24th July. Day 2

We all have a suitcase. We all pack differently. Some of us travel light and some of us travel heavy. Some of us are secret hoarders who pack away our memories so they don't hurt us. I'm one of those people. I use to love packing my suitcase for a holiday.. what outfit should I wear? HOW many outfits should I bring? Is it going to be hot? Cold? Warm? Will I need a scarf? Of course I freaking do. I always thought a good accessory was the exclamation point of a outfit. Accessories make EVERYTHING better and you can never own too many. But, I'm not going on holiday, I'm going back to Dalton. My dress sense has changed drastically since I moved away. My dress sense now is considerably less flamboyant. My scarf days are well and truly over. I'm fashionable and comfortable and I'm kinda liking it. I mean who wants to wrestle with 23 pieces of clothing in the morning? Definitely not me. I do miss it. I do miss waking up every morning and taking an hour to pick an outfit out and accessories to go with it. I miss spending forty minutes doing my skin care regimen and taking an extra twenty five minutes doing my hair. I miss all of it but I guess I'm just so use to comfort now and yes, I would love to dabble back into my collection but for now I'm content. Gone the days I would take days to pack my suitcase.

"You gonna help me lil bro or you just gonna stand there and look at the suitcase like it just started walking?"

Kurt shakes his head and laughed and looked up to Finn who was currently struggling trying to zip up his suitcase. Kurt walked over and put a hand on his shoulder "Move over big boy, the one thing I'm an expert in is faulty zippers!" Finn steps back with a smirk on his face with his hands in the air

"If you can shut that suitcase I swear to god I'll –

"All done."

"You have got to be kidding me?! Dude, I've literally been trying to shut it for ten freaking minutes!"

"I told you Finn, I'm an expert. Now, is there anything else you need my expertise or do you want to struggle some more?"

"I hate you."

"You love me really you stupid idiot." There was a pause, Finn looked up at smiled.

"Yeah man. I do."

They started to pack the rest of Kurt's possessions. It was a back and forth game of Kurt repacking everything because Finn was throwing everything into the cases like he was throwing away an empty soda can in the trash. Kurt walked over to his nightstand and picked up a photo frame. It was of him and his dad. Burt Hummel. One of the most selfless, loving human beings to have ever graced this earth. Kurt reached up and traced a finger over the photo, smiling lovingly at the memory. Kurt was six years old and his dad was showing him around the garage. There was grease on both of their faces and they was both beaming at the camera. Burt had Kurt sitting on his lap holding him gently. His mother had taken the photo. Elizabeth. She had died shortly after the photo was taken. Cancer had taken her to young. She always had a smile on her face and even though Kurt was young, he was old enough to know that she had taken ill. Burt had been his rock, his life line and he could talk to him about anything and everything. His mother passing, the bullying all through his life, him coming out as gay – Even know Burt always knew it – everything.

"That's a great photo dude, make sure you pack it." Kurt turned to face Finn with a watery smile and after a while reluctantly passed it over. Finn grabbed it gently and wrapped it up and neatly laying it down into another small suitcase. "He would be so proud of you, you know? Kurt took a breath breath

"I miss him." Kurt said brokenly as he tried to keep the tears at bay.

"I miss him too baby brother."

Burt Hummel had a massive heart attack two months after Kurt had returned from Dalton. Kurt was one who found him, laying lifeless on the floor. The screams of Kurt's cries were hysterical as he tried to preform CPR but his dad was already gone. After loosing his Dalton family and then loosing Burt Hummel it was all too much for Kurt and he turned down a very dark road. He spiralled out of control and it resulted in the incredibly stupid decision to hurting himself.

"Sorry I just need a minute." Kurt rushed towards the bathroom before Finn could even answer him and he shut the door tightly. He tuned the tap on watching the water drain, throwing water over his face while he took a shaky breath in and out. He missed his dad. He missed having him there to be his rock. That's where Finn stepped him. He took care of him when no one else was there to do so. Then there was Carol. Finns mom. A heart of gold and he truly thought of her as his motherly figure. She was visiting her sick sister about an three hour drive away from their home. She didn't want to leave Kurt but she knew he was in safe hands with Finn. He didn't want Finn to worry, he turned the tap on so he wouldn't hear his silent sobs. Kurt knew he wasn't ready to go back but if Burt Hummel taught him anything it was that Hummel's where fighters and he knew his dad would be proud of him facing going back. Kurt turned the tap off and dried his hands. He pushed himself back away from the sink and made his way to the bathroom door opening it gently. He found Finn sprawled out onto his bed with his eyes closed.

"Was you having a moment?" Finn kept his eyes closed and beckon Kurt over with his finger.

"I seem to have a lot of those don't I?" Kurt joined Finn on the bed, laying next to him making himself comfortable.

"Yeah dude, you should really go and see someone over that. What are they called again?"

"I'm not seeing a fucking physiatrist Finn Hudson, I'll rather give to my monthly subscription to Vogue." Finn chuckled and turned his head towards Kurt "Plus anyways, that's what I've got you for right? Opening pickle jars and letting you listen to my bullshit all day and night."

"Hey! I do a pretty damn good job opening them jars for you! That's my expertise Kurt. Don't try and take that away from me!" He nudged Kurt with his arm and Kurt smirked back

"Oh come off it, you know full well loosen them for you before you take them off me and open them! I'm not just a pretty face you know, I have guns!" Kurt shot back playfully as he nudged Finn back. They room fell silent as they just laid there with their eyes closed. Kurt was the first to speak up

"I'm going to really miss you Finn Hudson." Finn shook his head and had a grin ear to ear.

"I'm going to miss you too Kurt Hummel. Diva and all."

Kurt placed a hand over Finns and squeezed it gently before sitting up and making his way off the bed. He stood next to Finn and stretched his arm for Finn to take hold of to help him up. Finn took hold .

"Always?"

"Always dude."

Everything was packed and ready to go. All waiting at the door for Kurt's departure from his home and ready to go to his new home. Well… his old home. He was extremely nervous. Kurt wanted to commute home everyday but it was a four hour drive and after having countless of disagreements with Carol and Finn on why he shouldn't drive, he settled to start boarding again. He thought about what his room would be like and who he would be living next too. The only thing he knew is that he was boarding in the same wing as he use too.. He had wished for him to be settled in another but he knew he wouldn't be able to get out of it. He had to face it head on. Face his fears and get on with it.

He shared a room with Blaine for his stay at Dalton, he didn't have a clue what it would feel like to Be on his own after all this time.

They are going to hate that. He's going to hate that.

He missed Jeff. He missed his best friend. When Kurt left Dalton he severed all ties with them including Jeff. It was just too hard. He had tried to get in touch numerous of times and he even turned up at Kurt's home on more than one occasion but Kurt never saw him. He always got Finn or Carol to turn him away. He felt awful for doing that to him, he knew how much Jeff meant to him.

I wonder how he will react when he see's me? Will he hate me for ignoring him the past year? Will he try and regain our friendship again?

Kurt wanted that so badly but he knew he wouldn't be able to just turn up there and things go back to the way it was before. He didn't even know how HE would react to seeing Jeff again. Kurt sighed. he just hoped they never find out why he did what he did.