chapter IV
Mary's green Ford Cortina had some great memories to its name, that Remus had to confess. Driving it brought him right back to his teenage years, back when it belonged to her father.
They had left Manchester and all of Remus' memories attached to it behind. It wasn't as if he had no love for his hometown, but there wasn't anything or anyone tying him to it anymore. It was like it didn't belong to him, but to his past self.
The Remus that would ditch class sometimes to go to the cinema with Mary and perhaps reach his hand up her skirt. The Remus that would go to the library every week to pick out a new book. The Remus that was 100% straight. Basically, the Remus before Gideon.
The Remus that didn't leave everything behind to run after some man that would inevitably abandon him when the end comes. But he couldn't have guessed any of it at the time.
However, driving the car with the windows rolled down made him forget all about those mistakes. It was as if he had a second chance at life, as ironic as it may sound.
"Isn't he the cutest kid you've ever seen in your life?"
Remus tried to take a look at the small picture inside Sirius' wallet that he was pointing at while not causing a road accident. He looked at it in flashes, seeing mostly unruly black hair and green eyes.
"Don't they own a comb?" He asked playfully, diverting his attention back to the road and earning a laugh from Sirius.
"You would ask the same thing if you saw his dad," he said. "I brought some of my old photos, I'll show you later."
"But yes, very cute," Remus answered the previous question.
"You should meet James," Sirius declared. "Once we get to Edinburgh."
"I—"
"Not that you wouldn't want to go straight to your boyfriend!" Sirius cut in nervously. "But it would be cool if you met them, y'know? I… I don't know. Forget about it, actually. You don't have to go if you don't want to." He stumbled through his words in a way that was almost endearing.
"Sirius," Remus tried to cut his line of thought before he rambled even further.
"Yes?"
"I'd love to meet James. And Harry," he said with a slight smile.
It's not like he had anything to do in Edinburgh. He might as well get a hot meal before he resumes his travelling to get back home.
"And Lily," Sirius completed.
"And Lily," he nodded.
Sirius' presence wasn't some ominous thing anymore. It became lighter by the hour. He wouldn't stare off at the scenery for hours on end without so much as muttering a word anymore. Apparently, he got comfortable with Remus, since now he didn't feel like shutting up.
By then, Remus had been driving for a little over an hour. He hadn't seen time pass so fast when they were in Manchester, so he was actually caught by surprise when he saw the sun start to go down on the horizon.
"...and then that's when I told Prongs he should—that's James's nickname, by the way—go up to her and ask her out like any normal person. But no, he had to do it his way, which meant he had to be over the top and ridiculous at any declaration of his affections. So you could see where things didn't work out for him," Sirius was almost out of breath once he finished his monologue.
"Prongs?"
That question was the only thing Remus took away from the entire story.
"It's just a silly nickname he got around the time we met," he explained. "He had a weird obsession with stags,—one of those kid things, y'know? I guess dinosaurs just didn't do it for him."
Remus chuckled, "I'm boring even in my childhood obsessions. I loved the Brachiosaurus."
"Brachiosaurus?" Sirius' outraged tone caught him by surprise. "That's the lamest one you could have picked! I'm an Indoraptor fan all the way."
"I couldn't choose what my impressionable young mind obsessed over! The Brachiosaurus picked me, not the other way around. Besides, I was never one for violence," Remus defended himself.
"Pfft, excuses..." Sirius waved a dismissive hand at him.
"So what's your nickname then?" Remus changed the subject.
"Padfoot."
"Padfoot?" The randomness of it got a laugh from Remus. "Where did that come from?"
"It actually makes sense, alright?" said Sirius. "I'm named after a star, also known as the Dog Star in the Canis Majoris constellation.—So, basically, everything's about dogs."
"Ooh, I see," Remus nodded. "That's niche."
"We like to keep things specific," he explained. "So what's yours?"
"My what?"
"Nickname, obviously."
"I don't have one," he shrugged.
"What!" Sirius asked as if he didn't believe it.
"Yeah… I mean, nothing unique like that. Most of my friends just call me Rem."
"Remus, that is outrageous."
"It never really bothered me," he said calmly. "It's the sort of thing you can't force."
"You should have one," Sirius declared with the utmost conviction.
"Well… you can't force it," he shrugged again.
It was getting a bit obvious Remus didn't really have anyone in the same way Sirius had James. Embarrassingly so.
"Give me time. I'll think about it, you'll see."
"I'd love to see you try."
Remus wasn't expecting much, even though Sirius' concern seemed genuine.
For as much as he enjoyed talking to him, though, it was becoming harder and harder to keep up a conversation as the time passed. He couldn't remember the last time he slept on a proper bed, and it was taking a toll on him.
He must have made it obvious because next thing he knew, Sirius was staring at him from the passenger seat. His gaze burned and made Remus uncomfortable. He pretended he couldn't see him from the corner of his eyes.
"Are you tired?" Sirius asked.
"It's okay, I can keep going," he answered. The grogginess of his voice betrayed him.
"We could stop at the nearest town."
"No… I don't want to keep you away from your—" He was interrupted by a yawn, "—godson."
"You will keep me away from my godson if you hit this car because you fell asleep," he argued. "I'm tired too, though. Perhaps we could find an open inn. Or break-in somewhere,—who cares?"
Remus evaluated the situation. He would kill for a warm bed. Or even a bench. It had been such a long day; he deserved it.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yep."
Sirius didn't seem bothered at all by the idea of stopping for some time, which made Remus accept the situation,—he'd already been enough of an arse to him.
"Okay, I suppose we could stop for a few hours," he said. "What's the closest town?"
Sirius opened the map and took his time searching through it until he tapped his fingers against it in victory.
"Penrith!" He announced.
"Wow, you're getting good at reading maps, aren't you?" Remus mocked in a lighthearted manner.
"Very funny... Romulus?" He tested out the nickname.
"Oh, God, not that one. There was a prick at work who used to call me that."
