So, this is all speculation. I saw some theories floating around (and I have a few of my own) and my muse decided that it was time to string it all together. Deals with (possible) events from episodes 9-12.
The ending is all me and my wish fulfillment, though.
Summary: A game at Ned and Florence's wedding party spells the end of Elizabeth's relationship with Lucas; little Jack goes missing and scares the life out of his mother; Elizabeth's head and heart finally find themselves in the same place at the same time. It's an eventful time for everyone.
The full title of this chapter: My Arms Will Be Your Shelter (My Love Will Be Your Shield)
"Honestly, Elizabeth, sometimes I think the only time you'll accept things is when you're made to stare them in the face, and not a moment sooner."
Her mother's words, uttered at the height of frustration when Elizabeth was still a young woman, and Elizabeth had never forgotten them. She'd been arguing with her mother for days at that point over something that she could no longer recall. Probably her desire to be a teacher, because they had fought heartily over that decision. Her parents had been convinced that it was only a passing fancy. Everyone knew that the Thatcher daughters would marry well and take their places as Hamilton socialites, and that was that. Elizabeth had rejected that future, and every attempt her parents had made to turn her into something that her heart told her she wasn't.
If only her mother could see her now.
Elizabeth wondered how many people could claim to have been humbled by an innocent wedding game. Not many, she'd guess, and the fact that she was one of them might be humorous one day in the future. The far future, though, because right now she was still having a hard time with it.
The premise had been simple: the ladies would be blindfolded and expected to find their mate in a lineup. Nothing but your hearts to lead you, Fiona had announced proudly. And maybe cologne, if you're lucky.
Elizabeth thought maybe God was laughing at her.
She'd stood for a moment in the middle of the empty space, blindfolded, to get her bearings. No smells, no voices to follow (though it had been just loud enough that she doubted she would have been able to hear anything even if people were speaking) - nothing but a vague sense of the direction she should go, and her instincts.
The moment Elizabeth had taken the blindfold off and found herself standing squarely in front of Nathan Grant, she'd wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole. Nothing but her heart to lead her, and what a treacherous thing it was.
Nathan hadn't even been there when she'd put the blindfold on! He'd obviously arrived late and, from the look on his face, had no idea what he'd just stepped into. But Elizabeth had known, and so had Lucas.
"I think we both know where this is going, Elizabeth," Lucas had told her as he walked her home that evening.
"Lucas ..." But she hadn't been able to put up the protest that she'd intended. Her mother (and Nathan) had both been right: she was headstrong, sometimes to a fault. But there were only so many excuses she could make before she, too, had to admit the obvious.
No matter how hard she tried to fight it, Elizabeth could no longer deny that all of her roads led to the same place, and that was wherever Nathan Grant was. Even blindfolded, in a room full of people, she had somehow found her way right to him.
But accepting that she knew where her heart was did not mean that Elizabeth had decided to follow it, and, well ... she was headstrong, but she was also afraid and uncertain. Besides, she didn't even know where to start, especially now. There were enough misunderstandings between her and Nathan to fill a canyon. How could she find a way past all of that? How could he find a way to forgive her for the fear that she'd let guide her away from him?
What would mother say now, Elizabeth wondered.
Unsurprisingly, it was Nathan himself who gave her the answer. She had gone to find him in the Mountie office to apologize to him, because no matter how things ended up with them on a personal level she still owed him an apology for the way she'd yelled at him in the street. He had weathered her storm in manner that spoke to what a truly good man he was.
Nathan had accused her of not knowing him, and Elizabeth had felt the words like a dagger to her heart. But they had make her think, whether Nathan had meant them to have that effect or not.
"Elizabeth, if that's what you think of me, you don't even know me."
That had stuck with her. She kept asking herself the same question: did she know him? She had known Nathan Grant for almost three years now. She had seen him angry, uncertain, determined; had helped him guide the young woman his daughter was quickly becoming, shared in some of his sorrows and joys, been a witness to his triumphs ... but did she know him?
