Ok, this is my favorite chapter in this story! I had such fun writing it and imagining this perspective.

Enjoy, let me know your thoughts!

Martha Understands

Martha stood in the entrance of the TARDIS, still in awe over the fact that it was bigger on the inside. Sure, at first she had been more than a little disappointed. It had been a rather intimate fantasy of hers, traveling in a blue police box that was small and stuffy on the inside, forcing them to be close. Martha normally didn't think those sort of thoughts about someone she just met, but there was just something about the Doctor that she was drawn to. She could have possibly said it was the astonishing kiss he had given her, the one he said didn't mean anything, but she felt like there was something else. He just radiated…power. A power that had her drawing nearer to him like a bee to honey.

"It's bigger on the inside," Martha spoke in awe, finally finding the words to describe the thousands of thoughts that flew about her mind. She thought she saw the Doctor mouthing something out of the corner of her eye, but didn't dwell on it. Instead she pushed herself farther into the machine he called the TARDIS, making sure it was not just some silly trick with mirrors.

"Is it?" the Doctor asked, his voice overly sarcastic. Martha whipped her head back to look at him, there was something about the way he said it that rubbed her the wrong way. "I haven't noticed," the Doctor finished speaking and threw his coat over a piece of the coral, ignoring her awed expression as he walked over to the large control panel.

"There must be a crew," Martha muttered, looking down at her feet as she walked towards him. "A navigator or someone… Where is everyone else?"

The Doctor froze, his hands stopping over a switch. "Just me."

"All on your own?" Martha asked, knowing the answer almost before she asked the question. Of course he was alone, she had sensed it the moment she met him. He didn't want anyone near him, he wanted to be alone. But she also knew that no one should ever be alone and she was going to try her hardest to make sure this handsome alien wasn't.

"Well," the Doctor exclaimed, turning his back to her as he leaned against the controls. "I traveled with…someone," he began, his voice suddenly turning to ice. "Not anymore, I lost them. It's just me now."

"Don't you get lonely?" Martha questioned hesitantly. She wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not, goading the Doctor to talk about something he was trying to avoid. But she felt like she had a right to know. After all, he had been the one to invite her to go with him.

"Recently…I traveled with someone," the Doctor said, finally starting to move again as he pushed around seemingly random levers. "Rose, her name was. She was Rose. And…she, she's gone now. I lost her so I'm alone now. We were…we were together."

Martha tried to control her shocked expression, she hadn't expected him to actually let her know the name of the girl. And from the way he said it, it sounded very recent, almost too recent for the Doctor to handle. Obviously when he said together he meant…together. "And where is she now?"

"She's alive," the Doctor murmured, looking up to meet Martha's eyes. "She has my…well, she had the ba…well, she is with her family now. She's happy and safe now," the Doctor mumbled, continuing to change what he was saying every few seconds. "And you aren't replacing her. No one can."

"I never said I wanted to," Martha replied, trying to stop her eyes from going wide. Why the hell did he even bring her along if all he was going to do was stammer over words and then glare at her like she was trying to replace his…girlfriend? "But you said you lost them? Who else did you lose?"

The Doctor mumbled something that Martha couldn't understand and she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't going to say it again. "No, but I'm alone now. And I'm fine, I'm always fine. And she'll be fine, her mother will help her. And…and Mickey I suppose," the Doctor rambled on to himself, as if he had forgotten that Martha was standing there. "I'm sure Mickey would love that. To come in and be the shining savior on a horse, oh yes. To play pretend with my family, to pretend like he is—"

"Sorry I asked," Martha said. She was thinking they were going to flirt, but for the time being she realized she could wait awhile. She figured that ship had sailed off a long time ago, but she wasn't going to give up before she even tried

As the Doctor brushed off whatever he had been talking about and their conversation continued, Martha couldn't get rid of the thoughts in the back of her head. What had the Doctor been talking about? Who the hell was Mickey? And what pretend thing was the Doctor talking about? Martha filed the information away for later, knowing that she would ask him about it some other time.

