The last day of Lucy's stay, her daughter warmed up a bit. "I love you." Lucy reassured her when Jane brought her to the train station. "Promise me not to make any mistakes or something stupid." She challenged Jane who immediately thought about the booked flight.

"I won't." Jane said and felt Lucy push her into her side. "I mean it Ma! I might be mad, and I might be distant. But I'm still here and I still need you. Don't do anything stupid!"

Jane felt tears tickle the back of her eyes.

She waved Lucy good bye and walked back to her car.

R&I

As an IT-specialist Jane could work from around the world. She boarded the plane to Boston with a shitty feeling in her gut. But it was too late to turn around now. She had dressed up as a man and hoped that it was good enough to hide her identity. Being in the witness program had provided her with a new identity, but she herself had checked herself another one which only she knew. One of the stewardesses flirted shamelessly with her during the flight and she was glad when she could leave the plane on a snowy Boston day.

It had been a long time since she had set foot onto this terrain. The town had changed remarkably and developed into a much bigger city as Jane noticed while looking out of the window of her rental. Her fake ID passed easily the check in at the middle-class motel she had chosen, and she opened her laptop after settling onto her bed. She hacked into a few systems to check on her family. Something she had done regularly over the past years to find out about their health. Her father was being treated for cancer, but her mother was fine.

Frankie and Tommy were fine too. The health insurance system provided her with a lot of useful information like where they lived and worked. Frankie was a police officer, her mother worked at the division one café and Tommy was working at the family business.

She sighed and nibbled on her thumb. She knew where to find them. Her eyes wandered to the camera which was resting next to her. Take a few pics to show Lucy and leave? She still wasn't sure if she could or would do that. It was probably better to fly home and let it be. It wasn't only about her safety but also her mental health because she wasn't sure if she could bear seeing them. What if they had grown old? What if she missed them a lot more after seeing them?

What if she went to her grave to find it overgrown with grass and weeds because they had already forgotten about her?

She ended up grabbing the cam and pushing it into her backpack to see for herself. She hardly believed that Paddy was watching her grave after all this time, so she assumed that it was safe to go there. Yet she was very careful and scanned the perimeters while driving towards the location. She feigned to walk around and study names and graves until she reached her own. It wasn't overgrown and she sighed in relief. She spent not much more time there than at the others and moved on.

When she was about to leave and walk back to her rented car, she saw her mother approach her grave. Angela was holding a huge bouquet of flowers and set them down. Jane could see the tears on her mother's face. The pain she saw shocked her and stung deep into her heart. Now she wished that they had forgotten about her.

She was tempted to walk over and tell her mother not to worry, but it was too dangerous. Yet she had to walk past her to get to her car. Her feet were wobbly as she slowly walked towards the elder woman who was sobbing. "You would have loved him. He's such a sweet kid. Frankie scolds me for spoiling him too much but I don't care because his my grandson. I have the right to spoil him." Jane heard her words, feeling her heart sink. She had to stop and steady herself.

She wanted so hard to tell her mother that she was still alive, but she couldn't trust her to keep the secret.

"Are you okay?" Angela asked, noticing her antics and Jane cringed. Bad idea. Such a bad idea to come here she thought. She nodded. "Its so sad to lose someone you love." Angela mumbled and walked over to steady her by holding her left arm.

Jane thought she might faint. She didn't dare to look up but nodded again, hoping to pass as a grieve stricken person. "My daughter is just over there. She was killed in a shooting you know. She was with the police. I kept nagging at her because of it. But she was good at her job. Guess she saved many people. I still miss her, but I came to accept that she did what she had to do."

Jane cried silently when realizing that her mother had forgiven her. That was more than she could bear. "Maybe she's happy now?" she offered, changing her voice into something even she didn't recognize. It was easy due to the pain and tears which were forming a lump in her throat. Angela nodded wistfully.

"I would hope so. I'm just sad, that I never got to tell her how sorry I am for giving her such a hard time."

"I think that she knows." Jane offered. "I think she's forgiven you and feels sorry too."

Angela shook her head. "I don't know. But I hope she does know how much I loved her."

"I'm sure she does." Jane said before excusing herself and walking on to her car.

