Hey beautiful people! Sorry I haven't updated in a bit. School has been kicking me in the ass recently. This chapter's objective is really to give some background on both Marinette and Adrien in the past couple years so it's easier to see how they both ended up where they are at the moment. It's sort of a bridge to the next part of the story. Told you guys it would be a slow burn! I'm still trying my best to come up with the perfect idea for the reveal. I don't want to disappoint. But expect some more chapters before we get there. Okay, without further ado…
(Marinette's POV)
I swung from rooftop to rooftop at an accelerating speed that surprised me. It was the middle of the night and the cool air that tingled my (little) exposed skin suddenly didn't bother me because I could still feel Chat Noir's lips lingering on mine. God, that stupid cat! I mean, it was completely uncalled for. We were literally about to die and that's what he was thinking about? The anger I felt bubbling in my brain was practically hotter than the fire I was just hanging over.
I tried to ignore the tiny thoughts in the back of my brain that were reminding me how good of a kiss it was. Or how right it felt.
I finally landed on my balcony after what felt like centuries. Lifting myself down into my room, I quickly transformed and the first thing I did was grab the pillow off of my chaise and scream into it.
"Marinette?" Tikki asked gently. She looked like she wasn't sure if she should address me or not.
"Tikki. He kissed me! Why? We were dangling over a fucking fire, awaiting death, and he decides to kiss me? What was going through his brain?" I flopped down on my stomach and buried my head in my arms.
"Well, correct me if I'm wrong… but didn't you just barely escape death and now all you can think about is kissing Chat Noir?"
Shit. I hated it when Tikki was right, which was always.
"Pfft. That is not true."
Tikki gave me a knowing glare.
"Okay, maybe it is. But I'm just shocked. I mean, you know how many times I've told him that my heart belongs to someone else." I glanced over at the pictures of Adrien on my wall. There were only a few left; I had taken many down over the years in moments full of hopelessness and tears. Guilt suddenly hit my chest like a truck while gazing at his face. I somehow felt like I had been unfaithful to him, even though I knew the truth; he had never given me a second glance in three years. Why should I feel bad?
I would often get angry with myself for my inability to get over Adrien. I mean, sure, over time I outgrew my nervous stuttering and embarrassing behavior around him, but every time I saw him the butterflies would still invade my stomach and my brain turned to goo. I knew my worth and I knew that I deserved a guy that wanted to give me the world. I mean, look at Luka! He was a perfect gentleman. The kind of guy that would open the door for you, get you flowers, and bring you home before curfew. But I could never bring myself to love him because Adrien was always there, lingering in the back of my head.
And of course, being Ladybug didn't exactly help.
Sure, I say I know my worth. I'm smart, I'm courageous, I'm selfless. I'm so many things, and I deserved to be treated like it. But something about Adrien made me want to make excuses for him every time. Something about him made me want to continue to suffer through this unrequited love.
Marinette, I'm sorry, but as your best friend it makes me sad to see you like this all the time. Alya had told me once while wiping away my tears at yet another Adrien outburst. He's hurting you so badly without even knowing it, so you can't even be upset with him. But nothing's more painful than being unwanted, Mari. So many people love you and would die to be with you. Sometimes it's better to know when it's time to let go.
I won't lie, the first person that came to my mind when she said that was Chat Noir. He had been pining after me for years and I gave him basically nothing. I wondered if he would ever reach a breaking point with his emotions towards me, and the thought broke my heart. No matter how annoying I found Chat at times, he was still one of the most important people in my life and the thought of hurting him hurt me too.
Tikki's small voice broke me out of my thoughts. "He does love you Marinette. If he thought you guys were going to die, he probably didn't want to regret not doing it."
"He doesn't love me Tikki. He loves Ladybug."
"You're Ladybug."
"Yeah, but he doesn't know me."
I sat up and glanced at my clock. It was 3:30.
