Full title of the chapter is 'Give Me A Break, Let Me Make My Own Pattern'. FFN won't let me fit all of it. :)

Julie was livid.

Not only did Luke Patterson have the stupidity to lie to their teacher about a supposed up and coming collaboration, but he had the audacity to high tail it out of the classroom the second he found an opening, without saying so much as one word to Julie.

She was in too much shock in the moment to deny his claims, opting to just stand there frozen as Mrs. Harrison studied the two of them excitedly. She must have taken Julie's stunned silence as confirmation, because she then proceeded to dive into a speech expressing what a wonderful idea it was.

Eventually, Luke made up some bullshit excuse to leave and by the time Julie had her head on straight again and had said a rushed goodbye to Mrs. Harrison, he was nowhere to be found.

She let out a cry of frustration, marching up and down the halls of the school one last time to make sure she hadn't missed him before she gave up and met her dad in the parking lot to take her home.

She knew her dad could tell something was wrong, but Ray Molina had learned over the years that when it came to the women in their family, they wouldn't talk until they were ready to, so he didn't press her on it. It was times like these Julie was extra grateful for her dad.

Upon arriving at home, she immediately went to her room, slammed the door, and paced back and forth, her mind working at a million miles per minute. Eventually she sat down on the end of her bed, running her hands over her face, tugging at her hair in frustration in an attempt to control herself from spiraling any further.

What the hell was he trying to do?

She should be the last thing he'd want associated with Sunset Curve. If he was even serious, that was. Maybe this was all some big, twisted game he was playing at, trying to embarrass her in front of their class.

She had to know. And she couldn't wait another second. And if she knew Alex and Reggie's schedules as well as she thought she did, she was certain she knew where Luke was, too.

Running out the front door, she called out, "Dad, I'm going to Bobby's!" Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed her bike from the side of the house before taking off on a route she'd had memorized since she was a child.

She didn't think she'd ever pedaled as fast as she did in that moment. Her anger coursed through her, adrenaline at an all-time high as she imagined all the ways she wanted to kill Luke Patterson in that moment. And still, she couldn't get there fast enough.

When she did finally arrive, she ran up to the front door, knocking hard and loud until Bobby finally opened the door.

"Julie," he said, not bothering to hide the surprise in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Is he here?"

He didn't even need to ask who she was talking about. Julie was sure the fury etched into her features gave it away.

"I don't know what he did this time, but-"

"Bobby, I'm serious. I need to talk to Luke." She was growing more impatient by the second.

He continued to stare at her, apprehensive. Julie knew she probably looked and sounded insane – she was sure her eyes were big and wild and she could feel the sweat beads on the back of her neck and, okay, maybe she'd gone a little too hard on the bike because she could barely catch her breath but in that moment, she didn't care.

"Now," she added firmly. "I know they still practice here even though you're not in the band anymore."

Bobby sighed, defeated. "They're in the garage."

Immediately, she turned around and made a beeline for the side door leading into his garage.

"Whatever's going on, please don't kill him," he called out to her. "I don't really feel like being an accessory to murder today."

"No promises," Julie shot back, ignoring his sarcastic quips. She was a girl on a mission.

When she reached the door, she paused for a moment as she heard the music coming from inside. Even with the wall muffling their sound, she could easily pick out the Nirvana and Green Day and other 90's bands that had influenced them. Luke really said she was going to perform with that? They were good, really good actually, but it wasn't the style of music she played at all. It was a set-up for complete failure. She felt the anger boil up inside her once more, giving her the courage to turn the door handle and storm in.

Upon her entry, they stopped playing and three pairs of eyes focused in on her.

"Jul-" she heard Reggie start, but Julie was one hundred percent focused on their front man.

"What. The. Hell, Patterson!" She yelled. "Would you like to explain to me what you're playing at?"

