He held your face firmly in his hands. His stormy grey eyes seemed to pierce through your very being, as if he were carefully analyzing every inch and crevice of your face. Your heartbeat was pounding in your chest. Was it out of fear?...He was definitely intimidating. You still looked at his lips, waiting for him to say something. You hadn't quite processed the events that had led up to this moment, so you simply waited. He's really close... You felt heat begin to trickle onto your face. Fuck. Immediately you leaped up from your seat on the couch and pushed him hard in the chest. He released your face from his grasp, staggering backwards. His eyes widened slightly, clearly surprised by your sudden movement. His eyes darted back to you, but you quickly snapped your head to the opposite direction before they could make contact. You didn't know if it was visibly noticeable when you blushed, but had his hand remained on your face, he definitely would've felt the warmth under his fingertips. It would've been far too embarrassing for you to bear. You stood there in silence, chewing at your bottom lip, thinking about what to say. After you'd felt your face cool down, you slowly turned back around, eyes downcast.

"Uh, sorry. You surprised me. Hopefully I didn't hurt you or anything." you mumbled. How lame. He clicked his tongue.

"It'd take a lot more than a jab from a little librarian to hurt me." he responded dully. Your face twitched a bit. How annoying he insists on being. You adjusted your glasses, which had slipped down to the tip of your nose at your sudden jolt upwards. You couldn't hide the irritation on your face as you looked back up to him.

"You know, I do have eight years of military training under my belt. I'm not just a 'little librarian' " you retorted, in an annoyed tone, but he just scoffed at that.

"What's the point of all those military skills if you have the spatial awareness of a toddler? If someone tried kidnapping you, you wouldn't notice until you were already in their basement." he responded dismissively, as he side-eyed the supplies you had collected. He seated himself in the chair you had set up for him as you shot him a not so subtle stink eye.

And you have the literacy level of a toddler, yet here we are. Of course, you didn't say that aloud. You weren't a madwoman, and you hadn't really planned on dying anytime soon. Instead, you offered him a curt smile, in spite of the fact that you wanted nothing more than to strangle the little man with your bare hands.

"Like I said, I can handle myself quite well." you assured him, joining him at the table. You looked down to the little lesson setup that you had neatly arranged on the table earlier, thinking about how to start. You had offered to teach him to read entirely on a whim, in actuality, you didn't know the last thing about teaching. You sighed, reaching your hand back to rub the back of your neck, which was in a constant state of strain due to the fact that you spent most of the hours of most of your days craning your neck down at your desk.

"Well, it's quite late already, isn't it? We should get started as soon as possible." you said, as you motioned your hand to the pens. He nodded, studying the table's contents closely. You reached over to grab your own pen and loose sheet of paper, then placed them in front of you.

"Okay, let's begin with what you know...you gave me your signature a little over a week ago... do you just know the motions of it, or are you actually recognizing the letters?"

"Just the motions."

"Okay, that's helpful. We can begin by associating the motions that you're already familiar with with the letter names and sounds." you began, eagerly. He didn't say anything. You looked back up to him, and saw that he was still looking down at the writing materials in front of him. The cocky attitude that he had held himself to before had vanished. He seemed stiff, as he gazed down at the paper with a stoic look in his dark eyes. Like a school boy looking at a daunting exam he hadn't studied for. You stifled a small smile as you mused for a moment as to what he could've looked like as a child. Creepy. Although...you felt like you needed to do something about the tense air in the room, otherwise, the rest of the evening would be incredibly uncomfortable . Against your own better judgement, you decided to offer him some reassurance. You awkwardly fiddled your fingers together, unsure of how to begin.

"I'm sure you'll pick this all up very easily, Levi. I've heard that you're a quick learner… so these lessons will be over with in no time." you said softly, still twiddling your thumbs. Again he said nothing. Oh god this is so awkward. I'm going to guage this pen through my eye. You sighed.

"S-so let's just-" When you looked back to face him, you finally noticed that his stare had shifted over to you. He observed you intently, wearing the same expression he'd had earlier when he was holding your face.

