October 1976
Hogsmeade Weekend
The cobblestone streets of Hogsmeade were filled with eager students bustling around, the 3rd years eyeing each store with curiosity as those older bee-lined for their favorite shops.
Emmaline Vance had decided that morning that despite James Potter cancelling their plans merely days prior that she was going to get up and get dressed in her best jumper and still go into town. Most of her friends had dates of their own but she was able to tag along last minute with a group of Hufflepuff girls that she was friendly with from Transfiguration.
They'd been loading up their bags with goods from Honeyduke's when Emmaline excused herself for a moment to step out for some fresh air. It had gotten rather stuffy in the small shop and she felt a wave of claustrophobia crash over her.
She stepped outside, taking in a some fresh air. Despite it being a fairly good day so far, she couldn't help but feel sad deep down at the thought of not being there with James. Mentally, she kicked herself. She knew she'd been over her head. Mary Macdonald had told her as much when she first confided in her over the summer about their new found fling.
"Hasn't he been chasing after Lily Evans for two years now?"
Her voice echoed in her mind. She knew she was being a little daft and more than a little naive, but she had brushed it off. Despite James telling her over and over again that he only wanted to keep things casual and they could end it at any time if she felt like feelings were getting in the way, she always said she was fine.
A part of her had always just hoped that the more time he spent with her the more he would forget about Lily Evans.
Emmaline wasn't one to chase after blokes. She was a catch, she knew that with certainty. Since fourth year she'd consistently been asked out by varying blokes in varying houses, always older than her. She knew she was pretty with her delicate features, hazel eyes, and thick blonde hair. She could easily have found someone who wanted her for more than just a snog.
But that's not what she wanted. She wanted James Potter, the boy she could not have.
Emmaline found herself absentmindedly walking around, her feet bringing her to The Three Broomstick. Call it fate, call it intuition, call it whatever you want but a part of her knew she just had to walk inside.
Emmaline blinked.
Once, twice, a third time. Her vision remained the same.
Like promised, he was sitting there with Remus and Peter, mugs of butterbeer in front of them with a plate of fish and chips. Peter was talking animatedly at someone who wasn't sitting besides Remus that Emmaline couldn't quite make out because there was a bloke standing in her way.
Just as she was about to look away, embarrassed at the thought of being caught her alone by him (much less him catching her gawking at him), the bloke moved and in the corner of her eye she saw something flash red.
Her stomach dropped.
Sitting at the end of table beside Remus was none other than Lily Evans, her face pink from laughter.
Emmaline felt the heat creep up her neck as she tried to reason why she was there. Hadn't she asked James? Hadn't he cancelled plans with her on account of spending quality time with Remus and Peter? What was Lily Evans of all people doing with them?
In that moment James looked up and caught her eye. The laughter died from his lips and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He cleared his throat and abruptly announced something to the table before getting up heading her way.
He looked sheepish, his hands buried in his pockets as he walked up to her, like a little kid in trouble.
"Hey Em," he said, his tone a little too cheerful.
Emmaline couldn't help herself. "You said you were going with Remus and Peter."
"Which I am."
"Then what is she doing with you?"
"Em," James sighed. He took his right hand out of his cloak pocket and rubbed his left arm with it. "It's not like that. We ran into her in the common room and she was by herself so we invited her along. It's not like I'm here with just her."
At least not for now, James thought to himself.
Emmaline shook her had. "Convenient, really. I ask you if you cancelled our plans on her account and you say no yet somehow you wind up with her anyway."
James clenched his jaw. "Why does it matter? Like I've told you, you and I are not together. I am free to go to Hogsmeade without whoever I please."
"You're an arse," Emmaline snapped. "Don't you dare try to cozy up to me again, especially after she breaks your heart."
And with that, Emmaline stormed out of the Three Broomsticks, her head filled with pressure from the tears she tried to keep in.
James knew he was being an arse. She was right on that account. He did feel guilty that Emmaline saw him with Lily but he refused to be made out to be this monster in her head. Time after time he'd told him that he wasn't interested in progressing their relationship and time after time she swore to him up and down that it didn't bother her.
But when push came to shove, it did bother her.
