(("Now it's time for the Rocky and Bullwinkle Fan Club"))

"Hear ye hear ye!!" Bullwinkle exclaimed, slamming a rubber chicken down on the podium. "This meeting of the Bullwinkle and Rocky fan club is now in session! What shall we discuss as our first topic of the day? Personally I believe we should discuss the mult-eye-ple porpoise properties, of the cheesecake!"

"Man," Captain Peachfuzz stood up. "I dunno about you folks but I think that's a GREAT topic!"

"I sink ve could be talkink about Fearless Leader's third vife." Boris replied, his hands moving along to resemble a womanly hourglass figure. "Ju should've zeen her...she vas like, VOW!"

"And ZEN, she executed for smugglink illegal items eento country." Natasha replied, noticing how Boris was thinking about another woman. After she delivered a nice slap to Boris' forehead, she gave a sigh. "But zen again, you gotta respectink Polly. She's vomahn vat know vat she vant!"

"Nyet, ees not how dat happen. She vas executed for not litterink een park!" Boris replied, then turned to Rocky and Bullwinkle. "Ees wery punisha—punishabable offense een old country."

"I've got an idea!" Rocky replied. "How bout we just talk about this next cartoon. All those in favor?"

"AYE!" Everyone said in unison.

(Dedicated to Polly J. Leader (neé Murdernovich-Van-Keelenschtien),

Third wife of Fearless J. Leader

19-whatever to 20-who cares!

"She vas like, VOW!"

In Memoriam, R.I.P, Rest In Pieces)

————————

Dudley Do-Right in: "The "Eh?" Team"

"AH, THE NORTHWESTERN REGION OF CANADA IN THE SUMMERTIME, WITH ITS GORGEOUS SWIMMING HOLES, GORGEOUS MOUNTAIN VIEWS, AND DAN AKROYD..."

"Do-Right, come into my office and quickly now..." The Inspector spoke into the PA system. "I must speak with you about this..."

"DUDLEY CAME QUICKLY ALRIGHT, BUT NOT THROUGH THE DOOR, RATHER HE CAME CRASHING THROUGH THE WALL NEXT TO THE DOOR."

"Yes sir, Inspector Fenwick?" Do-Right asked, immediately saluting.

"Do-Right, we've noticed there's been an increase in beaver dams around the forest, and in order to get more water to the town you've got to get the beavers to move elsewhere." The Inspector explained, also wondering if his top Mountie knew what a door was.

"Get them to move?" Dudley asked. "Oh, but Inspector, they're so cute with their little eyes and the way they gnaw the trees and slap their dams into place with their flat little tails!" He squealed, getting pretty excited.

"DO-RIGHT, PLEASE! They may be cute, but I'm giving you a direct ORDER!" The Inspector replied. "Now get them to move, or else!"

"...yes sir, Inspector..." Do-Right replied, then immediately dashed out of the office.

"AND SO, DO-RIGHT SET ABOUT EXPLORING EVERY BEAVER DAM AND MAKING EVERY BEAVER THAT INHABITED IT VACATE TO ANOTHER PART OF THE RIVER..."

"~~THIS IS NOTHING PERSONAL, IT'S JUST BUSINESS~~" He spoke into a megaphone as the hundreds of beavers vacated their dams.

"SUDDENLY, DUDLEY PLACED DOWN HIS MEGAPHONE, FOR HE HEARD SOMETHING WITHIN A HOLLOWED-OUT LOG..."

(*Squeak! Squeak-squeak!*)

"I say, whatever is this?" Do-Right scratched his head, then looked inside the log. "GOOD HEAVENS!"

"IT WAS FOUR BEAVER KITS, EACH ONE WAS AROUND A MONTH OLD, AND VERY FLUFFY. THEY APPEARED TO BE ORPHANED, AND WHEN THEY SAW THE MOUNTIE, THEY IMPRINTED ON HIM VERY QUICKLY, AND WRAPPED THEIR LITTLE ARMS AROUND HIS LEGS."

"Ohhhh..." he sighed. "It's a shame that by the order of the RCMP, I'm going to have to ask you darlings to move someplace else..."

"ONE OF THE BEAVER KITS THEN GAZED UP AT DO-RIGHT, CLIMBED UP HIS BODY TO HIS SHOULDER, AND SNUGGLED HIS FACE, THEN GAVE HIM A KISS."

"Aw, thank you..." Dudley replied, stroking the little beaver's fur. "Say, I've got an idea! How aboot you little ones stay with me? I'll gladly take care of you and show you the ways of the Mountie!"