It felt so strange to think back at the people he worked with; it was practically another life at his point.
"Duly noted. It wasn't creative anyway, I'm just getting started."
"Get us to Penrith, will you?" Remus asked, slightly impatient.
"Alright!" Sirius held his hands up in surrender, "Getting fussy, are you?"
Remus couldn't contain a chuckle, "Bugger off…"
By the time they entered the town, it was already completely dark outside. They drove aimlessly through the streets, waiting to see if anything called their attention for a possible place to rest.
At night, the streets everywhere became quieter, an eerie reminder of the current situation everyone found themselves in. When it was light outside, there was still a sense of normalcy in the air to those who liked to pretend everything was fine. At night, however, the silence was only a constant reminder of the eternal one that would follow just a few days later.
"Where's that tape of yours?" Sirius asked out of the blue just as they turned a corner on yet another quiet street.
"Er… " It caught Remus completely by surprise. "Here, why?"
He put his hand on top of his pocket to gesture at it.
"It's so bloody quiet," he complained. "Wouldn't hurt to have a little music. Can you play it?"
Remus hated the way his heart beat faster at the mere mention of it. Nevertheless, he complied, fishing the tape out of his pocket and putting it in the player.
The sounds of Dedicated To The One I Love started flooding the car. However, before Remus could feel his heart clench again, Sirius pressed skip on the player.
"Sorry, I was never such a fan of that song," he explained.
The corner of Remus' lips twitched upwards, "That's okay."
Instead, Anyone Who Knows What Love Is played over the speakers.
"God, Remus, you listen to granny music, don't you?" Sirius laughed at him.
"I didn't make this mixtape!" He defended himself. "My boyfriend did."
"I've got nothing against him, but he has the taste of a 60-year-old woman."
"I know." Remus smiled, not being able to hold a small laugh.
Gideon had given this sappy mixtape to him a few years ago. It was right by the time when he had moved to London permanently and they were in their honeymoon phase. He hadn't even been bothered by Gideon's granny music. He was so in love he found it all beautiful.
Remus had played this mixtape so much, it was a surprise it wasn't completely worn-out. He knew every song by heart and now dreaded having to listen to any of them. He knew he should have left the mixtape in his car, but he just couldn't let go, it was the last proof of his relationship that he had on his body.
He wished he could burn it, toss it in the rubbish, or abandon it somewhere. But he couldn't, not yet.
It was extremely melancholic to drive around an empty town at night while listening to it. In fact, it was a downer. The fact that he was so incredibly tired didn't help either, it was sort of like a dream sequence to him.
"God, where is everyone in this town?" Sirius groaned as they took yet another turn.
"I don't know… I'm starting to honestly consider breaking into someone's house."
"We should," Sirius announced in all seriousness.
"What do you mean 'we should'?" Remus asked impatiently.
"Uh, I meant we should do that. Or were you expecting to find some five-star hotel open just for you?" Sirius replied in the same manner.
Remus evaluated the situation for a couple of seconds. He was so tired he was starting to get annoyed at everything and everyone, especially Sirius. What were their choices here? Practically none.
"Alright, you have a point," he said reluctantly.
"The only problem is that we're not sure about which houses are empty and which aren't," Sirius observed.
"Fear not, Mr Black." Remus laughed quietly to himself, "I may have just the answer."
"How can you be so sure? Maybe they just went to bed early." Sirius shifted where he stood.
They had driven around until they found a neighbourhood that was more residential than commercial, passing in front of each house to take a look at them properly. Remus was the one actually doing all the looking, whereas Sirius just questioned everything he looked at, clearly having no idea of what he was doing.
"I just know," Remus shrugged in the suave manner he always saw Sirius do.
After some time, they had finally found the ideal contender for the breaking-in, a small unassuming house that stood against others who looked just like it. It had nothing special about it, except it showed clear signs of vacancy.
"How do you know?" Sirius insisted on asking.
Remus breathed in deeply, "Can you see the newspapers piling up at the front door?" He pointed towards them. Sirius moved in closer to follow his finger. "All the windows are closed with the curtains drawn." He moved his finger to point at the strip of grass in front of the house. "And, of course, the fence is locked with chains, isn't it?" He turned towards the street with his hands on his hips.
"Alright, no need to get cocky," said Sirius. "But what if the neighbours see us breaking in?"
"I suppose we'll have to be careful," said Remus thoughtfully. He examined the house from the outside, having parked their car right in front of it. The answer came to him in a flash as he saw the fence that led to the back of the house was only closed by a padlock and some metal chains. "C'mon." He nodded to Sirius and began walking confidently to the fence.
"What? Will you jump over the fence?" Sirius questioned, trailing behind him. "I won't do that! What if I break a leg? You're the specialist here, you do it."
Remus ignored him, coming face to face with the padlock. He looked around the place and thought of what he could do, thinking back to the days where breaking this type of lock was what he did on a normal Tuesday.
"You don't have a paper clip on you by any chance, do you?" He craned his neck to look at Sirius, who was staring at him expectantly.
"Uh. No," he said.
That was what Remus feared, "Alright… That rock over there will have to do," he said before reaching down and picking up the heaviest looking rock he could see.
"Remus, that doesn't seem like the most practical solution."
"Well, have you got any?"
Silence followed, he could practically hear how tense Sirius was while staring at the rock in his hands.
"I'll try to make it quick," he said, earning a nervous nod from Sirius.
Remus put his hands up, and in one swift move, rammed the rock against the lock. It didn't do much, but that was to be expected. He did it again, again and again.
"For fuck's sake, that's too loud," Sirius whispered beside him.
"Trust me, it's working," he said before hitting the rock once again, this time making the padlock visibly weaken.
By the last hit, his arms were already sore, having drained all the remaining energy from Remus' body. The fence was open, however.
"Remus, you're a genius!" Sirius congratulated in an excited whisper next to him while gripping his arm.
"Yeah, sure," he mumbled as he opened the fence.
