Chapter 4 - Home

Alice rejoined us after we had been running for a few hours. She had a large bag slung over her shoulder and as we skidded to a stop she held out a bundle of clothes towards me. I squealed as i saw the denim and cotton in her hands. She had actually gotten me jeans and a shirt, nothing fancy, no dresses or skirts. I threw my arms around her and thanked her. She handed me the clothes with a gentle smile and I set off towards a few bushes for the illusion of privacy as I changed into the clean clothes. Alice assured me that at the house I could shower and she would provide me with new clothes again, so it didn't matter that I would dirty these up again. I smiled at her. I was glad I was getting somewhat clean again. I shuddered to think what I would have to deal with if Alice and Jasper hadn't found me. I would have either had to steal something, go near people or just go naked. None of those options were really enticing. We continued on when I was somewhat presentable again. Alice snatched up my old clothes and put them in a different bag.

As we got closer towards their house in New Hampshire, my nerves and doubts were starting to get the better of me. What if Alice had lied? What if they didn't want me after all? What if he was there?

'Bella?' Jasper called. Alerted by my growing anxiety. 'It's going to be fine. They'll be thrilled to see you.'

'Yes. You can't even believe how much Esme has missed you. Carlisle too.' Alice assured me. I swallowed hard and nodded, trying to settle myself down again. I felt the calm spreading through me. I wasn't sure if Jasper was helping or not.

Within a few minutes we arrived. Their mansion was grand again, but more homely in appearance. It was a cabin of sorts with lots of natural wood. The windows weren't as large as the Forks home. I stood for a moment, just taking it in with a small smile on my face. It was beautiful.

'Come on. let's go in.' Alice said. I nodded and took a deep breath. Then I followed her at a human pace through the front door. Esme and Carlisle were standing in the living room. Their eyes turned expectantly towards the entry way. Alice must have tipped them off somehow. As their gazes settled on me, my nerves flared up again.

'Hi' I brought out shyly as I stepped into the room. Jasper and Alice trailed after me.

'Oh Bella!' Esme brought out, emotion clearly overtaking her. She clasped her hands in front of her chest tightly but remained where she was. A stab of rejection shot through me. I had been right. They didn't want me, they just pitied me. I shook myself from my spiral.

'If I could just take a shower… I will go away again after that.' I mumbled, looking anywhere but at their sorrowful gazes. Esme frowned and Carlisle looked at me with pity.

'Bella?' Jasper asked. 'Please remember what we said.'

'Do you wish to leave us?' Carlisle asked.

I bit my lip and avoided his gaze. I wanted nothing more than stay with them. But I wasn't going to impose myself.
'I can't ask you to take me in. I don't belong with your family.'

Alice groaned. 'If only you could believe us.' She muttered. 'Bella. We love you. All of us love you. You are our family.'

'Please stay.' Esme said softly.

'Why don't you take a shower first. You'll be more comfortable after, and then we can talk?' Carlisle suggested.

I was grateful. I didn't feel comfortable facing them like this – a wild and dirty savage. Alice took my arm before I could say anything else and steered me in the direction of the stairs. She had quickly ushered me into a bedroom and then a subsequent bathroom. The rooms we passed through were huge, the bathroom was no exception. I was sure Charlie's entire living room could fit into this bathroom. I looked at the shower with giddiness. I couldn't wait to get in it. It was massive, with jets absolutely everywhere. it took up most of the left corner of the room. It even had a bench! I couldn't wait to be clean. There were different hair products and shampoos and body washes with lovely scents already permeating the air. Alice showed me how to operate the shower with a little panel just inside the shower door. She grabbed a few fluffy towels from a cupboard and put them on a small wooden bench next to the shower and then disappeared to the bedroom for a moment. She darted back a few seconds later with an armful of clothes.

'I took a few things. They're all new. I thought you would like them.'

'Are you actually letting me chose what to wear, Alice?' I asked her teasingly. b

She smiled at me but I was struck by the sorrow in her gaze. 'I'm so sorry for what we did to you. I don't want you to ever feel like you don't have a choice again.'She muttered. My eyes ached and I wished I could cry.

'Oh Alice.' I threw my arms around her. 'Thank you.'

She held me tightly before stepping back and ushering me into the shower.'Just leave those clothes on the bench and I'll throw them away later.' I nodded. 'We'll all be downstairs when you're ready.'

'All?' I echoed slightly alarmed.

'Don't worry, I meant Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and myself.'

