Disclaimer: SJM owns it all.

A/N: Here it is! This chapter gets a little spiced up. I tried not to overdo it. Well, I hope you like it!

Chapter Four

It had been a week since Az had left on his mission. One whole week since they had sang that song together. Gwyn sighed and pushed her food around her plate. The longer he was gone, the more nervous she got. She knew he could take care of himself. He'd been the Spymaster of the Night Court for centuries, but it didn't take much for things to go south and she knew that firsthand.

She hadn't gotten a chance to really talk to him about what had happened up on the balcony before he'd left. They'd left everything up in the air. With the way Nesta and Cassian had been acting around her, she was starting to think Az might have feelings for her too.

"You know, you shouldn't play with your food. It's just going to get cold."

She threw a withering look up at Nesta before rolling her eyes. "I am not playing with my food."

Nesta lifted an eyebrow at her. "Oh really? Then what do you call it?"

Gwyn shrugged. "I'm just not that hungry."

Nesta watched her for a long minute, debating her words very carefully. Gwyn could see her chewing on her lip from the corner of her eye before she finally opened her mouth. "Is this because Azriel hasn't come back from his mission yet? He did say it could take him a week, you know. And he has been known to take longer than even he expected sometimes. And you never know, he could be at the River house right now giving his report to Rhys. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Gwyn sighed and set down her fork, turning to face the open balcony door. "It's not just that. I mean…we didn't exactly leave things in the greatest way. I didn't get to see him before he left for his mission, so we didn't get to clear the air about what happened the night before. And now ever since he left, all I can think about is what you said. And Cass keeps giving me these looks, especially when Az's name is brought up in conversation. It's just a lot to take in."

Nesta nodded, setting down her fork as well. "My only suggestion is to figure out exactly what it is you want from Azriel and then the next time you see him…tell him. If you only want to be friends, then great. Make sure he knows because I can guarantee that's not where he's at. But…if you do want more from him, tell him. Tell him exactly what it is you want. If you want to be friends with some kinky benefits, go for it. I'm sure he'll be all for it. He is a full-blooded Illyrian male after all. If you want an actual relationship, lay it all out. Whether you want to go fast, slow, in-between. Sit down with him and have the talk. It's something that needs to happen and you know it. You'll both feel better."

Gwyn smiled softly at her, nodding. "You're right. I mean…I definitely don't want whatever friends with benefits is. I'm not really sure what kind of benefits you're talking about, but no thanks."

Cass strolled into the dining room and grabbed an apple off the table. "Who's being friends with benefits?"

Nesta rolled her eyes. "You're so nosy. No one is being friends with benefits. Get out of here."

Cass chuckled and was just about to move towards the balcony door when Az landed outside. Gwyn was instantly on her feet. She immediately noted how exhausted he looked. Then her eyes went directly to the gash down his cheek. He made his way into the dining room, but didn't make it very far before Cass put a hand on his arm and stopped him.

"What the hell happened to you, brother?"

Az shrugged him off. "I'm fine, Cass. It's just a scratch. It'll heal."

Cass's eyebrows shot up. "That's a bit more than just a scratch. You need to see a healer."

Az rolled his eyes. "I've already seen Madja. Rhys wouldn't let me leave the River house until I did. He threatened to knock me out and tie me to a chair if I refused."

Gwyn held back her laugh. She could clearly see now was not the time for that and neither male seemed particularly amused.

Cass crossed his arms over his chest. "Good. What did Madja say?"

Azriel crossed his arms as well and narrowed his eyes. "That I'm fine, like I said. She gave me some salve to put on it to speed up the healing, but otherwise it's fine."

"Az, we're just trying to look out for you. No need to get defensive."

He shook his head, looking away. "I can take care of myself, you know. I've been doing it for over five centuries. I appreciate the concern, but there's no need."

With that, he stalked from the room without a backward glance at anyone. He hadn't even made eye contact with Gwyn since he'd come into the House.

Az made his way to his room, exhaustion weighing heavily on him. All he wanted was to take a quick bath, put the salve on his cheek, and then go to bed. He hadn't gotten any sleep in the past couple of days due to the work he'd been doing.

If he were being honest with himself, he was secretly glad Rhys had made him see Madja. He wasn't entirely confident there hadn't been something on the blade that had made the gash on his cheek. After it had happened, he'd been a little worried about infection or worse, but he'd been in too sour of a mood when he finally made it back that he planned on writing it off anyway.

He hadn't planned on being gone for an entire week. He hadn't wanted to. Especially after that night on the balcony with Gwyn. He had tried taking his time getting ready for his mission that morning on the chance he might see her before he had to leave, but she had still been in her room. There hadn't been any noises coming from inside, so he'd assumed she'd still been asleep. It had been pretty early, so it hadn't surprised him.