Yes ... and no. For all that she did know, Elizabeth also understood that there was so much more to learn. Nathan willingly shared pieces of himself with her, but slowly, and often without words. In fact, sometimes Elizabeth thought that Nathan was unaware of just how much of his heart he was showing. He couldn't help it.
But there was so much more behind those bright eyes and that lopsided smile.
Elizabeth had been thinking about that ever since he'd accused her of not knowing him. If she were to stack it all up on a scale, which side would weigh the most: the knowns, or the unknowns?
Elizabeth knew none of that mattered, however, when she sought him out in his office. She apologized, though now that she was standing in front of him she couldn't articulate what exactly she was apologizing for. Nathan accepted her apology with the same compassion and grace that he'd always shown her. Again, she wondered: if she tried to explain herself, would he understand?
Then, Nathan said: "I think love is always worth fighting for."
Elizabeth was accustomed to being breathless around Nathan, but this was almost too much. How? Out of all the things he could have said, how could it be that? When he could not understand the true impact those words would have on her? She was so stunned she couldn't even remember what they'd been talking about, or what had prompted him to say that.
Elizabeth understood then that she knew the parts of Nathan that mattered. The strength of his heart, his fierce desire to protect the people he loved, the sense of honor that drove him to do the right thing always, no matter how painful or inconvenient.
Elizabeth knew enough, and she would learn the rest in time.
Then the door to Nathan's office was shoved open and a frantic Laura blurted out, "I can't find Jack!"
"What?"
"I let go of his hand for just second, Mrs. Thornton, I swear! The heel of my boot broke and I was trying to pull it off the rest of the way so I could walk without it, and by the time I looked up he was gone!"
Elizabeth's mind emptied of every thought. A panic unlike anything she'd ever known gripped her heart like a vice; she couldn't breathe, or think, or speak. Her son. Her perfect, precious child - missing?
But Nathan was not frozen. "Where, Laura?" he demanded.
"We were in the street by the mercantile. Mrs. Thornton had asked me to take him home, and I ... I'm so sorry," Laura sobbed.
Nathan put a hand on Laura's shoulder. "It's not your fault. Run to the café and get Bill. Get everyone you can and meet me by the mercantile so we can start a search party. Go, Laura."
Little Jack was two, not quite three years old. He knew how to climb stairs but hadn't yet mastered how to go down them; he could run but was prone to tripping still because he hadn't quite figured out the fine art of depth perception; and he couldn't swim. What if he'd gone to the dock? He loved throwing rocks in the water and he wouldn't understand that water was not solid the way the dock was, and ...
"Elizabeth." Strong hands gripped her shoulders. Firm, but not painful. "We're going to find Jack, and he'll be fine. Look at me, Elizabeth." She felt like she was outside her body as she raised her chin and stared into Nathan's face. "We will find your son."
He was so determined, his expression so fierce, that it brought Elizabeth out of her shock. "Search party." It wasn't a complete sentence, but her brain hadn't quite gotten that far yet.
"I've got one forming. Let's go."
Laura had managed to gather practically all of Hope Valley in the street in front of the mercantile. Nathan knew, but Elizabeth would only find out later, that in her haste and fear Laura had simply run out into the middle of the street and yelled for help as loudly as she could. People had poured out of every building, and even some of the fields, in response. So, when Nathan and Elizabeth left the Mountie office there was a crowd gathered in the street and Laura had managed to explain to Bill in tearful words what had happened.
Rosemary went immediately to Elizabeth. Now that her shock had worn off she was fighting a losing battle against the panic that had taken its place, but she was also focused on finding her son.
Nathan was in full blown Mountie mode, however. Between him and Bill they coordinated the search groups and shouted instructions as people gathered horses and cars and anything else that would help them on their search. It was mid-day, thankfully, so they had the advantage of daylight.
Lucas approached Nathan, his face drawn. "Where do you need me?"