That night she cried herself to sleep. But the talk had given her peace. The next day she did some sightseeing to keep up her ruse and drove back to airport.

R&I

Spring break was around the corner and Jane wasn't surprised when Lucy decided to take another trip with her friends. When summer holidays rolled around her daughter decided to come home. And Jane drove up to her college to pick her up. She almost had to with all the stuff Lucy would have to take home.

She carefully approached the campus, careful not to run into Maura again. She kept checking the perimeters while waiting for her daughter to emerge from the building. A car caught her attention and she followed it with her eyes. It looked different from close up than the one from Maura and her husband and when she turned to look out for Lucy again, she found her standing in front of her. Her daughter was bouncing excitedly on her feet as she introduced Jane to her friend and Jane silently hitched a breath as the spitting image of Maura held out her hand with a smile.

It had happened, Jane thought, as she tried to stay cool and took the offered hand. They had met. She had almost calculated that it would happen sooner or later. And to Jane it wasn't really a surprise that they had found a bond as easy as she and Maura had.

"She's living in San Francisco as well. Her parents cant make it to pick her up. I told her that you wouldn't mind an extra for the drive home." Lucy grinned with a hopeful look. Clementine looked a bit scared but gave her a shy smile.

"Sure." What else could she say, thinking that this was going to be a long ride.

She quickly hugged her daughter and helped the girls to load their luggage's into the trunk of her silver RAV 4 SUV. "Would you like to drive?" she asked and offered the keys to Lucy who nodded. "I don't want you to lose practice." Jane followed through the plan she had elaborated on her way there. She knew that practice was important.

She settled into the passenger seat, letting the girls chat and tell her stories. But she only listened half-heartedly as she watched the blonde who was in the backseat. She recognized many of the gestures as coming from Maura. "Clementine is a nice name. Do you know where you got it from? I mean its quite unusual for a girl of your age." Jane couldn't help but ask. The blonde smiled at her proudly. "Mum says that she had a good friend with that name. She liked her a lot and she wanted me to carry her name." the girl replied with a soft smile.

Lucy kept driving and Jane watched her. "Aren't they still friends?" her daughter asked, and Clementine wore a sad look when saying: "No her friend got shot in the line of duty a long time ago." Jane saw it click in Lucy. Her eyes leaving the street to shoot her mother a questioning look. Jane nodded slightly before stating that she needed to use the toilet. Lucy shook slightly as she drove the car into the parking lot of the service station.

Clementine had to use the toilet as well and Jane used the opportunity to talk to Lucy who was pale while Clementine took a stop in the shop to buy some snacks. "Is she your girlfriend?" she softly asked, and her worst fears got confirmed when Lucy nodded slightly. Jane thought that the girl might throw up and cursed herself for her curiosity which had led to this situation.

"Well, we're not together but we like each other. Is she… I mean, uhm… she's your friends daughter right?"

Jane kept an eye on the door to the restroom and nodded.

"Fuck! Screw this!" Lucy yelled as she jumped around. "Why ma? Why?! I hate you!"

The brunette bit her lips in guilt. "I'm sorry." Was all she could say before Clementine left the restrooms. She should have told Lucy about Clementine Jane thought before taking the keys out of Lucy's hand.

"I'm going to drive from here on." Jane decided and opened the door on the driver's side. Clementine glanced at them curiously, seeing that both were upset.

"Clementine's parents are out of town. I told her that she could stay with us for a few days." Lucy stubbornly said after they had driven a long time in silence. The silhouette of San Francisco was approaching fast and Jane just nodded. "Okay." She sighed.

"I don't have to. I can.. I have someone to look after me. Its fine Ms. Luca." Came the shy voice from the backseat and Jane shook her head. "No, it's really okay. I'm glad to help you."

No one spoke until they reached the apartment. Jane didn't fathom to think what it would be like to live with Maura's spitting image under a roof and switched off her brain. Fuck indeed she thought. One thought kept coming back to her mind though. Why Maura had left her girl alone with a nanny. Hadn't she learned from her parents mistakes? It was untypical for her. Jane wondered if something had happened. Something bad that made Maura act this way…