Getting Hooked
Chapter Notes
I should also mention to keep an eye out on the timestamps! Like actual YouTube, that
first vid was WILDLY out of order. From now on, at least until the two halves start
coming together, we're mostly linear. Come to think of it, I should have mention the
'when' of the New York crew. Hmmmm…
I don't have a television at my desk, so I end up wandering YouTube when I'm bored
or need a brain break. Of course, as we all know, the channel starts to adapt to what
you watch and I quickly ended up with a handful of subjects from ancient aliens (yay
Praveen!) to a crazy Aussie who rehabs Matchbox cars. (I also have fascination with
watching wood-turners, but I digress.) Completely by chance, I found a homesteader
channel called 'Lumnah Acres' that I quickly got hooked on. Yes, it's a guy, but he's an
actual nice guy, not a Nice Guy(tm), who is devoted to his wife, daughter and animals.
About 70% of what I've learned came from binging that. More came from knowing
and helping out a bit, a friend who's family had a thoroughbred farm when I was in my
mid-late 30s, and good old-fashioned reading and research!
After the scare of turbulence, I grit my teeth until we're on the ground, all thoughts of hot strangers
and cute kittens gone from my head. Then it's off to our hotel to get some sleep and be ready to hit
the ground running in the morning.
Putting out Lex's fires is exhausting, but we get a lot of the groundwork covered before the real
hard work begins. With the day over and my nerves somewhat frayed, I somewhat brusquely turn
away offers for socialization. I'm too far from home and family to be any sort of good company.
A few calls once Jess and I have gotten in behind our driver has me cheered that one of Kara
Danvers' recommendations coordinates with a delivery service that will bring us not just dinner, but
breakfast that can be heated at the suite. Excellent, my night is looking up already! As always, Jess
knows me well and doesn't fill the welcome quiet of the drive with idle chatter.
Once in our temporary haven, she shoos me off with a smile to soak up a long, hot shower and
climb into comfy silk jammies. That and a glass of a good shiraz awaits me in the living room,
where I call my girls one after the other, to see how they are doing. That pleasantly fills the empty
time until dinner arrives to soothe the immediate bodily needs the wine can't cover. The Asian-Mex
fusion place recommended makes me moan with happiness at the flavors and a pleasantly
surprised Jess eats with more enthusiasm than is her custom.
With quiet goodnights, Jess and I head for our separate rooms to unwind and sleep as we see fit.
I'm not quite ready for sleep yet, but take care of cleaning up before climbing into the bed to
snuggle in. I know just how to kill a little time and pull up my browser on the laptop. Sure enough,
when I go to YouTube, there's a recommendation waiting there for me. I go right to the home page
for Rainbow Haven Acres and chuckle at the header full of LGBTQ+ symbols and an intro full of
good will and tolerance. A couple rows down are a collection of playlists and I immediately click
on 'The start of the journey, our Oregon Trail. February, part 1' and settle in to watch.
Whoever does their editing is talented as hell, and has a cheeky sense of humor I admire.
Interspersed with relevant scenes are scratchy-looking panels of cheesy written dialog and
descriptions of things as though we the audience were watching a very old black and white movie.
Some scenes have even been filtered to black and white for effect, spaghetti western music making
it all the funnier.
Lucy and Alex somewhat hesitantly talk the idea out with Kara over IMs, shock turning to curiosity
to hesitant enthusiasm. Then Kara shows up in Seattle -complete with tropey pose-and-wave with
a cup in front of the original Starbucks coffee- and they hash out the how they're going to pull it
off. Turns out Lucy's uncle has some land he'll sell them cheap to spite his jerk kids. It makes me
wince a little at the hurtful family drama that lurks in the tense corners of Lucy's expression.
It's a moment of empathy with a stranger I sure as hell hadn't been expecting.
The editor skims over the emotional awkwardness, overlaying their excited chatting about plans
over footage of money changing hands for furniture, appliances, various personal belongings, and a
beautiful Ducati Monster that leaves Alex looking like she's going to cry, her fist tight around the
check as the beast is driven away. A sped-up montage of their apartment sorted, packed and
cleared out leaves a blink of empty white walls and hardwood floors before we're in the backseat of
an SUV interior cramped with bodies and a jumble of belongings.