Luke rolled his eyes, setting his guitar down before sinking on to the sofa. He draped an arm over the back of it, exuding the energy of a rebellious, careless teenager about to get reprimanded by his parents. It just pissed Julie off even more. Flynn and Carrie had told her once years ago that she was the scariest person when she got angry, because it didn't happen often. So when it did, they knew she meant it. And here was Luke, acting like he didn't have a care in the world, facing her anger head on.

Did he not even bother him that he lied straight to their teacher's face?! How were they going to explain, come Semester Performance, why the hell Julie wasn't on stage with them?

"I'm not playing at anything," Luke said nonchalantly, but Julie could detect a slight edge to his tone. "I was serious."

"Are you out of your mind?" Julie exclaimed. "You could have talked to me first, so I could, I don't know, say no, before you put me on the spot like that in front of Mrs. Harrison!"

"Uh, guys," Alex said timidly.

Luke scoffed, standing up from the couch to take a few steps toward her. Finally, a reaction. "Actually, I came up with it on the spot, so there was no way I could have talked to you first. And you should be thanking me, Molina."

She took a step closer to him. "Thanking you?"

"Guys?"

He took another step forward. "Yes, thanking me. I'm trying to help you out so that-"

"GUYS!"

Finally, the pair turned to Alex and Reggie as Julie remembered that there were still two other people in the room with them. She looked back at Luke, noticing how they were practically chest to chest. Taking a deep breath, she backed away, out of his orbit. Away from where he could consume her again.

"Can someone please tell us what's going on?" Reggie said.

She whipped her head back to Luke. "You haven't even told them yet?"

This spurred another round of back and forth between the pair, Alex and Reggie having to physically stand between the two to get their attention again.

When they finally calmed down enough, Julie jerked a thumb towards Luke. "Your idiot friend here decided to tell Mrs. Harrison today that I'm performing with you guys for the Fall SP."

Reggie and Alex's eyes practically bulged out of their heads.

"Dude, what?" Alex exclaimed. "No offense to you, Jules, you're great, but Luke you know she's not singing right now."

"Yeah, I know, and she's about to get kicked out of the music program for it!" Luke said, frustration laced in his voice, one hand gesturing to Julie while the other ran through his hair.

And…there it was.

The silence in the room was deafening.

Julie stared at the ground, the anger and fight in her dissipating immediately at his candid words. She hated that this was what her life had come to. The last thing she ever imagined happening to her was the possibility that she could be done with music. She just wanted to go back to a year ago. A time where she could play without any second guessing, without any pain. A time where she could sit in the studio and write and sing for hours with her mom. A time where being engulfed in a hug from her mom on a bad day was her reality, not an impossibility. She just wanted her mom.

"You're what?" Reggie asked softly, finally breaking the silence.

When Julie didn't (couldn't) answer, Luke jumped in again, his voice much more leveled.

"I overheard her and Mrs. Harrison talking, and if she doesn't perform at the Fall SP, she's getting kicked out."

"Jules," Alex spoke up. "Is that true?"

Finally, Julie looked up, taking in the concerned faces of her friends. She sighed and threw her hands up in defeat.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's true."

Then she whirled around to Luke once again. "But I don't need you coming in and trying to rescue me or whatever shit you pulled in there. I can get there on my own."

His eyes narrowed, the grey in them overpowering the other colors as he glared at her. "No you can't."

In her peripheral, she saw Reggie and Alex exchange surprised looks, as if shocked anybody would dare talk to her like that after they year she'd had. But she ignored them. "Excuse me? What, am I not good enough to do it on my own or something?"

The shaggy haired boy scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Molina. Be real. You're insanely talented. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. But it's always been just you, and you haven't played a single note in a year. And let's be honest. If you haven't done it for yourself at this point, you're not gonna do it by the end of the semester."

Julie didn't know what to say, too distracted by the fact that Luke had managed to compliment and insult her all in one breath. Should she be flattered? Offended? She didn't know anymore.

Then his demeanor softened slightly, the grey less prominent in his eyes as brown and green came in to balance out the colors. "Look, if you're performing with a band, with other people, your friends, like Reggie and Alex, who are relying on you to do your part, you won't want to let them down."

