Chapter 4: Solemn Sea
"We're not giving up." Ragnar insisted as they docked and tied the ship. "I swear to you, I will never give up."
Sihtric breathed out deeply and nodded his head as he gazed back out at the ocean. He trusted in Ragnar's words, in the man's conviction. He just couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at the very thought. He didn't want to stop searching, not even for a moment. His drive to find Uhtred burned within him, like a rising fire that could never be doused, not even by the entire ocean itself. Sometimes, he felt almost suffocated by the pull he felt for the other man. Uhtred consumed him, made him feel like he was drowning. He felt like he would never again have a real moment of rest until his Lord was safe beside him again.
"With winter setting in, they will have returned home." Ragnar continued as he jumped down from the deck to the dock. He turned and held his hand out as Hild walked towards the edge.
Hild nodded her head. "Wherever that is." She took Ragnar's hand and he helped to steady her as she jumped down.
"When spring returns, we will be back here." Ragnar promised. "And we will find him."
Sihtric bit his lip and nodded his head. He backed up a step, his eyes still on the ocean. Then he breathed out, spun around, and jumped from the ship with more ease and grace than Ragnar had. The older man smiled and clapped him on the shoulder and the three headed off.
… … ...
Fall had passed and the real winter had set in. The wind was colder, chilling them all to the bone, and the snow had started to fall, sticking to the inside of the ship and making them all the more colder. There was more talk of returning to wherever Sverri called home and that's where they all assumed they were going. Although Uhtred still wondered exactly what that would entail for them.
In front of him, Halig let out a wracking cough. He slowed his oaring and breathed for a moment, doubling over. His health had deteriorated more than his Lord's since their capture and it worried Uhtred. Halig coughed again and then he looked upwards, to the sky. "It's like looking out of a grave." He said dejectedly, sounding really broken for the first time.
Uhtred narrowed his eyes as he pulled on his oar. Every fiber of his being ached, from his heart to his mind to the tips of his fingers. He couldn't even guess at how long it had been since their capture, all the days and months blurred into one. But it didn't matter. He shook his head and gritted his teeth. "That will not be our fate, Halig." He grunted out. "I swear to you. We shall be free men again."
At his back, Finan let out a laugh. "You think these bastards will bother… digging a hole for ya?" The man said with a heavy Irish accent. "You won't be getting a grave when the time comes. We are destined to be tossed overboard with the rest of the shite." He said as he pulled.
Halig paused for a moment, thinking. He glanced over his shoulder as he continued his rowing. "I'll tell ya, Finan, it would be my own bad luck if I got tossed overboard alive." He said as he pulled on the oar. "I can't swim." He stated plainly. Finan laughed again, the sound echoing through them.
"Never give up, Halig." Uhtred said with a grunt, ignoring the Irishman's candor for the moment. While he normally enjoyed it, he didn't like the dejection he heard in Halig's voice. "You must remain…"
A shadow fell across them, silencing Uhtred's words. Some of the men paused and looked up as Hakka hovered above them. "Shut your mouth back there!" The slaver spat, his face twisted and red.
"Never give in!" Uhtred continued, not even sparing energy to look up at the man. He wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction. He wouldn't give him anything.
The man growled. "You don't speak, slave. You pull."
"Yes, men." Finan called out sarcastically, his voice rising above the slaver's. "We pull, and pull, and pull!"
Hakka narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, as if to taunt or berate them further, but he was silenced. Around the ship, all the slaves took up the chant immediately. Their voices rose loud against the crashing waves, drowning everything else out. Hakka, eyes wide for a moment, shook himself. Then he spat down towards them and spun around. He walked off, towards the bow of the ship without another word.
Finan breathed out and shook his head as the chant died down. "One day, Osbert, I shall kill that man and savor it." He hissed out lowly and Uhtred smiled.
