Though Olivia slept well that night, she woke up early without an alarm. She lay in bed on her back, staring at her ceiling, as the morning light grew stronger outside. The fingers of her right hand rested on her face, specifically on the place where Elliot had mouthed three words last night, just as she had done two nights ago.
Is this really happening? Have these last two days been real? Is everything really about to change? Would he really leave SVU so that I can stay? Will it be worth it?
All of the big questions were going round and round in Olivia's mind, but not in a way that caused her to panic, or even get very anxious. She just lay in bed, watching the morning light grow brighter across her ceiling, touching that spot on her face.
In between the questions, memories of yesterday flashed through her senses. A few lines had been crossed that neither had dared cross before for reasons that were now gone. Holding hands, the flirting…innocent as these gestures were, it was a long way from the shoulder pats and light teasing they'd been accustomed to. It hadn't only felt wonderful – more wonderful than she was ready to admit – it had felt natural. Even…dare she even think it…right.
The sound of her cell phone ringing pulled her out of her trance-like reverie. She sat up and picked up her phone, noticing from her alarm clock that it was just past seven o'clock. Not surprisingly, it was Elliot calling, and she answered promptly with a smirk.
"Benson," she said, her voice completely professional.
His laughter on the other end was music to her ears. "Seriously?"
"Call it force of habit," teased Olivia before her smirk softened into a smile. "Hi."
"Hey. Are you still willing to spend the day with me?"
"Yeah, of course, El. What did you have in mind?"
"There's a place I want to show you. It's a few hours away, though, and we'll be outside. The weather looks like it'll cooperate, so are you up for that?"
"Sure. Anything I can bring?"
"Just make sure to wear shoes that you can take off and carry around easily."
Having gotten a good idea about the kind of place he'd be taking her to, Olivia smiled and said, "Careful, Stabler. Not giving a clear answer to a detective…"
"Eh, I like to live dangerously. Be outside your building at nine; I'll pick you up."
"Alright. See you later."
"See you soon."
They hung up, and Olivia finally got out of bed and actively met the day.
Right on time, Elliot pulled up in front of Olivia's building. Before he had a chance to call and let her know he was here, she was walking out of the front doors. He had to smile at the way she was dressed, for she had clearly guessed the kind of place he'd be taking her to.
Olivia wore Capri jeans with sandals, a black tank under a long cream-colored sweater, and the red bandana she had worn yesterday to keep her hair back.
"Morning, sunshine," he greeted, holding out a coffee for you.
She smiled at the playful greeting that the two often used with each other – the only kind of pet name that either had permitted themselves with each other. "Hey, thanks," she said, taking the coffee from him, knowing that it was exactly the way she liked it.
"The bandana's back," he quipped as he pulled the car away from the curb. He certainly wasn't complaining – Elliot thought that she looked damn cute in it.
"Well, going by what you told me this morning, I'll need to keep my hair under control from the salty sea breeze."
"Stop being a detective," he said with a smile.
The two spent the entire trip in comfortable silence. They had spent so much time in a car together throughout their partnership, from short trips across the city to longer trips out-of-state on a case. Both had learned to use the time spent in a car as a respite from their stressful, busy, and fast-paced job. They would only talk if it was on the phone, or if it was about the current case that they were working on.
If they weren't talking, the radio would be tuned in to either a sports game or a station that they agreed upon. Today, it was a station that played a soccer game overseas. Olivia didn't mind. As Elliot focused on driving and listening to the game, Olivia gazed out the window and mulled over what lay ahead today. So many questions needed to be answered, and so many decisions needed to be made today.
After all, tomorrow both of them had to go back to work. But which would stay…and which would go?
The questions that she had been mulling over this morning before Elliot called circled in her mind again, along with new ones about the two of them and what they were becoming. Olivia couldn't deny to herself what she wanted with Elliot anymore. But what exactly did he want? They hadn't yet crossed any lines that couldn't be written off as friendly, teasing and fun. What if that was all he wanted: her good friendship. Biting her lip, Olivia closed her eyes against the feeling that thought gave her. Though she would do anything for Elliot…she couldn't do that now. Perhaps with time and separation…Then she remembered his parting gesture last night…those same three words against her cheek that she had pressed against his cheek…
"Liv."
His voice and a warm feeling on her hand brought Olivia out of her head. Turning to Elliot, she saw that he had one hand on the wheel and his other hand was covering her own. The car had stopped at a red light just off the highway. His gaze on her showed nothing but compassion.
"We'll work everything out, Liv."
Glad that he could read her so well, Olivia nodded and squeezed his hand, letting it go when the light turned green. "Where are we?" she asked, embarrassed that she'd been so lost in her head she hadn't even read the road signs.
"Wildwood in Jersey. Ever been here before?"
"I don't think so."
"I know a place where we can grab some lunch, then I'll take you to the beach."
Olivia raised her eyebrows. She'd already guessed from the clues he'd given her that they were visiting a beach. Even so, Olivia was surprised. "Wow. Not exactly the season most people go to the beach, Elliot."