A part of James wondered if it made more sense to be with someone like Emmaline, someone who actually cared for him and wanted to be with him, as opposed to chasing after this dream he's always had of being with Lily. Maybe she was right, maybe he was in it for the chase. Maybe he'd grow bored the second that he snogged her too.
James shook the thoughts of his head.
No, it wasn't like that, not with her.
Lily found herself rather enjoying her time with the Marauders, sans Sirius Black. He and Marlene had popped over to their table when they first arrived at the Three Broomsticks, drinking a pint of butterbeer before dismissing themselves to do Merlin knows what in the trees near the Shrieking Shake.
A couple of hormonal rabbits the two of them, Lily had thought to herself but couldn't help but feel envious of the type of passion that made two people unable to keep their hands off one another. The last boy she kissed was Stebbins last spring term when he'd asked her to Hogsmeade but not only was he nervously looking around the room the whole time they were together but the kiss lasted all of 5 seconds and was snuck in rather abruptly in a packed corner of Honeyduke's.
Bizarre.
But regardless of the lack of zest in her life right now, Lily found herself quite enjoying the afternoon spent with James, Remus, and Peter.
At one point during the day, James had gotten up and from the corner of Lily's eye she could see him speaking to Emmaline at the counter. A couple of times Emmaline's glance had made its way to Lily, an unrecognizable emotion scattered across them each time. They didn't speak for long and Emmaline left abruptly but when James came back to the table it was as though nothing had happened.
"Oh, Remus!" Peter exclaimed. "I almost forgot - you promised to accompany me to Gladrags to help me find a new pair of trousers since someone," Peter shot a look at James. "Set my good pair on fire a few days ago."
James smirked.
"Right," Remus responded, nodding his head. "I s'pose we should head that way then."
"We'll come with," Lily suggested, making her way to get up. Remus's hand clamped down on hers, pulling her back down, and when he caught the confused look in her eyes he softened his grip.
"No, no, that's really not necessary," Remus responded. "It'll be less than 15 minutes and we'll be back. You two should stay here and keep our table, I saw a group of Hufflepuffs eyeing it just a few moments ago."
Lily nodded, looking around the busy pub.
"Well that settles it," James said, placing his pint of butter beer down. "You two go buy Peter here some new trousers while Lily and I hold down the fort."
Unbeknownst to Lily, this was exactly how James had envisioned the day going, right down to Peter's trousers mysteriously catching on fire earlier in the week.
He poured another round of drinks for the two of them from the pitcher sitting in the middle of the table. Without being obvious, he scooted his bum a little closer down the bench to where Lily was sitting.
"Cheers," he said, holding his glass up to clunk Lily's.
Severus Snape watched them from the window.
It was just the two of them at the table, pitchers of emptied butterbeer in front of them. She was laughing at something he said as his hand flew to his idiotically messy hair.
Severus clenched his fists.
It had taken no less than a few short months for Lily to jump ship from her friendship with him to suddenly throwing herself like a pathetic school girl towards James Potter. Had she forgotten the days that she would angrily confide in Severus about how arrogant, how conceited, how incorrigible James Potter was and how she'd rather be kicked out of Hogwarts itself than go on a date with him?
Was it all a lie? Had she spent the last five years lying to him about the way she felt about James Potter? Making a fool out of him?
It's like she'd forgotten that it was his fault that they were no longer friends. Had he not embarrassed him in front of half the school last spring and hurled insults at him left and right, he would've never snapped and taken it out on Lily.
All summer she'd dodged him. The owls, the knocks on the door, the rocks at the window. She rarely left the house, if at all, as if she were scared of running into him. Like he was some sort of disease that she was horrified of being plagued of.
Years of friendship down the drain, and for what? For him? For that insufferable arse?
The anger boiled inside Severus. He clutched down on his wand. The image of James Potter, slashes drawn across his body, drenched in a pool of his own blood, flew across his vision.
Breathe, Severus, he told himself, willing the thumping of his heart to stop.
This wasn't the time. This wasn't it.
He turned around swiftly, not before catching one last glance at them. She tucked her hair behind her left ear then reached over and grabbed a chip from James's plate, popping it in her mouth. So effortless. As if she spent every day eating lunch with him.
The time would come.
And James Potter would pay.
Alice sat nervously in Madame Puddifoot's, swirling more sugar into her teacup because she could not keep her hands from trembling and she absolutely needed to be doing something with them before her whole body convulsed.