They made their way around the brick house, arriving at the back garden. The door that led inside the house from there was a sliding door made of glass. It was, sadly, also locked.
"Shit, do you know how to open that one too?" Sirius was chewing on his fingernails as he examined the situation.
Remus took one look at him, then back at the door, and simply threw the rock against the glass, making it shatter.
It earned a scream from Sirius.
"What the fuck!"
"Relax, no one will care," Remus tried to appease him, not having the energy to care about all this fuss.
"You woke up the entire neighbourhood with that!" Sirius argued.
Remus stepped over the shattered glass on the floor and made his way inside.
"They won't bother with it," he said. Sirius made a sound of pure disbelief behind him, but Remus ignored it.
The house was dark, and thankfully, no one had rushed downstairs to prove that it was not, in fact, empty. He tapped the walls until he found the light switch, turning it on.
The place wasn't all that special either, everything was tidy and normal. The decoration made it look like an older couple might have lived there, with armchairs in front of the telly and some paintings of questionable taste on the walls.
They clearly stood in the living room now, which had an open door to the kitchen that had a decoration based primarily on the colour yellow. The dining table was in the living room, standing on a corner with all of its chairs neatly tucked into place.
Remus looked around taking the place in, "I think this will do", he observed.
"We're so lucky no one's home. With all your banging around, God knows how we would have made it out of here alive.—What if they owned a gun?"
Remus turned to look at Sirius, a crease on his forehead.
"It's a fair concern!" Sirius tried justifying himself under Remus' piercing gaze.
"Right," Remus turned back around, now walking through the house to find a bed he could safely enter a coma in to only wake up when the world ended.
Having checked all the rooms on the ground floor, he went to try his luck upstairs, where the master bedroom probably was. All the while, Sirius trailed after him like a puppy.
"Where did you learn all that?" He eventually asked once they began to climb up the stairs.
"Breaking into houses? Committing felonies?" Remus teased.
"Yes," he said back innocently.
They arrived upstairs in a corridor. Turning the light switch, all the doors to the rooms were open, and he could already see a king-sized bed just waiting for him. He almost salivated.
There was another room opened, the bed was smaller, and the decoration reminded him of a teenage boy, with magazine cutouts on the walls, posters, and an overall mess of stuff scattered around the room.
"What did you think I got up to on those summer days in Manchester? I had nothing better to do," he told Sirius while his eyes were glued on the bed.
"Were you ever caught?" He asked, fascinated.
"No, I only went in to look around,—never stole anything. It was just a past-time, really," he explained, trying to get the conversation to end soon.
"Mother never let me out of her sight, I wish I could have done more things like that around my neighbourhood. It was so boring," Sirius rambled on.
"That's a pity," Remus said, followed by a yawn. "Sorry."
"No—shit, I'm sorry. You want to go to sleep, right?" Sirius seemed to feel legitimately bad for pestering Remus.
Sirius stood in the middle of the small corridor with messy hair,—or as messy as his silk-like hair could get,—and wide eyes. His hands fidgeted with the shoulder strap of his leather bag. To be honest, he looked like he needed sleep as much as Remus did.
"I do… And you look like it, too."
He had failed to consider that Sirius may want the room with the bigger bed. He had got so caught up in the fantasy of sleeping sprawled out on that bed, that it completely went over his head.
He apparently made his thoughts obvious, as Sirius looked over his shoulder to the bedroom in question.
"You can have it," he said. "You've driven more. It's fine."
Remus was relieved he wouldn't have to fight him for it. Still, his manners made him ask if Sirius was sure. Thankfully, he said it was and quickly retired to his room.
There was, however, an energy to Sirius at that moment that Remus couldn't quite point out what made it so different. Maybe it was the way Sirius looked when he stood right under the light fixture, how tired he seemed, how his hands kept playing non-stop with the shoulder strap of his bag. It was odd.
Remus would be a bit ashamed to say he went to bed thinking of it. However, there wasn't much time to think as he fell asleep in record time.
"Why are you playing this?" Remus leaned against the living room's doorframe, voice still hoarse from sleep. He had practically fallen out of bed when he heard loud music playing downstairs. His eyes were still adjusting to the sunlight of the morning once he went to check what was going on.
The music was loud, full of guitar riffs and annoying drums. The vocals were not sung, they were screamed. Sirius, as awake as ever, stood right next to the record player, tapping his foot along with the song.
The sudden apparition startled Sirius, who jumped up and made the recorder cover fall from his grasp.
"God, Remus," he turned his head around as he picked it up from the floor. Remus watched the movement a little too closely for his own liking. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Remus cocked an eyebrow, a smile spread on his face due to Sirius' reaction, his face slightly flushed.
"What time is it?" He asked.
"two in the afternoon," Sirius lowered the volume on the record player and turned back to Remus. "I thought you had died up there—or abandoned me, but it would have been weird since the car is still here."
Remus shifted where he stood, "Sadly, I'm still very much alive."
He uncomfortably noticed he wasn't wearing his jumper, which left him shirtless and awfully exposed. He should have put on an undershirt or something. It was as if Remus was paying for all of his bad decisions these days.
"At least now you look like it," Sirius commented. "I didn't want to say anything before to not be rude, but you looked like shite."
"And that's a very polite thing to say now," Remus chuckled.
Still not fully awakened, he took a few steps towards the sofa and draped himself over it unceremoniously.
"Sorry," Sirius said, not sorry at all. Remus draped an arm over his eyes until he saw Sirius coming to stand in front of him.
"What?" He asked, removing his arm.
Sirius smiled excitedly at him, holding up a stack of records.
"Look what I found." He gestured towards them.
"Records," Remus observed in a monotone tone.
"Exactly, records," he practically gushed.
Remus frowned, "why are you so excited over it? I thought you had brought your own."
"Indeed, I have, dear Remus. However, every record I left behind felt like a knife twisting in my delicate heart. Some of these I thought I'd never get to listen to again! I found it all in the room I slept in, I think it's the couple's son." Sirius sorted through the collection, letting him get a glimpse of each of the album covers.