When you spoke to people, you didn't look at their full face, it was usually just the mouth. If you did, it was very briefly, to get a quick read on how they were feeling, mid conversation. Therefore, when you were meeting new people, you didn't process the entirety of their face until after multiple meetings. And now, for the first time since you saw Levi getting introduced by Shadis with Isabel and Furlan, you actually stopped to look at his features closely. He always wore a hard expression on his face, so it was easy to glaze over. but upon closer inspection, his features were actually quite delicate. His grey eyes, gracefully covered by dark lashes when he looked down, his pointed nose, his thin yet still plump lips, they looked like they had been carefully painted on a canvas. Somehow, even the dark circles suited him. Suddenly taking it all in… Isn't he quite handsome? Levi seemed to notice the shift in the way you looked at him. He blinked.

"Why are you ogling me like that?" he grilled. You snapped back into reality, flinching very slightly at his sharpness. You cleared your throat.

"I could probably ask you the same question, and besides, I wasn't ogling... I was just looking at your face all put together for the first time." He gave you a look of disbelief.

"Yeah, whatever." he responded lazily, obvious skepticism dripping from his voice. You scoffed.

"Don't give yourself that much credit, you're nowhere near my type." you sneered. Although you were being honest, for some reason you felt as if you were lying through your teeth.

"Oh? And what is?" he pressed.

"I don't know...I-I've always liked cute blonde girls… and stocky men." you mumbled. Saying out loud, you couldn't help feeling self conscious.

"Sounds like you have poor taste."

You glared back at him. You weren't the type to wear your heart on your sleeve, or the type to raise your voice at cheap, immature jabs, but he really knew how to rile you up.

"No I don't! How about we hear your type? And anyway, I highly doubt you've ever even felt the tou-" suddenly you remembered something very important, you two had shit to do. All of the frustration you had been feeling just seconds ago was quickly replaced with shame at your own outburst. How out of character. You looked at Levi with a blank expression. He wore the slightest smirk on his face. Oh how you wanted to punch him.

"Hey, we have shit to do."

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get started."

Although it had been a complete waste of time… and had irritated the shit of you, you were grateful for the little back and forth between the two of you. The stringent mood that had been hanging over the room earlier was now gone, he seemed to have loosened up a bit. He looked at you with more attentive eyes.

"Okay, so let's begin by just writing your signature on the paper." you instructed, sliding him a sheet of paper from across the table. He nodded and grabbed a pen, looking down at the sheet with an intense focus.

? ﾝﾓﾮ? ﾝﾓﾲ ? ﾝﾓﾬ? ﾝﾓﾮ? ﾝﾓﾶ? ﾝﾓﾷ

Ah. Just as you had remembered from the first time you saw it, Levi's handwriting was absolutely lovely. You never would've suspected he was illiterate with a signature like this. You nodded, then grabbed your own pen and slowly divided his name by the letter, with short vertical strokes.

|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|

"Let's go through this letter by letter." you told him. He hummed in agreement.

"So the first letter is named 'L', it's what gives you the 'Luh' sound at the beginning of your name." you explained, making sure to emphasize the sound of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. You gripped on your pen and wrote the pronunciation of the letter 'L' at the bottom of the page. He nodded again, giving you the okay to continue.

"Next is 'E', this is what we call a vowel, so it can be pronounced differently depending on context- either as 'Eh' or as 'Ee'. Your name is pronounced with the 'Ee' sound, as I'm sure you've noticed..." Your eyes flickered back up to him, awaiting a response. He was still looking down at the page, absorbing the information you were giving him, so you jotted down the pronunciations at the bottom once again, moving on.

"This one is 'V', this one produces the 'Vuh' sound...and the last letter, 'I' is also a vowel, like 'E'. It can be pronounced as 'Ih', or as 'Ie'." You took a moment to scribble down the last two pronunciations on the page. You flipped the page over so that the writing was facing him, and you dragged your pen across the bottom of his first name.

"So all together, it's Le-vi." You said softly, with a small smile, relieved that you had been able to explain it all without faltering. This is going better than I expected. When you said his name, you took extra care to articulate every every sound in his first name, holding out every letter for just a tad longer than you normally would. You looked up to Levi for a reaction. His eyes were glued onto you. He immediately darted his gaze down back to the paper when you met his eyes with your own. He seemed apprehensive. Flustered? He was very difficult to read, but either way, you could make a guess at the cause of it. He was probably feeling overwhelmed with the lesson, and was being too hard-headed to admit it. It was the only thing you could think of. This man is giving me a headache.

