"And now here's something we hope you'll really like!" Rocky smiled and pulled up the curtain, where Bullwinkle was once again dressed in a tuxedo, holding a book of poems. "It's time again for Bullwinkle's Corner!"

"Hello culture lovers, today's poem is entitled, ""The man from Nantucket"...a-hem.."

Bullwinkle quickly turned the pages of the poetry book, before stopping on a particular page.

"There once was a man from Nantucket, whose—" Bullwinkle stopped reading, pulled out some glasses and examined the poem a little closer. "Wait...am I actually allowed to read this? Okay...uh...you're aware this is a family progrum, right? wow...Y'KNOW WHAT?! ON WITH THE REST OF THE SHOW!"

————————

"Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties" in... "O' Slam-ada"

"CANADA...PERHAPS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD...HOME TO BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS, BEAUTIFUL MAPLE TREES, AND BEAUTIFUL CELINÉ DION...IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME IN THE SUMMER WHEN THE ANNUAL "Canuck Pride" FESTIVAL WAS TAKING PLACE, HOSTED BY THE RCMP, IT WAS A CELEBRATION OF ALL THINGS CAN-A-DA! DUDLEY DO-RIGHT WAS IN CHARGE OF SECURITY FOR THE MOST JOYOUS OCCASION...HE WAS STALWART, HE WAS TRUE, HE HAD EYES OF BLUE...and...he had neglected his post...where is the lad?"

"WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Do-Right exclaimed while on the bungee jump with his horse...named Horse. "I SAY HORSE, THIS IS MORE FUN THAN THE TRIPLE OVERTIME GRAVEYARD SHIFT AT THE RCMP!!"

Dudley's horse whinnied in response, sticking his tongue out as he did a triple-flip.

"MEANWHILE, NELL FENWICK, THE GORGEOUS DAUGHTER OF INSPECTOR FENWICK JUST SO HAPPENED TO COME ACROSS DUDLEY AND HIS HORSE..."

"Dudley, I say, you've neglected your post again, what's this all aboot?" Nell asked.

"AH, NELL—"

Dudley was then ricocheted back into the stratosphere with a *boing!*.

"THERE YOU ARE!"

boing!*

"I'M JUST—"

boing!*

"—SO PLEASED AS—"

boing!*

"—PUNCH TO SEE YOU!"

boing!*

At that moment, the compressor making Dudley and Horse jump stopped, preparing for the next people to get strapped in. Dudley and Horse strapped out of the bungee jump and ran over to Nell.

"Oh, Nell, sorey aboot that." Dudley replied, Canadian-ness really showing through. "It's just that these rides are so FUN and I've ridden every one at the fairgrounds!! THRICE! My favourite is the Hurl-minator, you and I should try it sometime!"

"As much as I'd enjoy screaming my face off in G-force winds and voiding my stomach contents like my fellow man, I must remind you, you've got to protect me from Snidely Whiplash.." Nell explained to Dudley.

Nell thought Dudley would respond but Dudley was busy eating some of the fairgrounds' best poutine along with Horse.

"Uhhhh, who?" He responded, ever the dullard.

"Snidely." Nell explained yet again. "Y'know, green guy, handlebar mustache, top hat and cape, wants to take the mortgage from poor people, always ties me to the railroad tracks, the usual spiel."

"Doesn't ring a bell, Nell." Dudley replied.

Nell was seriously convinced the Mountie put the "Dud" in Dudley. Exasperated, she exclaimed;

"Confound it, Dudley! You know, the villain of this entire program?! Portrayed by British actor Alfred Molina in the 1999 live-action film version?!"

"AH YESSSS, YES, YES, YES, SNIDELY!" Dudley exclaimed. "Well why didn't you just say that before, Nell! You do know that one of our standards in the RCMP is "if you see something, say something!"! COME ALONG HORSE, LET US GET OUR MAN!"