Some of them had ghastly drawings. It was the type of stuff one would think someone that dresses like Sirius would listen to. But it's not like Sirius had the personality one would expect by simply looking at him. He could be quite surprising, Remus had to admit that.
"Well, I'm glad you found them, then." Remus offered a tight-lipped smile. "But we should probably get going."
"What? So soon?" Sirius' sudden deflation caught him by surprise. He seemed truly worried about the mere idea of continuing their journey.
"Why, yes. I thought you wanted to get to Edinburgh as soon as possible."
"Oh. Right. I mean,—I do. I want to get there soon and all… but we don't have to go right away. If you want to it's completely fine, but I—I thought you'd like some more time to rest… and stuff."
Sirius' sudden flushed state confused Remus. He scratched the back of his head with his hand and looked at him from the corner of his eyes that were fixated downwards.
Remus didn't quite know what to make of it. He was in no rush to get to Edinburgh, of course. He had actually grown to like Sirius' company, even. It certainly filled his time with more interesting things than selling insurance ever did. It wouldn't hurt to stay, at least it would give him less time to be alone with his thoughts once he inevitably got back home.
"Okay," he nodded before he had even made up his mind. "We can stay, it's already afternoon, anyway. I hadn't planned to sleep so much."
Sirius visibly relaxed and nodded, "okay. Cool. I uh… found some stuff to eat in the fridge. You can help yourself to it, it's in the kitchen."
"Oh. Thanks," was the only thing he could answer before Sirius disappeared from his view. Remus found the entire conversation a tad odd but shook it out of his head.
He went to the kitchen and found some leftovers the family had left in the fridge. They were seemingly fresh and good enough to eat, so he dug in without minding too much.
Remus ate in silence, not sure of where Sirius had gone to. He sat on the kitchen table where the family probably ate breakfast. He wondered about their whereabouts, hoping that they were okay.
He was almost finishing up his plate when Sirius burst in through the kitchen door wearing a new set of clothes. He strutted with a shit-eating grin on his face, leaving Remus thoroughly confused at what was happening in front of him.
He walked in silence until he was in front of the table, where he gave a little spin, and stopped with his hands on his hips.
"What'd you think?" He asked, lowering the sunglasses he wore to look at Remus in the eyes.
"What the fuck is this?"
Sirius wore light wash jeans that were definitely way too ripped at the knees for it to be considered a pair of trousers. He had ditched his trusty leather jacket for a loose-fitting plaid purple button-up that was tucked inside the trousers. The sleeves were rolled up past his elbows, exposing his pale arms. There was also, of course, the ridiculous wayfarer sunglasses. The only thing he had kept were his shoes, the brown Martens he had come with.
He spun around once again, making Remus get an eyeful of him.
Remus' eyes travelled through his body, the lack of a leather jacket now exposing Sirius' forearms. He could see black ink peeking through just where his sleeves ended. Tattoos. Sirius had tattoos. The thought shouldn't have got to Remus as much as it did.
"This, Remus, is my newest outfit," he explained. "The kid that lives here is so cool, we might be soulmates,—he has an incredible taste for music and fashion!"
"So you looted his closet?"
"I don't think he'll miss it," he said defensively. "I was tired of wearing the same clothes! So why not?"
Remus took a deep breath, "I don't even know why I bother questioning your choices."
"Besides, I look fit, don't I?" He turned towards the window, evaluating his figure on the reflection. As he checked himself out, Remus couldn't help but do the same.
He was only human, after all. The jeans were slightly too tight for Sirius, but if you asked Remus, he would have said they fit just right. There was no denying that Sirius was handsome, one could argue he was even greater than that. Perhaps "beautiful" was better to describe him.
Remus tried not getting all too affected by it, but he could still look! It's not like he would try anything. He'd hate to admit it, but Sirius actually looked great in that ridiculous ensemble.
All of the sudden, he got too self-conscious once again about being shirtless, mindlessly draping an arm over his chest to cover himself.
Sirius turned back to him, smiling as bright as ever, "I figured you'd be tired of that jumper. I got some stuff I thought you would prefer to wear, wait a minute."
Before he could say anything, Sirius was out the door, coming back a few seconds later with a bundle of clothes in his arms, disposing of them by handing them to Remus, who had got up from the table in the meantime.
"No ripped jeans," Sirius said while brushing his hands against Remus'.
"You know me so well," Remus smiled mockingly.
Remus analysed the clothes Sirius had picked out for him as they were sprawled out on the bed he had slept in. He really did not want to put the jumper back on, so he looked over at them thoughtfully.
Some of them, he would never wear in a million years, such as the pair of leather trousers that he was quite sure had been put in there as a joke.
Others were more acceptable.
Sadly, that kid was definitely shorter than Remus, having pants that match Sirius' height, so he stuck with his old pants. The shirt, however, he was glad to change into after a shower on the upstairs loo. It was a common plaid shirt, which he neatly tucked into his pants. A black jacket that was a little too small for his long arms was also added to the ensemble. Overall, it was a mix of the more appropriate things Sirius had picked out for him.
As Remus descended the stairs for the second time that day, Sirius wolf-whistled at him, which earned him an honest, unexpected laugh.
"Wow! Who are you wearing?" Sirius looked at him from the bottom of the stairs. He could see the mocking in his eyes, probably because he wasn't as… daring as Sirius in his fashion choices. It did not bother him in the slightest.
"Not all of us are willing to go out dressed as a member of Wham!" He said once he reached where Sirius stood.
"I always saw myself more as a member of A-ha. But if that means I can take George Michael..."
Remus snorted, "You're ridiculous."
He often found himself without an answer to Sirius' antics, he wasn't sure how he managed to get him by surprise each time.
"I must say, I'm disappointed. What about the leather pants?" Sirius asked in a low tone as his expression became one of faux disappointment.