The entire time he was gone, he kept thinking back on what Cass had said to him. He had left everything hanging. They had sang that song together and damn it if it hadn't made him happier than he'd been in a very long time, but then he'd practically ran out of there like a coward when they'd been caught. He'd felt like a teenager all over again getting caught with a female in his room.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair as he surveyed his room. He shook his head to try to clear his thoughts and started removing his weapons and clothing piece by piece. Once he was naked aside from his undershorts, he padded into the bathroom with the tin of salve, setting the tin on the lip of the sink before turning to the tub and turning it on. He adjusted the temperature and let it fill for a while before finally sliding his shorts off and stepping in. Being mindful of his wings, he leaned back in the tub and did his best to relax. The warm water was doing wonders for his sore muscles after the week he'd had.

He gave himself extra time than he usually did to just relax and enjoy the warm water soaking into him before he started to actually bathe himself. Once he was finally clean of a week's worth of grime, he got out of the bath and toweled himself off, wrapping a dry towel around his waist. He stepped up to the mirror and frowned, noticing that he really needed to shave, but wasn't in the mood to go through all that effort at the moment, so he just applied the salve to the gash along his cheek and left the bathroom.

On his way by, he closed the curtains so as to darken the room so he could at least attempt to get some much needed rest. He wasn't sure how well he would be able to achieve it since he still hadn't even looked at Gwyn, let alone spoken to her, but he knew he needed to try. It had been far too long since he'd had the chance to sleep and if he didn't lay down and close his eyes, there was a good possibility he could fall asleep standing up, thinking about Gwyn or not.

Once he made it to the bed, he decided against getting dressed yet for the time being. Instead, he simply dropped the towel and scooted underneath the soft blankets. He liked sleeping naked, he just rarely did it on the off chance that something might happen and he was needed or someone might walk in without knocking, like Cassian had previously done. Of course, the three brothers had seen each other naked countless times over the centuries, but that wasn't the point.

He made his way into the middle of the bed and settled down, adjusting his wings into a comfortable position. Just as he was closing his eyes, he heard Gwyn walking by his door with Nesta. He could tell they were trying to be quiet for his benefit, which made him smile. They must have known he'd come back to his room to get some rest.

"I don't know, Nesta, I'm just worried about him is all. He just seemed…off."

There was a pause as if Nesta were thinking. "Well, it is Az we're talking about here. He's a quiet male. He keeps to himself."

He heard muffled shuffling before her response. "No, that's not it. He's not like that with me. He wouldn't even look at me. It was like I wasn't even there. I just need to know he's okay. I know he's sleeping now, which is definitely a good thing. He looked about ready to pass out when he got back. But when he gets up and is ready to talk…I'm going to tell him I'm here for him. He knows that already, but I just want to see with my own two eyes that he's okay. And make sure he's taking care of that gash too."

Nesta chuckled quietly. "So…did you figure out what you were going to tell him yet?"

His eyes flew open. What were they talking about? She had something to tell him? He could feel his shadows getting restless around him.

Gwyn sighed. "I think so. I just don't know how. He's such a great male, I don't know how I'm ever going to have that conversation with him."

His heart was racing. She didn't make it seem like it was a positive thing she wanted to tell him. Maybe she was going to tell him that after everything that happened on the balcony, she just wanted to be friends. Of course, he would take anything he could get from her. If she only wanted to be friends, then he would find some way to accept that. All he wanted was for her to be happy.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard them moving into her room, still talking quietly. He could no longer make out their words, but he knew they were both in her room together. How was he ever going to fall asleep now with his mind racing? He couldn't stop thinking about the different possibilities of what she could possibly have to say to him.

It took him an hour to finally calm his mind enough to fall into a fitful sleep. He only managed to get a few hours before his nightmares reared their ugly head, dragging him from sleep and out of bed.

Gwyn walked into the dining room to find Cassian and Nesta eating supper alone. She noticed that Cass seemed to be on edge, so she threw a look at Nesta who shrugged.

Gwyn sat down at the table across from them, her plate instantly appearing in front of her the moment she sat down thanks to the House. "Where's Azriel? Is he still in his room?"

"Nope." Cass popped the 'p' as he speared a green bean with his fork angrily. She was surprised he didn't impale himself with the force with which he shoved it into his mouth.

"Okay…so what's going on? Where is he?"

"He's in the training ring. Has been for hours."

Gwyn's brow scrunched. "Hours? Did he get any sleep at all?"

She watched as Cass shrugged. She could tell something had happened between the two of them, but it was obvious the male wasn't going to say what. She stood abruptly from the table, forgetting her food, and making for the training ring.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Give him space."

Gwyn whipped back towards him. "Why do I need to give him space? What the hell happened?"

Cass finally set down his fork and turned his full attention towards her, mouth pinched. "Were you and Nesta outside his room talking a little while after he got back?"

