Tex always hated goodbyes. But she realizes that if she doesn't say it now she'll never be able to.
She's lying on her back looking at the chrome ceiling of Church's quarters. Of all the things in the world. Right now? Tex is afraid.
She's afraid to do this, as said she always disliked goodbye.
She's afraid of how Church will react, how he will handle this.
She's afraid she may never get another chance to see him again.
She's afraid she'll fail anyway, that all this will be for naught.
At the moment, Tex is afraid of a lot of things. But above all else she is afraid that she doesn't want to do this. She hates goodbyes, she hates losing people, she hates to hurt Church. But if she wants them both to live she has to do this.
.
.
.
But she can't. She can't hurt him.
Tex curses under her breath, artificial tears, made by a small hydration machine where human tear glands would be, start to pour onto her cheeks. She can't do this.
Suddenly she feels a pair of lanky, thin, gentle arms wrap around her and pull her close. A familiar feeling creeps up her spine as Church nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck, hugging her tightly. God. He has no idea how much worse he is making this for her does he?
"Hey, hey, I'm here Tex. You're okay." he whispered sweet words into her ear, hugging her and massaging her skin.
She would miss him. She shouldn't have made contact with him. She should've broken it off early on. She shouldn't have let this go on for this long.
But she did, despite having this knowledge even beforehand she still did this to herself. So now she had to pay the consequences.
Now she had to hurt them both, if she wanted to help them both. He makes it so hard to let go, to say goodbye.
.
.
.
So she doesn't say anything at all. Instead she opts to sit them both up onto his bed, then proceed to straddle him. Her request is clear as daylight.
So for a good solid hour, they make love to one another. They quiet themselves as they enjoy the intimate touch to one another. They kiss, they bite, they scratch at each other, and for a solid hour they do nothing but make love.
There are no words between them. Nothing has to be said. To Church this is how he says he loves her. To Tex? This is how she says she loves him...and how she hopes they won't forget each other.
.
.
.
It's 3:00am when they finally stop their grinding of bodies. When they roll off each other, damp from sweat, heaving from exhaustion, hearts full of happiness. The cool air of Sidewinder refreshes them, giving them seconds of euphoria. Then, in those seconds, Tex leans over Church, kissing him one last time. Right before he drifts into sleep.
Then Tex is alone. She realizes looking down at the man. This may be the last time they ever get to say it. So as she gets up, gathering her things which she always kept under their bed, she turns one last teary-eyed gaze to the peacefully sleeping Church, and whispers three things,
"I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye."
and then she's gone.