She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. It was not as though Frank Longbottom hadn't already heard her proclaim her love for him but something about the fire whiskey had loosened her tongue far better than the cup of tea in front of her that was quite frankly more sugar than tea at this point.
"Lovely weather today," Alice stammered.
Frank looked out the window. "Yeah, I'spose so. Al, are you feeling alright?"
Alice tried to smile but it faltered. "So it's that obvious that I'm sweating through my jumper?"
Frank laughed. "Well I'd say the way you keep obsessively stirring that cup of sugar water in front of you gave you away more than your sweating."
Alice sighed, dropping her hands in her lap as she started to bite the corner of her lip. "Oh, Frank, I'm such a mess! I wanted to have this beautiful and special date in Hogsmeade today and tell you how I feel and I didn't think it'd be this hard but Blimey it's hot in here huh? And I don't know what to do with my hands, I feel like they're about to shake off my body, and I just feel so stupid because I was so blasted that night and I already ruined the moment by-"
"I love you too," Frank cut her off, smiling. He reached over and grabbed her right hand that had been nervously tapping on the table, squeezing it tight. Although it was fairly clammy, he kept his grip firm to help her relax.
Alice's face flooded with relief. "I love you Frank Longbottom. I'm sorry I'm a mess."
"You're my mess," he responded back.
Alice beamed at Frank, relief flooding over her. It's not that she hadn't expected him to say it back to her. She just felt downright nervous to say it for the first time and relief flushed over her knowing that the hardest step had been taken.
"Wow, I love you," she repeated, a wide smile on her face. "I love Frank Longbottom and Frank Longbottom loves me."
Frank winked at her.
Now that the anxiety was dispelling itself from her body she was able to notice that Emmaline Vance was sitting a couple tables away from her, wiping tears from the corner of her eye. Alice's ears immediately peaked in interest, straining to hear the conversation.
"Oh Em," Mary Macdonald comforted her, rubbing her back as her date looked annoyed sitting across from her. "I knew he would do this. I knew he wasn't over Evans."
Alice's eyes narrowed.
"So do you want to-"
"Shh! Not now Frank!"
She scooted her chair forward as if the extra inch would help her hearing.
"She doesn't even like him!" Emmaline said between hiccups. "She told me herself after that party!"
"Maybe she's changed her mind," Mary offered.
Emmaline glanced up at her with a dark look on her face. "He told me he was over her."
"Okay, I think we should go now," Mary said, catching Alice's eye. "We can talk more about this on the walk back to the castle. Amos, I'm sorry, but I have to go."
Alice quickly busied herself again with her teacup, face flushed at the thought of getting caught eavesdropping.
But for Merlin's sake, who would come into Madame Puddifoot's and cause a scene like that and not expect to get eavesdropped on?
And what the bloody hell was going on between James Potter and Lily Evans?
Sirius had Marlene pressed against a tree, his breath hot in her ear as he nibbled on her earlobe.
The heat radiated from her thighs all the way up to her chest and she couldn't get enough of him. Not then, not ever. She ran her fingers through his hair, clamping down on a chunk of it. She pulled back, forcing his mouth onto hers.
"Sirius," she moaned into his mouth.
She could feel his mouth twist into a grin as his hands found their way from her waist to her bum, lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist.
"Let's go into the Shrieking Shack," Sirius whispered in her ear between the kisses he left trailing on her neck.
Marlene moved her face back, giving him a bewildered stare. "That place is haunted!"
Sirius chuckled, kissing her up the left side of her jaw before landing a kiss on her lips. "It's not, love, I can assure you it's not."
Marlene untangled her limbs from Sirius and pushed him away, straightening her blouse and skirt. She ran a hand through her hair and pulled out a twig.
"That's ridiculous Sirius," she said. "We are not shagging in the Shrieking Shack."
Sirius pouted his lips at her. "Why not? It's probably loads cozier than that garden shack."
"How would you know?" Marlene threw at him, pressing herself away from the tree.
"Because," Sirius said, placing his hands on her hips and pushing her body back against the tree. "I've been in there."
Marlene narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh so that's where you take all your dates to shag?"
