ponytail dancing around her face. His heart makes a weird leap in his chest at seeing her like that. He swallows the feeling down and away. Then she comes his way. Splattering like a kid. He looks off to the side and scowls. Tch.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Hange sounds a little breathless when she moves to stand next to him. She'd been racing around, exploring every nook and cranny of the tiny stretch of beach. She'd also been scattering Levi's ear off. "Levi, do you see that? That's a crab. Their pincers are very sharp and surprisingly powerful. Did you know that there are probably more stars in the universe than all the grains of sand together found on earth? Levi, look! It's a sea slug—"
Damn shit-glasses. Levi shivers at the thought of the slimy green thing that Hange had suddenly put way to close to his face. He angrily had waved her off before stumbling back toward the place where their bags lay to sit down and rub at the painful joint of his knee. Damn him and his useless leg. Damn her and her uncanny desire to pick up weird things.
His knee still aches, but he ignores it while he and Hange stand together, side by side, watching as the sun goes down. The sky and ocean ablaze - painted in orange and red, a flock of birds passing by across the horizon covered with pink-tinted clouds. He stares until the twilight sets in, his eyes never leaving the brilliant sight.
Levi feels the familiar pang in his chest. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's what they had fought for so long. Struggling and sacrificing, tears, blood, and pain, bodies piling up, precious lives snatched away in an instant. He feels oddly unbalanced suddenly. Like if he moves even just an inch, something will break or shatter or snap. So he stays standing stock-still till a cooler breeze raises tiny goosebumps on his bare arms and sends a shiver down his spine. The crickets somewhere behind him in the tall grasses chirp their shrill tunes. He loves that sound. It's comforting, somehow.
Levi stays standing where he is until Hange stirs and touches his arm, soft fingers dancing across his skin. Another shiver makes its way down his spine. When he finally moves, he stumbles a bit, limbs stiff and aching. But Hange takes his hand, steadying him, and tugs him away from the shoreline and the endless expanse of salty water and toward their bags.
"It was good to come here, such a nice place." Hange turns and beams at him, expression soft. However, her smile holds a tinge of sadness that makes his own throat close up a bit. His hand is still in hers, warm and comfortable, fingers intertwined. "Yeah," he breathes, chest tight, heart hammering. A moment of tranquillity hovers between them, a wordless exchange of looks. They had never needed many words to understand each other anyway. She should wear a skirt more often. The thought comes to him suddenly. And perhaps it's the ambiance around them. Maybe it's the way Hange looks at him or the racing pulse of his own heart in his ears. He doesn't try to push the thought away. Yeah, it suits her. Hange never wore skirts. Apart from that one time when Erwin had dragged Mike and the two of them to that shitty fancy banquet. Even the many glasses of wine he downed through the whole ordeal had not been able to drown out the shitty atmosphere of that night.
The feel of soft fingers on his cheek brushing the long scar drag his thoughts of sour wine and too sweet perfume away. He looks up into her good eye, the other secured behind the familiar black material of her eyepatch. Abruptly, he draws her closer. It's an impulse, his body simply moving and brain not really thinking, and tilts forward. "Hey," he murmurs, breath fanning against her cheek. He catches her eye, gleaming in the advancing twilight. Hange doesn't pull away, and Levi feels the warmth rising to his cheeks. She shifts closer, and they pause for a moment, lingering, waiting, then he kisses her. Softly, scantly, his lips brushing hers. She moves, leans further into him, kisses him back, kisses deeper, salt, and the strawberry jam from this evening on his tongue. Levi feels her hold tightening on his hand. He squeezes back.
It's a short, breathless moment. And Levi's glad for the fading daylight when he leans back, the probable redness of his flaming cheeks going hopefully unseen.
When he catches her eye again, he smiles softly.