I nodded again and then turned around to turn on the shower. Alice left the room silently. I set the temperature high, I was curious to see how it would feel on my new skin. i knew the cold didn't bother me and felt normal, but I was curious if the warmth would be different. Then I discarded my clothes. I could hear the voices drifting up from the living room. I shook myself and quickly stepped into the stream of water, not willing to hear what they were talking about. Although I knew I could easily hear it if I tried. Instead I focussed on the sound of the water rushing around me. The warmth of the water was delicious. I could feel it warming my skin. It burned hot on but it didn't hurt. It was a strange sensation but I welcomed it after the discomforts of the wilderness. I was embarrassed at the black water that dripped from my body as I held myself under the spray. How much dirt had I been cacked in exactly? It took a full minute for the water to turn clear again.

I set my sights on the lovely bottles of shampoo and body wash. I chose a lavender one and washed my hair, finding a few lost twigs caught in the tresses. I gently picked them from my hair and threw them out of the shower. Some leaves had also been caught in there and they quickly joined the twigs. The scent of lavender wrapped around me as I soaped my hair. A small content sigh escaped my lips as I bathed myself. When I was done lathering myself in fresh smells, I stepped out of the shower. I figured I would be cold and hurried over to the towels, but my new skin didn't feel cold like that anymore. I was glad to notice I could just stand around the room without feeling cold from the draft that blew over my skin. Instead it felt nice. Like a soft touch that was caressing my entire body. I marvelled at the sensation for a moment before wrapping a towel around my body and another in my hair. I dried off quickly and browsed through Alice's selection. I chose some underwear, probably not something Alice would have chosen for me, but they seemed comfortable. Then I took out a nice pair of jeans, designer of course, and a simple wrap sweater with a camisole for underneath.

Although it was a simple outfit, there was no doubt the clothes were superior to anything I had ever worn before. The sweater was made from soft fine wool, which turned out to be a hundred percent cashmere, after I checked the label. The camisole was pure silk and whispered with feather soft touches against my skin. Even the socks were amazing. But it might also just have been the idea of finally having clean socks on my feet again. I looked around to find some shoes, but there weren't any. I wasn't going to wear my filthy beaten down sneakers again either. So I just shrugged and padded out of the room without shoes. I hesitated at the bedroom door. Then I took a deep breath to calm myself and made my way downstairs again.

The family was sitting around the living room. They were sitting around casually talking about some new project Esme had started and I almost felt as if I was intruding. When I walked into the room all eyes turned to me and conversation stopped.

'My god, Bella.' Jasper brought out.

'My darling, you look amazing.' Esme breathed, her eyes sparkling with love.

I looked down embarrassedly. 'Uhm.' I said nervously smoothing down my sweater. 'Yeah, the change… improved some things.'

Alice lost it at that and started laughing. Jasper soon joined in and soon we were all laughing as Jasper made us all feel their joy.

'Thank you for the clothes, Alice.' I said when we had calmed down again.

'No problem.' She said.

'Do you also have some shoes for me?' I asked her, gesturing to my feet clad only in socks.

'Of course, I'll take you to the shoes in a moment.' She said. I nodded.

Carlisle motioned for me to sit down. I stepped over to one of the couches and sat down slowly, afraid if I moved too fast I would break the lovely sofa.

'Thank you for staying to talk.' He started. I nodded, nervous again. Would they kick me out now? 'Alice and Jasper filled us in on what Edward said to you.'
Carlisle actually looked angry. I had never seen him angry before. 'I can't believe he did that. I hope you know that if any of us had even any idea that he had lied, we would never have left. We love you.'

'But why didn't you think he had lied?' I pressed again, it felt like a repeat of the conversation I'd had with Alice and Jasper.

'We know what we were darling, our world was radically different from yours. You had already been attacked by a vampire once. The way Edward presented it was that Jasper's attack and the subsequent events that happened triggered PTSD to James' attack.'

'PTSD?' I echoed confused. Carlisle nodded sadly.

'I'm sorry I took his word for it without insisting on examining you myself first. But he was adamant that you didn't want that. I couldn't very well go against that.'

'We're so very sorry we didn't question him, Bella.'

'I wish you had, it would have saved me so much pain.' I brought out softly. Esme sucked in a tortured breath.

'Can you ever forgive us?' she whispered.

I thought that over for a moment. If they were really sincere, if they had believed I was frightened of them, could I really blame them for not coming to see me to check the story? They wanted to spare me pain… they loved me. I sighed.

'Of course I forgive you, Esme.' I said finally. 'There's nothing to forgive. You thought you were doing what was right.'

Esme let out a breath and as if unable to stop herself she rushed over to me and took me into her arms. I held on tightly for dear life. A sense of rightness settled in me and I realized I was home again. I had missed this.

'Thank you.' I chocked out. 'Thank you for allowing me to come back.'