…

"There's something I'm missing, Martha," the Doctor mumbled as he repositioned himself so that he was lying on his side and facing her in the bed. "Something staring me right in the face, but I can't see it."

Martha laid down next to him at all, mere inches away from his face. As much as she was hating this whole time period, one thing she wasn't complaining about right now was their small beds. Plus, Shakespeare flirting with her had inflated her ego just enough to go back to flirting with the Doctor again. She closed her eyes, half expecting him to kiss her right then and there. "Yeah?" she whispered, chastising herself for being obvious and scooting even closer to him.

"Rose would know," the Doctor muttered, causing Martha's eyes to snap open in surprise. "My Rose would say just the right thing right now and I would figure it out. Actually, she'd probably be too tired to stay up with a wailing—" the Doctor didn't finish his sentence, abruptly switching his position so that his back was too her. Martha didn't even care enough to ask him to repeat himself, she didn't want to know why Rose was staying up all night. It was probably some weird sexual thing and she really didn't want to hear about it. Martha took a few deep breaths, trying to control herself. She knew it wasn't fair to this infamous Rose, but she hated her. She was so jealous, it was obvious that the Doctor was still in love and hung up over her and she had the audacity to leave him on his own like that. With that thought fuming in her mind, Martha fell into a dreamless and short sleep.

…

"Did you tell Rose about Gallifrey too?" Martha couldn't help but ask once he finished telling her about his home planet. She understood some of it more, why he was so sad. After saving New Earth, it still wasn't enough, he couldn't save who he wanted to.

"Don't," the Doctor whispered as he put the chair back in place and motioned for her to follow him back to the TARDIS. "Just don't."

'Don't what, Doctor?" Martha asked, trying to keep up with his brisk pace. "Why can't I ask about her? You were the one who told me about her in the first place."

"Of course Rose knew about my planet, Martha," the Doctor spat out as he walked into the TARDIS with her right on his heels. "Don't think that this means anything. You don't know a quarter of what I shared with her."

Martha stood in shock near the TARDIS's door before she spoke up again. "You don't have to be so mean, you know? I was just curious, you should have just said you didn't want to talk about it."

"Yeah," the Doctor muttered, looking away as if he was no longer with her, but away in his memories.

After that he lifted his head, acting as if the conversation had never taken place. But Martha wouldn't forget about it and she would get to the bottom of it.

…

"Like you and Rose?" Martha asked once Lazlo and Tallulah made their way back to their new home. "You said they would make it work and you were thinking of her, right?"

"You're always asking me who Rose is," the Doctor began to say, checking to make sure Martha was looking at him. "I can't tell you, but I can show you."

Martha didn't know what to say, so simply nodded in response. She hadn't expected him to act like this, he never had before when she brought Rose up. Every time he would just brush her away and change the topic with a foul mood firmly in place. But now the Doctor didn't look angry, he just looked empty and it broke her heart. She stayed a few feet behind the Doctor as he led her down the corridors, finally almost running into him when he stopped abruptly in front of a blue door. "A door? You are showing me a door?"

"It's my room," the Doctor whispered, he hand resting on the knob. "Weeeeeell, I don't use it anymore so it really isn't anything. I can't," the Doctor said, his voice breaking for a second before he continued. All the while Martha was afraid to look at his face, scared of what she would see. "I just can't. I can't step foot in there anymore. But you can go in there, I'll let you."

"Thank you," Martha exclaimed, reaching out to hug him when he yanked away from her, already leaving the corridor.

"Don't come looking for me," the Doctor stated before he left from view. "I'll see you in the console room tomorrow morning to take you home and you will never mention this again."

Martha stood still for a few long moments, watching where the Doctor had last stood. With a shake of her head, Martha hesitantly turned the knob on the door, pushing the door open. The ceiling is what she noticed first, there were two golden suns where a ceiling should have been.

"Gallifrey…" Martha whispered to herself, remembering the Doctor's description of his home planet.