Remus rolled his eyes, "why would I ever wear that?"
"I think you would look great." A grin escaped through the facade.
Sirius stood close to him, not having budged after he got to the last step of the stairs. He looked at Remus intently, which caught him off-guard. He was once again out of something to say, his breath having been slightly knocked out of him. It was hard to move under such piercing blue eyes.
He wouldn't let himself get too distracted, though. Remus cleared his throat and stepped away, trying to make the movement seem natural. He couldn't let Sirius see how he could affect him, this thing couldn't become a weakness. Perhaps this was a sign of Remus' ever-growing madness at the end of times. He just met this random guy! He had to pull himself together.
"Not all of us were blessed with a bum like that," Remus winked mockingly at Sirius. He instantly regretted, though, cringing at his own words and biting his tongue. God, how stupid.
"Good to know you appreciate it, Remus," he flashed him a confident grin.
Thankfully, Sirius didn't seem to think much of it and there was no awkward silence to follow. That way, Remus' comment could pass as innocent teasing and all was well.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" Sirius asked, hands nonchalantly tucked into his trousers' pockets. "Thought you'd like to after sitting for such a long time. My bum is becoming a square."
Remus was caught off guard, eyeing the window across the room. He thought about it for a second before saying "sure, why not?"
Soon enough, they were walking side by side in the calm streets of Penrith. The air was slightly too cold for his liking, making him shudder ever so slightly. Beside him, Sirius was warm. He had finally ditched that bag of his, leaving it at the house.
"Do you feel lighter without the weight of that bag?" Remus asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
"Yes," said Sirius after a chuckle. "But now there's also the weight of thinking about the fact that it isn't here with me."
Every now and then, Sirius' shoulder would bump into Remus'. Normally, this would have made him incredibly annoyed, he would have even cussed him out and told him to walk properly. However, each time Remus was slightly thrown off balance because of it, he had the urge to pretend it wasn't happening so as to not bother Sirius.
He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment he started thinking about not wanting to bother him, of not leaving him alone in that supermarket, and so on. It was a scary thought to have, so he just pushed it aside for some other time.
"What's so important about it?—I mean, I know it's all your stuff, but still," asked Remus, weirdly fascinated about Sirius' intricacies.
"Well..." Sirius gave himself a few moments to think. "Materially, it isn't much. I know my parents are filthy rich, but it's not like I'm carrying the family jewels. It's mostly whatever I bought myself and the memories I cherish the most, so, sentimentally, it's what reminds me of the good days."
"I can understand that," Remus nodded. "Many pictures of Harry?"
"Many." Sirius smiled, "But I think I hang on to it so tightly because it's mostly stuff that is not from my parents, it sort of represents my life without them. Believe it or not, I had to fight for some of that stuff. Truth is, I only have newer records because the ones prior were destroyed by my mother in a fit of rage she had a few years ago."
Remus cringed at the tale, looking at his feet as they walked aimlessly through the city. They seemed to have left the more residential area, encountering more people going about their lives, he imagined most of them were going home by now, since the Sun would start to set at any minute.
There, the people looked to be less of the "living like there's no tomorrow" type he'd seen so much in London, making for a more peaceful stroll around town.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," he said, not being all that great in showing sympathy.
"Nah, don't be. I'm not," he let out a laugh, which made Remus glance at him slightly confused. "That day she caught me with a waiter from the catering service during my brother's birthday dinner."
Remus laughed, "was it worth it?"
"Not my signed Buzzcocks record. But the rest was alright," Sirius shrugged.
"Signed, huh?"
"I've been around, Remus." He glanced at him with a cocked eyebrow. "I got it in '78. Me, James, and Peter,—another friend from those days,— sneaked off of school to go to a concert. It was mental, in a whole other city." Sirius threw his head back in laughter as he remembered. "Peter was scared shitless, thinking we'd get caught. We didn't, of course.—Not when I was the one in charge."
Remus tried not to stare as Sirius recalled the story. His eyes flashed with such glee when thinking of it that it was quite sweet, he had to admit.
"I don't know if I would trust you, maybe Peter had a point," he teased.
Sirius flashed him a look of annoyance, "The first rule of the Marauders,—that's our group's name,— is that Peter never has a point. It's the sort of thing you learn through the years."
Remus frowned, "Your group has a name?"
"Why, of course we do! What's a troupe without one?"
"That's ridiculous," Remus said.
"You're just jealous," Sirius teased.
Remus scowled, "Not in a million years."
"You could have been a part of the Marauders, had you been there.—Your house-breaking skills would have been a great addition to the group," Sirius observed.
It struck a chord with Remus. He never had a group of friends like the one Sirius described to him. Most of the time, it was just him and Mary. Then came Gideon and his friends, which wasn't much, to be honest. Sometimes, throughout his life, he had longed for a group of friends that were just like him. Mary was great, but she was a girl, it could never be the same.
He didn't let his feelings show, though.
"I was too rough for a bunch of posh pansies like you," he answered with a smile.
"Oh, yes, Remus Lupin, the face of danger." Sirius raised his arms and trembled in fear while laughing at him.
"Laugh all you want..." Remus ducked his head in humility. "But if it weren't for me, you would have slept in the backseat of the car.—The backseat where I, in fact, became a man.
"Christ, Remus." Sirius stopped walking, making him stop as well two steps ahead and turn his head to look at him. Sirius threw his head back in laughter once again, this time resting his hand on his chest as he regained his breath. The scene drew a laugh from Remus as well.
"Just saying… be grateful," he said as he observed him.
The corners of his eyes were wrinkling as he didn't stop laughing. His cheeks reddened, he looked more alive than ever. It was captivating to watch Sirius' body double up in laughter.
"That's—that's gross," said Sirius while he regained his breath.
Remus had been so engrossed in their conversation that he had completely stopped paying attention to his surroundings. The streets looked fairly similar, being mainly differentiated by the establishments that stood between the short brick buildings. As he looked around, the street they stood in was just like any other, only that it seemed to have more people walking around.