'Allowing you?' Carlisle half chocked out. 'Darling Bella, you belong here. This is your home too.'

'Thank you.' I said again as a tearless sob wrecked through me. Carlisle sat down on my other side and patted my shoulder soothingly. Alice threw Jasper a glance and I felt him focus on me. I quickly shook my head at him. 'Please…' I stopped him. He looked at me confused. 'Please let me feel this. I need to feel this.'

He hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. 'Alright.'

'Thank you.'

We sat like that for a long time until my sobs finally quieted down.

'Did Alice and Jasper fill you in on what happened to me?' I asked Esme and Carlisle. They nodded sadly.

'If we had any idea he might come back for you we would have never left. I promise you. It wasn't our intention for you to be turned like this.'

'Like this? Or at all?' I brought out. It was a question that had bothered me for a while now. If I hadn't been turned into a vampire. Would they ever have come back for me? Or did they just not want me as a human but now I was a vampire I was welcome again?

'Alice saw you become one of us, clear as day.' Jasper supplied. 'It would have happened eventually.'

'But after your birthday, Edward was so horrified, that he decided to do what he did. He wanted to force you into a human life it seems.'

'He didn't want me to be a vampire…' I managed to bring out around the pain surrounding me.

Carlisle shook his head. 'It's not that he didn't want you, Bella. He does. But Edward struggles most with what we are. He couldn't take the idea of taking things from you.'

Yet he took away the thing I wanted most, him. But I didn't say that out loud. I knew he didn't want me anymore. That had been made clear. I would just have to deal with that. I nodded to Carlisle as if I understood. Mostly I just wanted to stop talking about him. It simply hurt too much.

'Will Emmett and Rosalie be back soon?' I asked. Alice's gaze became distant for a moment before she smiled at me.

'If you'll let me call them now, they'll be back tomorrow afternoon.'

'Alright.' I assented. Alice hopped up and quickly sped towards a phone. Esme looked like she might cry at the news. Again a stab of guilt washed through me. Her whole family had been cut up these past months. All because of me. 'I'm sorry, Esme' I said softly.

Her gaze turned bewildered as she looked at me. 'Sorry?' She echoed confused. 'My darling girl what do you have to be sorry for?'

'Because of me your family split up.'

Jasper groaned almost inaudibly and shook his head at me.

'No darling. That wasn't your fault.' Esme assured me. 'Nothing is your fault.' She said looked at me with complete sincerity.

I ducked my head and nodded. Falling back into her embrace easily. She held me tightly and I smiled to myself.
'How has your first week as a vampire been?' Carlisle inquired.

'Strange..' I mustered. 'It's been an adjustment. It's been lonely and hard… but also amazing… yet confusing.' I struggled to explain everything I felt. Carlisle nodded understandingly. 'It's just been a lot.' I finally said.

'Of course it has. I'm sorry you had to do that alone. Just know that from now on we will help you. you're not alone anymore. You never have to be alone again.' He assured me. I thank him.

We stayed up talking for hours. Talking about what else I could expect being a newborn. Jasper also told me his backstory and how he knew so much about newborns in the first place. I was glad as I heard his harrowing tales of crazed newborns, that my power seemed to be controlling myself. Carlisle had been so proud that I had seemed almost immediately fully in control of myself. Alice had joined us after speaking with Emmett and Rosalie. I shuddered what Rosalie was going to be like. She and I had never been friends when I was human. Would she hate me more or less now I was a vampire? They would indeed be here in just a few hours and I would find out.

'Would you like a room Bella?' Esme asked a little after three in the morning.

'A room?' I echoed.

'We all have a space to ourselves in this house. A room. Just a place purely your own to unwind, relax or just get away from everything.' She explained. 'Would you like one too?'

'Oh you don't have to do anything for me.' I quickly said, not wanted to feel like I was imposing on them.

'Bella.' Jasper groaned. 'When will you finally get it? You're part of this family.'

'Family members have a place in this home.' Alice added. Esme smiled at me gently and Carlisle nodded in agreement.

'Alright then.' I finally brought out. 'If you have an unoccupied room… I'll take it.'

Esme clapped her hands together and took hold of my hand. She hoisted me up from the couch and dashed up two flights of stairs. On the third level she stopped in front of a closed door.

'I was still debating what to do with this room. So try to look past everything. Alright?'

I nodded, slightly confused. She opened the door. The room was only the impression of a room. There were walls and windows, but that was it. It was still unfinished. Outlets were still only wires poking out of the wall. There was a bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. A door was missing at the en-suite bathroom. The bathroom itself was completely empty, not even tiled yet.

'What did you want to do with it?' I asked.

'I wasn't sure yet. I figured something like a guest bedroom.' Esme shrugged easily.