A few more days passed before they docked again and this time, it felt different. There wasn't any cargo to unload, just heavy looking bags that Sverri and his own men hauled onto land themselves. "It's their silver." Finan whispered, leaning closer to Uhtred. "This is Jutland, where he lives, with his wife and his kids."
Uhtred turned towards him, frowning. "How do you know that?"
Finan sucked in a breath as he leaned back and looked out at the ocean. "This is my third winter here." He admitted softly.
Uhtred's eyes widened and he longed to grab the man and hold him for a moment. To press his lips against him and comfort him the only way he knew how to. But he didn't. He wasn't sure how long it had been since they had felt each other up as the ship slept around them. But he guessed at least a month. The next morning, Finan had acted as if nothing had happened and he had said nothing about it since then. Uhtred hadn't either. Honestly, he wasn't even sure if it had really happened. He wondered if he had been so touch starved, so desperate to feel anything that wasn't pain, that he dreamed it all up. He knew the man had braided his hair, that he didn't dream up. The braid was still knotted in his hair, albeit a lot looser then.
The slavers returned and barked orders at them. They were all hauled out of the ship and herded towards an old barn. They were crudely shoved inside and the door shut and locked. They were treated worse than the animals that they shared the same barn with over the next few weeks. They were given thin blankets, barely thick enough to keep a fall chill at bay, let alone the raging cold of the winter winds that blew through the missing boards of the ramshackle barn. They were thrown the leftovers, days old and stale and rotten. But they forced it down. They had to keep themselves alive. When the nights got coldest, they pressed together as tightly as they could, Uhtred in the middle with Finan and Halig on either side. He wrapped his arms around them and held them tight against him and they survived.
"This board, right here." Halig said one morning after the worst of the winter winds set in upon them and they all feared they would freeze to death. He moved from his spot, leaning against the weathered wood, and pulled at the loose board.
Uhtred and Finan both crowded in closer and Halig moved away. Uhtred gripped the bottom of the board and pulled on it. It twisted easily in his hands and his eyes widened. Beside him, Finan pressed against the wall, looking out through one of the many drafty holes. He glanced sideways at Uhtred and nodded his head. Uhtred continued twisting until the board snapped free and he pulled it away. It was almost as long as his arm and heavily splintered on one end.
Finan moved away from the wall and reached for the piece of wood. Uhtred handed it over and Finan stood up. He turned it over in his hands, feeling the weight. It was heavier than it should have been but he thought he could still swing it hard enough to knock someone out. He gripped it tightly, lifted it up, and swung it. It cut through the air easily but the momentum threw him off balance and he stumbled and fell.
Uhtred leaned forward, held out his arms, and managed to catch the man. Finan fell back against him, laughing loudly. He thrust the piece of wood up in triumph and laughed again. Uhtred smiled and laughed as well as he wrapped his arms harder around Finan and held him for a moment.
"Someone's coming!" Halig hissed. He had taken over keeping watch when Finan stopped.
Uhtred released Finan and he scrambled back to set the wood on the floor beneath them. Uhtred lifted himself enough to let Finan slide the board halfway under him and then they both sat on it, covering it completely as they pulled their blankets over their legs. They weren't stupid. It was a feeble excuse for a weapon. They might have had the strength to knock out Sverri or one of his men and if they persisted, they might have been able to pummel the man to death before he made too much noise. But that wouldn't get them free from the barn. They needed an axe or something to break the chain with. And they needed time and the cover of darkness.
They kept watch and they waited. Their chance came a few nights later. It was Hakka who stumbled out of Sverri's house, tripping over himself and dropping the sack he carried on the ground. He stepped on it and actually tripped, landed in a heap on the ground. He groaned and pulled himself up and snatched the bag from the ground. "Fucking worthless slaves." He grumbled as he continued towards the barn.
The man was half drunk and as he came closer, Halig could make out the sword and axe that hung from his belt. Halig's eyes widened and he pulled away from the wall to look at Uhtred and Finan. "Axe and sword." He whispered, his voice barely audible. "Surprised he didn't hurt himself when he tripped."
