Hey again! So because school starts in a couple of days I will post every Friday and Saturday for sure and maybe a bonus chapter during the week if I manage. Okay so here we go, Chapter 4. Enjoy!
Trigger warning: inappropriate language and mentions of abuse.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the characters belong to Dick Wolf but this particular plot is all mine!
I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
Something really real, so that I can really
Feel like a person again.
They were walking down the hallway heading to their lockers. The blonde southern girl was getting venomous glances from her female classmates and was being catcalled by the boys from the soccer team. When she and all three of her friends finally reached their lockers she heard someone from behind her whistling.
"Nice jeans, Rollins. They really make your ass look-"
"Okay, asshole, you might wanna think again before finishing that sentence." Rafael stood between the teenage soccer player and Amanda.
"Raf, I got this." Amanda said. He turned around and looked at her straight into those carulean blue eyes, when she nodded he backed off but still stayed next to his friend, and so did the rest of the group. "What do you want?" She asked turning her attention back at the guy who was standing before her.
"C'mon Amanda, I thought we were having fun!" He said smirking at the blonde, way too pleased with himself.
"Actually, we weren't. See, Nate, you were the only one enjoying what happened between us." She opened her locker, ignoring her ex-boyfriend who was still standing behind her. She took out next period's books and closed it again ready to walk away. The last thing that she needed right now was more attention.
"Oh you seemed to be enjoying the way I fu-" Amanda had already started pacing away but she quickly returned to her previous position and she yelled:
"The thing, Nate, is that you didn't fuck me. In fact, you could barely find the whole to stick a finger in. Plus, as I recall, your dick is so small that wouldn't even break the hymen, let alone find the G-spot!" After seeing that everyone present had heard her little speech, she put a big, wide grin on her face and headed down the corridor with her head up and her friends right by her side.
"Amanda, you and Nate didn't.." Olivia started to ask but didn't finish not wanting to make her more uncomfortable than she already was.
"No, we didn't. I just went along with the rumor because nobody would believe me anyway." They had made it to the trigonometry class, but since the bell hadn't rang yet there weren't any students inside. When she put her books down on her desk she looked up at her friends for the first time since the incident in the hallway occurred. What she met was three deeply offended gazes.
"Baby girl, you know that we would believe you, right?" Fin put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed a little, as if to reassure her that he was telling the truth.
"I guess.." she freed herself from her guy friend's touch and sat down on her sit, elbows on the desk, her fingers rubbing the bridge of her nose.
She was done. So done. 'God, please take me up there. Please, don't make me commit the worst of sins just to end that pain that seems so eternal.' With her inner monologue she forgot that her wrists were covered in bruises and didn't bother to lower the sleeves of her jacket. Rafael picked up on it quickly and reacted. He stepped in front of her removed her hands from her face and gently pulled down the sleeves covering the purplish marks.
"Amanda, honey, you can trust us. You wanna fuck the entire soccer team, we'll be here. You wanna wait till marriage, we will respect it. We would never judge you. Ever!" He then released her from his grip and took her into his warm embrace.
"Thank you." She whispered onto his chest, and she didn't mean it only for his encouraging words.
"We are here Manda." Said Olivia joining in the hug.
"We are here." Fin echoed the brunette girl's words and the hug became a group one.
After a few seconds students started entering the classroom and they had to break off. Rafael winked at her and gave her one of those beautiful smiles of his that made her heart melt. She ignored the flattery feeling on her stomach and moved her body to look at the white board in the front of the class.
'Take in your last moments. Just breathe it all in.'
Time was 2:30pm and school had just ended. All kids put their books in their bags, emptied their lockers and walked towards the exit more than ready to go home and relax. Rollins' last class was Spanish, a class that she and Rafael shared without the other two. As Amanda was ready to put her backpack on someone took it instead and removed it from her arms. When she turned around to see who that person was, she came across two very familiar blue eyes.
"Raf, you really don't have to do it. I got this." When she went to take back what belonged to her he put it behind his back. That earned him a deep eye roll. "You are Latin why did you even take Spanish as a second language?" She asked with annoyance in her voice.
"Because I don't need to study extra that way. And I am carrying your bag for two very important reasons." He raised his free hand and held up a finger. "One, I am a gentleman," he raised a second finger, "And two, I really think you need help with your Spanish so we are studying together today. And declining isn't an option. So we are going at my place, which is ten minutes from here and what kind of man would I be if-"
"Shut it, Barba." The blonde interrupted him. "Have at it. I need help with Spanish anyway and I can't argue with you. Too tired." And with that they walked out of the school and headed towards Rafael's apartment, avoiding meeting the rest of the group, so to not have to lie to them.