Nathan clapped him on the shoulder. "Jack is too little to open doors, but he might wander in if the door was already open. Elizabeth?"
Bill had made quick work of saddling Sergeant and his horse, Hero. Elizabeth had been reaching for her horse's reins but stopped at the sound of her name and turned to see Nathan and Lucas looking at her.
"Can Jack climb stairs?" Nathan asked.
Elizabeth nodded. "Yes," she said tightly. "He can go up, but not down. He hasn't figured that part out yet." She had to swallow the tears that tried to choke her.
Nathan nodded to Lucas. "Don't rule out anywhere that has stairs."
Lucas nodded once and left immediately. All around them people had started to fan out around town, and discordant voices called out different versions of Jack's name at varying intervals.
Allie, who had popped up near Nathan's elbow at some point that Elizabeth hadn't noticed, looked first at Elizabeth and then at Nathan. "Robert, Opal, and I will check the schoolhouse. Jack likes to play in the field." And then the three of them raced off, calling for Jack as they went.
"I'll check the dock and the pond," Elizabeth said, her mind firmly on a course of action and nothing else as she hauled herself into her saddle. She did not have time to panic.
"We'll check our houses," Rosemary said with a glance at her husband.
"Laura said they were headed home. Maybe Jack just kept going," Lee added.
"Yell if you find him," Nathan instructed, and then everyone dispersed.
Elizabeth wanted to give Sergeant his head and let him stretch out into a flat run to the pond, but she forced herself to keep him at a steady trot. She called for her son with every breath, over and over again as she went.
This couldn't be happening. Not her son, her world, the light of her life; she could not lose him. There would be no coming back from that loss, ever. She would live a half life; she would be a shade among the living, a hollow body with a mocking heartbeat.
No. Elizabeth couldn't think like that - she wouldn't. Nathan had told her that they would find little Jack, and they would. The whole town was looking for him and Elizabeth knew that there wasn't a single person who would give up looking until they found him, no matter how long it took.
Jack was not at the pond or by the dock. Though it felt like it killed her to do so, Elizabeth searched the surface of the water for any sign of her son or his recent presence. She was relieved to find nothing. One fear faced, at least.
Even out here, Elizabeth could hear the faint echoes of people calling for her son. She was too far to recognize the voices, but it galvanized her to know that she could still hear them. If she could hear them, then so could Jack. She just hoped that it drew her son's curiosity and encouraged him to answer rather than frightening him into hiding. Little Jack was a gregarious child, though, despite sometimes being quiet around others. Surely he would want to discover for himself what all the fuss was about.
Please, God, Elizabeth prayed as she mounted Sergeant once more and headed for her house. Have mercy. I will bear anything, do anything, give up anything - please keep him safe. Please, deliver him safely to me.
Rosemary was stepping out of Elizabeth's house when Elizabeth rode up. "Anything?"
"Nothing," Rosemary replied apologetically.
"Not here either," Lee said as he exited his house. "Where else might he go, Elizabeth?"
"I don't know," Elizabeth answered on what was nearly a wail. How long had it been since Laura had burst into Nathan's office? How long had Jack been out here somewhere, alone, maybe lost? Children had a terrible sense of direction. Even if her son had meant to come home what were the chances that he'd actually headed in the right direction?
"Elizabeth," Rosemary interrupted. She could see the hysteria starting to set in and wanted to cut it off before it could truly take hold.
Then, in the distance but unmistakable, another voice said her name. "Elizabeth!"
It had sounded like one voice, but then another voice called her name, and another, like a rally cry that swept through the trees as it passed from one person to the next. Her head shot in the direction of town and then her heels had found their way into Sergeant's flanks, and her trusty steed had leapt from a dead stop into a flat out run before she'd taken another breath.
Elizabeth had no conscious thought of where she was going. She gave Sergeant free rein and went in the direction of the sound, the way her heart told her she needed to go, and did not give one thought to doubt.