Uhtred smiled and looked at Finan. "Fin?"
A smile spread across the Irishman's face and he nodded his head. "Oh yeah, I'm ready." Halig pressed himself to the wall again and waved his hand. Uhtred and Finan quickly pulled the board out from under themselves and set it across their laps, under their blankets. They settled back down just as the door swung open.
Hakka stumbled in and nearly tripped again. He righted himself and shook his head, then threw the bag towards them without even looking. He turned for the door, again hardly looking at them. Finan pulled the blanket off and jumped up. He lifted the board over his head and swung it downward, as hard and as fast as he could, and connected it with the back of Hakka's head. It made a sickening sound and the man slumped forward a bit but he didn't fall. He started to turn. Finan adjusted his grip and swung against, this time hitting the man across the face and twisting his neck at an odd angle. Hakka fell to the ground and Finan did as well from the exertion.
Uhtred reached over and grabbed for the man's sword. He wrenched it free and was quick to lean over him and thrust the blade into the man's back. He lifted it and plunged it in again and again, stabbing him way more times than was necessary. He didn't stop until Finan reached over and touched his leg. Uhtred spun around and looked down at him, his eyes wide and his breathing labored. Finan just smiled up at him and breathed out. Uhtred glanced at Halig. "Halig?"
Halig held up his hand and they were all silent, hardly daring to breathe. But a few minutes passed and there was no signs of their murder being detected. Uhtred turned and reached over to gently push the door shut. Then he turned and looked down at Finan. The man was smiling, wider than Uhtred had ever seen, and he was clearly trying hard not to laugh. The joy on his face was enough to warm Uhtred's heart and he couldn't help the smile that spread across his own face. Finan lifted his hand and Uhtred took it and hauled him up. Finan squeezed his hand harder for a moment and Uhtred met his gaze.
"I think we're clear." Halig whispered.
Finan pulled away and leaned back down over Hakka's body. He pulled the axe free and lifted it. He turned towards the other men who were all getting to their feet. "You know the plan."
Uhtred nodded. "We hold the chain, crouch, and slowly get away. When we are far enough away, we cut the chain and we run. But we have to work together. Anyone tries to run or makes too much noise with the chain, we could be heard. Got it?"
All the men nodded and Finan smiled at Uhtred again. He gripped the axe and held it up. "Let's go!"
"Halig?" Uhtred glanced at him.
"Still quiet." The Saxon answered as he stood up.
"Come on." Uhtred waved and turned for the door.
"Grab the sack." Finan added as he fell in step behind Uhtred.
It was agonizingly slow going, awkward and uncomfortable as they all crouched low enough to hold the chain up and still be able to take small steps. A few kept looking back at the house as it slowly became smaller and smaller. But there was still no sign of them being found out. They moved into the trees and when they couldn't see the house anymore, Uhtred waved them up and they moved a little faster then. Then Finan spied a large rock and stopped them. Uhtred held the chain against it and Finan swung the axe. The aged and weathered chain snapped easily and Finan let out a laugh. Then he waved the next forward and continued down the line, until they were all free.
When he finished, Finan collapsed back on the ground and laughed loudly. Uhtred turned to look at him, a smile on his face. Finan continued to laugh, so hard there were tears in his eyes when Uhtred stepped closer. He held out his hand and helped the man to his feet and for a moment, Finan's hand lingered in his as the man struggled to catch his breath. Then Halig was beside them and they all embraced each other. "We did it." Finan whispered, tears still in his eyes.
Uhtred closed his eyes and touched his forehead to the Irishman. "We did." He breathed out.
"We aren't free yet." Halig reminded them, stepping away. Finan pulled away from Uhtred and nodded. And then they heard the dogs.
"We need to run." Uhtred said, backing up. "Now. We must divide up, separate. It'll be harder for them to follow us all." The other men immediately turned and ran, all moving in different directions. Halig moved closer to Uhtred, nodding his head. Uhtred glanced at Finan, fear in his eyes that the man would leave them.