Amanda had never been inside her Latin friend's apartment before. It wasn't too big, but big enough. The whole place was dressed with earth colors. An armchair and a couch in the living room a small kitchen a little further inside with plain white walls and cabinets and a small light brown table in the middle with matching chairs around it.
'Domestic' she thought to herself.
"Oh hi. Rafi, you didn't tell me we were gonna have company today. Especially such beautiful company!" Mrs. Barba got up from her armchair and went to greet their guest.
"Yeah, it was kind of a last minute thing. So mama this is Amanda." He said and pointed his hand at the girl standing awkwardly next to him.
"Oh, so you are Amanda! He talks a lot about you. You actually drive him a little crazy." She said and extended her hand for a handshake, which Amanda gladly accepted.
"As a friend that is my duty. Pleasure to meet you ma'am." She said smiling back at the wonderful older woman. "I hope I am not disturbing your peace, but your son was rather persistent." She ended the handshake and was happy to realize that the woman had picked up on her joke.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I raised him!" Both females laughed a little at that, causing Rafael to turn red. Both from embarrassment and annoyance.
"Okay and now that you've made fun of me I am taking her to my room so we can study. Do not come in for any reason mother, 'Kay?" He raised both his brows and looked at his mother up and down.
The nod of approval came quickly and Mrs. Barba stepped aside and let the teens go down the small hallway and into Rafael's room. His bedroom was as simple as him. A light grey color on the walls, a bed in the middle with blue sheets and a desk in the corner across the door and a window right next to that. To the left from the door there was a full body mirror, so he could check himself before he left home. Simple and amazing.
"I know it's not really big-"
"Raf, it's great." She stopped him mid-sentence and placed a hand on his shoulder. He then closed the door behind him and left their bags down the floor next to it.
"Can I get you anything? Water, something to eat maybe." She shook her head and started taking of her jacket. There was no point in hiding in front of him. He had seen the worst of it already. She handed it to him and sat down on the bed taking in the sent of the room.
"So, I drive you crazy, huh, Rafi ?" She asked using the pet name he heard his mother calling him earlier.
"Okay for starters do not ever call me that again." He hung the jacket by the door handle grabbed the chair from his desk, placing it before Amanda and sitting on it. "And then, yes you do. Actually not you, these." He said pointing at the purple 'bracelets' covering her wrists. "Is there more?"
"Don't do this Raf." She crosses her hands under her chest and looked down at her feet.
"Just tell me." There it was, he was begging again.
"Yes there is! You wouldn't even have seen these I just ran out of make up and didn't have anything to cover them with." She discloses with a shrug, her eyes never leaving the ground.
Without saying anything, the young boy stood up and went to his nightstand. He opened the drawer, took out a packet of wipes and handed it to her. She then looked up, tears suddenly flooding her cheeks. She didn't say anything. She just got up and walked towards the mirror. She took out one wipe and started removing the make up from her cheek and neck. The tears just kept coming and when she was done she turned her body to look at him.
"Are you satisfied now?" She asked him, staring him straight in the eyes, her whole body shaking from that powerful emotion that captivated her.
He got closer to her, checking her new injuries. He then took a strand of hair, that was covering her bruise and put it behind her ear. He slowly leaned in and placed a soft kiss on top of it.
"No, I am not. I am sorry Amanda." He whispered in her ear and gently embraced her. Stunned by the sudden expression of emotion she just hugged him back.
"Why are you sorry, Raf. You didn't do anything." She said, starting stroking his back to calm him down.
"I could have made you stay yesterday. I could have prevented this from happening. I could have helped you and I chose not to." Tears now running down his own cheeks, Rafael backed away and went to stand in front of the window. One thought crossed his mind at that moment,seeing how high the apartment was, and turned to look at his friend again. "Amanda, I am going to ask you one question and I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me Okay?"
"Okay." She replied knowing very well the question that was about to follow.
"Have you thought of hurting yourself?"
She waited a second to contemplate what answer she should give. But it didn't take her much longer. She already knew the truth.
"Yes."
Okay we went a little dark again I know. Anyway it's currently 3 am so if there are any mistakes in there it's the lack of sleep that caused them. Also, do you ship Rafael and Amanda as much as me or should I drop that idea ASAP? Let me know by leaving a review. Till the next chapter have a nice day or night!