Sirius laughed. "You're barking mad. You've been my only date in ages. What, you fancy I was shagging girls in third year?"
Marlene shrugged but felt a sense of satisfaction to know that this wasn't just some place he took every girl. With that thought, she paused.
"Can I ask you ask you something?" Marlene said as Sirius continued to leave wet traces along her neck and collarbone. "Was I your first?"
Sirius stiffened for a moment then cleared his throat before looking at her. His eyes were wide, like a puppy, and every time she looked into them she felt her legs melt.
"Yeah," he said. "You were. Was I yours?"
Marlene bit her lip as she nodded, a smile growing on her lips. "Yeah, you were."
"Well on that note," Sirius said, pushing himself off her as he grabbed her hand and led her away from the tree and closer to the town. "Let's go celebrate in the Shack."
Marlene was about to follow suit but then paused, causing Sirius to turn around.
"Well, why don't we go to Madame Puddifoot's? Or perhaps meet up with everyone at The Three Broomstick?" She paused for a moment, her nerves getting the best of her. "Maybe just talk, for once? Blimey, I don't even think I know what your favorite color is anymore."
"Black," he said immediately. "Are we done talking now?"
Marlene sighed, letting go of his hand. "You always do this, Sirius. You never want to just talk or get to know me… you haven't even told me what happened over the summer."
Sirius shrugged. "My mum and dad kicked me out. I spent the summer at the Potter's. That's it Mar, nothing more to it."
"But there is more to it," Marlene insisted.
The air around them grew thick. They were standing on the outskirts of the town, close enough to hear the hustle and bustle of the students paving their way through the shops but far enough to have a sense of privacy. This was a tree they used to sneak off to, back when they were just friends and Sirius shared his heart with her. Ever since things turned physical between them last year, their relationship had changed.
Sirius was guarded, kept her at a distance emotionally. He was always playful, touching her, showing her affection, but all of that while keeping her at an arm's length. Any time she tried to talk to him, really talk to him, he shut her down.
The leaves crunched under her boots as she walked closer to him, stopping a mere two inches away from his face. She pressed her hand to his face and willed him to look her in the eyes. Even his eyes were guarded.
"You don't talk to me anymore, Sirius." She whispered.
He looked down before he moved his face away from her hand, taking a step back. "I don't have much to say these days."
"Bullshit."
Sirius shrugged. "I don't know what you want from me, Mar. I'm here, aren't I?"
"Not really," Marlene responded. "Physically, yes, you're here. Emotionally… you checked out a long time ago."
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. In that moment, he decided it was much easier to look down at his shoes, kicking around a pebble, than to look Marlene in the eyes. He knew there was truth in what she was saying. He just didn't know how to respond.
When they'd crossed that line between friendship and something more, something had shifted inside of Sirius. He still cared for her, he always would. But he couldn't let himself care for her like that. She deserved better than him and he knew if he admitted this to her, she would fight him on it.
Sirius was a mess. What Marlene didn't understand was that Sirius was dark, really dark. With the family he grew up with and the ideologies he was surrounded by, it was no short of a miracle that he was able to escape once he reached Hogwarts. There were nights he'd lay in bed wondering at the hands of which of his relatives he'd likely die for being a blood traitor, wondering what it felt like to belong to a home that didn't hate his existence.
James was the only person he confided it when it came to these sorts of things. He wasn't sure why as he and James were the polar opposite. He came from a noble family, one that adored and loved their son. But something about being close to James made him feel more firmly cemented in being as far away from the darkness as he could.
But half the time he couldn't sort through his own thoughts. If he let them, they would take over and all that would be left in him was anger. Pure, unfiltered anger at the hands of the gods that dealt him these cards in life.
And Marlene? He cared for her too much to bring her into the mess that was his life.
"Mar, we talked about this over the summer," he finally said. "I just can't. I'm just not that type of bloke. This is it. What you see is what you get with me. And if that's not enough… well, I guess that's that."
Marlene pressed her lips together, willing herself to keep her emotions together.
"I don't want to be just some quick shag in a shack to you, Sirius."
"You're not," Sirius responded swiftly.
"But it doesn't feel like that," she said. "And it doesn't sound like anything's ever going to change."