However, she eventually was able to tear her eyes away from the suns and look around the room. What hit her first was how lived in the room looked and Martha knew instinctively that no one had been in here since he had lost Rose. Because she could tell with a single glance that a woman had slept here with the Doctor, there was just some things a girl knew. Other than that, there was nothing particularly stunning about the room and Martha began to wonder why the Doctor had said this would answer some questions. She had already assumed that they were together, what more could there be to discover?

She was about to leave when she decided that since the Doctor had let her in here, it meant she could look around. So Martha took a few more steps into the room, trying to remind herself that she was not invading anyone's personal space. After all, no one slept here anymore. Martha had been concentrating so hard that she didn't notice where she was going, uttering a curse as her foot kicked a glass on the floor. She looked as the water in the now broken glass seeped into the carpet, but looked away and walked further into the room. Her eyes widened as she looked at the bed, it always shocked her by how human the Doctor must have been once. The bed was unmade and definitely looked like it had been slept in, just not in a long time. But that wasn't what shocked her, it was what was sitting on the table next to the bed. It was the strangest assortment of food she had ever seen together in one place. She scrunched her nose up in confusion before she realized that the TARDIS must have preserved everything in this room exactly as it had been left, food and all. The bowl looked as if it was custard with chips mixed in. Just looking at it almost made Martha gag, especially the fact that there was an opened jar of pickles right next to it. Martha assumed that had been Rose's side of the bed because on the other side sat a half-eaten banana and she knew they were the Doctor's favorite food. Whoever Rose was, she sure did have odd taste buds.

At the same time, Martha felt a sharp nudge of pity. She had hated Rose and she didn't even know her. She thought that she had left the Doctor, but judging from the room it didn't look like that was the case. No, she hadn't meant to leave, it hadn't been expected for her to leave. She was probably like Martha, thinking she was going to stay with the Doctor forever. And Martha had a feeling the Doctor would have let Rose, he wouldn't have dropped her off at home like he was going to do to her tomorrow.

Sniffling back tears, Martha turned around to look around some more. She winced when she noticed dirty clothes scattered over a few chairs, a combination of woman's clothes and parts of the Doctor's suit. Judging from the assortment, Rose had been rather fond of pink. It surprised her that the Doctor had allowed his room to be so messy, but she supposed he wanted Rose to feel comfortable and if throwing clothes onto the floor instead of a hamper did that he was more than happy to oblige. Seeing a desk drawer partly open, Martha was drawn to it and searched inside. She almost stopped when she noticed what was inside. It was stuffed full of letters and they were all opened. She pulled out an envelope and saw it was assigned to the Doctor, no date or postage though, so Martha took a deep breath and pulled a random letter out, unfolding it slowly before she read it.

Dear Doctor,

It has been sixteen days without you, I miss you so much, Doctor. I'm not sure if I will even give these letters to you, but if I do it is because you don't hate me after all of this is over and for that I am thankful. I love you, I want you to know that and remember it. I love you so much and it is killing me. It is hard because when I close my eyes I don't know if I am dreaming of you or John Smith. And I feel like I am betraying both of you. I assume you will know this when you open the watch, but I need to tell you in my own words. Two nights ago I think I messed up, but I can't go back now. I was mad and upset because of Elizabeth and so was he and we needed a release. So we went to the pub and got smashed and I didn't think about what I was doing. How it would change everything when you get your body back. Doctor…John and I, we made love. And it was wonderful and beautiful and everything I dreamed it would be. And then I cried because I wanted him with me forever and you aren't here. I wish when I

It was then that Martha stopped reading, she couldn't continue that letter, it was too personal to read. But now she had to read another, she had to know what Rose meant. Where was the Doctor and why was Rose with another man? Was this why she had left?

Praying to God the Doctor wouldn't find her reading these letters, Martha pulled out another one, beginning to read it as well.