"Great. I have to be up in like, 4 hours." I groaned. Being Ladybug and a high school student should be considered a full time job. I groggily pulled myself up to bed and collapsed underneath the covers, but all I could find myself thinking about was the way Chat had grabbed my head so urgently that I didn't even have time to think about what was gonna happen. I caught a small smile growing on my lips and straightened them out before it could happen.
Stop, Marinette. Stop. The rational side of my brain screamed at me. I had kissed Chat Noir twice before, but only to save him and the other time I literally couldn't remember. I didn't know that one stupid kiss could rattle my brain so much. That cat was probably losing his mind right now.
Sleep, Marinette. School tomorrow.
But all I could think about was the way I had let myself fall into that kiss completely, even if it was just for a few seconds. The moment replayed in my head so many times it was hard to believe that I could even think about anything else.
"Marinette? Can I ask you a question?" Tikki asked.
"Sure."
"Did you kiss him back?"
An embarrassed blush came over my face so fast I couldn't even try to hide it. "Night, Tikki. No more silly questions…" I practically squealed as I turned away from her.
I woke up 15 minutes after my alarm went off. Typical.
"God Tikki, I'm gonna be late again!" I groaned as I pulled myself out from under the covers and immediately rushed into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. When I got back, Tikki had an array of different outfits laid out on my floor for me to choose from. Tikki had gained a knack for fashion after watching me design for so long, and she didn't mind lending a helping hand on days where I didn't have a lot of time. Which was honestly far more often than I'd like to admit.
Tikki had laid out a beautiful sundress, along with many other options, but I honestly was in too shitty of a mood to wear anything remotely fashionable.
"Sorry Tikki, but none of this is gonna work." I said while rummaging through my drawers until I found a good pair of mom jeans and a baby tee- classic combo that will never look like you tried too hard. I put it on along with a black pair of converse and ran to the bathroom to blow dry the dampness out of my hair. When I was done, it cascaded down my shoulders and I have to admit- it did look better like that.
To be honest, I used to be really insecure. I was reserved in every aspect; personality, style, the list goes on. I was far too afraid to ever change myself because I was scared of what people would say or think-so my hair stayed in its pigtails and I just stayed plain old Marinette. It took many pep talks from Alya to get me to break out of my shell, and honestly, I only started wearing my hair down once Adrien told me he liked it that way.
Sad, I know. But it's true.
I quickly put on some mascara and lipgloss and then started to sprint down the stairs.
"Staying for breakfast?" I heard my mom ask sweetly as I passed the kitchen.
"No time." I swiftly grabbed a croissant off the table where food was already laid out. "But thanks."
I sprinted as fast as I could into the school and ran into Alya right away.
And no, not metaphorically. Like, I literally ran into her.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't think I was gonna make it on time." Nino gave me a surprised glance but Alya just laughed. I took a mental note that Adrien wasn't here yet.
"No problem, girl! So how-"
"Alya, I need to talk to you. Now." I widened my gaze to show her that it was urgent.
"Hey, no fair! How come Alya always gets to know everything!" Nino joked.
"Sorry babe. Girl stuff." She smiled before I dragged her away by the forearm.
I pulled her up against one of the brick walls of the courtyard. "Okay, what's the big deal?"
"Chat Noir kissed me last night."
I had told Alya that I was Ladybug a few years ago, after I had become the Guardian of the Miraculous. I'll be honest, I kind of had a mental breakdown. I guess all the responsibilities of being Ladybug and Marinette hit me at once, and I felt like I was losing everything and everyone I cared about. And so, in a moment of weakness, I told her. Bad idea, I know. But after all these years, Alya has kept my secret and I know that she would take it to the grave.
Plus, it was fun to have someone to tell all the Ladybug-related gossip to. We had covered all the bases; Lila's insanity, how I had dealt with all the different villains, Rena Rouge, of course, and most importantly, Chat Noir's all-encapsulating crush on Ladybug.