But, Horse had already entered the "Tunnel of Canadian Love" attraction with Nell...and the two had begun nuzzling.

"Can you keep a secret, Horse? I really want to...ride you sometime..." Nell spoke to Horse in a suggestive manner, slowly placing her hand around the horse's shoulder then perked up. "—Through the forest of course! Haha! Yeah! Where...else could I ride you...?"

"Oh, well!" Dudley replied. "I suppose it's up to me alone to bring in my man!"

"AND SO DUDLEY SET OFF TO LOCATE SNIDELY WHIPLASH. HE LOOKED EVERYWHERE—THE CANADIAN WILDLIFE PETTING ZOO..."

"Nope, not here—" Dudley poked his head out from within a beaver dam, briefly pausing his search to pet a young beaver, and then a newborn moose calf.

"HE LOOKED OVER AT THE FIRST NATIONS OF CANADA POWWOW.."

"Ya see him, Standing-Room-Only?"

"Nope." The chief of the Kumquats replied, smoking a peace pipe.

"—HE LOOKED AT THE PEAK OF THE TALLEST ROLLERCOASTER IN CANADA..."

"Nope, not—HEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!" Dudley exclaimed as the rollercoaster cart he was on zoomed down the tracks.

"AND THEN HE LOOKED AT THE ICE RINK, THEN SAW WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR...SNIDELY WHIPLASH WAS POLISHING OFF SOME HOCKEY STICKS.."

"There he is..Alright Snidely you've done it now!" Dudley exclaimed, entering the ice rink and preparing to run at the villain. "Come and fight like a man—YOOOOOUUUUU!"

"EN ROUTE TO PURSUING SNIDELY, DUDLEY HADN'T COUNTED ON THE ICE BEING SO SLIPPERY..."

"—OOMPH!"

Snidely stopped polishing the hockey sticks to notice his blonde adversary on the icy ground.

"...Well, if it isn't good ol' Sergeant Butt-Chin." Snidely spoke, leaning over Dudley, who was now face-down on the ice. "Come to get your man?"

"My chin does NOT look like a bum!" Dudley replied. "I get it from my dearest mother if you must know...heh, she too was a Mountie, and quite the strong one--she gave birth to me while on patrol even...AND NOW YOU'RE COMING TO JAIL, YOU CAD!"

"Oh, quit with the hysterics, ya hoser." Snidely replied. "I'm off the villainy stuff for today."

"Really?" Dudley asked, batting his oddly enormous lashes over his signature baby-blue eyes.

"Really."

"Really REALLY?"

"Yes, Do-right, really really."

"REALLY REALLY REALLY?!"

"Again I say, Yes, Do-Right.."

"REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE?!"

"YES! DO-RIGHT, cross my heart and hope you die--I SWEAR YOU'RE BEING SUCH A—" Snidely jumped around, angered, about to swear a cuss, when he stopped himself. "Uh, I mean, yes, I most definitely am not doing anything villainous today, for not even a black hearted rogue like I can resist the lure of the "Canuck Pride" festival."

"Oh, YES, SNIDELY, NOW YOU'RE SEEING THINGS MY WAY!" Dudley wrapped his arms around the mustachioed man. "Canada just...it just gets you...right here, you know what I mean? It gets you right at that sweet spot. It takes a real man to love his country, and a country such as Canada makes a man so proud that he's just gotta drop what he's doing and SING!"

Do-Right immediately let go of Snidely, then, using his most operatic baritone voice, sang;

"O' CAAAAAA-NA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Millions of birds flew from the trees, the glass bottles over at the ring toss shattered completely. Once Dudley opened his eyes he discovered that Snidely was missing!

"OH MY WORD!" Do-Right gasped. "He's gone!"

"AS QUICKLY AS A BULLET, DUDLEY WAS ABLE TO CATCH UP TO SNIDELY, WHO WAS PREPARING TO BLOW UP CANADA'S TALLEST ROLLERCOASTER, THE ONTARIO ODESSEY.."