Julie swallowed, searching his face, although she didn't even know what she was looking for. But she realized he was right. She had no motivation to play just for her. But for her friends, with their grades on the line? She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she let them down.

She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes. "You suck." But there was no malice behind her words anymore. It was her own way of surrendering.

"If it gets you to use that wrecking ball talent of yours, fine. I can suck all you want."

"That's what she said," Julie heard Reggie mutter in the background.

Alex whacked the bassist on the chest as Luke turned to glare at him, a pink flush gracing his cheeks, but Julie let out a soft laugh. Leave it to Reggie to break the tension with a joke that should have been left in middle school.

Then she sighed, a small smile on her face. "Fine. I'll do the performance with your stupid band. Well, you're stupid. Alex and Reggie are fine."

"Nice," the two boys exclaimed, high fiving each other as if not being called stupid was the highest form of compliment. Honestly, she would never understand boys.

But then the smile faded from her face as she eyed Luke seriously. "But just, please. It's not necessarily an easy process. Be patient with me."

"Will do, boss."

It took Luke all but three rehearsals before he grew impatient.

Since Julie was only joining them for the Fall SP and not as an official member of Sunset Curve, the four of them only practiced once a week.

"We still gotta focus on gigs and stuff. We're finally starting to build a following and we can't lose our momentum," Luke had said.

Which meant that in three weeks, they'd had three rehearsals, and next to zero progress from Julie.

They had decided to play Now or Never, since it was Sunset Curve's most well-known song, and the boys could play it in their sleep. That way all they had to worry about was getting Julie up to speed and figure out where to add her voice and piano in. Then they had played it through, just the boys, so that Julie could listen and get a feel for it.

(She failed to mention she already knew the song pretty much by heart. Flynn practically always had their songs playing.)

And that was all they had done.

In three rehearsals.

Which is why Julie shouldn't have been surprised when Luke barged into their fourth practice, a determined look on his face as he said, "You're playing and singing today."

She blinked, taken aback as she looked up at him from Bobby's couch. "Excuse me?"

Luke raised an eyebrow, shooting her an impassive look, but there was a hidden edge to his voice that told her he was not in the mood for any bullshit that day. "You heard me."

Alex, always the sensible one, tried to play peacemaker. "Hey, man, let's not push-"

"No, I'm serious," Luke interrupted him. "You're playing today, Molina. We haven't made any progress in weeks, and with only practicing once a week, that's not a lot of time to get ready before the end of the semester."

Julie stood up from the couch, shooting him a challenging glare. He was being more of a dick than usual, and Julie was not impressed. The lastthing she was about to do was take orders from Luke Patterson. She had already decided to play with his band, what more did he want from her?

"I'm not ready yet," she said defiantly.

He glared right back at her, a stormy grey swirling in his eyes. "I don't care if you're ready or not. You're never gonna feel ready, so you just have to do it. I don't want to look like an idiot standing on that stage, Molina. It's now or never."

Julie could feel the tears burning behind her eyes, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing them fall. Was that all he cared about? Why couldn't he understand? Music meant too much to her, was too entwined with her life, with her mom, to just start up again one day. She wished it was that simple for her, really, she did. But it wasn't.

"First off," she said through gritted teeth, "Don't quote your own fucking song. That's cheesy and weird and you're giving yourself way too much credit. Second, I know the only thing you care about is my voice, but it's not all that easy for a person to just open their mouth and sing when they have serious shit they're dealing with."

There was a moment of silence as they all waited for Luke's response.

"I don't just care about your voice," he finally said, and from the blank, emotionless way he was staring at her, she should have seen the punchline coming. "I care about your piano playing too."

Yeah, that was it. She couldn't do this. She was stupid to have agreed to this entire arrangement. He didn't care about her. He cared about how she could help their sound.

Julie heard Alex and Reggie berating him in the background, but all she could focus on was her pounding head as she held her breath, trying, praying that dam behind her eyes wouldn't break just yet.