Girl, you should totally give him a chance! I mean, let's be real, Adrien is cool and all but he's completely emotionally unavailable. Alya had told me the night I had confessed everything that's happened between us. Meanwhile, here's this other guy-a superhero, might I add- who has been completely in love with you since the first time you met. Who's also a complete gentleman! Who would also give you the world if he could! I mean, the choice seems clear if you ask me.
There is no choice. I shrugged off the idea without a second thought. First of all, I don't even see him like that. Secondly, we couldn't ever actually be together. We can't know each other's identities. It would put both us and everyone we love in great danger.
"WHAT!" Alya's jaw dropped to the floor. I quickly covered her mouth with my hand.
"Alya, chill!" I whispered frantically. I looked around to make sure no one had noticed her outburst, and that's when I saw him.
Adrien. He walked in so nonchalantly, but I suddenly felt like there was no more oxygen and I couldn't breathe. The way he carried himself was so perfect, so casual, like he wasn't the most perfect person I had ever laid my eyes on.
I couldn't help but notice he looked sad, though.
"Marinette. Snap out of it." Alya said blankly and I turned my attention back to her. "You can't just tell me that and then not tell me the rest! What led up to it? Was it a good kiss? Was it like, soft and sentimental, or was it like a 'I need you now' sort of kiss? Did you kiss him back? What did you say after? What were you thinking? I mean, really, what was he thinking? Did you-"
Suddenly the bell sounded above them. Time to go to class.
"Saved by the bell." I joked. Alya rolled her eyes but I saw the hint of a smile on her lips.
"This conversation is not over, little lady."
"Don't worry. You don't think I'd spare you the details, did you?"
"Never. I would force them out of you."
(Adrien's POV)
"Am I really that stupid, Plagg?" I sighed as I laid face down on my bed after I had got home from that horrible akumization. A feeling of dread slowly crept into my stomach with each passing second.
"I mean, yeah." Plagg shrugged as he took a bite of camembert from my desk. I gave him a glare before burying my head in my arms.
"What? You asked, and I answered!" He exclaimed before flying over to my side. "Look, kid. This doesn't have to be weird. You kissed her, so what? I say just move on and pretend like it never happened. That's the best option here."
"Are you kidding? That's the worst option. Plus, that's not how I am and she knows that. I have to talk to her."
"If you wanna make things more complicated, be my guest." Plagg laughed. "I swear, you should listen to me more often. I'm wiser than you think. The truth of the matter is that Ladybug is strictly business oriented, and if you don't have something important to say, it won't be important to her."
I stared blankly at him. "Sorry Plagg, but I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who literally made the dinosaurs go extinct."
Plagg gasped. "Don't go there! It was a mistake! I was young!"
"I'll talk to her soon." I reassured myself.
When I walked into school the next day, the first thing I noticed was Marinette and Alya pressed up suspiciously against a wall. Marinette had her hand over Alya's mouth, probably refraining her from squealing about something. Alya really didn't have any sort of filter, and she said whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, so this didn't really surprise me. On second thought, this probably wasn't the first time I had seen them like this.
"Hey dude!" Nino said when I walked up to his side. He glanced at me in surprise for a second before saying, "dude, you do not look great. What happened to you?"
The truth was that I couldn't sleep. At all. I was up all night thinking about what the hell I was gonna tell Ladybug when I saw her next, which could be at any time. I wondered if she would brush off whatever lame apology I would muster up, or if she would give me the cold shoulder. Really, I was mostly afraid that she would hate me, and that it was too late to take back what I had done. This led me to thinking about the whole cause-and-effect thing of the universe, and that even if I apologized over and over, even if she forgave me with open arms, it still wouldn't change what had happened, and there would still be some kind of effect. And what if this effect was her resenting me in her brain for the rest of eternity, and then my worst nightmare would come true and ohgodLadybugwouldhateme.
Classic overthinking at its finest.
"Didn't sleep all that great." I said. "That's all."
The bell rang and I couldn't help but let a sigh escape my lips. Usually I loved going to school, but today was already going downhill, and quickly.