Finan tilted his head and smiled. "I'm with you, Lord."
Uhtred felt the relief wash over him and he smiled. Then he turned and ran, the other two close behind him. They weaved through the trees, moving as fast as they could. But the barking dogs and men that drove them got louder, catching up. Uhtred glanced back, over his shoulder, and could just make them out. "Shit! We need to move faster!" Halig slipped and Finan was quick to grab his arm and steady him. Halig breathed out and nodded at him as they continued. They pushed themselves, gave everything they had to running, breaking from the line of trees and out onto the beach. But they didn't have a lot. The months and years of wasting away left them hollow shells of their former selves. Uhtred tripped and Finan grabbed at him. Then Halig stumbled again and Uhtred turned. "Come on, Halig! You can make it!"
Finan's eyes widened and he pointed. "Oh! Blessed Jesus, there's a bastard boat!" It was still too far away but he turned and grabbed Uhtred's hand, who in turn grabbed at Halig, and the three raced forward. They reached the boat as the line of men and dogs trailing them broke from the trees. Finan and Uhtred moved to the bow of the small ship. They threw their weapons in and started pulling on it. Halig moved to the stern and pushed.
Uhtred glanced at the men as they closed in. "Come on!" He hissed, gritting his teeth.
One of their hunters broke off and backed away. He held a bow and quickly nocked it. Then he lifted the bow and let an arrow sail through the air. It hit Halig in the leg and the Saxon fell, a scream on his lips.
Uhtred scrambled towards him, slipping on the loose sand. "Halig!" He ripped the arrow from his skin and Halig screamed again.
"Get him in the boat!" Finan hollered as he continued to pull on the small boat.
Halig shook his head and tried to push Uhtred's hands away. "Leave me, Lord! Save yourselves!"
Uhtred glared down at him as he hooked his arms under his. "No!" He clenched his jaw and let out a grunt as he attempted to pull the smaller man towards the boat. "I will not abandon you!" He tried, he really did. But he had nothing left in him. The men and dogs quickly caught up to him and Sverri stood, smiling over them and holding a sword out towards them.
Finan stopped and collapsed on the ground, heaving out as he tried in vain to catch his breath.
Uhtred dropped Halig and sunk to the ground, defeat on his face. He sighed and turned to look at Finan. "I'm sorry, Fin." He said softly. "I'm sorry."
Finan met his gaze and nodded his head. He was sorry as well.
Then they were all wrenched up from the sand and dragged back to the barn. Uhtred and Finan were thrown back into the barn and chained up again, along with all the others except for Halig. It didn't look like any of them had gotten away. But, Halig was still missing. Uhtred stood and pressed his face to the missing slats in the wall, trying to look around for his friend. But he saw no sign of him outside. And then suddenly Sverri was walking through the door. The slave trader smiled widely, exposing all his teeth and looking slightly crazed because of it. "Did you have fun?" The vile man asked as he stepped closer.
Uhtred up at him. "Halig?" Sverri smiled again as suddenly a scream cut through the air. Uhtred pushed against the wall as he tried in vain to look for the source of the scream. He recognized Halig's voice but it seemed far off. "Halig!"
Sverri leaned forward and pushed Uhtred hard, making the man fall back against Finan. "He is useless to me now and he serves a better purpose as a figurehead for my ship."
Uhtred flailed for a moment on the ground as Finan steadied him. Then Sverri's words sank in and his eyes widened. He heard Halig scream faintly again and he felt sick.
Sverry laughed again and tilted his head curiously, watching Uhtred. "You are alive only because I am curious to know who you are. And I will find out."
Uhtred still refused to look, to give the man the satisfaction. He couldn't fight the tears in his eyes and he didn't even try. Behind Uhtred, Finan kept his hands on Uhtred's shoulder. His features twisted into a glare as he watched Sverri.