The people looked different than the ones he had previously observed during their walk. These were mostly young and wore shiny, tight, and short outfits. A man crossed the street right next to them wearing the tightest pair of leather trousers Remus had ever seen and no shirt at all.
"Good to know you're not so pure, though, Remus," said Sirius, having regained his breath completely.
Remus turned back to him, almost having forgotten about his existence for a moment.
Yeah, well, not all of us look like sex on legs, Remus thought.
God, where had that come from? It was a miracle he didn't say that out loud, given the fact that he was so distracted it could have easily slipped out.
He felt his face burn.
"Remus? Is everything okay?" Sirius asked, smile falling, after noticing he hadn't paid any attention.
"Uh. Yes, yes. Sorry." He shook his head and looked at Sirius properly. "Where are all these people going?"
He pointed towards the groups of mostly young and dolled-up people walking in packs around the street, all going towards the same place.
"I have no idea," said Sirius after a few seconds. "Seems we've got a mystery on our hands."
Sirius rubbed his hands against each other and set off after the people they'd been observing. He was always quick to do this, wasn't he?
They followed the crowd or, more specifically, a group of girls in front of them. They each wore short dresses or skirts that made Remus wonder if they weren't cold. They were a pop of colour against the brown look of the town, too, wearing ghastly neon colours.
"Hi, girls," Sirius greeted after quickening his pace and getting to their side, leaving Remus behind. He saw the girls get surprised by his presence and instantaneously nervous when they took a second glance at Sirius, many opening shy smiles and looking over to a friend on their side as if to ask Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Then, Sirius continued, "my friend and I were wondering… where is everyone going?"
They looked between themselves to see who was going to answer until a tall blonde spoke up, "It's the Jumping Jack. A sort of end of the world party, you know?"
She spoke with a smirk on her face, probably thinking it looked attractive. Remus involuntarily narrowed his eyes at her, even though she wasn't looking.
"Oh, cool," said Sirius, still trying the "dashing" thing on them. "Can we come?" He pointed at himself and at Remus in the back, which made all of them turn their heads to look at him.
What the fuck was Sirius thinking? Really? A party?
They definitely weren't as interested in his presence, but a grin still came to the tall blonde's face, "of course. Just stick with us."
"Thank you very much." He offered a little bow with his head and looked at her through his lashes with the usual grin. He was really going out of his way, wasn't he? "I'll go walk with my friend and—"
"Oh, don't!" She cut in. "He already knows you enough, tell us a little bit about yourself." She touched his arm and threw him an innocent smile.
Remus was starting to get properly mad, Sirius was dragging him to a party, of all places, and now was chatting up some girls. He was gay!
It would have been better had he not left Remus to rot at the back of the group. None of the girls even batted an eye at him. He didn't blame them, of course. He wouldn't have taken a second glance at himself had Sirius been in the same room.
God, he had to stop with those thoughts. Now that his brain thought it was apparently okay to accept how attractive Sirius was, it couldn't shut up about it! It was a constant presence. That's what you get when you're honest with yourself.
The girls giggled at everything Sirius said, which seemed to do wonders for his ego. The blonde girl held onto his arm for the entirety of the walk.
Sirius revelled in such atmospheres, he loved to be gawked at, even by women. He clearly enjoyed the attention and knew very well what he was doing, even if his behaviour came off as innocent to the untrained eye.
Thankfully, they soon enough got to what appeared to be the place when they approached a staircase that led to the underground. A bunch of people were already there, passing them at each side. They talked loudly and the atmosphere was lively, a great contrast to the quiet nature of the town.
"We'll have to give a password," a brunette next to him said, "but just stand very close to me and everything will be fine."
She belonged to the group and had apparently given up on Sirius, who already had a partner for the evening, as far as the others knew.
Remus smiled awkwardly at her, "Uh, sure. Thanks."
She smiled back shyly. She seemed nice, but he wasn't planning on making advances. He wasn't even sure why he hadn't already left them and gone back to the house.—Well, he couldn't leave Sirius all alone.
Still, he had to remind himself that in that world, he had a boyfriend, and Sirius couldn't catch him cheating.
They went down the stairs and were greeted to a dark place, only lit by a few lamps. It made him fear what that "party" was going to be. There was a short line of people that led to a seemingly iron door. Through the cracks, Remus could see black light coming through. The thrumming bass of pop music could be felt through the walls.
Once they got to the front of the line, everyone had to get in pairs and each had to offer the password. Sirius went in first, looking back at Remus with wide eyes before being pulled away by the blonde. He only had time to nod at him, hoping that it passed the message of I'll save you from her once I get there.
"So… are you into parties?" The girl from before asked. Remus had almost forgotten about her already.
"Not really," he answered honestly, "my friend sort of, uh, dragged me into this one." He offered an uncomfortable laugh.
"Oh," she said, not very amused by him. "Have you two been friends for long?"
"I met him like,—two days ago?" he said, thinking back to when they first met. It seemed like much more time had passed.
She found his answer uninteresting enough that she seemingly gave up on him right then and there, not bothering to come up with any other subjects. Once they got to the front of the line, she delivered the password and they got in.
She left his side almost immediately, probably wandering off to find her friends, leaving him alone.
The room was surprisingly big and packed with people. The black light would probably give him a headache soon. The place was alive, though. People smiled and sang along to the songs with cups in their hands. The drunkenness and boldness were turned up to an eleven since this was many people's last hurrah.
It had its wild scenes, people shooting up drugs for everyone to see, and exaggerated displays of affection taking place throughout the room. But overall, it was expected.
Remus searched the crowd for Sirius, knowing he would stand out from the mass. After looking at dozens of nameless faces, he spotted him. He was leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand, smiling the way he usually did when he tried to look attractive to other women. The blonde girl was much closer to him than she had been prior to that moment. She whispered something in his ear while he laughed.