Assert The Yurt Alert! Kara stop, honestly… February 8.
11962 views
Rainbow Haven Acres
Published on February 13
"I still can't believe you bought a yurt!" Kara laughed as she leaned as far as her
seatbelt would allow to hug Alex around her seat. Still rattled from this insane thing
they were doing, Alex welcomed the throttling.
February seventh was cold and wet and dreary as they left Seattle behind. Much of
what Alex and Lucy owned was gone, deemed unnecessary to this new adventure.
Most of what was left was in a storage unit, a few valuables stashed with Sara for
safekeeping. The pack of four had spent the night breaking in their new camp cots in
the living room of Sara and Ava's place to get what sleep they could around the
lingering stress of the move and leaving city life behind.
"Oh, you love it," Alex teased back. "I even let you choose the exterior color, didn't
I?"
Dancing in her seat like a little kid, Kara made a noise of childish glee and the others
laughed.
So far, Lucy was steady behind the wheel of her Subaru as all signs of civilization fell
away to thick evergreen forest. It was as though nothing existed but the wide ribbons
of asphalt and the cars on them. Alex had never gotten used to the sheer scale of nature
in the Pacific Northwest.
"Y'know, you look at places like this and it makes perfect sense that the bigfoot
legends are alive and well," Alex mused as the thick forest whipped by. "You could
get ten feet into that mess and never find your way out."
"Speaking of getting into that mess," Lucy suddenly chimed in and stirred from her
'stoic driver' pose. "I need a break and I can practically hear Kara's stomach growling
from here."
"How did you know?"
"Kara, you have the appetite and energy of any three people and I'm absolutely
looking forward to getting a hammer in your hands and putting it to most excellent
use!"
Soon they were fortified with coffee and breakfast sandwiches and Brainy made
certain to keep his camera rolling as they headed back to the SUV and the trailer
behind it. He was never sure when the bantering of Lucy and the sisters would provide
some gold.
"Why Team Lanvers? That's stupid!" Lucy snarked at Alex, glowering up at her as
they walked side by side. Utterly unperturbed by her pal, Alex shrugged and her grin
was teasing.
"Because Dane is stupider." That earned her a sour look and Alex laughed. "Besides,
due to your small stature, Lucy, you would make a lousy great dane."
For once Kara got in the last word as she belted out across the parking lot, "you so
Dane, you probably think this song is about yoooooooooou."
My laugh is real. These women and even their quiet pal behind the camera are a riot.
There's a stop at a lovely little place with a strange structure out front that I realize with a start of
surprise is a yurt. It's actually very interesting, round with a conical roof and a clear dome capping
it off. There are real wooden doors and it seems very solid and secure, not like a tent at all. Who
knew?
While Alex strides off, the others empty out the trailer of a jumble of plastic storage bins. Soon,
Alex returns with a pair of people and a forklift of… stuff. It looks like piles of long sticks finished
to a glossy reddish brown, bundles of thick cloth and plastic and the same sort of dome I noticed on
the completed yurt. All of it goes into the trailer and they reload before getting underway again.
We're spared the details of their drive, but do get the highlights of the growing nervousness as they
reach snow and it grows thicker as they wind their way up into some truly spectacular mountains.
"Maybe we should have waited for spring." Kara says nervously at one point and the screen flicks
to that grainy black and white placard which this time reads, 'too late now!'
The next video is clearly early morning over a picturesque little town center that looks like a
wintery postcard. The light is the particular bluish tinge of snow on the ground and possibly more
on the way. Yawning and groaning, the team exits a motel no bigger than a three-car garage and
they're off again. The roads are clearly treacherous, Lucy's hands whitened fists around the
steering wheel and both Kara and Brainy making undignified noises as there's a little twerk and
wiggle of tires on ice.