Gwyn crossed her arms, throwing a look at Nesta before looking back at him. "So what if we were? We were headed to my room and talking quietly."

"Not quiet enough. He could hear you. He heard something about how there's some big thing you need to tell him and you're not quite sure how to break it to him. He's been out there hitting the practice dummy for the past four hours. When I tried to get him to stop, he nearly bit my head off and told me to mind my own damn business. I don't know what it is that he's thinking…or what it is that you have to tell him…but my advice to you is you need to let him cool off and then straighten things out as fast as possible before he really starts thinking the worst, if that's not already what he's thinking. We both know how he is."

Gwyn's mouth had dropped open in surprise. She shook her head slowly. "It wasn't anything bad. He…he could hear us? Oh Az…"

She closed her eyes, willing her tears not to fall. She had screwed up. She should have known there was a possibility of him overhearing them when they were that close to his room. She had assumed he'd be asleep by then. She turned on her heel and sprinted down the hall, heading straight for the training ring. She needed to get this straightened out now. She wasn't about to wait until he had cooled off. Who knows what kind of damage could be done if she let him continue down this path without setting the record straight. She needed to just tell him and get it all out there.

She made it through the doors and out into the ring. Sure enough, there was Azriel by the practice dummy. He threw several more hard shots right into the side of the dummy before leaning forward and putting some of his weight against it, panting heavily. He hadn't heard her enter the ring and his shadows hadn't yet alerted him of her presence.

"Cassian told me I'd find you out here."

Azriel whipped around, his eyes wide in surprise. He was still panting heavily, trying to catch his breath. "What are you doing out here?"

Gwyn took a few steps closer as he stepped away from the dummy to get a drink of water. "I came to talk to you. I didn't get a chance to when you got home."

He watched her over his canteen as he took pulls of water, droplets making their way down his chin and onto his bare chest. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that his knuckles were bloody.

She broke eye contact as she walked over and retrieved the first aid kit, then went to sit on the bench along the wall. She looked over at him expectantly.

He stood there for a long minute, seeming to debate whether or not he should comply with her silent command, before he finally walked over to the bench and sat down, leaving a healthy gap between them.

It stung more than she was willing to admit when he sat further away from her than he usually did. That told her everything she needed to know. She reached over and pulled one of his hands into her lap, started to undo the bindings. "Are you going to start or shall I?"

Az looked over at her, watching her work. Finally he shook his head and looked away. "There's nothing to say."

"Really? Then why did Cassian tell me you've been out here for hours beating up the practice dummy and now your knuckles look like hamburger."

Az huffed. "They're fine. And I was just getting in a workout. I've been gone a week. I needed to catch up."

She rolled her eyes. "Are we really going to play this game, Az? I didn't think that's who we were."

He shrugged, careful not to pull his hand out of her grasp as she started cleaning the cuts out. "I thought we were honest with each other too, but I guess I was wrong."

Gwyn gripped his hand a little harder, making him look over at her and see her pursed lips and frustration. They stayed in awkward silence while she finished cleaning up his hands and rebinding them. When she was done, she didn't immediately let go though. She took a deep breath. "Az, we need to talk."

He shook his head. "I already know what you're going to say. And it's okay, really."

His words startled her. She looked up at him confused. "What are you talking about? What's okay? How do you know what I'm going to say?"

He shrugged. "You're going to say that you really enjoyed what happened on the balcony the other night, but you just want to be friends. And that's fine. I expected this conversation, really, after what Cass said last week. I'm sure he's been here saying things while I've been gone."

"Um…okay…Is that what you want? And why did you expect this conversation?" She turned more towards him, but he wouldn't look at her.

"It doesn't matter what I want. And I expected it because it's the story of my life, but it's fine. I've accepted it. I've had five centuries to accept it."

He stood up and started back across the ring. He bent over and picked up his shirt. She watched, dumbfounded, as he simply put his shirt back on and prepared to leave. "Yes it does matter what you want, Az. You're not just some nobody male. You're…you."

He stopped and looked at her, his eyes were sad. "And look how far that's gotten me. But you want to know what I want? I want things to go back to normal. Now, is that all you had to tell me or can I leave? I have another mission I need to prepare for."

All she could do was sit there and stare at him for a minute, taking in his words. "Wait, you're leaving again? Already? You just got back."

He shrugged. "I have responsibilities. I'm not the Spymaster for no reason. I'll see you when I get back."

With that, he turned and walked through the door, leaving her sitting on the bench reeling from his revelations. She hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him that she didn't, in fact, want to be just friends. She had come out here to tell him she wanted more, but it was too late. He had shut that door right in her face.

A/N: So, what did you think? Please review and let me know! Where do you think things are going to go from here? Until next time! :)