Before he noticed, he was quickly walking towards the two, bumping into some people on the way, a few who cussed him out.
"Sirius," he greeted once he got to them. Sirius' fake smile turned into a more organic one, eyes lighting up.
The blonde turned to him with a sneer on her face, hating the fact that he had disrupted her little seduction. It annoyed Remus to no end.
"Remus," he said in the same manner. "I was already wondering if you had already taken a pretty lady to a dark corner."
"No, I have not, of course."
"Remus here is already taken," he turned his head to the girl. She clearly couldn't care less about the fact.
"But I see you've clearly wasted no time," he said before he could control himself. "Even though you're gay."
Sirius' smile fell and Remus bit his tongue. Hard.
The blonde's eyes widened and she took a step back, no longer resting her body on Sirius.
"You're gay?" She asked him, completely shocked.
He looked down for a fraction of a second and then back up again, an unbothered smile on his face. "Yes. Sorry, darling."
"Oh. Right," she said awkwardly. "I'll… go, then."
She left them without so much as looking backwards. Remus watched the entire interaction in horror.
"Shit. Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to out you—"
"You know what? It's fine." He cut him off and waved a dismissive hand. "I should live my last days as who I am, it's not like it matters if people know now."
Remus' chest was still tight. "I'm still sorry. I've been blurting out some shit today, I don't know what's going on."
"I have yet to detect a single lie you've blurted out today. Especially the comment about my bum, that was the hard-hitting truth, Remus," he joked. It made Remus' blood turn cold and his heart flutter uncomfortably.
"Well, I—I..." he stammered.
"Here," Sirius handed him a glass of alcohol. "For you to finally let loose."
Remus took it gladly, downing the liquid in no time. Soon, the number of drinks they had piled up as they talked and talked about increasingly ludicrous things. Remus' cheeks hurt from smiling too much. He had missed this, even though he was never much of a party person.
Sirius, though, was in his element and it showed. He was probably getting free drinks left and right, be it from the barman or the people around them who kept sending little waves at him.
Other people's attention didn't bother him anymore, though. Not when Sirius laughed at his jokes and paid attention to him. Remus feared that eventually he would get left alone while Sirius ventured off with some bloke. However, he didn't show interest in any of the men who sent him drinks, only thanking them with a simple nod.
"We should dance," Sirius said out of the blue, analyzing the crowd.
"I don't dance," said Remus.
"How cliché of you!" He complained. "C'mon, let's go." He practically pouted.
"Nope." He shook his head.
"Pleaseee, Remus." Sirius rested his head on his own shoulder, looking up at Remus with his best rendition of puppy eyes, which wasn't saying much. "You can't deny a homo his only chance at acting like a homo in a club!"
It got a laugh from Remus, who clearly had a hard time keeping a straight face when it came to Sirius' antics. The thought of dancing with him flashed across his head. It was painful to admit it was attractive to him, but his alcohol-filled brain had fewer barriers.
"Alright," he said with a smile. Sirius jumped up from the stool he sat on and yanked Remus by the arm towards the dancefloor, where dozens of people squeezed themselves to dance and grind against the other.
Usually, this was already a filthy place inside a club. Given the circumstances, it was even worse. The air around them was hot, it almost made him claustrophobic, had he not had something to keep him grounded. That something was Sirius looking intently into his eyes through a drunken haze.
Trying to not let himself get lost in his own ramblings about Sirius' looks, he focused on the music instead. Sirius had already started to move with a blinding smile on his face. The loud music wasn't enough to make Remus not stare and think only of him.
He stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do in the sea of people. Sirius was confident, beaming; he was a natural. Remus felt awkward and unappealing at best.
Out of nowhere, someone bumped into his back, sending him tumbling forward. He gasped and bumped hard into Sirius, who was now pressed against him.
"Shit, sorry, someone bumped into me!" He tried taking a step backwards, but there were too many people to let him get some proper space between him and Sirius.
"What?" Sirius asked, not having heard him through the music.
"I said I was sorry!" He said louder.
"Don't be! Dance with me, Moony!" Sirius laughed as he swayed with the music, brushing against Remus. "D'you like that nickname? I thought of it just now, wolves and shit!"
Remus smiled, "I love it."
He wasn't lying when he said so. It was fitting, and, honestly, sweet.
"Fucking move, Moony!" Sirius demanded, annoyed at Remus' lack of dancing skills.
"I told you I don't dance!"
Sirius scoffed and suddenly Remus felt hands around his waist, just laying there, not moving. The touch burned against the fabric of his shirt. Remus glanced at his hands, his heart beating too fast to say anything. He blamed it on the alcohol.
His hands started pushing Remus' hips to the side in synchrony to his own. Remus' stillness slowly went away, probably with the help of all the drinks he had consumed. Sirius swayed his head according to the beat of the music, all the while staring deep into his eyes.
Remus didn't know what to do with his arms, the long limbs fell uselessly by the sides of his body, probably making him look incredibly stupid. He was far too close to Sirius, every now and then their shoulders bumped together.
This all looked like a very bad idea.
It got increasingly hot, he could feel the fabric of his shirt starting to cling onto him. Thankfully, he had discarded the jacket some time ago.
"C'mon, you promised this homo you would give him a gay time!" Sirius shouted through the music, referring to Remus' unwillingness to let go.
"Maybe I should have had a couple more shots," he answered.
Truth was, he didn't want to "let go". He was even afraid of what he would do if alcohol clouded all of his inhibitions while he stood so close to Sirius, who looked beautiful under any light.
He was so nervous, he didn't even hear the music. He didn't acknowledge the existence of anyone else around them, it was all Sirius.
Sirius rolled his eyes at his comment and dug his fingers in his skin and pulled him impossibly closer, which knocked the air out of Remus' lungs.