"Am I going too fast? If you have any questions I can answer them." you offered, knitting your brows together slightly.

"No, I've got it." he replied. You frowned.

"Then why do you look confused?" you pressed, cocking your head. He narrowed his eyes at you.

"Like I said, I've got it, so you can stop with the questions." he muttered. He said this with more bite than you'd heard the entire evening, you could tell from his guarded expression. You'd thought that he'd eased up to you somewhat since he arrived. I suppose I was wrong. You rolled your eyes.

"Whatever you say..."

Since then, the tension in the air hadn't dissipated. You knew you didn't do anything wrong, and you weren't about to misspend your energy feeling bad about it, but you couldn't help but rack your brain for any possibilities as to what you could've done to trigger the sudden attitude change. You guys had just completed going over the letters in his last name, and the page was now filled with your scribbles of notes. You eyed the clock on the wall. Twelve twenty-two. You leaned back in your chair, stretching your back, letting out a small groan as you did.

"Well, I think we got quite a bit done today, right? Ready to wrap this up?"

"Could we go over this?" He said, placing a finger on the alphabet sheet. You pursed your lips. You had expected him to be eager to end your meeting together.

"All of it?"

"Yeah."

"Ah okay, I suppose we could go over each one quickly. Lets begin with 'B'." You skipped over 'A' because the two of you had already gone over it in 'Ackerman'. You got up from your seat across from Levi, and situated yourself so you were closer to him, peering over his shoulder. He gave you a questioning look.

"As we move into learning letters you're not already familiar with, I would like to be able to make sure that you're copying the letters down in the correct way." you explained.

"Whatever."

"Okay, I'll show you first." You leaned down, so that your head was at eye level with his.

"Watch the motions closely okay?"

"Mhm"

You slowly wrote down the uppercase and lowercase versions of the letter, holding the pen in a slightly awkward position so that your hand wouldn't be impeding his vision. You pulled back as you finished. Looks good. You thought proudly. You wouldn't admit it, but your cursive was actually quite sloppy, if your mind was working fast enough, it looked like chicken scratch, so you put forth more effort into your examples than you normally would. You glanced at Levi.

"So? Do you think you can copy that?"

"Yeah, give me the paper"

You slid it over to him, and saw as his disinterested face shifted into a more focused one. Your eyes moved down to his hand, keeping a watchful eye on the movement of the pen. Ah. He messed up. He had started to write the bumps of the letter from the bottom instead from the top. Right answer, wrong formula. You're supposed to begin from the top and move down to the bottom so you can string it to the following letter.

"Ah, you should be beginning at the top instead of the bottom."

"That doesn't feel right. As long as I get it right it doesn't really matter does it?" he surmised. This sentiment somehow felt familiar, then you remembered. Hange had told you that Levi had said something similar when he was training with the blades. He apparently held them backwards, and the instructor gave him hell for it. He simply responded with 'All I have to do is kill titans, right? '

"No no, look, it's really not that bad." Without thinking, you reached over his shoulder and grabbed the hand he was holding his pen in, like you had with Isabel. She had responded pretty well to it, so you decided to try it again, rather than argue with him as to why he needed to do it a certain way. When you made contact, he tensed at your touch, and you quickly pulled back, realizing your mistake. Your hand wavered over his. Fuck, I should've asked first, huh? A nervous chuckle escaped your lips.

"Ah, sorry did I scare you?" he gave you an annoyed look.

"Of course not, it's fine." he responded, and you relaxed at his reassurance.

"Oh, okay then, well just watch then." you placed your hand on his again, and began moving it slowly across the paper. You lowered your voice to a more hushed volume.

"See look, you have to begin at the top so that you can end at the bottom, and connect it to whatever letter follows." you explained, softly, before releasing his hand and leaning back. As you did, Levi pushed his palms against the table, and with a large creak, shot back up so he was standing. You gave him a bewildered look. What's he doing? He turned his head to the side, and you could tell that he'd said something. You sighed.