She pulled Sergeant to a stop at the fork in the lane: if she went left it would take her into town; on her right the schoolhouse sat gleaming like a beacon in the late afternoon sunlight.
"Elizabeth!"
She knew that voice. It pierced straight through her breast to her heart. "Nathan!"
And there he was, a spot of red moving against the familiar white of the schoolhouse that was a church, and Sergeant leapt forward once more at barely a touch of her heels. The wind and her fear was pulling tears from Elizabeth's eyes before she'd managed to slow Sergeant enough to veritably throw herself out of the saddle. Nathan had something in his arms, and Elizabeth felt more than saw that it was little Jack. Allie was just behind Nathan with Robert and Opal, but Elizabeth could hardly register their presence. She could barely make sense of the world.
"Jack!"
Elizabeth hadn't been able to accurately make out his shape through her tears, but at the sound of her voice her son twisted in Nathan's arms and stretched out an arm in her direction.
"Mama!" he said brightly.
Elizabeth sobbed. She half ran, half stumbled in the direction of her little boy as every ounce of fear that had poisoned her heart worked its way out of her like a tidal wave. Jack looked at her in childlike innocence, as if he couldn't understand for all the world why his mother was so distraught. Elizabeth was close enough to see when Jack turned his head to look at Nathan, who gave him a gentle smile and said something she couldn't hear, and then it was all she could do to keep her feet as she crashed into them.
Nathan had prepared for her impact, so when Elizabeth met the solid plane of his chest the force only served to set his weight back on one foot as he absorbed it. Nathan's free arm braced Elizabeth against him as he navigated the sudden transfer and tumble of weight as he steadied Elizabeth and simultaneously released the weight of Jack's little body into his mother's arms.
Nathan could feel the tremors that made Elizabeth's hands shake as she pressed frantic kisses into Jack's hair and clutched him to her chest. He had a single moment to consider whether or not she could support her own weight and then he felt Elizabeth's legs buckle. He'd thrown his arms around her on instinct, but now Nathan was the only thing keeping her on her feet. She was turned sideways in his arms, the line of her shoulder and right arm pressed into his chest; he had one arm pressed tightly into her back to support her weight, and the other arm was high enough that it crossed over her forearm where it held Jack to her at the waist.
"You found him," Elizabeth managed to say finally, and she turned her head enough to look Nathan full in the face.
"Allie found him," he said with a reassuring smile. "Believe it or not, he made it all the way into the schoolhouse, and to your desk."
"Allie?" Elizabeth called shakily.
Allie's face appeared to Elizabeth's left, just over the line of Nathan's arm. Elizabeth unwrapped one arm from Jack to hold it out for Allie, who hesitated only a second before letting herself be pulled into Elizabeth's side for a hug.
"Thank you, Allie," Elizabeth whispered.
They could not know what they looked like just then, the four of them pressed into a knot of colorful limbs as they embraced in front of the schoolhouse.
Elizabeth had finally managed to stop crying, and the panic and adrenaline had settled into a vague sense of lightheadedness.
"Can you stand?" Nathan asked quietly near her ear.
Elizabeth turned her head and raised her chin. Nathan's face was so close to hers, his eyes a vibrant blue as he stared down at her with that unflinching gaze. She could see the laugh lines around his eyes and mouth.
Elizabeth nodded, and then the steadying pressure of Nathan's arms disappeared as he stepped away from her and Jack. Elizabeth breathed deeply, and the intake of air brought with it an awareness of the world. She had hardly a moment before she and Jack were surrounded by their friends: Lee and Rosemary, Bill, Clara and Jesse, Laura ... faces that Elizabeth knew and loved, who knew and loved both her and Jack, moved in and out of focus as everyone came forward to give her words of relief and happiness.
Through it all, Nathan stood off to one side with his arm draped around Allie's shoulders, until finally he inclined his head toward his daughter and the two of them disappeared.
No one saw them go; Elizabeth simply raised her head and cast her gaze around the circle of well-wishers that surrounded her to find them both gone.