She quickly grabbed her bag before heading to the door, stopping directly in front of Luke one last time before she left. The way he refused to look at her, staring indifferently at a spot over her shoulder, answered all the questions Julie had.

"I hate you so fucking much," she whispered.

There was no fight left in her words, just the raw brokenness that had been living in her heart for the past year. And with all the times she had said those words to him over the years, she didn't think she'd ever meant them as much as she did in that moment.

Storming out of Bobby's garage, she hopped on her bike and rode away as fast as she could. She wanted her mom. She needed her mom. She needed to feel close to her again. Locking herself in her room hugging her favorite photo of the two of them wouldn't help her this time. Which is why after she made it home, she didn't immediately run inside. Instead, she opened the double doors leading into her mom's studio for the first time in over a year.

She hesitated before the phrase it's now or never ran through her mind unauthorized and honestly, screw you Luke Patterson for planting that in her brain, but she really felt like it was true. So finally, she stepped inside, taking in the piano and couch and plants and chairs on the ceiling and everything that so obviously encompassed her mother. Only then did the dam finally break.

It was bizarre, Julie thought, how a place could be so familiar yet so unfamiliar all at once. Visually, the studio looked exactly as it had the last time she was in there, not a thing out of place. But it lacked the warmth, the hominess, the happiness her mom had brought to it. Without her standing by Julie's side the whole room just felt…cold.

She spent at least an hour reacquainting herself with every square inch of space. The dent in the wall by the entrance where Carlos had crashed his bike when their dad first took off his training wheels. The little claw marks on the couch from when they had sheltered a lost cat while they contacted its owners. The 'C+F+J' Carrie, Flynn, and Julie had carved into the railing in the loft during one of their 'camp outs' they used to have in the summers, all happy and filled up on s'mores. They were all memories, good ones, but she'd never be able to experience them again. The only place they lived now was in Julie's mind. Just like her mother.

Finally, she found the courage to approach her mom's piano. She gently ran her fingers over the top, tearing up for what felt like the hundredth time that day as her fingers wiped off a thin layer of dust that had coated the instrument, a stark reminder that what had once been a happy, magical place was now, well, what it was.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been in here, Mom."

She made her way around to the piano bench when it caught her eye. Sitting right there on top of the bench, a song. Written by her mom, she knew, instantly recognizing the neat, loopy handwriting. Hands shaking, she reached down to grab it, holding it delicately between her fingers as if it would disintegrate with too much pressure.

Wake Up. And then on the last page, Julie, you can do it. Love, Mom.

Julie sank down onto the piano bench, astonished.

This entire time.

This entire time there was one last piece of her mother floating around in this world, a piece that nobody knew existed until just then. A piece her mom had left behind just for her. She read through the song over and over, memorizing the words and the melody and the notes as she pictured what it would sound like if she ever mustered up the strength to play it. She didn't know how many times she had gone through it before she heard the soft click of the studio doors, signaling that she was no longer alone.

She had assumed it was her father, coming in to check on her (she had definitely sobbed loud enough earlier to indicate that she was home), so she wiped off her tear-stained face as she prepared herself to fake a smile.

She didn't expect to see Luke standing in the doorway. He had the decency to look sheepish, an open, timid look on his face. A complete one-eighty from how he'd looked at Bobby's just a few hours ago.

"Why are you here?" she asked, immediately on the defensive.

He held up his hands in surrender. "I just wanted to apologize. I swear."

There was a long silence as she studied his face, searching for any sign of ill intent.

"Reggie and Alex made you come, didn't they?"

Luke sighed, running a hand through his hair. "They strongly encouraged it, yes."

She rolled her eyes. Of course.

"But I promise I was gonna come either way," he added quickly.

She eyed him, observing the way his usually confident, care-free persona was now stiff and awkward, like he didn't really know what to do with an apology. For reasons unknown to her, (because after what he had said she didn't think she particularly owed him the opportunity to apologize) she quirked an eyebrow at him, a silent invitation to continue.