"Levi, you know I can't see what you said." You scolded lightly. Still, he remained faced the other way. After a couple seconds, he turned to face you, eyes downcast.

"Let's wrap up for now" You raised your eyebrows.

"Huh? I thought you wanted to go over the alphabet."

"I'm tired, we can do it another day." He responded, bluntly. You weren't going to press him on the matter, but you had the sneaking suspicion that he wasn't being entirely truthful with you. You gave him a weary smile.

"A-ah, okay then, well, when do you want to meet up again?"

"I'll let you know when."

"Oh, okay... well...see you then, have a good night."

He didn't respond. He pivoted on his left heel and briskly made his way to the door. You watched his back as he exited the room. You couldn't help but be reminded of the last time he'd left the library in a rush. You didn't believe for a second the bullshit he had fed you about "being tired", so what was it really? Your ignorance left you feeling helpless to the situation. The agitation you felt was also reflective of that night. The only other possibility you could think of was when you were guiding his hand earlier. You remembered how he tensed at your touch. Perhaps that's what did it? But you'd asked if he was okay with it, and he said yes. If it was something that he was adamantly against, he definitely wouldn't have kept it to himself. He was brutally honest, annoyingly so.

Your head was beginning to ache. You sighed. There was no point in running around in mental circles over it. You'd already established that he was a weirdo. You rubbed your temples in an attempt to alleviate the growing pain in your head. You cleaned up your things, and headed back to your room to get some sleep.

ONE YEAR AGO

It was raining again. Hard, too. You hated it when it rained on expedition days. Although the rain actually did very little to interfere, you couldn't help the growing pit in your stomach that appeared when you stepped out of the barracks to pack, and were met with the smell of moist dirt, and ashy grey skies. You weren't religious or spiritual in any way, but the best way to describe how it felt to you would be a "bad omen"... but that wasn't quite right, either. Rain simply felt...incorrect. You'd been terrified of stormy weather when you were a child, the only thing that could get you to sleep on those nights was being held in your mothers arms, tenderly rocked back and forth, lulled into a deep sleep. You could feel your muscles beginning to tense. I just stepped out... already? You closed your eyes tightly, casting out the real world, retreating into a calming headspace. You replayed the comforting words your mother used to whisper in your ears as you buried yourself in her chest, gripping the cloth of her soft shirt. Go to sleep, dandelion. Once you felt you felt your heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, you slowly opened your eyes. As soon as you did, you were met with bright green ones staring at you, mere inches away from your face. You leapt back, letting out a small shriek. All the time you'd taken to bring your heartrate down flew right out the window. After you'd gathered yourself, you shot her an irritated look.

"Marla! You scared the shit out of me!" She responded with a mischievous grin.

"I couldn't help it, you looked so funny, with your face all scrunched up like that, I had to get a closer look." You could feel your cheeks heating up against the stinging cold weather. You turned your head, embarrassed.

''Well, what do you want? Shouldn't you be packing? Shadis is going to chew you out." you warned. She hummed, looking down at her nails.

"I suppose I should be packing, huh?" she mused, before shooting you a small smirk, "But I really wanted to mess with you."

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't suppress your smile. Marla knew you hated this type of weather, so when it rained, she would come mess around to distract you, despite the fact that it almost always ended up in Shadis chastising her for her tardiness. You'd be lying if you said you didn't like it... you were more fond of Marla than you would admit to her. You gave her a wide grin.

"Thanks for coming by, but you seriously need to get going before Shadis kills you." you told her, with a small laugh. To your surprise, Marla wore a serious expression on her face, eyes cast down at her muddy boots, both of which were characteristics that were unlike her. She usually strut around wherever she went with large bravado, sporting an irritatingly cocky smirk. As if she didn't have a care in the world. You either loved her or hated her… although most people loved her. She was charming. Your eyes widened slightly at the sight.

"Is something wrong?" you asked, worriedly.

"No!" she piped, defensively, "I just need to tell you something." She looked red. You cocked your head.

