Chapter 4. A Memento

The heat from the sun was achingly burning.

Bullets blasted from a Smith and Wesson gun in his left hand. Bang! Bang! Bang! Dead bodies fell one after another. He was short of breath and he could feel the sweat dampen his heavy robes. Just as he reloaded the gun, something screeched from behind. He knew from the sound that the pursuer was too close to be avoided completely so he turned to brace the attack, but suddenly a kick from the side got his pursuer flying quite far. It's him, the boy with the yellow cape. "Hmph, serve ya right!" he knew the boy was sticking his tongue out. He never saw the face of this boy, or even figured out the hair color, but the incomplete imagination of the tongue and smile always found their way to warm his heart.

His body was starting to relax and the boy was slowly turning to him when suddenly a lot of blood gushed out of the boy. He could not decide who or what had struck him, but now the boy was bleeding heavily. Their surroundings became darker and darker.

The boy was lying down on his lap, the yellow cape torned and turned almost completely red. His own white robes turned crimson and he found his hands full of blood, yet he did not feel any pain, so the blood must have been the boy's. His heart was beating frantically and his tremored hands tried to shake the boy up. Panic and anger bottled up inside him, but there was another thing he did not want to admit. Fear. He jerked his head up and cried out the nameless boy.

Gen jolted up violently, sweating and panting heavily. The dream had haunted him again.

After some time, Gen slowly laid himself back and put a hand on his forehead. He shut his eyes and tried to breathe deeper. Several dreams had haunted him since he was little. The particular dream he just had was the most intense, and lately it had been haunting him more frequently. Some other times, he would dream glimpses of a very long journey with three other people—one was definitely the boy with the yellow cape. There were also dreams which showed himself living in the Buddhist monastery. The most annoying dream was about him travelling down a very high mountain with the boy following after him, shouting his name again and again. He knew it was the boy with the yellow cape, only younger.

Despite the recognition, he could not really picture the boy's face, or the others' as a matter of fact. He could not even recognize his own face, nor his own hair color. He could not remember the names either, even though they were always shouting each other's names.

Gen sighed and opened his eyes. Once he became fully conscious, he realized that he was not in his own apartment even though the layout was the same. He looked around and found a digital clock nearby.

16:23.

Shit, Gen remembered that he had fallen asleep in Goku's room, right after the spilling incident. It was before 11 in the morning, so he had slept for over 5 hours. It was quite surprising because he had never slept that long when he was not in his own room. Was it because the apartment had the same layout or was it because Goku was a very welcoming person that he felt homey already, he wondered.

A mumble came up from his side. Gen turned his body and found Goku on the rug, also sleeping. He had moved the coffee table further to create quite a wide space for himself to settle. Goku's sleeping face was incredibly cute and was he really drooling? Such a kid, Gen smirked. He thought he could use this chance to look closely at the person he met only yesterday. Gen was observant and he always carefully assessed people before connecting deeper. He only considered a handful as his friends, and only three other men he considered his closest.

Two of them were brothers with opposite personalities, a red haired and a white haired. The red haired was a traveling vlogger and his older brother was once a racer. After an incident, the older brother joined the younger one as both a cameraman and a driver. They travelled with a brunette whom Gen assumed to be the red haired's friend with benefits—and he would not be surprised if they turned out to be an actual couple. The brunette was a sociocultural researcher and a poet, publishing books of poems about places and cultures they encountered. Gen became close with them from travelling together for a short period of time, and until now, they still exchanged emails and calls, and books and music. Gen rather enjoyed his close friends' journey from the poems, rather than the aggravating vlogs on YouTube. His first encounter with these guys was in Japan years ago. And it was a bizarre one, Gen recalled.

He was drinking in a bar after finishing a collaboration concert which took him four months of practice on the spot. He still got a month or two before starting a new term—and also his last—of his music composing study in Vienna. And in the bar he met the three travellers who just landed in Japan the week before. Out of nowhere, the red haired teased him to travel with the company across Japan, saying he should not waste his youth and his time in the lovely country. To his own surprise, Gen actually said yes to the absurd invitation. He decided afterwards that it was probably because of the sake. And so he hopped in the group, traveled across Japan for a damn full month. The teases from the red haired were awfully annoying, the unreadable brunette and the awfully quiet white haired also got into his nerves sometimes, but during the journey, Gen strangely found himself very comfortable with the companion.

