A/N: Okay, I understand there was a scene in which B and N decide to make love, and I kinda removed it in case of making that scene a bit too NSFW, but if y'all wanna see it, I've got an alternate scene I was going to use. Fair warning, this alternate scene is probably the most hilariously NSFW thing I've ever written, also in a headcanon of mine, Nat would be a total freak in the sheets. Though Nat's kinda dominant when it comes to sex, Boris (despite his size) would be the big spoon.
Here goes somethin'...(imagine "Let's Groove Tonight", or "Tell Me Something Good" or some other funky 70's disco-style love ballad playing.)
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((RATED "R", mostly for Ridiculously Exaggerated Russian Accents.))
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"Natasha...les do eet."
"Do vat?"
"Ju know, eet."
"Ohhh, da, I get vat ju mean...Vait, right now? Cause I yam okay vith right now."
"Jes, I mean right now..."
"Dollink...I vant chu' so...badly.."
"Ju vant me bad, but do ju vant me...Badenov?"
(*unzipping noises, bedsprings creaking, kissing sounds*)
"Mmph...nnngh...ohhh...mmphhhhh..."
(*Violent sex noises*)
"OHHHHH!"
"OHHHH!"
"O-HO-HO-Hooooooooo BOYYYYY!!"
"YES BORIS! JU SO THEECK, LIKE BLEENTZ!! OH, BLYAT, DOROGOY!!"
"OH YEAH BAYBEEE!!"
"GEEVE EET TO ME, DOLLINK! PUHT YOU THEECK BURRITO EEN MY TACO SHELL!! FEEL MY PEACH VIT' JOOCE!! PUT DAT HOT DOHG EEN MY BUNNN! LOAD CANNONBALL...EEN...MY...BABY-CANNON!!"
"Vat?"
"EES EH'SPRESION. NOW...EES MY TURN! I TAEK JU PUPPY DOGGY STYLE!"
"OH!OH!OH!OH!OH! NOT SO ROUGH, VOMAHN! NATASHAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"JES, DOLLINK, DAS' EET! BE SAYINK MY NAME!"
"NATASHA!"
"AGAIN!"
"NATASHA!"
"AGAIN!"
"NAAAAAA-TAAAAAA-SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"And don't ju forget eet! Ju SUBMEESSIVE leetle fat FUCK! JU SEEMP, as de Americanskis say! EAT MY CLEET, JU LARD-ZHOPA!! JU CRAVE ME...JU VANT DEES BODY, AND I GEEVE EET TO JU! Ees bout' time I vear PANTS een dees relationship!!"
"Ohhhh, NATASHA...Ju always know vat turn me on. I love ju too, vit your BEEG BUTT, BEEG BOOBIES, JU HAIR DAT'S STRAIGHT AND BLECK BUT CURLY AT ENDS, LONG THIN VAIST, LONG THIN LEGS, AND EVERYTING!! EVEN DEM SEXY ABS!"
"Do ju also love eyebrows? Personally I yam self conscious about eyebrows."
"Does Fearless Leader occasionally vear thong? DA! OF COURSE I LOVE JU EYEBROWS! EES EVEN QUVESTION?!"
"Now get de VHEEP, and vhen I crackink eet, dees time, Ju be callink ME FEARLESS LEADER!! RASKOLNIKOV, BEECH!"
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"Duuuuh, gee Rock, what d'ya s'pose they're doin' in there?" Bullwinkle asked.
"Making jello?" Rocky pondered. "...sounds like it. I'll check..."
(*door opens*)
(*SCHLORP!*)
"—OHHHHHHH..."
(*door quickly closes*)
"Sooo, what were they doin'?" The moose asked Rocky, now with a completely red face.
"Y-yeah, they were makin' jello alright." Rocky replied.
"Ooh, what kind, green? Red jello?"
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