On the night before my consecration, Hermes had given me permission to break my chastity vow from time to time.

For several years, however, I didn't take that opportunity.

Not that I didn't care about it: if I said that a beautiful woman left me indifferent, I would lie. But the idea just made me feel guilty about Hermes. Moreover, as a priest it wouldn't be appropriate for me to start fathering children. So I just gritted my teeth and ignored the urge.

Until...

One day, I was performing the morning rituals in the temple. Suddenly, a soft feminine voice called me.

"Priest?"

I turned to find a lovely young lady on the doorstep. She had freckles, green eyes and red hair - a most unusual sight in Troy, where people usually were dark-haired. I thought that she looked slightly younger than I was, probably around twenty-five.

"Good morning, young lady. May Hermes bless you. Come in." I addressed her. She complied uncertainly. She moved gracefully and her green dress brought out the shades of her hair.

"Do you wish to offer a sacrifice to the god?" I asked.

"Yes, and to ask him a question" she answered, and handed me a basket with fruit and vegetables.

"Which is your question, then?"

She looked down and took some time to answer.

"I think I am sterile. I wish to know... whether I am right" she murmured eventually.

I led her to a quiet corner where she could speak without fear of being overheard.

"What is your name, young lady? I have never seen you before" I asked first.

"My name is Nyade. You might know my husband, Paulis - he comes to the temple from time to time"

"Ah, yes. He has a plot of land near to the south walls. If I remember correctly, he has a son from a previous marriage" I said.

"Yes. His first wife died shortly after giving birth to their son, which is now almost ten years old. He looks very much like my husband, there is no doubt that he is his son" she replied. She looked uneasy and miserable, unable to meet my eyes.

"How long have you been married?"

"Almost six years now... and we never stopped trying..."

I stood and consecrated her offer on the altar. Then I threw the sacred stones three times until I received the answer. I would have to sadden her.

"I am very sorry, Nyade, but you are right. You cannot have children" I said softly.

She reacted very calmly, quickly wiping away a tear.

"I knew it, deep down" she said quietly "You have been very kind, thank you"

Without another word, she walked out.

Several years later, on a summer morning, I wandered near the south walls to find some medical herbs I needed for my decoctions. When I looked up I saw Nyade, standing right in front of me.

I hadn't seen her for years. She was even more gorgeous than I remembered.

"Good morning. You seemed so focused that I didn't want to disturb you" she said softly.

"Good morning, Nyade" I said, standing "I was just searching for some herbs. I hope you are well"

She was very close to me and I took a step back.

"I am. I haven't seen you for a long time" she replied, moving closer to me again.

"I heard that your husband passed away. I am very sorry" I said.

"Thank you. He got a fever after an accident in the fields... he died in a few days. It has been difficult to take care of the fields. Thankfully, my stepson is almost a man now" she explained.

I smiled knowingly. Somehow, I felt that it would have been wise to leave immediately but, my word, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The way she kept moving closer to me didn't leave much room for doubt. She didn't have any obligations - and she could not get pregnant.

"It's very warm today, you must be thirsty" she said pointedly.

"Actually I am, but I'm almost finished collecting herbs"

"Then let me offer you some water before you go back to the temple. I keep it in a stone jar, it's really fresh"

Without waiting for my answer, she turned around and I followed into her house. She poured me a generous cup of water and just looked at me while I drank.

"Thank you" I said eventually, handing her the cup.

We looked at each other silently for a very long moment. I wanted her, but what if she didn't? What if I had misunderstood her intentions completely?

My rumination was interrupted abruptly when Nyade pressed her lips against my ones and encircled my neck with her arms, pulling me to her. Her mouth was warm and demanding and a moment later we were both lying on her kitchen's floor.

When Nyade undid her dress, I became suddenly aware of what was happening, of what was going to happen next.

She seemed to perceive my hesitation.

"I have been a widow for two years now. Please, don't make me miserable" she pleaded, looking at me with those green eyes.

Well, Hermes had given me permission to do this after all.

And then I just gave in. I gave her what she wanted and what, in all honesty, I wanted too.

"I never forgot that visit to Hermes' temple, and how gentle you were with me" she said later while we were lying on the stone floor, happy and sated.

I felt a pang of guilt at the mention of Hermes and I instinctively moved away from her.

"I know that you are devoted to the Herald, Aesacus" she said without moving. She had never said my name before. "But they say that he is not strict on this matter"

"He is not" I conceded. "Still, I... feel very uneasy about breaking my vow"

We were very silent for some time, then Nyade sat up.

"I won't seek you. But if you wish to come back here from time to time... you may"

OOO

Back at the temple I poured myself a cup of wine and tried to think about what had just happened.

Hermes himself had given me permission to "enjoy myself" some years before and I wasn't in love with Nyade. She was free from other obligations and had been more than willing. Theoretically, I had no reason to feel guilty. But I did nonetheless.

Some days later, Hermes visited me and immediately noticed my nervousness.

"Your mind seems to be elsewhere, my dear" he said.

I sighed deeply.

"There's something I must confess to you."

"Well, go on" he said encouragingly.

"I… broke my vow." I whispered.

"I'm aware of that" he said with his usual sassy smile, and I gaped at him.

"Aesacus, have you forgotten that I can sense your most intense emotions through our bond? And intense was the word"

"Alright, this is really embarrassing" I replied, blushing and looking away.

"How is that embarrassing? Most people long for that kind of intimacy, I am not scandalized because you are one of them" he reasoned.

I shook my head without answering.

"Are you regretting your choice to become a priest, Aesacus?" he asked quietly. He was suddenly serious now.

"I don't regret it. Although I'll never have a wife, children, grandchildren, and it is not easy for me to give those things up" I said, looking up at him again.

"Then what is the problem, my dear? I can sense that you're not in love with her, so what bothers you?"

"The problem is that I enjoyed it, and she told me that I can visit her again, and I... would like to do that" I admitted.

Hermes laughed softly.

"You bet you'd like to do that. It would be foolish to refuse her offer. Besides, she is quite a sight to behold"

"I feel like I am betraying you" I whispered "I feel like I'm doing something wrong"

"Listen, Aesacus, you are devoted to me and this is all what matters to me. It cannot be a betrayal if I don't feel betrayed, don't you think.

In the following months, I often thought about her but I couldn't bring myself to visit her again.

Then, at some point, I came to terms with the fact that I desired her and that Hermes did not oppose that. Nyade was happy to see me again.

For several years, we were lovers. We met occasionally and never saw each other between an encounter and the following one.

We didn't want to become too close but this worked better for me than it did for her. At some point, she asked me to stop visiting her because what she felt was not physical desire anymore.

After that, I never found another lover, although sometimes I wished to.

Giving up family and children for Hermes had been quite a sacrifice. If I had fathered children, I would have had to stay at the temple and watch them grow up without me, and maybe be raised by some other man. And I just couldn't do that.

That is the reason why I often treated my pupils as if I had been their father, worrying over them even after they left my care.