CHAPTER 3:
Clean-Up Crew
Metal Bat slumps down at his desk and takes out his phone. He starts a livestream on his most public page.
"Yo," he says. "Day Three of rotting snake monsters everywhere. One that's been sitting in the sun combust, and a couple guys had to go to the hospital burn ward. So that's a fun new walk to school."
Yomoko Kazanuchi, aged 25, field anchor for Y-City Channel Four News, watches the livestream on her office computer. She recoils as, on-camera, an overheated serpent husk stuck in a tree outside Bad's window spontaneously bursts open. Its liquidated guts splay all over the glass.
A comment from user nuclearsamurai pops up: "yo smellz been gettin all th way to rag now goos been oozin over her and shit sux man sry bro!"
"Yo, shout out to Nuclear Samurai," says Metal Bat, responding verbally. "RAG, or the Rehabilitative Academy for Girls, is about a block away, for those who don't know. Thanks for helping us out that day!"
A wave of comments come in, saying things along the line of "fuck that bitch" and "that bich sux!"
"Wow, you people suck," responds Metal Bat. He reads a response out loud by a user named 11P.M.: "'Let's not use this platform to put people down. She helped save lives at Cro-High, that's what matters. I, for one, am glad that she was so dependable so quickly. What a great, selfless act of REHABILITATION.' Thank you, 11P.M! I couldn't have said it better myself. We got your back, Kamikaze Junior!"
Several viewers concur, crying out vows of loyalty from Cro-High. One named HoneyBoy gives a sincere "Thank you," while CroJoker presents a paragraph-sized chain of heart emojis.
"Though," ponders Bad. "I must say, I am surprised RAG didn't get hit with all those snake monsters. We still don't know where they were going or what they were looking for. Hopefully Cro isn't on some sort of monster mating ground, or some shit."
"Don't say that," types HoneyBoy. "That's the last thing we need!"
"Id upload those vids," says CroJoker.
"Lmao call me ill get my quota," comments nuclearsamurai.
"I've got your number, girl," winks Metal Bat. "Anyway, no word from anyone with the means to clean this up, so yay. But thanks to everyone who's been sharing this shit, we appreciate it. We'll appreciate it more when we can breathe in school without getting nauseous."
Behind him in the classroom, one boy walks into the room and starts throwing up at the sight of the soiled window. Takenouchi's face, which was already white, turns green. He makes a mad dash for the door, pushing entire groups out of the way roughly. He barely makes it over the vomit and breaks lockers down the hall in his rush to get to the bathroom.
Rather than ignore it, Bad aims his camera straight at them, capturing the moment where more gang members puke on his classroom floor.
"I rest my case," he comments, putting his feet and bat up on his desk.
A question from OfficialKazanuchiY: "School nurse?"
Bad laughs for a solid thirty seconds, building in volume and momentum until his own gut actually hurts. The comment section fills with laugh emojis from students and cries of consternation from concerned citizens.
"Oh, man," he finally says, wiping a tear from his eye and coughing slightly. "Not to be rude, Miss Kazanuchi, but if you think Cro-High has a nurse, you need to do more basic research. Seriously, I think my favorite part of this is that our school was moved to Y-City because the last building had a meteor crash through the top floor. Now our bottom floor is sunken in, and no one's moving us back to City T. Not a one! Damn, I never thought I'd actually miss the old location, but here we are."
"The bottom floor has sunken in?" asks OfficialKazanuchiY. "Doesn't the Hero's Association contact city services?"
"Oh, lady, you would think!" Metal Bat tells her. "Turns out we heroes have to report that shit ourselves. Well, I've tried. Even up in S-Class, they keep telling me to call Y-City Sanitation. I've left nine messages on this number."
He posts the phone number in the live chat. Commenters start flooding the feed with numbers: 12 messages, 10, 24, several share stories of going in person with no one available.
"Follow some Cro-holes," continues Metal Bat. "We've all been posting pics, videos, comments. Go to the Y-City Sanitation Department's homepage, we're trying to crash it with complaints. Again, thanks to everyone who's been staying on top of that!"
You can tell his fellow students by the ones posting asterisks and star emojis.
Suddenly, a gigantic vulture that had been pecking at the mess on the window accidentally breaks its way in. Bad blocks his face from flying glass and quickly jumps onto the desk behind him, still trying to avoid the floor.
Panicked, the fowl flies around the room, hitting boys with its wings and scraping the tops of their heads with its talons. The vulture sets its sights on Maeda and clasps its beak onto either side of his head, its talons scratching up his arms, chest, and back.