Almost as comfortable as with the charming brunette currently sleeping on the rug at his side.

His eyes caught the golden diadem in Goku's hair. He was quite surprised that he just realized the unusual ornament now since it was something that really stood out. In a strange way, he felt too familiar with the golden diadem, and he just knew that it was supposed to be there. Gen slid himself down and reached out for the golden diadem, and he told himself he must be imagining things when he saw the diadem glow under his hand. His hand then unconsciously moved to ruffle Goku's hair, where Goku adjusted himself and offered his head all too compliantly to his touch. Gen was startled by the reaction and abruptly pulled his hand.

What was I doing? Gen shook his head and decided to repress the baffling situation. He decided to just continue his work, so he stood up, took his laptop and headphones and settled himself at the kitchen bar, to work.

Half an hour later, Goku woke up. Lazily, he got himself to sit down, a hand rubbing his eyes while he turned his face towards the sofa bed. "Gen?" There was worry in the voice.

"Hmm," Gen answered. Not because he could hear his name come out of Goku's lips, but because he saw the obvious panic on the other man's face. Goku directed his head towards the sound and quickly relaxed once he saw Gen. Gen pressed a key to pause his music. "Oh, there you are," Goku smiled, "how was the sleep?" Gen reached out for his smoke, "Obviously you slept better," and he inhaled the nicotine. "Yeah I guess I am," Goku chuckled, "Oh yeah, sorry I went ta develop the photos without ya. But they are dryin' now, ya wanna see?"

Gen seemed like thinking for a second, and then he removed his enormous headphones. Minutes later they were in the darkroom, with Gen admiring the hung photos. "Too bad I couldn't see the whole process," Gen said. "Nah, ya can always come the next time I print 'em," Goku moved closer, but Gen shifted away. Goku was alert of the unexpected reaction, remembering how Gen did not budge when their bodies touched a few hours ago. But then he thought it might be caused by the incident, so he let it pass.

"'m starvin'," coming out from the darkroom Goku said, "'m gonna cook dinner. Is ramen okay?"

"Whatever will do," instead of the living room or the kitchen bar, Gen went to the studio room where the afternoon lighting was at its best. Goku popped his head inside too, admiring the glowing blond hair for a moment before heading to the kitchen.

Goku was pouring the ramen to the bowls when Gen finally settled himself at the kitchen bar. "What's with the diadem, anyway?"

Goku was startled by the question. He slowly carried the bowls from the kitchen counter and found the piercing violet gaze following him closely. Goku decided to give the same answer he used to any other people with the question. "Umm... I just, I really like it. Looks cool, right?" Goku replied with a flimsy smile. He hoped he sounded convincing enough. While Goku searched for chopsticks in one of the drawers, Gen snorted, "Hmph, you like it enough to wear it everytime, even when you sleep? Isn't it uncomfortable?"

Another minute and Goku plopped onto the barstool. He gave a pair of chopsticks to Gen and said with a more melancholic voice, "Well, I guess ya can say it's like a memento to me, so yeah I wear it all the time." Gen saw a hint of sadness in the overoptimistic man and it clenched his heart, "Parents?" Goku took a bottle from the end of the kitchen bar, "Nah, but they were already family to me." Sincere smile decorated his face as he put down the bottle. Mayonnaise.

Gen raised his eyebrows, "And who the hell eats ramen with mayonnaise?"

"Ya should try for yourself, it actually tasted better than it looks," Goku offered the bottle.

Gen reluctantly squeezed some of the mayonnaise into his bowl and started eating. There was a flash from his eyes and soon after, he grabbed the bottle and squeezed another plentiful amount. Goku grinned. Gen looked at the idiotic grin and wanted to comment when flashes came into his mind.

Two idiots sparring over a dumpling while he ate his ochazuke slowly. However, the noise became unbearable and he smacked both idiots with his harissen. "Quiet or I'll kill you both!" The two idiots whimpered together, but he knew better that the sparring would start over soon.

"Gen? Ya alright?" Gen felt Goku shaking him and came back to his senses. "Yeah I'm good, just a bit dizzy," he continued eating and soon Goku followed. Goku had an evident worried face over the newly formed frown on Gen's face, but Gen was too engrossed to notice.

What was that just now? But more than that, what is this lingering feeling of familiarity? Gen tried hard to remember once more, only to fail in his umpteenth attempt. In the end, he decided to repress it all, again.