"Oh? Well what is-"

"I love you!" She shouted, squeezing her fists. Your eyes widened, mouth agape. Did I hear her right? You stared at her, unsure of how to respond. You wouldn't hesitate to say that you loved her too, but how did you know if it was romantic? You couldn't remember the last time you'd actually liked someone… maybe in grade school? She gazed at you, bright eyed, awaiting a proper response, and pouted.

"Could you not make such a stupid face at my love confession?" She complained. She rubbed the back of her neck, she was beet red now. Your mouth snapped shut and you blinked, processing her words. Before you could get anything out, she spoke.

"So?" she pressed.

"So what?"

"So what do you think? Do you love me too?" You fiddled your fingers.

"G-god, this is all happening so quickly, would you give me a moment t-to think?" You stammered out. She gave you a hard nod, and you swiftly turned your back to her. If you felt her eyes on you, you wouldn't be able to think straight. You stayed there for a minute, deciding what to say. You turned back around, now more composed.

"W-well, I think I do, but how am I supposed to tell if it's the- if its the same as yours?" you mumbled, eyes shifting with uncertainty. She slapped her palm on her forehead.

"God, why'd I fall for someone such a dumbass?" she groaned, earning herself a smack on the head from you.

"S-shut up!" you fumed, "How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Please?" She asked quietly, taking a step forward. She's close. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears. I wonder if she can hear that. You squeezed your eyes shut, unsure of what to expect.

You soon felt her lips on yours. Your lips parted slightly as you embellished in the warmth of hers, a lovely contrast to the cold weather. You felt like you were melting. All the tension that had been biting away at your body disappeared, you felt like jelly. You felt her tongue lightly brush against the bottom up your lip. You found yourself craving more. You felt a wave of disappointment wash over you as she pulled away. She looked up at you, expectantly.

"How was it?" she asked, warily.

"It was nice." You answered, a little too quickly. You saw the nervousness wash away from her as you did.

"Would you want to do that more?" She pressed, practically shaking from excitement. Like a puppy. You looked away, biting your cheek. Your face felt like it was glowing.

"I suppose I would." you grumbled.

She leapt up into the air, splashing mud, and pumping her fist up and down excitedly, shouting incoherently. You heard a couple "Fuck yeah!"s, and "Holy shit!"s. You burst out in laughter, she really had no delicacy whatsoever. After she'd calmed down, she turned back to you, with all too familiar playful glint in her eye. Before you knew it, she'd leapt onto you, pushing you into the ground. She held you in a deep embrace, stroking your head softly. She suddenly pulled back to admire your face, and you did the same. She leaned down and gave you a small peck on your nose, which scrunched at the contact, making her snort. You both stayed like that for a moment, just basking in the presence of the other, before she stood back up, giving you a small wink.

"I suppose I should go pack now… but I'm not done with you yet! We'll talk more after the expedition." she declared. You sat back up, wiping the mud off your back.

"Okay!" you shouted back.

She gave you one last cheeky smile before sprinting over to the stables. You could hear Shadis screaming at her from where you stood. You rolled your eyes. She's so dumb. And yet, the stupid grin that had appeared on your face after she'd hugged you refused to go away. And your face still felt like it was seconds away from melting off. You sighed, plopping yourself on the ground, despite the mud, to cool down. Rain droplets trickled onto your face. It'd all happened so fast. Soon, you saw Hange standing over you, with a devilish grin on their face. You shot up.

"What?"

"Called it."

The horses' hooves pounded into the muddy ground. The rain had let up, but thunder still crashed in the sky. You could hear your Captain barking orders at your squad, but you were too distracted to listen.

"MARLA" You screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Your heart felt like a jackhammer going off in your chest. You gripped the reins of your horse tightly, bouncing up and down against the saddle. You could only watch in horror as you saw your partner shoot up the titan, landing gracefully on its shoulder, she jerked her head back to you.

"I JUST WANNA SEE WHAT IT'S DEAL IS" She shouted back, before returning her focus to the titan, eyes wide in awe. You gaped at her in disbelief.

This wasn't right at all. Why was she going up so close to it? You can't afford to fuck around with abnormals, they were far too unpredictable. You snapped your head forward as you heard your Captain scream your name.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?" he bellowed, "I TOLD YOU TWO TWO GO IN FOR THE KILL!"