"Aah!" Maeda screams. "Get it off! GET IT OFF!"
"At least there's some semblance of normalcy," yawns Bad, getting a shot of the broken glass and putrid pulp all over his desk. "I'll update everyone when something happens. Or if nothing happens, whatever. Over and out."
"Get off your hero ass and help me!" shrieks Maeda before the stream officially stops.
"Ugh," laments Maeda, scrubbing his shoes furiously. "Stupid monster goo! I can't believe it's been five days of this shit!"
He's sitting on the side of the locker room that isn't dipping into the ground. His locker is still intact, complete with extra outfit, shoeshine kit, and a whole shelf full of hair care products.
The broken remains of dead serpents stare at him.
"Yeah, you!" Maeda shouts at them. "You freaky wastes of space! These were my new shoes!"
"You wore new shoes to this place?" Hayashida scoffs, stepping over entrails casually on his way through the main door. "That was your mistake."
Maeda angrily holds up a soiled plastic bag. "I covered them up! The goo got right through the plastic!"
Kamiyama walks in behind Hayashida. Maeda notices he's holding out his phone.
"Are you recording this?" he asks. "Good." Maeda addresses the camera directly, "When is this shit going to be handled already? Ruined shoes, ruined uniform, I got attacked by vultures-"
"Wait," comments Kamiyama. "I thought vultures were scavengers. Why would they attack you?"
"I don't fucking know, man! But look at this place, it's going to collapse!"
Kamiyama turns his camera to the floor, showing all the deep holes, serving as tunnels for new rats.
Suddenly, the whole floor starts to shake. Rats run for cover as any floor left between the holes sinks into the ground.
"Aah!" screams Maeda.
"Maeda!" cry Hayashida and Kamiyama.
Luckily, the collapse stops just shy of Maeda's bench. However, now he is trapped between the wall and a gaping, carcass-filled gorge.
He tries to jump onto the stairway beside him, but the wall is too high. "Damn it!"
"We're coming, Maeda!" promises Kamiyama.
Hayashida backs up to the door, then goes in for a running leap. He makes it onto the bottom stair, but just barely. He needs to grab onto the railing to keep from falling backward.
"Thank God," he sighs in relief. Then turns to shout back at Kamiyama, "Come on, man, you can do it! Just get a running leap, and don't look down!"
Kamiyama looks down. "I'll see if I can climb a tree onto the roof."
"Don't be a moron," chides Hayashida. "Just run and jump. You're a tall guy, you'll be fine."
"I'm not that tall," grumbles Kamiyama. "But I guess I have to try." He turns the camera on himself. "If I don't post this, you'll know I didn't make it. Dearest Mother, don't cry for me."
He puts his phone in his pocket, gets a good run forward, and leaps. Keeping his eye on the stair, he lands right beside Hayashida.
"Hell yeah, man!"
"Oh my God, I can't believe I made it!"
"Great jump, guys," says Maeda. "Think you can help me up?"
Hayashida and Kamiyama lean over the side of the stairs. Hayashida is tall enough to reach Maeda's hand, but needs Kamiyama's help in pulling him up.
"Wait," cries Maeda. "I forgot my shoes!"
The boys pull him up and toss him on the stairs.
"Damn it," Maeda watches his new shoes slip into the crater and out of sight. "Come on!"
By lunchtime on the eighth day, the Y-City Channel 4 News van had set up in front of the school. Students swarm the van, some whistling at Yomoko Kazanuchi and asking for an autograph. Others are more concerned about the state of school grounds, shouting complaints over the pops of serpents spontaneously combusting.
Kazanuchi jumps every time it happens. But it doesn't deter her coverage.
"So you say this mess has been here four days?" she asks Kamiyama. "And you've tried notifying the sanitation department?"
"Absolutely," replies Kamiyama. "A lot of us have left numerous messages a day, since the battle first ended."
"Before I came here," the reporter tells him. "I stopped by the Y-City government office. They have officially closed down their monster sanitation services as of ten days ago. Were you made aware of this?"
"No!" cries Maeda, leaning over Kamiyama. "And I was just at the city office yesterday, to file a formal complaint! They took my paperwork and everything!"
"But no one told you of the closure?" asks Kazanuchi.
"No!" Maeda sounds increasingly frustrated. "I even talked to a supervisor about it! He said they'd take care of it!"
"Interesting." The journalist eagerly takes notes. "Do you remember the supervisor's name?"
"Of course I don't," grumbles Maeda.
Kazanuchi turns to address Hokudo and Metal Bat. "So you're with the Hero's Association?" she asks. "Did you file completion reports?"