Sverri continued to smile. "I am also curious if you'll fetch a good price." Halig screamed again and Sverri leaned closer, getting into Uhtred's face. He hooked his fingers under the man's chin and forced Uhtred to look at him. "Pray to the Gods that it is cold enough tonight to give him the peace of death swiftly and think of this as your penance! You did this to him! He will die because of you!"
Uhtred bit back a sob as Sverri continued to taunt him. Until that moment, Uhtred had never thought anyone could break him, he never thought he'd ever give up, but everything changed after that. All the fight and drive left him, seeping out of him with each of Halig's screams. Halig's death finally broke him, moreso than Iseult and Leofric's had. Halig had helped to pick him back up, to piece him back together after their death. And he'd been the cause of their deaths as well. And Halig had been captured and sold because of him. Uhtred tried to plead for his friend's release but Halig had proved himself more loyal to Uhtred than the newly crowned King and that made them both dangerous. Then Halig had been tortured and died because of that loyalty.
Those were the thoughts swirling in his head after Sverri left them alone. It was the first time in his life that Uhtred gave up, that he wished himself dead, that maybe if he had died in battle long ago, Halig wouldn't have died lashed to a ship. Maybe he wasn't a man to lead and be followed, not if it led to such horrific deaths.
"Do not give in." Finan wrapped his arms tightly around Uhtred after the silence made it clear that Halig wouldn't survive that night. "We mourn, we obey, we wait. We bide our time." The Irishman's voice was steady against him. "Osbert, listen to me, focus on me. Fight!" He longed to use the man's real name but he didn't want to be overheard by the slaves. He didn't trust that they wouldn't tell Sverri in exchange for their freedom.
Uhtred inhaled deeply as tears cascaded down his face. He heard Finan's voice, felt the man's hands on him, but he might as well have been a thousand miles away. Uhtred was a broken man. And no one was putting him back together. Not this time. And Uhtred couldn't help but think that he might be the death of Finan one day, too. And he couldn't bear the thought of that.
Finan held tighter to Uhtred as anger gripped him, burning stronger and hotter than he ever remembered it. He felt the loss of the small Saxon. He had called the man whiny and often teased him. But he had grown to like him, to think of him as a friend, as a brother. He blinked back tears and breathed out as he held Uhtred against him. Uhtred said nothing for the rest of the day. Finan occasionally tried to talk to him, if nothing else than to remind him that he wasn't alone. But Uhtred made no acknowledgements that he heard him. When they were brought food, Uhtred still didn't react and Finan tried to get him to eat but he just stared blankly. For the rest of that night, Finan held Uhtred in his arms, pressed the man tightly against him as he mourned for more than just the loss of a friend.
It went on like that for a few days. Finan rocked Uhtred, talked to him, tried to get him to eat or to do anything other than just sit there. But Uhtred didn't hear him. He didn't do anything. Finan was starting to get desperate, starting to fear he would lose the one shining light in his life, the one person who he felt like he was destined to meet, the person who made him want to live. Finan cried and pressed his lips to Uhtred's forehead, not caring that he could be seen by the other slaves. "Please." He whispered against the man's ear. "You have to fight. You have to live."
Uhtred breathed out and shook his head, moving for the first time in days. "Just leave me to die." He whispered, his voice barely audible over the wind howling outside.
Finan's eyes widened as he pulled away. "No." He said softly and shook his head. Then he couldn't stop as the anger that had fueled him for years came back, boiling and bubbling to the surface. "No!" He snapped louder. "You're a feeble, weak, pathetic, excuse of a warrior, you Saxon scum." Uhtred blinked up at him in surprise and Finan snarled louder and leaned closer. "Do you think that's what Halig wanted? Do you think he wanted you to give these bastards the satisfaction of your death?" Uhtred looked away and Finan grabbed him and didn't let him look away. "Halig would not want you to die with him. So you will eat and you will live." Finan held the stale bread to Uhtred's lips and the man opened his mouth.