He visibly relaxed, immediately crossing the room until he was on the opposite side of the piano, placing his hands on top as he leaned over it, looking Julie dead in the eye. Julie leaned back slightly, attempting to distance herself from the intensity of his stare.

"The boys once told me that I tend to overlook people's feelings for the sake of music sometimes. And this was definitely one of those times. Julie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Of course, you're more than your musical abilities."

"Why'd you say it then?"

Luke let out a breath.

"Bad day?"

She shot him an unimpressed look.

"And a good intentioned but definitely messed up way to try and help you. But that shouldn't be an excuse. I took it too far this time."

There was a lot there that she could have commented on but…

"This time?"

He finally looked away from her (which thank god, she couldn't think straight with those eyes) and down at the piano as his finger started to draw patterns into the coat of dust atop it.

"At you mom's funeral. You told me not to treat you differently just because you had a sob story."

Oh.

Oh.

He'd been trying to help her while simultaneously keeping up appearances based on something she'd said to him a year ago. On one of the worst days of her life, no less. Did that…did that mean he had been doing that the entire year, too? All the times he disagreed with her, or annoyed her or teased her, was it because that was how he felt, or because that's what she said she needed? She knew it was not the appropriate time, but she'd learnt over the years that her own personal rollercoaster always appeared at inopportune moments, this being one of them.

Julie cleared her throat. "I'm surprised you remember that."

Neither of them said anything for a while. This was new territory for them, having such an open conversation. He looked at her again, eyes boring into hers. She had to study them a bit harder than usual, noticing how they were prominently blue rather than the mixture of the triad of colors she'd grown used to.

"I forgive you," she eventually said when the intensity of his stare became too much.

He nodded, and Julie thought that could have been the end of it. And yet, he continued to linger.

"Is there something else?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, and Julie realized it was a nervous habit of his.

"Uh, I guess I was just wondering, um, if you won't play because it won't be the same without your mom," he stammered out.

Julie drew in a deep breath. How was she supposed to answer that? Did she even want to answer that? It all seemed so complicated.

"Yes and no," she ended up saying cautiously. "At first, yes. But I think now I'm more afraid that I'll actually enjoy it."

Luke furrowed his brows in confusion.

She took another deep breath. Okay, she was really doing this.

"My whole life, I've lived and breathed music thanks to my mom," she elaborated. "She played me my first song when I was only a baby, she taught me how to play piano, sing, write. She showed me who the greats were all the way from Bach and Stravinsky to Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, Clapton and Hendrix. She's the reason that I got into music."

He smiled slightly at her recollections.

"And I'll always be so grateful that she introduced music to me. But…I know she's not the reason I love music. I love music because it's just who I am. It's ingrained in me. And even when I was burying my mom, the only person I'd ever created music with, I still knew that it was all I wanted to do and that just seems so messed up. I hate that I feel this way. Like once I go back to music, it'll mean I'm over her death and the guilt of that possibility just eats me alive."

A look of…something…washed over Luke's face. A look she could most accurately describe as pain and understanding, but there was another layer to it that she couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Julie," he said softly, carefully. "No one is going to think you're over your mom's death. That's not something you can just forget overnight. I don't think anyone ever fully recovers from the death of a loved one."

Julie brushed a silent tear from her cheek. Great. Now she was crying in front of him, the one thing she'd tried to avoid earlier. But Luke didn't comment on it. Instead he just waited to continue until he caught her eye again.

"But that doesn't mean we're not allowed to enjoy life too. We take the good with the bad. That's what life is all about. Hell, that's even what music is all about!"

She clocked his shift in energy immediately. The way his tone went from soft to passionate, the way his eyes shined bright, the way he practically bounced as he rounded the piano to stand a bit closer to her. "What do you mean?"