They stood there in the silence of it all, taking in the moment. They both knew that this thing between them was far from over, not even close. But it was in that moment in October, surrounded by leaves of every color as students in the distance laughed and chattered, that they both knew that whatever this was that they were tangled up in was only going to hurt.
Lily picked off the last chip on the plate before glancing up at the clock that hung above the bar.
"It's been close to an hour now," Lily pointed out. "I reckoned they'd be back by now."
James absently glanced up at the clock. "Not enjoying your time with me?"
Lily rolled her eyes at him. "No it's not that, I'm just curious what happened to them."
James stayed quiet, throwing back a gulp of butterbeer. Too quiet. Lily's eyes narrowed.
"You sent them off, didn't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," James responded, not meeting her eye.
"You prat, you did!" She said, hitting him on the arm. "I knew this act of yours was too good to be true!"
James shooed her arms away. "Quit hitting me you mad woman! Besides, even if I did send them off, why does it matter? We've been having an alright time, haven't we?"
Lily's eyes narrowed at him as she started to get up from the table. "You tricked me into a date! After you pretended to be so thoughtful and kind to invite me to go as a group so I could get out of a date!"
"I think you're overreacting."
"And I think you're not being honest with me."
Lily sat back against her seat, arms crossed over her chest. James gave her a slight shrug but made no attempts to further the conversation with her. Around them, the tables were starting to clear as students made way back to the castles.
"You have to stop doing this. The answer is no. I'm not going to spend another year trapped in whatever this game is you have going between us," Lily finally said.
"Game?" James snorted, making way to get up. "Sure. Right. Cheers, Evans. I'll see you around."
James left without turning around, leaving Lily alone at the table.
He wasn't sure why he reacted so abruptly. Maybe his patience had been worn thin by his interaction with Emmaline. Maybe a part of him had hoped that Lily's feelings had changed for him, or at the very least she wasn't absolutely disgusting by the prospect of being alone with him somewhere. Whatever it was, in that moment he had next to no desire to sit there and hear her hurl anything more at him that could hurt him.
Lily sat at the table for a few minutes before finally getting up. She didn't know how she felt but she knew that the way he had reacted to her was just downright odd. Normally they would go back and forth a few times, him cracking a few jokes while she tried to keep her tongue in check before they came to some sort of agreement to disagree.
But he seemed hurt, genuinely hurt, and Lily could help herself from anxiously biting the inside of her cheeks wondering at what point she became the bad guy in the messy ordeal that was her and James Potter.
"The SHRIEKING SHACK?" Alice bellowed. "Have you no shame, no decency, Mar?"
Lily, Marlene, and Alice were sitting on Alice's after returning from Hogsmeade. A pile of different types of sweets from Honeyduke's sit in front of them, Lily absently chewing on a a couple of jelly beans before spitting one out that tasted of boogies. Gross.
After the little tiff they'd had, Sirius had bleakly apologized to Marlene, pulling her into a hug. He promised, like he always did, that he'd try harder. And she, like she always did, fell into his words and his lips and next thing she knew she found herself in the Shrieking Shack with him.
But she wasn't about to tell the girls the details of what led up to their rendezvous in the shack. She knew Lily and Alice both had their reservations about Sirius. Most likely because of the countless times they'd found her crying over him, but that was besides the point. Her head was already swimming with the thoughts of the inevitable heartbreak that would one day be Sirius Black and she wasn't quite ready to get an earful from her mates about it.
"Oh relax, Alice. Maybe a little rumping around the shack will do you some good, help get that stick out your arse," Marlene responded.
Lily snorted then immediately caught herself as Alice sent her a dirty look.
"Honestly Mar," Lily said. "I'd do the same."
"You dirty dirty bird Lily Evans," Marlene said with a smile, giving her a high five. "I knew we were two birds of a feather."
Alice rolled her eyes. "You want your first time to be in a shack too, Lil?"
Lily shrugged. "Sounds like a good a place if any."
Marlene raised her eyebrows at Alice, leaning closer to her as she said in a low voice, "I bet you Lily's been thinking about Potter's garden shack." She looked over at Lily. "Word on the street is that you two were looking awful cozy in the Three Broomsticks together."
This time it was Lily who rolled her eyes. She couldn't shake of the stinging feeling in her chest as she remembered the end of the day with James.