"I KNOW SIR, I'M SORRY. I'LL TRY TO GET HER BACK DOWN, AND IF NOT I CAN ALWA-"

That's when you all heard it. The most blood curdling screech. You darted your head up to the titan, wide-eyed, and saw that its jaw had practically unhinged open. You'd never witnessed a titan scream like this before. You winced, and your hands instinctively shot up to cover your ears. They felt like they were on fire. Your horse halted abruptly, whining in agony at the sound, which caused you to slip off of your saddle, and onto your right shoulder, with a loud thump. You let out a small yelp of pain, before snapping your eyes back open. Marla. She was right next to it when it screamed. Every muscle in your body ached horribly, but you willed yourself up, and flicked your eyes wildly back and forth over the scene before you, searching for her. You found her exactly where you'd left her, but she was doubled over, clasping her head tightly in between her hands. You attempted to straighten your wobbly knees, keeping your eyes deadlocked onto her. I'm gonna have to go straight for the neck, you thought, grasping your left shoulder tightly, in a poor attempt of alleviating the shooting pain. It was risky, but you needed to act fast if you wanted to save her. You began to position yourself to go in for the kill, your right leg screaming in pain from your fall, as you shifted your weight onto it. Then, you saw something shocking. Your eyes widened in terror as you watched her topple forward. into the air. The titan immediately snapped its mouth shut, and instantaneously shot its hand out with terrifying speed to catch her. Without thinking, you pulled the trigger on your gear and were propelled upward, the freezing wind stinging your face. Hot tears brimmed your eyes. This was your one chance. Adrenaline pumped through every inch of your body as you pulled out your blades from their shafts, gripping them tightly. You were at the peak of your shot, just preparing yourself to shoot down at the target, when the titan turned its head to you, mouth agape. It stared at you with its large, glassy eyes. You froze. But the thoughts of Marla's unconscious body, hanging limply from its disgusting hands was enough to snap you out of it, and you put yourself back into motion. You didn't care that you were right in earshot of the scream, you were going to take this ugly fucker down if it was the last thing you did. It screamed again. The pain this time around was one hundred times more excruciating than before. White hot pain shot through your head, and the ringing in your ears was unbearable. But you didn't care. As long as you had your eyes, you could take it down. Your ears were expendable. You shot down at its nape, screaming as you pushed your blades into its flesh with all your force. It began to stagger. Hot steam escaped the cut and you gagged at the putrid scent. You remained connected to its nape, you still needed to save Marla. You jerked your head down to look at its hand, and saw that Marla's body was slowly slipping through its fingers.

You let out a sigh of relief. I can still save her. Tears of joy began to pour out of your eyes as you aimed yourself to hook against its arm. You would grab her, and allow yourself to fall onto the ground... it would be a bit high, but you were okay with taking the hit. A week in the hospital was worth it. Besides, there was nothing else you could swing off on from there. You thought about the absolute scolding you were going to give her when you got back to headquarters. As you shot down, you could feel your muscles going aflame as the gear jolted you down with a seething hiss. You stretched your arms stretched forward, reaching out for her.

That's when you saw it. Your blood went cold. All the relief you felt before vanished as your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. As her body slipped through its fingers, your eyes were met with a limp, bloodied corpse. Her head was gone. Completely torn off, dark blood was still gushing from it. For some reason that you would never comprehend, instead of letting her body fall to the ground, you still grabbed it, holding it tightly against you, eyes clamped shut. Maybe it was because you didn't think the sight before you could be real unless you touched it. You let out the loud sob you'd been holding in since you saw her get caught in its hand. You fell onto the ground with a large splat of mud, and you heard some bones crack. You cried out in pain. You couldn't hear anything, only a high pitched ringing. Her warm blood seeped through your clothes onto your body, and you shuddered in disgust. You slowly opened your eyes, only to be met with the gorey gash where her pretty blonde head used to sit. You choked at the overwhelming scent of iron. You closed your eyes and picked up her body, cradling it in your arms, as your mother had once done with you, whispering her name softly over and over again. You took heaving breaths as tears poured down your cheeks.

We'll talk more after the expedition!

You looked up to the dreary sky. You really hated rainy days.