"Music can be so many things, Julie. It's happy, it's sad. It's loud and angry, it's calming and therapeutic. It can be inspiring and deep or it can be surface level and shallow. It can make a person forget about their life for a little while. But it can also be used to honor a person or a memory. It's up to you, Julie. What do you want your music to be about? What do you want your life to be about?"

Julie was speechless. Nothing Luke had said was necessarily a revelation to her, it was how she'd always thought about music as well, but to hear someone else actually say it? Actually acknowledge out loud that it wouldn't be an insult to her grieving process to love music? She was overwhelmed.

"Look," he continued when she didn't say anything. "I can't tell you what to do. But I will say this. From the few times I talked to your mom, she seemed like the kind of person who wouldn't really care what you did. She'd just want you to live. She'd just want you to be happy. And I think it's really freaking rad that you had a mom like that."

She could have chosen to focus on how he'd basically just quoted what her mom used to say all the time, what she'd reiterated in Wake Up, but she saw the chance to break the tension and took it.

"I can't believe you just used the word 'rad' in a pep talk."

The right corner of Luke's mouth curled up into a smirk, but it was softer than usual. Less arrogant and more playful. "Everyone's always said that I belong in the 90's, so…"

Julie decided then and there what she wanted to do. She'd already stepped into the studio, she'd already poured her heart out to Luke that night, she might as well go all the way, right?

Slowly, she slid the sheet music for Wake Up over the piano to him.

She watched as he studied the song, clocking the way he silently mouthed the words as he read along.

"This is good," he said about halfway through. "You write it?"

Julie shook her head, realizing too late that he couldn't see her with his eyes still focused on the sheet music. "It's the last song my mom ever wrote. I found it tonight, and I want to play it for you."

His eyes snapped up from the song in shock, zeroing in on her face. "What? A-are you sure?"

She never imagined the person in this moment with her would be Luke Patterson, but here he was. Here she was. And she was sure.

So she played.

And she sang.

And it was freeing and sad and inspiring and heartbreakingly beautiful all at the same time. And her greatest fear was squashed as she thought of her mom throughout all of it, realizing that this was the closest she'd felt to her since she died. Suddenly, with her voice filling the room and her mom in her heart and piano under her hands and Luke in front of her, the studio felt like home again.

When she played the final notes, she looked at Luke for the first time since she had started the song. His eyes were a stark blue, filled with unshed tears, and he was looking at her with an expression she'd never seen from him before.

"Why are you making that face?"

He blinked and the look was gone. "Just thought of some lyrics is all."

Julie thought back to seventh grade when Alex told her that she should think about making music with Luke. At the time, the idea was laughable. It didn't seem so far-fetched anymore.

There was a lull in conversation, and it seemed as if the two came to a silent agreement that whatever…this was…was coming to an end. Luke pushed himself away from the piano, getting ready to leave.

"Glad you're back, Molina," he said, almost back to his regular teasing voice. Almost. "Because, you know. Can't have you letting Alex and Reg down."

But Julie knew that as much as she tried to fight a shift in their (strange) enemy-like relationship, she couldn't anymore. Not after she sang for him.

"And you." She insisted.

The corners of Luke's mouth twitched. "And me."

He spun on his heels to leave, getting as far as the doors before she stopped him again.

"Hey, Patterson."

Luke turned around, and Julie was reminded of the way he'd called out to her after their conversation at her mom's funeral. But this time, she had something else she wanted to say to him.

"Thank you."

He bit his lower lip as if to stop a smile from spreading over his face (it didn't), then nodded his head in acknowledgment. He backed away a few steps before turning back around for the final time, disappearing into the night.

Things were better between the two of them after that night. It was by no means perfect, they still had disagreements and would bicker like nobody's business, but there were more playful undertones to their interactions and less anger and annoyance. They had even managed to get through a group assignment in music class together.

Their friends were baffled.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Flynn had told her one day. "Not only did he get you to play music again, but you're finally getting along!"

"I wouldn't say getting along," Julie stopped her. "We just…tolerate each other."