"Yeah and I was also there with Remus and Peter too or did everyone who's busy whispering around forget about that little detail."
"I don't know, Lil," Alice said, her eyebrows knitted together. "Frank and I overheard Emmaline at Madame Puddifoots. Seems like she saw the two of you at The Three Broomsticks and was feeling pissy about it."
Lily felt a twinge of guilt, recalling the conversation she had with Emmaline last month.
"It's not my fault," Lily responded. "I asked James why he wasn't going with Emmaline and he brushed it off. Besides, it's not like we were there on a date! I went with a group of friends, two of which happened to leave halfway through and just… didn't come back… I guess."
Lily trailed off, feeling sheepish.
"Oh so they just didn't come back? Interesting," Marlene mused.
"Almost like it might have been planned?" Alice offered.
Lily swatted at them. "Relax you two. Yeah, maybe James is a bit of prat still and maybe he said something to Remus and Peter… but it's not like that. James and I are not like that. I made that clear to him. Besides, it's not like he tried to hold my hand or snog me."
"Would you have stopped him if he did?" Marlene asked.
"Of course," Lily said, but the moment of hesitation that led up to it did not go unnoticed.
"Right," Alice said.
"Mhm," Marlene agreed.
"Oh sod off you two!"
James ran his hands under the cool water from the faucet. It had been days since Hogsmeade and while he thought things had been progressing well with Lily, he'd ultimately been rejected by her once more. He knew she wouldn't have been thrilled about knowing he tricked her into a pseudo-date, but her words stung harshly and he felt a little guilty himself for leaving her behind.
Lost in his thoughts, James didn't notice when someone walked into the bathroom.
"So this was your plan all along," a nasty voice drawled behind James, making the hair on his neck stand up. "Drive a wedge between me and Lily so you can cozy up to her."
James turned around and there was Severus standing in front of the entrance to the bathroom, hand poised carefully on his wand inside his right pocket. James stiffened, a dark pit growing in his stomach.
"I don't know what you're on about, Snivellus," James responded coolly.
Snape's eyes narrowed. "Don't pretend to be thick, Potter. I saw you and Lily cozying up to each other in Hogsmeade. Disgusting. I don't know what you've said to her to make her forget how much of an arrogant bastard you are but I assure you I haven't forgotten. It's your fault my relationship with Lily has been severed-"
"Don't you dare," James cut him off. "I wasn't the one that made you call her that heinous word in front of half the our class. You hurt her, Snape, take accountability for that you miserable git."
Snape stood still, quiet, which made the knot in James's stomach turn even harder. He could tell his hand was still gripping his wand and if James made a move to put his hand on his own wand, he knew would certainty Snape would hex him before he could even reach his wand.
"You know she'd talk about you all the time to me," he sneered. "About how arrogant you are, how much of a spineless bully you are, about how stupid you look every time your ego took over and you asked her out. We'd laugh about it, Potter, we'd laugh at you."
James clenched his jaw. "Enough, Snape. Move away from the door, I'm leaving."
Snape took a step closer to James, his eyes dark. "Make me, Potter."
"I have no interest in engaging with you," James responded swiftly.
Snape smirked. "Oh, I see what this is. Now that she's giving you the time of day you're hoping to change her mind and make her see how charming you are, aren't you Potter? Hoping that if you don't pick a fight with me you can eventually win her over?"
"Snape, I'm warning you," James started.
"Of what?" Snape taunted, his hand slowly bringing his wand to James's chest.
"Move aside," James repeated, his voice hard.
Snape stood for a moment, hatred etched in his eyes as he looked over the details of James's face. The stupid glasses, his messed up hair, the air of arrogance drenched across his face. He wanted to hurt him. In that moment, he knew the dark hunger in his chest would not quench until he had hurt him. It was too late for him and Lily, he knew that with certainty. What kept him at bay before no longer mattered anymore. All that was left was hate, pure dark hate.
"Sectumsempra!"
James made a move to grab his wand but before he could his whole body jerked and he collapsed on the floor. Gasping for air, angry dark red lines gashed across his chest.
Snape looked over James's body. He was still wrangling around on the floor but the pool of blood grew darker and larger beneath him. New lacerations were forming on his face, his arms, and his chest.
He hesitated for a moment then turned around left.