Mounties didn't have the luxury of a day off unless they took a vacation, but the following day was Saturday, and he figured after all of the excitement of yesterday he could use a slow morning. He could do his rounds after lunch. Bill had assured him yesterday that he would not be missed for a few hours in the morning, and that he'd come get Nathan if it was necessary.
So, Nathan made breakfast for him and Allie and then let her go down the way to Emily's when the dishes were set out to dry. They'd talked some last night about the day's events, and Nathan had made sure that Allie understood what a wonderful gift she had given Elizabeth when she found Jack. Allie was too young to understand the particular brand of fear that came with parenthood. It was something that had to be felt, and defied explanation, but Nathan had done his best to make sure that she understood what a difference she'd made.
"But I didn't do anything." Allie had protested.
"You did, Allie. And one day, when you have kids of your own, you'll understand what I mean."
She'd shrugged it off, but her cheeks had been pink when Nathan hugged her.
When Allie had left this morning it was though yesterday's events had been forgotten. Youth, Nathan had thought to himself as he'd watched her dash off down the lane.
Now, he sat quietly on his sofa with a book in his lap. Nathan wasn't unsettled, exactly, but he could admit in the privacy of his thoughts that he needed some quiet after everything that had happened. It wasn't just the search for Jack: it was the wedding party before that, and the arguments before that, and ... he could keep going. The truth was that he was feeling a little raw this morning. Elizabeth's fear yesterday had been ... illuminating and painful, and he'd only experienced it from the outside looking in. She had thanked him once for understanding why she couldn't be with him, but the truth was that he hadn't understood. What he'd thought he'd understood was only the tip of the iceberg, as they said; the truth of it was so much more powerful. He could not have understood it, honestly, until he'd seen it.
Now, though ... now, he understood.
Now, he could find some way to find a measure of peace in Elizabeth's decision. He would find it, eventually. But today, what he needed was a moment to be alone.
Nathan wasn't much of a reader. He'd always been given to some sort of activity: fishing, riding horses, wood working, etc. He didn't hate reading - the only subject he truly hadn't enjoyed was math - but every time he sat down to read the restlessness would set in after only a few pages. The sunshine would light the trees in a way that made him want to climb them, or the rain from the night before would mean that the fish would be particularly active that day, and Nathan would inevitably find himself outside before long.
But he had started to make an effort to read more recently. Partly because Elizabeth loved it, and partly because he wanted to be able to talk to Allie about everything - not just fishing and tomboy things, but literature and math and art. There might be a day when Allie no longer wanted to go fishing with him, and if that happened Nathan didn't want to discover too late that they had nothing else to talk about.
The more connections he could make with her now, the more solid their relationship would stay as she aged and inevitably made a life of her own.
At least, that's what Nathan hoped.
His latest book was an anthology of poems. He'd made it to the section dedicated to Shakespeare and couldn't decide whether he liked his work or not. He remembered reading Romeo and Juliet in school - Colleen had loved it, and Nathan had hated it.
Nathan turned the page and read the title. Sonnet 116. Let me not the marriage of true minds admit impediment. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds ...
A soft knock on the door drew his attention away from the page. Nathan tucked his finger into the page to mark his place and rose to answer the door with his book in one hand.
The surprise he felt when he found Elizabeth on the other side made him furrow his brow. "Elizabeth." Then, with some concern, "Is everything okay? Is it Jack?"
Her eyes softened with that look that discomfited him. "Jack is fine," she assured him. "He's with Rosemary."
Nathan stared at her for a second, unable to comprehend why she was here or why she was looking at him like that. He'd thought once that he knew what her different expressions meant, but that certainty had bled away in the face of recent events.
With a start he realized that they were just standing there staring at one another. "Come in," he said as he stepped out of the doorway.
"Thank you." Elizabeth stepped past him and into the warmth of his living room. It was cold enough to warrant a jacket in the mornings but was often warm enough in the afternoons that a jacket was too warm, so she had opted for one of her lighter jackets just in case. "I was hoping we could talk. Am I interrupting?"