Dear Doctor,

It had been thirty five days without you. Today was Christmas and it was beautiful, Doctor. Every second of it was perfect and so was John. I'm so sorry, Doctor. Please, please don't hate me. I'm sorry I love him too. But he is here now. He is the one who holds me at night. He is the one who I wake

Martha stopped reading then as well, it was too much to read Rose's broken words to the Doctor. However, Martha needed to know. Obviously Rose and the Doctor had been intimately together before she left, but when was this and who was John Smith? She grabbed another envelope, wondering if she could read this one in its entirety.

Dear Doctor,

Would you hate me if I killed myself? Of course you would, you always say you need me. Doctor, it's been forty nine days since you've been in the watch. He wants to have a baby, Doctor. I don't know how to say no to him, he loves me so much. And I love him, I really do, Doctor. But I can't give him this. He asked me a week ago if we could start trying to have a child and I said no. He didn't get mad, but I feel like I broke him, Doctor. What do I do now? I know this'll all be over by the time you are back with me, but I need to write like you will answer me now. Please, Doctor, you don't understand. I never knew I wanted this until now. And you can't give me children, Doctor. But I can't do this to you, to either of you. But you should see him, Doctor. His face. Every time before we make love he just looks at me, begging me to say yes. Begging me to

Martha threw the letter down, not caring about the tears trailing down her cheeks. It didn't make sense, none of it did. None of it at all. Martha frantically pulled out another letter, hoping for an answer.

Dear Doctor,

I saw you today. The you from the future. You were wearing a bowtie, Doctor. But that's all I can say today. I don't want to create a paradox and I'm so tired. And John needs me right now. I'll write a better note tomorrow, I promise. I'm just in shock right now.

I love you,

Your Rose Tyler (not Rose Tyler Smith)

Martha scrunched her eyebrows together, trying to imagine the Doctor with a bowtie. That was enough, she decided, she couldn't read Rose's personal thoughts anymore. Closing the drawer like it was before, Martha made her way over to a desk littered with papers. Martha's eyes widened when she noticed that they were pictures and a note was taped to the mirror. The note simply stated, "Good morning, darling. I woke up today and will be in shortly to bring you your breakfast. In the meantime, I found the pictures in your old room and I think you should look at them. P.S. You are NOT fat, Rose. You are just as beautiful as you were at 19."

Picking up the stack of photos, Martha plopped down on a bench to look at them. The first photo she saw a young girl, who she assumed was Rose Tyler. She was shocked by her appearance, this wasn't what she had imagined. She was so young. It was obvious she was pretty, but she wore too much eye makeup for her face and her sweatshirt was really not flattering. However, what really surprised her was the man standing next to her. He looked old, around 45, and he had a rather large nose and ears. And the way Rose was looking at him, pulling on his arm like she wanted to take him somewhere, she loved this man. Flipping the photo over, Martha's eyebrows raised when she was the caption on the back that said, "The Doctor at Ploxi". Martha wondered why the man in the picture wasn't the man she knew and thought about asking him later, but decided not to when she remembered his request. If he wanted her to know he would tell her later.

There were several more pictures of Rose and the strange man until Martha finally breathed a sigh of relief. There he was, her Doctor. He was wearing a paper crown and Rose was perched in a small chair with him, positively beaming at the camera. And the Doctor, she had never seen him smile like that. There was nothing written on the back, so Martha flipped through the pictures of Rose's travels with the Doctor.

However, she suddenly stopped like she noticed something odd with the picture. In it sat Rose on the Doctor's lap, but he didn't have on his usual suit. In fact, there was something else about him that just seemed off. Looking closer, Martha suddenly realized what it was with the help of the empty alcohol containers other people were holding in the picture. She could tell from the Doctor's eyes that he was drunk and she was positively certain that the Doctor wasn't affected by alcohol in the slightest. Flipping the picture over, Martha actually let out a squeak when she read the back. Martha blinked twice at the words making sure they were right. Yep, there it was, "John Smith at New Years". How could that be? Rose was talking about John Smith in those letters like the Doctor wasn't there. But that was the Doctor! It had to be, it was him in the photo. There was only one more photo after this, but she wanted to study this one. Rose had obviously been intimate with both men, but they were both the Doctor!