When Lucy carefully slows and pulls over to where snow is brushing her headlights to say calmly,
"well crap," I sit up and take more careful notice. Thus begins their next adventure, set up with a
placard of 'oh no! An obstacle!' and a fast-forward sequence of Brainy filming through the window
as Lucy and Alex slog away through nearly knee-deep snow. They return with a small tractor
moving at comically fast-forward speeds to clear away some of the accumulation. From inside the
SUV, they watch and inch along behind it towards a red barn at the far side of a great swath of
pristine snow.
Then the video jumps ahead in time where the tractor is finishing up shoving back the snow from a
large patch of winter-dead grass. A stationary tripod films the others putting down large tarps.
Another jump shows a pile of bundled materials, some in black tarps with print stamped on them,
some heavy-looking metal tubes and struts and, incongruously, a mass of wooden stakes. Are they
expecting vampires?
Nope, at ten times speed, the metal bits become arches, the tarped bundles the skin of a khaki tent
twice the size of the dinky motel and the wooden stakes hold anchor lines into the ground. It's an
impressive structure, to be honest, and the little party of four makes quick work of it as it seems to
be in large sections that lace together. Smart!
Watching a flatbed truck drop off a pair of porta-potties is hilarious and a nail-biter. Between the
conditions and the challenging size of the things, the driver can't get out of there fast enough.
Their editor is both teasing and kind to Brainy when a pretty brunette joins them, Lucy introducing
her as Nia Nal and clearly the cameraman is clearly smitten. The placard reads, 'Awwwww!' and
goes back to the tent where they are now a party of five.
None of Team Lanvers seem real happy as they cluster their army-type cots around an oversized
camping woodstove and snuggle into thick sleeping bags. Melancholy clings to them as they trade
goodnights and the screen fades to black and the simple text of, 'Welcome to the homestead. You
made it.'
Very much feeling the melancholy they did back when the video was filmed, I shut down my
browser and decide to head for bed. My adventure and theirs can wait for another night.
They come bearing gifts. February 11
12560 views
Rainbow Haven Acres
Published on February 17
"Supplies from the city have arrived," Kara commented merrily as she filmed the
approach of a beefy pickup truck floundering about in the snow, a late-model travel
trailer behind it. "But the steel oxen are finding difficult footing in the mountainous
conditions. All smart-alecking aside, Brainy had to step away before he
hyperventilated over his baby."
Lucy was waving her arms around like a manic cartoon character, her voice bellowing
through the peaceful afternoon. "God dammit, Sara, stop driving like a drunken whore!
You break my barn, you buy it!"
With a wince, Kara mentally apologized to Winn as he was going to have to do some
creative editing to clean up after the idiots.
After cracking up, Alex yelled, "are you drunk trucking?"
"Fuck you, Team Lanvers!" Sara called back where she was leaning out the window of
the truck. "I can barely see a fucking thing and you are not helping!"
Why they needed to swear to get anything done was something Kara had never
understood, but within twenty expletive-filled minutes, the trailer was snug in the barn
and Brainy could breathe again. The big truck was still chuffing silent as Sara rocketed
from the driver's seat to tackle Alex into the snow. With a bit more decorum, Ava
greeted Lucy with a bear hug that made them look like a friendly golden retriever and
a squirmy jack russel terrier.
"I've missed you, asshole!" Sara yelled where she sat on Alex, pinning her into the
Alex-shaped hole in the snow.
"We've been gone for four days!" Alex's yell back was nearly incoherent over her
laughing.
"Yes, four days where you and Lucifer aren't disrupting our love life, eating our food
and making general pains in the ass of yourselves. I miss you, okay?"
Alex just sat up and hugged her hard.
They'd met as gawky fourteen year olds just in high school, syncing up their mean
streaks and smarts to an unbeatable duo. They'd come out together, stayed best friends
when the romance was over, gotten one another through some tough times. Only
college could separate them, and it was hard on both.
Alex had always freely admitted that she'd decided on Seattle for her doctorate work
because Sara was there. And Sara had seen how stressed and worn thin her old pal had
gotten over time, encouraging her to do this crazy thing even as she would miss her
once again.