He then let go, and Remus felt the coldness where his hands had previously been. He felt his wrist get pulled by Sirius, who put them around his own waist. Remus couldn't help but ground his fingers there, holding steady. It was intoxicating to be this close to him, at some point Sirius had stopped grinning and just looked at him in all seriousness. He could even feel his breath against his skin. His stomach sank in anticipation, he barely noticed he was tugging Sirius forward. Every bone in his body just screamed at him to close the distance between them, what harm could it cause?
Shit, every harm under the dictionary.
Remus shook his head and put some distance between them, he couldn't let the secret of not having a boyfriend out just because he'd been weak on the dancefloor and couldn't keep it in his pants. He still had some clarity despite the alcohol.
Sirius followed his movement for a second, but then pulled back as well, disguising a look of impatience with a drunken smile.
Soon enough, they left the dancefloor and were back on the bar. The only thing that went across his mind was what had almost happened, and he downed drinks in attempts to forget it.
He tried not looking at Sirius so much, realising that was definitely a weakness of his. So, he didn't even notice when Sirius had left his side and was visibly chatting up some bloke at the other side of the bar.
Remus looked at them intently, Sirius leaned against the counter in his suave, irresistible manner. The bloke was arguably older than them and was clearly struck by Sirius' presence, maybe even surprised someone like him would give him the light of day. Sirius was throwing all of his charms at once, a grin, staring with those eyes, and laughing at everything the man said.
It didn't sit right with Remus. He was instantly annoyed and didn't even notice the moment his feet started carrying him towards them.
"Babe, who are you talking to?" Remus asked Sirius once he reached them, the phrase coming out more slurred than he had previously anticipated.
Sirius' charming smile fell once he said so, the man turned his head abruptly to look at Remus.
"Oh, you're taken?" He asked Sirius.
"No, I'm not, I—"
"He is," said Remus with a little too much conviction, tripping on his own feet and hitting the drink on the counter, making it fall right on Sirius, soaking his shirt. "Shit, sorry."
"Fuck, Remus," he reacted.
"I don't like to get myself into messes," he said while getting up from the stool, "take care."
And just like that, he was gone.
"What the fuck, Remus?" Sirius frowned at him.
"What if he was a murderer?" Remus argued.
Sirius stared at him in disbelief and walked right past him, bumping his shoulder as he passed. Remus followed him through the crowd, even though Sirius had clearly no intention of inviting him over.
He went past a door on one of the corners of the rooms, a bathroom. Remus followed him in, the door closing behind him and muffling the sound of the music outside. The lights in the bathroom made him feel much more seen. It was a pretty big bathroom, with a lot of stalls next to one another. They clearly weren't alone, as there were people doing all sorts of things inside some of the stalls. The noises that came from the were varied.
The walls had clear water leaks in them, it didn't look like the cleanest of places, but at least the faucets seemed to work as Sirius was propped against one of the sinks letting the water run through the bottom of his stained shirt.
Remus looked at him apologetically, "Hey, I'm sorry about the shirt," he took a step forward.
"About the shirt?" Sirius' head snapped to look at him, his eyebrows furrowed.
Remus ducked his head, "About the bloke too..."
He really wasn't sorry about that one, but he didn't want him to be mad.
"I just wanted to have one normal night where I got to snog a bloke in the dark corner of a room not caring if anyone would see it and get pictures to my mum or whatnot. I finally let go of the paranoia, but then there you stood, cock-blocking me," Sirius ranted as he rubbed the fabric of the shirt against itself under the water.
Remus understood his point now and felt worse about his little show.
He took another step forward and looked at Sirius' hands trying to get the stain out.
"You're doing it too strongly," he observed, sort of trying to redeem himself. Sirius' hands stopped moving. "Here." Remus reached out and put his hands under the water, delicately grabbing Sirius' shirt and working on the stain for him. Sirius held onto the sink and let him do it.
A few seconds passed in silence,—or as silent as it could get in that bathroom.
"Why did you even care?" Sirius turned his head to look at him, voice coming out too low for anyone else to hear it.
"I—" Remus made the mistake of meeting his eyes, and he couldn't form a coherent sentence after that. Sirius drew a sharp breath and that was all that it took.
Before he could even register it, Sirius' hand shot up to cradle Remus' jaw and his feet moved to have him against the wall. Remus let himself be led backwards, his back hitting the wall with a thud.
Remus couldn't manage to stop looking at his lips, it was practically instinct when he hurriedly lurched forward to meet them in a crash. It was heated and urgent, like he was afraid he would have to pull away at any moment. His brain couldn't even comprehend what was happening, he didn't dare process a single thought that would distract him from Sirius Black's lips, angled jaw, and sharp corners.
And he was kissing him back.
Remus moved the hand on his jaw to his hair, getting a handful and pulling it ever so slightly. Sirius' hands found his body, too. They were everywhere, hot and urgent in a way Remus hadn't felt in such a long time.
Sirius parted his lips and it was glorious, Remus deepened the kiss as if his life depended on it. His free hand dared to go south, finding the wet bottom of the shirt and going under it, splaying his hand on Sirius' skin, exploring what was available and circling his waist with his arm to pull him even closer.
Sirius' hands on his body were strong and grounded him to reality. Remus embarrassingly whined as Sirius licked into his mouth, the taste of alcohol between the both of them being very much present.
He couldn't stop his hips from going forward, as they were dangerously close to Sirius'.
"Fuck, Moony," Sirius breathed once Remus' lips were attached to his neck. The new nickname sounded like music to ears.
Behind them, a stall opened and people came out of it, shoes tapping against the floor. The distraction was enough to make Sirius snap out of it and push Remus away, who stumbled backwards. He looked at Sirius, dumbfounded. He had never looked better, which was saying a lot.
"God, shit. We shouldn't do this,—we're drunk, you have a b—"
The reminder of his lie came like a bucket of water over him.
"It's–it's okay," he said.
Sirius drew a breath, "we haven't done anything. It's fine. We're just drunk."
After a beat, Remus straightened his posture and said, "yes, you're right. Just drunk."
The silence that paired upon them was heavy and awkward.