"—SNIDELY!"

"—Oh, {*CENSORED*}, the fuzz." Snidely turned around to see Do-Right barreling towards him, and completely knocked him down with an "OOFMPH!".

"YOU said YOU were gonna give up villainy!" Dudley interrogated.

"Well, see, the thing is...I LIED!" Snidely cackled. "BUT! Before you turn me in, how aboot a little game?"

"What kinda game?" Do-Right's eyebrows narrowed. "...Parcheesi?"

"The only game a true Canadian competes in..." Snidely gave a huge smile, his crooked teeth on full display. "...CURLING...more specifically SASKATACHEWAN RULES..."

"I accept your challenge. What's in it for me?" Dudley inquired.

"Oh if you win, you'll get to turn me in to the RCMP, fair and square, but if you lose, I'll blow up the whole blasted rollercoaster..." Snidely grinned, rubbing his long, green hands together.

"That doesn't sound very threatening." Dudley replied. "They could always rebuild it."

"AND I'm gonna marry NELL!" Snidely replied. "How's THAT for threatening?!"

"...oh, aaand there's the catch." Dudley replied, then gasped. "NOOOO NOT MY PRECIOUS GIRL I'VE ONLY LOVED FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!"

"MEANWHILE NELL WAS OFF DOING HER OWN THING WITH HORSE, NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE THREATENING SITUATION AT HAND..."

"More sugar cubes...sugar?" Nell asked.

Horse excitedly whinnied as Nell fed him a whole bag of sugar cubes. Then, the young woman and horse started eating both ends of an apple, eventually leading to both of them kissing each others' lips.

"O-ho-ho myyyyyy..." Nell bashfully giggled, pushing the horse's face away. "Such...animal magnetism."

"THE GAME BEGAN POST-HASTE. THE SMALL HOCKEY RINK WAS QUICKLY PACKED TIGHTER THAN A TIM HORTON'S..."

"Yay." The crowds cheered.

"Ready and set and go, now." Inspector Fenwick blew on a whistle, signaling the start of the curling game.

"AND SO THE GAME BEGAN, WITH DUDLEY SWEEPING THE ROCK CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE TARGET...HE MISSED BY A INCH."

"Oh, come on Dudley!" Nell exclaimed from the crowds next to Horse. "Wipe the floor with him!"

"DUDLEY MANAGED TO GET THE TARGET THIS NEXT TIME, IT REACHED THE TARGET, AND THE CROWDS WENT WILD!"

"Yay."

"IT WAS SNIDELY'S TURN NEXT, HE PUSHED THE ROCK DIRECTLY ONTO THE TARGET, BARELY EVEN TOUCHING IT."

"What?" Dudley exclaimed, briefly walking over to the target, noticing that the curling rock had a magnet on the bottom, and under the target there was a magnet as well. "GOOD HEAVENS, THIS CURLING GAME IS RIGGED! HE'S PLACED A CHEETAH-STRENGTH MAGNET AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TARGET!"

"THE CROWDS BOOED AND HISSED AT SNIDELY."

"Uh..hehe.." Snidely laughed, but Dudley placed some handcuffs on his back.

"WHIPLASH, by the order of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, you are under arrest!" Dudley exclaimed. "I still don't know why you would choose to cheat at Canada's greatest sport! It's sickening."

"CURSES, FOILED AGAIN!" Snidely replied, looking at the magnet he was using with a cheetah's face imprinted on the front. "I suppose Cheetahs never prosper."

"AND SO, WITH WHIPLASH CAPTURED, DUDLEY AND NELL PROCEEDED TO ENJOY THE REST OF THE CANUCK PRIDE FESTIVAL, SHARING SOME POUTINE ATOP THE MAPLE LEAF FERRIS WHEEL, FIREWORKS GOING OFF AS WELL..."