Rather than take a chance in overloading the limited electrical power, Brainy agreed to
wait to bring up all the electronics in the trailer, but a couple small heaters would keep
them from getting too cold.
Initial greetings done with, Kara was pulled into a group hug and Brainy received
warm handshakes and smiles. Sara and Ava were enthusiastic about meeting a shy Nia
as well.
"Presents!" Sara yelled as she released Kara, and clapped her hands demandingly. The
'really?' look Ava flashed her earned a smooch and the pair went to the rear door of the
crew cab to start pulling out large boxes.
"I know you've done your best to prepare for winter temps," Ava explained as she
handed boxes off to the others, "but you're going to need better gear than cross-country
skier or Army surplus."
"Watch it, amazon," Lucy the veteran growled and Sara just grabbed her in an
affectionate headlock while she explained further.
"So, it turns out one of my regular clients has a very useful connection. I remembered
him mentioning it on one of our hell trips."
"The one where you rough it in the mountains for a week?" Alex queried with a
shudder.
"Hell yes, you wuss. After doing this for a bit, you'd sail through my torture, you'll
see."
"Yeah, no."
"Anyway, he hooked you up. Grab a box and show us where it's marginally warm, you
loons."
"This year Valentine's Day is Christmas!" Ava enthused, her smile a mile wide.
Inside the huge tent, Ava tore open each box to check it and each of the original four
members of Team Lanvers were given one.
It was clothing. But not just any clothing, but the famous heavy duty canvas Carhartt
clothing warmly lined and in all sorts of configurations. Coats and overalls and thick,
heavy socks and beanies in a rainbow of colors. At the bottom were caps with earflaps
and good, well made gloves crowded in with lightweight scarves and thin under-layers
in bright colors that gave away being a different brand before even being touched.
"I know I sent you off with some proper layers for you idiots," Sara explained, "but
my business is survival training and outbacking. You'll need more."
"And sturdier," Ava chimed in.
"Exactly. So, Carhartt is well outside my wheelhouse, but since you've gone all
pioneer on us, it seems like the right tool for the job."
Most of Alex's and all of Brainy's were men's gear in browns and a bit of blue, though
they each had a mid-weight coat in an admittedly not horrible pink. Lucy's was a pretty
even mix and Kara's box was several shades of pink and even some purple that
delighted her.
"And extras," Ava enthused and opened the last box. "Had to rescue your feet too."
Alongside heavy, insulated, steel-toed work boots, were lace-less, snug, knee-high
ones that would keep out all the wet and came in a variety of colors.
"They're muck boots meant for working in muddy barns and shit like that."
Alex looked up from her darkly leather work boots and comically purple muck boots,
delighted and a little baffled. "God you idiots, this must have cost a damn fortune."
"Better than worrying about you," Sara shot back casually. "Even without seeing any
of your impending videos, we've been frantic. Besides, like I said, connections to
Carhartt and got an obscene deal on them. So give 'em a shout-out, eh?"
Eagar for their new, warm layers, Team Lanvers scattered to their curtained alcoves
that were the temporary bedrooms to strip and change. There was plenty to get Nia
warmly dressed as well, though Sara squinted at her ratty old winter boots.
"You're next," the gregarious blonde promised and shooed everyone back out into the
snow. "Now, there's a few more things to take care of before we can properly
socialize!"
"Y'know, when you said you were going to help us out in bringing Brainy's trailer and
some supplies, I expected some ugly rental truck," Alex mused as they walked back to
the beefy worktruck still tied into the trailer. It had a prominent 'Silverado 3500'
emblazoned near the driver's door, promising lots of power, and the rear axle had two
tires on each side. Rather than a standard bed like a pickup truck, it had a massive
steel box that sat low over the tires and there were two small doors on each side for
storage. It was piled high with a lumpy payload protected by plastic tarps and strapped
down tight.
"You like it?" Sara asked casually as she grabbed something else out of the back seat.
"Sure. What's not to like?"
"Good, because in a couple days you can drive me and Ava to Salem where we'll get it
registered in your name. Happy housewarming gift."