"I've been there." Nino laughed. "Let's go to class."
Nino and I filed in with everyone else and took our seats in the front row. After a couple minutes, I noticed that Alya and Marinette weren't in their seats in the row behind us, which I found strange since I had just seen them in the courtyard.
"Where's your girlfriend?" I asked Nino. He snorted in response.
"Who knows. Off with Marinette somewhere, obviously. Those two are acting weird today."
"Why?"
Nino laughed. "Like they'd tell me. I'm just as in the dark as you, dude."
At that moment both Alya and Marinette burst through the door, just before the bell signaling the beginning of class had started to ring. Alya was covering her own mouth this time, unsuccessfully trying to contain her own laughter, while Marinette was as pale as a ghost. I could see the dark bags under Marinette's eyes as she walked up the stairs next to me to her seat. She was very obviously giving Alya a death glare; her best friend simply looked at her with a knowing smirk.
Girls are weird. They can literally communicate with each other like that without using any words.
However, this wasn't really weird behavior from them. Everyone sort of got used to it, including the teachers.
Class began and Ms Bustier had us taking notes from the board. After a while, I heard a barely audible whisper from behind me.
"Okay, girl. In all seriousness, are you alright? Like really?"
"Uhh…" Marinette's voice barely lingered in the air. "Yeah. I think. I just need to take some time to breathe and stop my thoughts from going all over the place."
"I agree. Just give yourself a break today, alright? Let's go get ice cream or see a movie or something after school."
"Sure. If my circumstances let me for once." Alya chuckled at the comment, and they both went silent.
I often found myself wondering about Marinette. I mean, sure, she was a good friend of mine, but I never felt like I really knew her the same way I knew Nino, or Chloe, or even Alya. Early in our friendship, it was hard to have a normal conversation with her. She had this constant nervous energy around her and could barely form a coherent sentence, but I didn't think much of it; that's just how Marinette was. She was clumsy, flighty, quirky. That was just how Marinette was, and I didn't second guess it until about halfway through our sophomore year, when she changed.
It wasn't like she woke up one day a completely different person. It was small nuances that took place, one after another, until I realized she had completely changed into a different Marinette. It started with her retiring the pigtails. Next, she started dressing differently, and eventually she began carrying herself with the same kind of confidence Alya always had.
That kind of change doesn't just affect the outside, Mari. I remembered overhearing Alya tell Marinette at lunch one day. It starts from self-acceptance. I'm glad you've finally realized your worth.
With these physical changes, I took note of the changes I observed in Marinette herself as well. She didn't seem to stumble over her words like she used to. Actually, she seemed as cool as a cucumber. It looked like she had gained a completely new mindset towards life.
However, she barely even tried talking to me unless I spoke to her first. And she barely looked me in the eye every time we came in contact.
I suddenly began to wonder why I never seemed to be able to get to know her, when it seemed so easy for everybody else. I mean, it wasn't like I hadn't tried.
I hate to admit it, but it was after I noticed all of these drastic changes that I began to visit her as Chat Noir. But I was suddenly intrigued by her. I had realized that there was more to Marinette than what was on the surface, and that transition made it evident.
I know it's not good to use your powers for personal reasons. But really, it was only every once in a while, when I thought something was up with her.
I was surprised by how easy it was to talk to her as Chat, but what surprised me more was how easily she was able to talk to me. It practically felt like I was talking to a stranger, even though I was talking to the girl who sat behind me in class for years.
Something was obviously up with her, I thought reluctantly. It had been a few weeks since Chat had visited her last, so I figured there was no harm in stopping by her house later tonight.
I suddenly felt myself perk up. I know what I need to do, I thought.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Longer than usual, I know. But I really enjoyed writing this one. I'm not sure when I'll update next- with finals and AP tests coming up, I've been really busy, but once school is over I'll have plenty of time to write. Next chapter we tackle both Ladynoir and Marichat… let's see how it goes ;)