He shrugged, eyes on the road and a smile on his face. "Even better, since there won't be nearly as many people as there would be otherwise. Trust me – this place is packed in the summer."
Olivia nodded, deciding to trust him and leave her questions for a little longer.
After grabbing a bite to eat at a local burger joint, Elliot led the way straight from there to the beach, literally a stone's throw away. Elliot had been right when he'd predicted that the beach would be empty. Perhaps that was because they were some distance from the more popular beaches by the boardwalks of the town. The weather was not bad at all: temperature in the low sixties, not-too-strong winds, and light clouds covering the sky so that the sun was only softened rather than blocked.
Olivia took off her sandals before stepping onto the wet sand. She smiled at the sensation, glad that the water was actually warm as a wave gently washed over her feet. The light from the sun behind the thin veil of clouds cast a shimmery silver light on the sea, and it was pretty breath-taking. Olivia honestly couldn't even remember the last time she'd been to a beach like this, not just in proximity to one while working a case. Soaking in every sensation, she was very glad that Elliot had brought her here.
Looking over her shoulder, Olivia saw Elliot bending down and rolling up the ends of his jeans. The sight brought a memory to her mind, and she couldn't stop a grin from spreading across her face. He spotted it as he straightened up again. "What's so funny, Benson?"
The grin still on her face, she said, "Do you remember a case we worked our first year together, a millionaire was strangled in his home after being strung up as a sex slave to these two Russian women?"
Elliot furrowed his brow, digging through his memory, and then his expression cleared. "Oh, yeah. It ended when the killer shot himself after reciting his version of a Russian love poem."
"Yeah. I just remembered a spa that we went to chasing down a lead, and the manager made us take off our shoes off and put on flip-flops. You rolling up your pant legs brought that back to me."
Elliot laughed and walked towards her. "Oh yeah, he was very insistent." His eyes narrowed as he put on a bad Russian accent. "I don't care – you must take off your shoes." His eyes lit up as he stopped by her side. "And then the next place we went to, the receptionist took one look at you and assumed you were a first-time customer and had brought me for moral support."
Olivia joined in his laughter as her eyes drank in the sight of him: so relaxed and laughing in his jeans, white t-shirt, and Yankee's hoodie. Their laughter faded to comfortable silence, standing side-by-side, looking out at the ocean as the tail-ends of waves brushed their feet.
It was Olivia who eventually broke the silence. "If not for moments like that, I don't think God would even be able to do this job."
"Mmm," Elliot hummed in agreement.
Olivia bit her lip and looked at his profile. Time to start getting some answers. "Did you mean it yesterday, Elliot?"
Elliot turned his head to look at her. "I meant everything I said to you yesterday, Liv. What specifically are you asking about?"
Olivia took a breath before responding. "I mean…would you really be okay with transferring somewhere else?" There was more she wanted to express, like how she would never want him to do anything on her account that he would later regret, but those words seemed to dry up in his gaze. Because she knew that he could see all of that in her eyes.
Elliot turned to fully face her and took her right hand in his left hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Yes, Liv. I honestly think I would be okay. Like I said, doing this work is your vocation. Plus…the thought of me continuing on the job with you gone…" He shook his head as his expression became troubled. "I'm already the poster boy for rage, Liv, and this kind of work doesn't help. You…"
He looked down at their hands, and Olivia squeezed his, silently encouraging him to keep going.
"If you left and I stayed, I'd be fine for a while…but I'd snap eventually. You balance me out and calm me in ways I can't describe. I wouldn't trust myself to do this job, day in and day out, without you with me. You could do it without me, I have no doubt of that. You could take over someday after Cragen retires and you work your way up. So…this seems like a no-brainer to me."
Elliot finished with that casual comment and a shrug, but his eyes remained on their hands. Olivia almost wanted to cry, both at his reasoning and knowing how much it took for Elliot to admit to that reasoning. So, she lifted her free hand to his cheek, causing his eyes to meet hers again.
"Then we know what to tell Cragen tomorrow morning." She blinked hard to keep back some tears. "Thank you, El."
Knowing all that she was thanking him for, Elliot took her hand from his cheek so he could press a kiss to it. He then motioned behind him with his head, a silent invitation for them to walk. Olivia nodded, picking up their shoes and handing Elliot his before they started down the beach.
There was still so much to resolve.
A/N: First of all, thank you all so much for the response to my one shot "Penance." It literally just poured out of me after the episodes aired, like a demon that had to be exorcised. I'm glad it helped you as much as it did me.
I'm going to try to finish this little story before the next episodes air if only to avoid spoilers. I'm seriously considering waiting until the season is over to watch it; especially after just how stupidly Elliot behaved in this last episode, this rollercoaster is a little too strong for me right now (I'm sure you can at least understand).
BTW, when Olivia is referring to Elliot's bare feet, the case she's talking about is from S01E12 "Russian Love Poem". I'd forgotten just how funny that scene was.