Deciding she must be going crazy, Martha flipped to the next photo and automatically screamed. She sat still, surely the Doctor would come running in. But he didn't so she picked up the picture again, wondering if she was dreaming. There was Rose sitting in a chair with an obvious pout on her face. It looked like they were at some kind of street festival. But that wasn't what was unusual. Rose was scrutinizing the cupcake she had in her hand, probably deciding if she wanted to eat it or not. She seemed oblivious to everything else, even the fact that this picture was being taken. The Doctor was seated next to her, looking at her with such love that it hurt Martha to see. He wasn't looking at her face though, he was gazing at her stomach. Her pregnant stomach. Rose was pregnant and looked to Martha to be around six months. The Doctor's hands were resting on her stomach and Rose's free hand was sprawled over one of the Doctor's hands. That must have been what the Doctor wanted Martha to discover by going into their room.

With extra care, Martha placed the photographs back where she had gotten them and began to look around for any other signs. Anything to tip her off about whether or not Rose had been really pregnant. With the new information, Martha suddenly realized that Rose's odd food choices must be from odd pregnancy cravings. But that didn't help her that much, had Rose had the baby already when the Doctor had lost her?

After searching for a few more minutes and finding nothing strange, Martha gave up and slunk back to her own bedroom. She was more confused now than ever. Just as she had promised, she never mentioned her findings to the Doctor again. Instead she felt like she understood him so much more and she pitied him. He was so lonely and there was nothing she could do to help.

…

"Is that what you do though, seriously? Do you just get bored of us and leave us here?" Martha asked as she listened to Jack's story of how the Doctor had abandoned him. Sure, she had thought about his past companions, but she never realized he just left them.

"Not if you're blonde," Jack joked, causing Martha to practically jump in surprise. She hadn't expected him to be so upfront with it.

"Of course she was blonde," Martha laughed back, playing along. Of course she knew she was already blonde, seeing the photos in the Doctor's room, but palling up with Jack was too hard to resist. So far she was liking Jack, he wasn't afraid to say anything. "They really aren't lying when they say blondes have all the fun!"

"Just think, if we died our hair he might just give us a baby," Jack muttered, a grin filling his face at the strange mental image. "Because if you lock the Doctor in a room long enough with a blonde they'll come out with a baby!"

Martha actually bit her tongue at Jack's last comment, she was shocked that he had known that Rose was pregnant as well. She was so caught up in thoughts that she accidently ran into the Doctor. He had stopped walking and had turned, fully glaring at Jack. "Don't you dare," the Doctor whispered, his face bordering on furious. "I didn't care that she was blonde."

"John Smith did," Jack retorted. Martha started at that, she never did get the story of John Smith. She just knew the one time she had brought up the name to the Doctor he had gotten very quiet and left soon after that, something he obviously didn't want to talk about. Apparently Jack didn't care about that because he continued. "Tell me, Doctor, did she ever say his name in bed?"

"I'm warning you Jack…" the Doctor hissed, completely ignoring the fact that Martha had stepped between him and Jack.

"She did, didn't she? It seems as if your plan didn't work as well as you thought it would…" Jack taunted as the Doctor's eyes turned dark and angry, but broken as well. It was an odd combination of expressions, almost painful to look at.

Martha really was confused now, she just knew Jack was very upset at the Doctor for something he had done in the past. "Hey, stop it. Both of you."

They just ignored her, Jack talking again. "Right after you get back, you have to claim Rose as yours," Jack began, stopping when he noticed the Doctor was about to interrupt him. "Don't. I thought you loved her."

"Of course I did," the Doctor said. "I still love her."

"Then why isn't she with you now, Doctor? You said she didn't die at Canary Wharf," Jack exclaimed. "Rose and the baby need you."

"Clara," the Doctor muttered, turning his back as he began to walk away from them, clearly ending the conversation. "My daughter's name is Clara and I would give anything to be there for her, but I can't. I just can't. So please don't you dare talk to me like I would choose this."