"THE LITTLE BEAVERS SLAMMED THEIR TAILS AGAINST EACH OTHER, MUCH LIKE THEY WERE CLAPPING AND ENJOYED THE IDEA. IN NO TIME AT ALL, DUDLEY HAD TRAINED THOSE BEAVER KITS TO BECOME QUITE POSSIBLY THE GREATEST TEAM OF CRACK COMMANDO MOUNTIES CANADA HAD EVER SEEN. HE CALLED THEM..."The "Eh?" Team"!"

(*"Battle Without Honor or Humanity"* briefly plays)

"BUT INSPECTOR NATHANIEL FENWICK DIDN'T APPROVE OF THIS..."

"—BEAVERS, Do-Right!?" The Inspector asked, eyes widened in disbelief. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with the bottom of his Mountie shirt. "You called me so you could show me you trained BEAVERS to be in the RCMP? And they're just BABY beavers at that! This is without a doubt the strangest idea you've had."

"Yes, but watch what they can do!" Dudley replied, then turned to one of the beaver kits. Then, he placed a wood carving of Snidely Whiplash next to them. "...BEAVERS, ATTACK!"

"TWO OF THE LITTLE BEAVER KITS STOOD ON THEIR HEADS AND THEN FLIPPED THE OTHERS INTO THE AIR. ONE KIT KICKED THE CARVING OF SNIDELY TO THE GROUND, AND THEN THE SECOND GNAWED THE CARVING'S HEAD OFF."

"Impressive..." The Inspector replied. "Oh, well, you and your little beavers may defend Canada from Snidely Whiplash..."

"Thank you, sir!" Dudley saluted. "And wait till' you see the cute little Mountie outfits I've sewn for them!"

"AND WITH THAT, DO-RIGHT LEFT ALONG WITH THE BEAVER KITS..."

"I swear, Nell, that boy is aboot as dense as a sack of hammers!" The Inspector replied, index finger to his temple once Dudley was out of earshot.

"Yes, but I love him, father..." Nell replied, staring at Dudley's horse rather than Dudley himself.

"MEANWHILE, SNIDELY WHIPLASH SET ABOUT ANOTHER VILLAINOUS SCHEME..."

"Today's the day, Homer!" He told his assistant as they walked through the small Canadian town. "Today's the day I'm FINALLY gonna blow up the First National Bank of Canada and Do-Right shan't do a thing to cease it! Why?! CAUSE IT'S BOXING DAY AND THE BANK'S CLOSED!!"

"Yeah, you keep tellin' yourself dat', Whip..." Homer replied, clearly not interested in whatever Whiplash was up to. "HOLY SMOKES IT'S DO-RIGHT!"

"You're RIGHT!" Snidely gasped. "Wait, are those beavers?!"

(*"Battle Without Honor or Humanity" plays again*)

"DO-RIGHT AND THE BEAVERS WALKED TOWARDS THE VILLAIN IN A VERY SLOW FASHION, THEN HE GESTURED TO THE BEAVERS AND THEY IMMEDIATELY ATTACKED SNIDELY (Homer wanted no part of this, so he just left). TWO SHOVED HIM TO THE GROUND, AND THE OTHER TWO SLAPPED HIM SENSELESS WITH THEIR TAILS."

"Ah, Snidely...Blowing up the bank on BOXING DAY?!" Dudley exclaimed once Snidely fell to the ground. "For SHAAAME! I shall have to arrest you, thanks to my new beaver RCMP unit, that I call "The "Eh?" Team"!"

"SUDDENLY, DUDLEY NOTICED THAT SOMETHING ELSE HAD ARRIVED...A TALLER FEMALE BEAVER. INSTANTLY THE LITTLE KITS WENT TOWARDS THE BEAVER, NUZZLING HER FACE."

"Oh..." Dudley replied. "That's your mother, isn't it?"

"THE BEAVER KITS NODDED. DUDLEY REMOVED THEIR LITTLE MOUNTIE SUITS, AND LET THEM GO TO THE MOTHER BEAVER."

"Well, I suppose this is farewell, goodbye Hannibal, B.A, Peck, Murdock..." Dudley kissed each respective beaver kit on the head. "I love you...you were like SONS to me! Though we might've had a short time fighting, I loved it when this plan came together..."

"You've seen too much TV lately, Do-Right..." Snidely snickered.

"Well, it's a good show!" Dudley replied. "And I get free American cable with my television!"

"AND SO, DUDLEY DRAGGED SNIDELY OFF TO JAIL YET AGAIN AND THE BEAVER KITS LEFT WITH THEIR MOTHER. AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED, THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS THAT WHEN YOU WORK TOGETHER, YOU WON'T BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!"