"Uh, no. Can I take your jacket?"
"Please, and thank you." When she had shrugged out of it and Nathan had turned to hang it on the coat rack in the small alcove near the door, Elizabeth caught sight of the book in his hand. "What are you reading?"
Elizabeth couldn't be sure, but she thought he suddenly looked a little shy. With the fluttering motions that Elizabeth had come to know meant that he was nervous, Nathan brought his hand up and twisted it at the wrist to show her the cover without removing the finger that was his placeholder.
She angled her head slightly. "Poetry through the ages: an anthology," Elizabeth read. She tried to bite back a smile, but it only succeeded in making it lopsided. "You read poetry?"
"I do now, I guess. My father sent it to Allie. It has some of Colleen's favorite poems. I wanted to be able to talk to her about them, if she wanted."
Elizabeth gave him that look again, something heartfelt and tender that he didn't want to think about. "Nathan, that's wonderful."
Why did she have to say his name like that? "Would you like some tea, or coffee?" he offered to give himself a moment of reprieve. He had no idea why she was here, but he certainly hadn't expected her and he didn't feel equal to deciphering the mystery of her visit right now.
"I'm fine, thank you." Then, unable to resist her curiosity, Elizabeth asked, "May I?" with a gesture at the book.
Nathan glanced at the book in contemplation and then held it out for her. Elizabeth slid her forefinger into the page he'd marked and then held it open to read once he'd released it. To Nathan's surprise, she read aloud.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wand'ring bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come; love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd."
Nathan had never heard Elizabeth read out loud. The cadence and lilt of her voice was magical as it filled the quiet spaces of his home, and she found the rhythm of the words with the practice of someone familiar with poetry - with the ease of a teacher, and a mother, who had probably read hundreds of poems to captivated ears.
Elizabeth stared at the page in wonder. When she raised her eyes from the paper she found Nathan's eyes on her with that same rapt and unwavering attention that had always set her reeling.
With some difficulty, Nathan broke the tension. "I think that's the only thing Shakespeare's written that I actually like."
Elizabeth laughed. The sound was soft - intimate - and Nathan decided that he needed to make tea at that very moment before he did something foolish. Again.
Like tell her that loved her.
Again.
"My sister, Julie, swears to this day that Shakespeare invented romance."
Nathan huffed a laugh as he offered Elizabeth a seat on the sofa and then moved into the kitchen. "Colleen loved Shakespeare," he told her. "I remember when she had to read Romeo and Juliet for school. She talked about it for days."
"Have you read it?"
"Oh, I hated it," Nathan assured her.
Another laugh, and Nathan was glad for the distraction of the tea. It had been a long time since he'd heard Elizabeth laugh like that. Not a chuckle, or a giggle, but a full on laugh.
"It was never my favorite either. Though I have always liked his sonnets," she added quietly.
Nathan silently agreed with her. He'd never been a lover of poetry, but he thought that Sonnet 116 had earned a sudden spot on his top five list. It might be his favorite, actually.
When he'd finished the tea he brought two teacups over and set one on the table near Elizabeth's arm. She gave him a glare that had no heat, not unlike the one she'd given him when he'd insisted on giving her that blanket outside the infirmary.
"Just in case," he said teasingly.
Nathan didn't know that his voice had adopted a tinge of softness that it seemed wont to do when he was speaking to her, or that in the warm light of his house his eyes looked impossibly blue against the cream color of the undershirt that would soon be hidden beneath his red Serge. Elizabeth knew, and her heart somersaulted against her ribcage as he leaned down to put the teacup on the table and then crossed to sit in the chair that faced the sofa, where she sat.
On a breath, Elizabeth said, "I didn't get a chance to thank you yesterday. When I looked up, you and Allie were nowhere to be found."