The Doctor marched ahead of them, leaving Martha and Jack both standing in shock at his words. After that he wouldn't mention it again, but they knew from the look in his eyes exactly what he was thinking about.

…

Martha felt terrible leaving him, she knew that in a way he needed her. But she couldn't do it anymore, it hurt her too much. Here she was, in love with an alien who would never return her affection, and she was prepared to spend the rest of her life pining after him. After the whole Master fiasco she had come to understand something; that she was worth more than that.

"I just can't," she whispered. From the expression on the Doctor's face she knew he understood exactly what she was saying. She couldn't do it anymore, the traveling with the madman in a blue box.

"Yeah," the Doctor responded as he glanced down at the floor, stopping twisting the levers to send them on another adventure through time and space.

"I've spent all these years trying to train to be a doctor," Martha explained, knowing that she was ending this the right way and the right time. "And now I've got people to look after. They saw half the people on this planet slaughtered and they're devastated. I can't leave them."

The Doctor shook his head, his eyes unreadable to Martha. She knew he was hurting, but she also knew it needed to be done. Because the only way that the Doctor survived was to move on and she was helping him do that, giving him a perfect reason why this was happening right now. "Of course not," he muttered. They exchanged a deep look for several moments, thinking about all they had learned from each other. At almost the same time, both of their mouths lifted into a small smile. The Doctor smiled a little brighter as he moved towards Martha, saying the words he never had to her before. "Thank you."

Then he pulled Martha in for a long hug, not wanting to let her go. Thankfully, Martha understood and gripped him tighter. He had needed her. She had helped him not fall apart, help a small part of him come back together after losing so much.

"Martha Jones, you saved the world," the Doctor exclaimed as he released her, sending her a smile that used to stop her heart.

"Yes, I did," she confidently responded. Because if there was one thing she learned, it was that she was so much more than she had ever dreamed she could be. "I spent a lot of time with you thinking I was second best. But you know what?" Martha said, poking the Doctor on the chest to ease the tension. "I am good," she stated. It was then that she realized the magnitude of what she was doing, the Doctor would be left alone again. "Are you going to be all right?"

"I always am," the Doctor lied. He knew Martha didn't believe him, she had seen him at his low points. But thankfully she didn't comment.

"Goodbye then," Martha whispered for what she hoped was not the last time. She leaned forward and pulled him in for another hug. "Bye."

Martha walked off of the TARDIS confidently before she realized she wasn't done yet. She was going to tell him a story about a mate she knew at university who spent years pining over a man, but she knew she could do better than that. He knew that she had fancied him and she wasn't going to rub it in his face. After all, she understood why he couldn't be with her that way. He had just lost Rose and their baby, he couldn't even think about loving anyone else.

"Doctor," Martha said as she stepped back onto the TARDIS. "I know how sad you are and I am sorry I couldn't make the pain go away. But I just want to tell you that I'm sure Rose doesn't hate you for what happened."

"Martha…" the Doctor whispered, his eyes warning her not to continue talking about Rose.

"It was her choice, Doctor," Martha explained with a soft smile. "She saved the world, Doctor and I'm sure she is helping save the other universe as well. Because you loved her, Doctor and she knew it. And you have a daughter and I'm sure she is magnificent and she knows who her father is. So don't think it was all pain, Rose has Clara now. She will be okay and I have a feeling that someday you will see her again. Because you are the Doctor and you make impossible things happen."

"She's my impossible girl," the Doctor muttered as he looked down at his feet. "Thank you, Martha. I don't know what I would've done without you here with me."

"I know," Martha chimed as she stepped forward and handed him her phone. "Here, take my phone. And if, no when, it rings you come and see me."

The Doctor let out a real smile at her as she turned to leave. "I'll see you again. Don't be alone, Doctor. Rose wouldn't want that."

And with that Martha Jones stepped out of the TARDIS for what she thought would be the last time, proud of herself for being so immature. Because even though it had taken her almost a year, she understood the Doctor now and she knew it was her time to go and she would never regret her time with him.

Got to love Martha!

Gabrielle