Flynn gave her a look she couldn't quite decipher. "Yes, mmhmm. I definitely believe you."

And Julie decided she didn't want to unpack that at the moment.

It was a week before the Fall SP when Luke barged into the studio, waving sheets of music in the air.

(After their blowup fight, Bobby told them that his parents banned them from using their garage for rehearsals. Apparently the space wasn't as soundproof as they thought, and his parents heard their screaming match and (understandably) did not want to be subjected to that again.

Long story short, Julie offered the studio, even for their Sunset Curve rehearsals, and the rest was history.)

"I have a new song!" He announced proudly.

Julie, Reggie and Alex looked at each other.

"Luke, buddy," Alex said, mock concern laced through his voice. "Are you okay? You know this is an SP rehearsal, right? Not Sunset Curve."

Julie held back a giggle as Luke rolled his eyes.

"Thank you, Alex. Yes, I know that. I'm talking about the SP."

"You…wrote a brand-new song? For one performance?" For one performance with her, she wanted to say, but wasn't brave enough to open that can of worms.

Luke rubbed the back of his neck and…was he blushing? "Uh, yeah. Now or Never didn't really seem right for the vibe we have with you. I mean, you sound great, obviously, but it's not really your style."

Julie saw Alex and Reggie exchange an indecipherable look in her peripheral.

"Dude," Reggie said. "You know we have a week until the performance."

Luke rolled his eyes again. "I know, but I'm serious. We can just practice every day this week instead of normal Sunset Curve rehearsals. Just look at the song." He thrust the music sheets in front of them. "Julie can sing lead now that she's actually singing again. It's perfect for her range."

"You mean you wrote it perfect for her range," Alex put bluntly.

This time Julie was the one blushing. She had to admit, it was a good song. A really good song. And he wrote it for her to sing specifically? Stupid hammering heart and rollercoasters.

"I mean, well, yeah. If we're gonna be performing with the Julie Molina, she might as well take center stage, right?"

She looked up at him, expecting to see humor in his eyes. Which she did, but was surprised to see a glimmer of genuineness in them as well. Swallowing, she looked to Alex and Reggie again, and she could tell just from the looks on their faces that they were in.

Julie sighed, a smile slowly spreading across her face. "Screw it, let's do it!"

She was nervous.

She was sitting in class, waiting for Mrs. Harrison to call her and the boys up for their performance. Dirty Candy was currently performing and, even if she didn't want to admit it, they were really good. Which did absolutely nothing to calm her down.

If she choked, she'd never hear the end of it from Carrie.

She fidgeted in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable no matter how she positioned herself.

"You okay?"

She glanced at Flynn, her friend eyeing her with concern.

Julie nodded. "Yeah. Just nerves."

Flynn grabbed her hand and squeezed it encouragingly. "Honestly, you could stand on stage and do nothing but breathe and I'd still enjoy it more than this performance."

Julie snorted before covering her mouth, not wanting to disrupt the rest of the class. But she was smiling now as she squeezed Flynn's hand back.

"You're the best."

Her friend smirked. "Oh, I know."

"Alright, next up we have Sunset Curve featuring Julie Molina," Mrs. Harrison announced.

Julie glanced behind herself at where the boys were sitting, the three of them smiling at her reassuringly as they stood to take the stage. Julie got up to join them, but Flynn pulled at their still entwined hands before she could.

"Hey," Flynn said seriously. "Not that I don't think you've got this because you totally do, but no matter what, I'm so proud of you. I just want you to know that before you get up there and blow everyone away."

Julie felt the beginnings of tears spring into her eyes. No. This was not the time to cry.

"I love you," she said simply, giving Flynn's hand one final squeeze before going up to meet the boys.

They were about finished with setting up, so Julie went over to her keyboard and sat down, turning it on as she glanced out at the crowd. Most of the class were on their phones, as they usually were between performances, but Flynn was grinning encouragingly at her. She sent a small smile back before her eyes flitted over to Carrie. She was surprised to see that Carrie was already looking at her, a knowing smirk planted on her face as if she were expecting Julie to fail.