"Of course," answers Hokudo. "As did Nuclear Samurai and Mercury Horseman."
Freddie rides through the shot, throwing up his arms, an epic metal guitar riff following him down the street.
"Um, interesting," says Kazanuchi. "Because I thought the Hero's Association linked directly to sanitation and emergency services for this reason."
"So did I," Bad concurs sardonically. "But the higher-ups keep deflecting my requests and tell me to call Y-City Sanitation."
"The Hero's Association was unaware of the office closure?"
Metal Bat shrugs.
"All things considered," cuts in Hokudo. "The Hero's Association is more concerned with the immediate protection of people, as opposed to the sanitation afterwards. Four representatives kept the students of Cromartie High safe from harm. The absence of human casualty is due, in large part, to the Hero's Association."
"The Hero's Association?" scoffs Metal Bat. "What did they do, exactly?"
Hayashida leans into the shot, growling, "Nothing. They did absolutely nothing."
"We are thankful," continues Hokudo, ignoring dissent. "That this mess is only made of monster corpses. A slow clean-up is a small, paltry price to pay for keeping our bodies and lives intact."
"Wow," marvels Bad.
"Bullshit!" shouts Hayashida. "Slow clean-up my ass, this is no clean-up!"
"Now we may call upon Y-City," Hokudo speaks louder to be heard over Hayashida. "To do their part in sanitizing their streets!"
But Yomoko is now more interested in Hayashida, turning her microphone towards him.
"Why do you say," she asks. "That the Hero's Association wasn't helpful?"
"Because they weren't!" Hayashida tells her. "Those heroes he mentioned: Fuckface over here, this Metal Bat asshole, Freddie and his horse, they go to Cro-High! So they were just here already! Nuclear Samurai's school is a block away, so she saw the monsters her damn self and came over. There were no alarms, no alerts, no 'Evacuate City Y!' Nothing!"
"The Hero's Association normally helps with clean-up," says Kamiyama. "They should have called for volunteers within the organization by now."
"They haven't given us shit!" cries Hayashida, grabbing at the microphone.
"Okay, Hayashida," Kamiyama takes his friend's arm. "Time to breathe."
"Not shit!"
"Time to breathe, let's go."
"You heard it here," the reporter speaks into the camera, as her security detail struggles to create space. "No trust from the students at Cromartie High School, as they continue posting pictures and videos all over various social media platforms. And trust me, as you can see from our coverage, their descriptions of the smell and structural damage are not exaggerated! No response as of yet from any government office, no official rebuttal from the Hero's Association, and no word as to why the Y-City sanitation department shut down so quietly and suddenly. I am Yomoko Kazanuchi, from Y-City Channel 4 News. I will personally follow this story and keep you all updated. Back to you, Funaki!"
Amaitachi, dispatch operator for the Hero's Association, watches Kamiyama's latest uploaded video, titled "I made the jump!" Her eye twitching, her lip quivers to keep herself from screaming into her microphone.
She throws down her headset and storms out of the room.
"Hey," cries her supervisor. "You've still got an hour-"
Amaitachi slams the door. She takes the elevator to the top floor, where the executives and S-Class heroes gather for top-secret meetings.
She doesn't care that the red light by the door is on. At the end of the hall, she bursts right in.
Sitch, the chief executive over the heroes themselves, turns sharply.
"Kamiyama?" he snaps. "From dispatch? What is the meaning of this?"
She shoves her lit phone in his face. "What is the meaning of this?"
On the screen, her son's friend stumbles on the edge of an indoor chasm filled with dead monsters, before righting himself and nearly tripping.
"What are you showing me?" asks Sitch impatiently.
"A video," explains Amaitachi. "Recorded by my son. This is their school, Cromartie High. It's been like this for ten days now!"
Sitch watches the video, listening to Kamiyama's grim sign-off. He says, "That's more of a job for the city than us."
"Baloney," spits Amaitachi. "We help with clean-up all the time. Where are our volunteers?"
Sighing, Sitch puts a hand on Kamiyama's shoulder. "No one's willing to go that close to Z-City."
"No one except whoever moved five high schools over there," counters Amaitachi, shrugging off his hand. "Put up a call for volunteers, at least! You haven't even done-"
"If I can leave that to you," Sitch cuts her off curtly. "I would greatly appreciate the initiative. We are very busy with a more dire matter, and most of this seems to be complaints for Y-City and the school system. Not for me."
The heroes sitting at the table, Tatsumaki, Flashy Flash, and Metal Knight, glare at her darkly.
Amaitachi points a finger at Terrible Tornado. "You could just clean up the whole scene. In under a minute. Wouldn't even distract you from the bigger mission."