'Are you sure you want me to take this room? It's pretty large.' I said, stepping into the room and looking around. I was pretty sure it took up almost half of the third floor.

'I'm sure.' Esme assured me. Then she took my hand and steered me to the window. 'It has a great view.' She said. It did indeed. It looked out of the back of the house, from the landscaped garden right into the woods. There were trees everywhere the eye could see. It was extremely peaceful.

'Would you like to fix it up with me?' Esme asked, hope shining in her eyes. 'We could make it exactly like you want it.'

'I would like that.' I said softly. I hugged her again. Feeling her motherly love envelop me. I was truly home it seemed. They wanted to give me a permanent space in their home that was completely mine. 'Thank you.'

Esme smiled and squeezed me tightly. 'You are my daughter, Bella. And I want you to feel at home here. I'll do everything I can to make sure you feel at home here.' She assured me. She then clapped her hands together and signed me over to a table at the centre of the room. There were sketches on it with different bathroom designs.
'Now, which one speaks to you the most?' She asked getting to business. I smiled at her eagerness and headed over.

We spent the rest of the time until Rosalie and Emmett arrived deciding on bathroom designs, tile patterns, different baths and showers. Mirrors, toilets – although why we needed them I didn't know. Esme assured me it was for the resale value of the home if they ever decided to sell. A house without toilets would likely be a red flag, plus hard to sell. And I had to agree with that. So I picked out a toilet. It was after noon when Alice finally interrupted us.

'They'll be here in less than five minutes.' Alice announced stepping into the room.

'Alright. Let's go downstairs. I'll start ordering these items as soon as possible and then we'll start with the bedroom design.' Esme said gleefully. I smiled and nodded.

'Did you want shoes yet?' Alice asked me. I looked down at my feet and realized I was still in just my socks.

I shrugged. 'I guess. But no heels.' I said sternly. She shook her head and showed me her own feet. She was wearing ballet flats.

'We don't really wear heels in the house.' She said smiling at me. 'It damages the floors.'

'Oh.' I said lamely, ashamed I had attacked her like that for nothing.

'Come on then. ' She smiled at me and pulled on my hand. She took me a floor lower into what I realized was her own room.

'Do you share the room with Jasper?' I asked. Looking around.

She nodded. 'Mates don't really want to spend time apart. And if we do, the living room is good enough.' She said casually as she opened a door and stepped through.

I followed her and came up short. There was a massive closet, filled to the brim with garment bags, stacks of clothes, dresses lining the walls and floor to ceiling racks of shoes. There was a pillar with sunglasses, a futon with an assortment of hats, an entire section was dedicated to just jewellery. It was mazing and horrifying at the same time.
'Alice!' I exclaimed. 'It's like a mall!'

She grinned. 'I like shopping.' She said by way of explanation. I couldn't help but laugh at that. She took me over to the wall of shoes and told me to choose.

'Which ones are my size?' I asked.

'Oh these are just to check which ones you want. I have a whole range of sizes down in the basement.'

'You mean there is more?' I asked flabbergasted. She nodded then hurried me along into choosing a pair. I was overwhelmed for a moment and before I knew it Jasper appeared next to Alice, pulling her slightly behind himself. 'Sorry jasper.' I said immediately, clamping down on my distress. 'I'm okay.' I assured him. He frowned at me in confusion but then nodded. 'It's just a bit much.' I told him. He smiled understandingly.

'Go on. choose a pair.' Alice insisted again, stepping around Jasper again. Jasper stepped back but stayed in the room keeping a close eye on me. I finally decided on a pair and Alice flitted from the room before I had fully stretched out my hand towards them. A simple pair of black vans. A moment later she appeared in the room again with a shoebox in her hands. I took it from her and sat down on a small couch. I put my feet in the shoes and smiled at her.

'Thanks Alice. These are great.' She beamed back at me and then shoed Jasper from the room. Claiming nothing was going to happen. Jasper looked at me for a moment longer but then left.

'Sorry about that.' Alice said. 'He's just confused.'

'About?' I asked.

'You.' she said smiling. 'He's never seen anything like you. He's not sure how to handle it. He keeps expecting it to wear off and for you to go off the deep end.'

'Honestly I do too.' I admitted. 'Half the time I'm so overwhelmed it's hard to think straight.'

'But somehow you manage to pull yourself back and that's hard for him to understand. He's never seen any newborn do that.'

'Sorry.' I mumbled.

Alice started laughing. 'Stop apologizing. You're a natural. It's a good thing Bella'

I smiled back at her then. 'Alright'

Two new voices floated up the stairs then. Accompanied by two new smells. It seemed Emmett and Rosalie had arrived.