A month ago, Julie would have cowered at that look. Now, it only fueled her. More determined than ever, she looked away from her ex-best friend, this time her gaze finding Luke's. He raised his eyebrows questioningly, silently asking if she was okay, and Julie nodded. Then he flashed her a grin and Julie had to look to Alex and Reggie before she did something stupid like grin back.

The boys nodded at her, letting her know that they were ready when she was, that they were just following her lead.

She took a deep breath, placing her hands over the starting keys of the song, and closed her eyes. Her fingers hit the first few notes, voice following soon after.

Hearts on fire

We're no liars

So we say what we wanna say

I'm awakened

No more faking

So we push all our fears away

Don't know if I'll make it 'cause I'm falling under

Close my eyes, and feel my chest beating like thunder

I wanna fly

Come alive

Watch me shine

Julie knew that Luke wrote the music with the intention of her singing it, but she was unsure (and was too much of a coward to ask) if he had written the lyrics with her in mind as well. Because every line, every word, she could relate to the last year and a half of her life. And as she hit the chorus, the boys joining her as she stood from the piano to take center stage, all she could think about was her mom. How her mom was a part of her, still, for eternity, even if she wasn't physically with her anymore. How foolish had she been, to think that singing would tarnish what the two of them shared? There was no better way to honor her.

Been so long, and now we're finally free

So Julie sang her heart out because, well, she did feel finally free. She looked into the audience and she could tell that her class knew the significance of her singing. Maybe not the full story, but to them she had silenced herself for over a year and they knew that her finally singing again was a huge deal. She could see Flynn's proud gaze as tears streamed down her face. She could see Nick smiling and nodding his head to the song. Even Mrs. Harrison was watching her with a look somewhat akin to how her mom would when Julie finally nailed a hard part of a song.

She looked back at the boys. At how Alex would lose himself in his drumming, Julie knowing it was one of the few things he could do to relieve his anxiety. At the way Luke and Reggie bounced with energy and passion and how they would playfully push each other around as they shared a mic. She felt a sudden rush of affection for them, these crazy, (sometimes) annoying boys that had somehow helped bring her back to life without her even realizing.

Maybe that's why she made her way to Luke for the bridge. Maybe that's why she stuck her mic out to him, luring him away from his own. Maybe that's why she got up in his personal space as they sang the call and response to each other. She couldn't be sure. But maybe.

I got a spark in me

(I got a spark in me)

And you're a part of me

(And you're a part of me)

Now 'til eternity

(Now 'til eternity)

Been so long, and now we're finally free

(She had to avoid him for the rest of the performance after that. It was too intense, and she felt like if she so much as looked his way the rollercoaster that had been frequenting her stomach more and more as of late wouldn't ever stop.)

The class broke out into applause, rising to their feet after she hit the last note (Except Carrie, who sat there sulking, but honestly, nothing could really damper Julie's mood at that moment). Julie grinned, raising her hands to lead the boys in a synchronized bow. She had barely gotten off the stage before Flynn lunged at her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

"I told you you were going to blow us away!"

Julie laughed as Flynn released her. Alex and Reggie were right behind her, so she turned to them next, giving them just as big of a hug as Flynn's. They engulfed her, bodies hot and slightly damp with sweat after their performance as they chuckled before releasing her so they could all sit back down in the crowd as they waited for the next performer.

She felt Luke take his usual seat as well, and Julie couldn't help herself, her body buzzing with adrenaline and endorphins as she turned to look behind her, surprised to see Luke already staring at her. His eyes widened a bit, as if he was embarrassed she'd caught him, but then he relaxed and smiled softly at her. She sent him a small smile back before turning back around.

She could still feel his gaze burning in the back of her head, but she realized that for once, she really didn't mind.

Songs/Other References:
-Shattered, O.A.R. (Chapter Title)
-Now Or Never
-Wake Up
-Finally Free