"Ew," responds Tatsumaki. "As if I'd want to!"
"That's enough, Kamiyama," snaps Sitch. "Good day to you."
"But-"
"Don't make me call security."
Amaitachi gets back on the elevator and straight to the communications bureau, tears of fury burning her eyes.
There's a knock at the apartment door. Genos opens to find King, wearing a face mask.
"King," Demon Cyborg bows; he is also wearing a face mask. "Master is waiting for you.
"Hey, King," calls Saitama from the living room. "Come on in. Sorry about the smell, it doesn't leave when you walk in."
A rumble shakes the building. The men gather at the door, looking for the source.
Smoke rises from the pavement at the foot of the nearby hill. With a loud groan, a boy emerges, covered in dirt and looking green.
"Takenouchi," says Saitama.
"Who?" asks King.
"Our new neighbor. He goes to that high school on the other side of the wall."
"Which one? They actually moved several not too far from here."
Saitama thinks. "I forget the name of it."
Takenouchi climbs the stairs extremely slowly, head lobbing to-and-fro.
"Hey, Takenouchi," calls Saitama. "How's it going?"
When he raises his head, there's a suffering in Takenouchi's eyes that also makes him look dangerous. Like a caged predator with nothing to lose.
He leans in close to Saitama, King, and Genos. He is, in fact, larger than all of them. The intensity of his gaze makes them shrink even smaller.
"I picked Cromartie High," he growls. "Because it was closer to my house and I could walk. Then they moved the school! So to avoid the train, I had to move cities!"
"He has a problem with motion sickness," Saitama whispers to King and Genos, quickly, for clarification.
"Now," Takenouchi rants, his voice growing into a yell. "There are so many rotting, dead monsters littering the school grounds that I'm sick at school! And now my school is so close, the smell gets into my apartment and I'm sick at home! If I can't have relief, no one gets relief! I'm going to go in there and smash that building apart!"
Fired up, he turns to run back to the school. Genos and King grab the back of his shirt, but only manage to slow his progression.
Finally, Saitama puts a hand gently on his shoulder, stopping Takenouchi's whole momentum.
The teenager turns and looks at him.
"Hey," says Saitama sympathetically. "Would it help if Genos incinerated those monster bodies?"
Takenouchi looks at Demon Cyborg. "You can do that?"
"If Master is volunteering my services to be a corpse sanitation crew," comments Genos very passive-aggressively. "Then who am I to say no?"
"We'd owe you, man," promises Takenouchi. "We ain't no punks at Cromartie; we give as good as we get. You need a favor, just ask."
"There's no need for all that," says Saitama. "We're all getting sick of that smell."
"Well," counters Genos. "I might take you up on that favor. If you're as tough as you say you are."
Takenouchi spits on his hand and holds it out for a shake.
"Er," stutters Genos. "There's no need for all that."
He kicks up his boosters and flies over the wall.
"Want to come inside?" offers Saitama. "King and I were about to play some Kicky Kitty Fun Fighter. Genos is going to make stir-fry when he gets back!"
"That guy?" Takenouchi points to Genos, flying around Cromartie, shooting mass amounts of fire from his hand cannons. "What is he? Your butler or something?"
"My disciple. So, yes."
"Cool."
The three men head inside, while the smoke from the cremation gets more and more intense.
"Thank you for tuning in to Y-City News Channel 4. I am Yomoko Kazanuchi, coming to you live from the Hero's Association Headquarters. As my social media followers know, I have been following the sanitation neglect of Cromartie High School for the last ten days. Well, I am pleased to report today that the situation has been handled. Here to comment is hero chief director, Mr. Sitch."
"Just Sitch is fine," he assures her.
"Sitch," continues Kazanuchi. "Earlier today, we saw videos and photos posted of Demon Cyborg burning away all the monster remains."
"Yes," replies Sitch. "Our Association put out a call for volunteers, and our heroes have responded swiftly and effectively. Not only have they eradicated the sanitation issue, they are also using their combined powers to reinforce Cromartie High School's infrastructure damage."
The studio plays a video on-air of Child Emperor's drones holding the school's locker room walls in place and shoveling gravel into the crater.
"I am pleased to see that," states Kazanuchi. "But I think the question on everyone's mind is, why did it take so long? Why did these students have to endure two weeks of putrid and, quite frankly, hazardous surroundings?"
"Thank you for asking that question, Miss Kazanuchi," Sitch replies very condescendingly. "I'm so glad to see citizens looking out for each other, and the initiative these young people took to bring about positive change is admirable. I hope their actions and plight will inspire City Y to come out with why they shut down their sanitation department, and why they so blatantly ignored the needs of a school within their jurisdiction."