"No thanks necessary," Nathan replied. He smiled at her and took a sip of his tea. It was chamomile because he'd thought anything else would only heighten the edge he felt like he was on. They stared at each other for a minute and then Nathan continued. "I lost Allie once."
Elizabeth was caught off guard. "You did?"
"I did," he affirmed. He set his cup down and then leaned back in the chair with a smile. "She was five, maybe? Headstrong and wild, just like her mother. Colleen had died the year before, and her father had stopped coming around, so she was having a hard time." The way his eyes unfocused told Elizabeth that he was somewhere else just then. Then, quieter, he added, "We all were. Anyway, I had no idea how to talk to a five year old. I knew my mother couldn't keep up with Allie, and that I was all she had left. That we were all the other had left. But I didn't know how to explain that to her when she asked why she couldn't stay where she was, and I ... I was too firm with her. We were in Cape Fullerton, and I told her to stay where she was while I did something - I can't even remember what it was now. Funny, it had seemed so important at the time."
Nathan seemed to have lost his train of thought as he revisited that day in his mind. Elizabeth sat quietly, watching him remember and waiting for him to come back to the moment.
When he did come back, he offered her an uncertain smile by way of apology. "As I'm sure you can guess, Allie did not stay where she was."
Elizabeth pursed her lips, and then gave in to the smile. "The first time I met Allie, she'd decided to play hooky from school and go fishing instead."
Nathan laughed and nodded. "Yes, how could I forget. I'd never felt a fear quite like I did that day, Elizabeth. She's tall now, but at five Allie was this tiny little thing. And I just remember thinking that she was lost in the city somewhere, alone and probably afraid, though there was no way she could really understand what kind of danger she could be in. And it was just me - I was the only one who knew she was missing, the only one who would be looking for her."
Elizabeth had to take a breath through her nose to keep her calm. Yesterday had been one of the scariest days of her life, and she'd had the help of all of her friends - of an entire town full of people that loved her and Little Jack - to help her. She could hardly imagine a young Nathan alone in a place as big as Cape Fullerton, feeling as helpless and terrified as she had yesterday but without the benefit of people who loved him.
"Where did you find her?"
Nathan huffed a self-deprecating chuckle. "With Newton, in the livery of all places. I don't think she understood why I was so upset. I don't know if I understood yet, really. I remember telling her that she would never be alone again, and that for as long as I lived I'd never stop caring about where she was or whether or not she was safe. I'd gone from wondering how I was going to raise a child to being determined to be the best parent I could for her in the span of minutes."
Elizabeth studied the man across from her. The dimple in his chin gave him a distinguished look that he might have been surprised to learn he had, and he looked so peaceful folded into the chair here in the familiar confines of his home that it couldn't feel anything but intimate. The top buttons of his shirt were undone, as they always were unless he was in uniform, and his expression was relaxed despite its thoughtfulness. Nathan was a mystery, Elizabeth thought, but not because he did not want to be known. More that he had walked through so much of his life alone, robbed of all the usual confidants that one might expect to have, that he was unaccustomed to having someone to listen.
Nathan cleared his throat. "Allie said she wouldn't have even checked inside the schoolhouse yesterday, but the door was open and she thought that was odd. She might have missed seeing him, but Jack apparently got a hold of one of your books and pulled it off the shelf. Allie heard it fall. She sent Robert to find me, and thankfully I wasn't far."
Elizabeth processed the information. The distance from the mercantile to the schoolhouse was considerable for a toddler, and she wondered that Jack had made it there with such relative quickness.
"Why was the schoolhouse door open?" Elizabeth wondered suddenly.
Nathan shrugged a shoulder and shook his head. "I have no idea. But there's no way little Jack could have opened that door by himself."
Nathan had finished his tea. He stood to take his cup to the sink, his thoughts a jumble of memories and questions. Why was Elizabeth here? This was the longest conversation they'd had in he didn't know how long, and the usual awkwardness that had colored their interactions lately was absent. She didn't seem angry with him, or irritated, or even unsure. She was just ... here. Listening to him with that tender expression that spoke of affection for him, whether she would not admit it or not.