Even as Team Lanvers gawked, Sara held out a large envelope thick with papers and a
set of keys.
"Trying to find a rental that could get us and that trailer up here in winter was such a
pain that we got to thinking," Ava explained gently as she wrapped an arm around
Sara's shoulders. "We worry about you, all of you, and hope this will keep you warm,
safe and in business."
"It's a couple years old," Sara added in, her smile soft. "And it has fairly high mileage,
but we found a good mechanic to go over it with a fine-tooth comb and it checks out.
So, as a bonus, you don't have to worry about getting it filthy."
For a long moment, Alex couldn't move, too shocked to respond to the magnitude of
the gift. It was a big truck, outfitted out for professional work, something a contractor
would own for their livelihood. She couldn't even guess what it must have cost.
"Take the keys, Alex," Sara encouraged softly, her smile pure affection. "You can
freak out later, 'kay?"
"In the meantime! Work!" Ava demanded and immediately took over the whole gang
of them.
It was time for the wiring project.
Inexplicably, serious-corporate-lawyer Ava had extensive experience in running
wiring, explaining, "college job." She had already mapped out a detailed grid plan for
the team to follow. First though, was the messy job of ripping out every scrap of wire
from the old barn, right back to the main box. Luckily, whoever built the barn had
included an arm-sized cutoff switch that Ava yanked down before squinting and
humming over the empty new box an electrician had already installed. Whatever she
saw there seemed to be enough as she turned and viciously attacked the rusty old one.
"I keep forgetting your girl is ripped under the corporate drag," Alex admired as Ava
tore the emptied metal shell from the barn's studs. Sara just smirked appreciatively.
Armed with claw hammers, pliers and screwdrivers, the seven of them followed Ava's
example and soon the messy pile of old wire was ready to be bagged for recycling. The
new and colorful spools of wire and electrical conduit and jumbled junction boxes
would wait for the next day.
While the others bickered over dinner, Kara and Brainy occupied themselves with
getting a few homey touches set up in the tent. Half the load on the back of the truck
had been that, the rest being a welcome half cord of firewood. Most importantly was
the big TV from Alex and Lucy's condo. The crate the tent had come in was a nice
height and rigging up some shelves for the entertainment electronics was easy enough
and soon they could ignore their foul-mouthed elders with loud video games.
I feel like I need to comment, to encourage this delightful bunch of rowdy friends.
I'm no stranger to internet flirting. After all some of mine and Sam's best dates have come from the
knack! Still, I can't think of anything more clever than my LL initials and roll my eyes at myself.
"Honestly, what are you, a magazine?" I self-mock and then pause thoughtfully. "Or maybe a
favorite movie."
'LL Woods' is better, but feels boring compared to the Oregon group's fun-loving nature. Then it
hits me and a startled laugh bursts from deep in my gut. Backspacing to my initials, I add in the
sudden inspiration and grin in satisfaction.
'LL Not-your-neck-of-the-Woods'.
Now that's a moniker worthy of Team Lanvers! Now, what to say? Hmmmm…
'I admit that I never understood the appeal of this sort of working class aesthetic'
No, that sounds condescending. Delete.
'I always saw the Carhartt brand as something not necessarily appealing, and certainly never sexy,
but on Alex my position has changed significantly.'
Better. Certainly in comparison to the hungry need to start skipping around the videos to find the
hot farmer in something like a skimpy tank top. She seems the type. I hope I'm right.
'I never noticed how classic Carhartt brings out those beautiful brown eyes'
Down girl.
A bit embarrassed at my own drooling, I delete again and stare at the blinking cursor in the empty
comment box.
'I always saw the Carhartt brand as boring work wear, and certainly not sexy, but I have to admit
that on Alex it's…'
Now I'm effectively repeating myself. Okay, one more try.
'My stance on Carhartt being boring work wear has certainly changed. Alex, you in particular wear
it well."
Apparently I'm incapable of leaving a message that isn't a bit thirsty, but at least this sounds more
like a playful pickup line in a bar. I can live with that.