"So," presses Kazanuchi for clarity. "You're saying Y-City mismanagement is to blame?"
"I'm not saying they're to blame," backpedals Sitch. "But I understand that many metropolis areas are overwhelmed from the leftovers of the Monster Association. Really, what I'm trying to say is that any and all governments needing help with domestic matters, as well as supernatural, should call on to the Hero's Association. Bringing assistance is what we were made for."
"Several of the students I interviewed said the alarm system did not sound once the monster crossed into Y-City." Kazanuchi watches Sitch's expression. "The heroes present, including an S-class, confided that the threat was at least a Tiger Level. But the only respondents were students of the nearby schools. Care to share any insight on that?"
"The alarm system is alerted with weight and heat-sensitive sensors planted all over every city," deflects Sitch. "Again, if City Y is struggling to maintain its systems, the Hero's Association is here to offer any help we can. As it is, we'll have a thorough and immediate check of the alarm system connectors for that sector."
Sitch looks directly at the camera. "I, personally, and on behalf of the Hero's Association, apologize for the pain and suffering this sanitation debacle has caused. We will be more vigilant and proactive in providing public assistance for after battles in the future. I would also like to commend Metal Bat, Mercury Horseman, Takeshi Hokudo, and Nuclear Samurai for their bravery and selflessness. Without them, the human casualties would have outweighed the monsters. The Hero's Association is proud to be represented by such impressive young people."
"And we are proud to have them in Y-City," Kazanuchi shakes his hand. "Thank you for your time."
"Thank you," replies Sitch.
Kazanuchi looks back at the camera. "Up next, more gorillas sighted at the marketplace, calmly buying produce! Are they truly wild animals, or domesticated service pets? Stay tuned!"
Midnight. Five third year Cromartie students gather in the locker room, scowling at the fixed floor.
Shin Yurigaoka, eighteen years old, his face painted stark white with black, skeletal eye and cheekbone make-up, looked even more menacing while angry.
"Well, this didn't work," he states.
"No kidding," quips Jiro Tamiyama, eighteen years old, his entire face white save for one black star over his left eye. He ran a hand through his curly hair, thinking. "How are we going to fix this?"
Isao "Tommy" Fukutomi blinked his spiked-patterned gray eyes, his own white face furrowed in thought. "These monsters were too animalistic," he observes. "That's what did us in."
"We can't exactly turn Cromartie into a new Monster's Association," laments Nouchi Masahiro, half his face green and the other half gray with "Sure Enough" written in kanji. "If all we're attracting are dumb, savage beasts!"
"We need creatures of intellect," agrees Masaru Iga, the leader, his white make-up lined with bat wings over his eyes. He floats above the others in a telepathic red miasma, mentally searching. "Who can take orders and follow through. Without distraction."
"How are we going to attract monsters like that?" asks Tamiyama. "They've been staying away since the Association failed. Z-City is a black spot, as far as they're concerned."
"Can we still reach our crop, Iga-chan?" asks Yurigaoka.
"I'm working on it, Yuri," assures their psychic leader. His long black hair flows around him as he lifts his hands.
The floor comes up, smoothly revealing a secret tunnel in the far corner.
Tommy and Masahiro descend quickly, disappearing under the building.
"It's still here!" calls out Masahiro.
The other boys breathe a sigh of relief.
After Tommy and Masahiro emerge, Iga lowers the floor, looking as if it had never been moved.
"Excellent," he stands on the floor, his miasma whisping away. "As long as the crop keeps growing, we can make intelligent monsters of our own."
Yurigaoka chuckles. "We can convince these Cro-hole dumbasses to do anything!"
"Yeah," laughs along Tamiyama. "Just promise them strength to whoop ass and they'll be totally on board!"
"Patience, Yuri, Tami," says Iga. "There are also heroes at Cromartie. Even a fucking S-Class! We have to wait for our leverage to mature, until they are most effective. Then no one will be able to stop us!"
The boys laugh maniacally, then raise their hands in the air.
"The Four Lords of Cromartie!" they cry, their five hands meeting for an official fist-bump. "Will be the Four Lords of the world!"
NEXT TIME on King of Cromartie:
Dearest Mother,
Did you see the news? More gorilla sightings! I wonder if they are related to our Gorilla. If so, where are they from? Are they just in Y-City, or are they all over the place? If it's every other city, how are there so many gorillas? Did they escape from a zoo, or a circus? What kind of produce are they buying? So many questions...