He had heard of her split with Lucas from Bill, of all people, but after the tension of their altercation in the street - and the extreme awkwardness at the wedding party - Nathan had decided the best thing to do was let the event pass without note.
Nathan had nothing to say about it, anyway. Elizabeth had made it clear that she could not be with him for one reason or another, and after experiencing her fear yesterday ... well, that was that.
It would be nice to be her friend, though. To return to some semblance of the ease they'd shared with each other before everything had gotten in the way.
Nathan turned to ask Elizabeth if she had finished with her tea and nearly jumped out of his skin. She was right there behind him, though he hadn't heard her approach. Elizabeth seemed surprised by his sudden motion and resulting surprise, though the only indication was a slight widening of her eyes.
"Sorry," Nathan said. "I didn't realize you were there."
"I'm not surprised. You were a million miles away just then."
He pursed his lips and glanced down at his feet before replying. "Just thinking."
"You always do that."
Nathan's eyes shot to Elizabeth's face in consternation. "Do what?"
"Look down when you're trying to figure something out, or make a decision."
"I do?"
Elizabeth nodded and took a step closer. She was looking at him so intensely. "I know that you are probably the most humble person I've ever known, and that you didn't like math in school. I don't know what subjects you did like, if any. I know that you're competitive but not boastful, and that you're slow to talk even though you have a lot to say. You always tell me where you're going when you leave and how long you'll be gone, if you know."
She had gotten closer, but hadn't seemed to pay attention to where she was putting her feet. Her eyes hadn't left his face. "What are you doing?"
"You smell like the wind. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know what kind of food you like, or why you became a Mountie - but I know that you'd give it up if I asked, and you know that I never would." Elizabeth blew out a breath. She was standing so close to him that Nathan could almost feel her against his chest. "You said that I didn't know you."
"Elizabeth," he started.
"You were right," she interrupted. "And you were wrong. I know so much about you, Nathan, yet not much at all. But I'd like the chance to learn more, if you're willing."
"What?" It was ineloquent, but Nathan thought he could hardly be faulted for struggling to keep up. They were alone in his house with the warm sunlight of early afternoon streaming through the windows, and Elizabeth was so close he could have counted her eyelashes.
"I have been ... afraid, and obstinate, and indecisive. I have chastised you, and pushed you away, and you have borne it all like no one else would have, Nathan. I went home yesterday and I couldn't stop thinking about you - about how calm you were while I was falling apart, and how you managed to stay on your feet even though you were the only thing holding me up ... and about how much I would like to kiss you."
Nathan inhaled sharply in surprise. "Elizabeth ..."
But she had risen up onto her tiptoes and kissed him before he could say any more. Nathan wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her into his chest as he kissed her without reserve, and his other hand brushed the line of her jaw before coming to rest in her hair.
When they parted, Nathan thought perhaps he'd taken leave of his senses. "Elizabeth?"
"Nathan."
He opened his eyes, and there she was with the sun shining through the window limning her hair in golden light.
"Would you like to get dinner with me? Tonight, after I'm done with my rounds?"
"I'd love to."
Nathan smiled. It was a slow, private smile that seemed to light him up from the inside out. "I'll pick you up at six? We'll bring baby Jack and Allie."
Elizabeth laughed in surprise. "We will?"
"We will. Now, as much as I wish I didn't have to, I have to do my rounds. Can I walk you home?"
"Please."
So, Nathan walked Elizabeth home, and several hours later when Nathan, Elizabeth, Allie, and little Jack stepped into the café for dinner no one thought anything of it, because no one who had seen them together in front of the church yesterday could think of a single reason why a family shouldn't have dinner together.
And when little Jack started getting fussy Nathan straddled him on one knee and bounced him lightly while he made funny faces; Elizabeth laughed when Allie insisted she had to try the strawberry rhubarb pie, and in that moment it felt like they had never faced a single fear alone, and never would again.