Severus Snape and the Folly of Hope 4
A Beautiful Night
Severus Snape had a plan. A plan so perfect he was delirious with euphoria. In fact he was so delirious with euphoria that he was currently vomiting into a toilet. Does that make any sense at all?
The plan had crystallized in his mind's eye midway through breakfast the day after Lily and himself had arrived at Hogwarts yet again. It really was the perfect plan as he felt the bile burn the back of his throat. Severus had quietly excused himself (not that any of his Slytherin classmates or so-called Slytherin "friends" would noticed much less care where he had gone), quietly walked to the nearest bathroom (all the while adding details to the plan), quietly opened the nearest stall (not that this was necessary as the restroom was deserted). At his point the plan was finished and the euphoria Severus was feeling became unbearable. Severus proceeded to violently vomit his entire meal into the toilet.
The plan was…elegant in its simplicity. The objective of the plan was to eliminate every single Marauder as quickly as possible. There was no way he could ever take on all 4 of them at once, kill them in cold blood, and then slink away without being noticed. No, he needed them to not even realize he was there. No, four against one would be much too messy. Three against one would still be messy, but no one would ever suspect Severus' hand in the matter. Afterall, werewolves are well known for being blood thirsty monsters. Over the many centuries of study Severus had come across a charm that took the bloodlust present in all werewolves and stoked it into an inferno. If cast upon a werewolf in human form they would attack any living thing with bare hands and teeth, but when cast on a werewolf during a full moon…well, the monster was already in a bloodlust rage and the wizard just threw petrol on that fire.
Incitato bestia
It would be highly reckless to ever caste it on a werewolf in a school full of children, so it's a good thing Lupin always left for the shrieking shack with his equally reckless "friends."
It struck Severus just how similar the broad strokes of the plan mirrored Black's plan to have himself mauled by a werewolf back in his original life. He felt bile rise in his throat at the mere thought that he and Black weren't so different, but while both Severus and Black were willing to use Lupin as a murder weapon, only Black would add insult to injury by claiming to be the murder weapon's friend. Severus was never and will never be a friend to Lupin. Potter Sr had a knack for surrounding himself with treacherous leeches who wore the mask of a friend. Pettigrew betrayed Potter and his bride over to the Dark Lord in every lifetime. Black attempted to throw Lupin's life away in order to remove a single enemy in the vast majority of lifetimes. And then there was Lupin himself, betraying Albus' trust every single full moon and recklessly endangering hundreds of children for a few hours of frenzied joy.
The plan was to brew a draught of disillusionment. A potion of Severus' own design. It had taken a whole lifetime to perfect. It protected from both being seen as well as from magical surveillance. A drinkable invisibility cloak if you will. Without the advantage of that damn map or the accursed inheritance of the Deathly Hallow cloak, Potter became just another mediocre wizard. The draught of disillusionment negated both advantages and passed them on to Severus.
Then Severus would wait in the Shrieking Shack for those vermin to enter. They always allowed Lupin to enter by himself to give the appearance that they respected Albus' protections and then they would sneak inside in animal form to dismantle the protections that would keep hundreds of Hogwarts students safe so they could have a lunar lark about the Hogwarts grounds. Where any hapless students breaking curfew could stumble upon them and be mauled by a werewolf. It was a miracle that this didn't happen while Lupin was at Hogwarts. Or so Severus thought until he decided that eternity without Lily gave him enough time to look into the matter. In fact, that is exactly what happened, happens, will happen to an unfortunate Hufflepuff just a year from the present in 1976. Naturally, Albus swept the negligent homicide by his golden quartet under the rug so well that it took many decades of digging for Severus to find out the truth.
The official story was that Allen Whitefield, a fourth year muggleborn Hufflepuff, got too curious about the forbidden forest and got swarmed by an Acromantula army and his body was never found.
The actual story was that Allen was kipping off for a moon lit liaison down by the lake with a lover whose family did not approve of him. For one he was a muggleborn and for another he was homosexual. But before he could reach the lakeside Potter's merry band of murderers arrived and the three animagi were so surprised by his presence that they briefly lost control of their pet werewolf. That brief surprise was all it took for Allen to have his head ripped off.
Lupin most likely never remembered that he had killed a junior student. The bloodlust had clouded his mind so thoroughly that he had no recollection of decapitating Allen. Severus supposed that Lupin was lucky that he killed a lowborn of muggles wizard instead of a high-class pureblood. Albus would have had a heck of a time protecting a friend of the elite pureblood Potters had Lupin murdered another pureblood.
No wonder Lily said in one of the rare lives that Severus was able to keep their friendship limping along that Potter had matured so much in his sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts. The burden of keeping a secret that would doom his friend to a dementor's kiss and the knowledge that it was his own recklessness that let Lupin become a killer must have aged that sorry sack of shit into almost a man.
Severus was getting sidetracked. The plan, the plan. Remember the plan. Severus felt the bile in the back of his throat as he forced himself to return to the most perfect plan he had ever made.
Once inside the Shack, Severus would wait until the correct moment: after the horrific transformation took place, after his animagi friends arrived, but before the barrier to keep werewolves in was torn down; to cast the terrible charm. The only survivor, Lupin, would be sentenced to a swift death by Dementor's kiss.
And with that kiss any chance of Severus' involvement with the horrific triple homicide and the injustice of the execution to follow will be completely erased. And the best and the worst part of it all is: Lupin will most likely willingly embrace the dementor's kiss. He'll most likely be suicidal in the end: he had killed all three of his closest friends. Literally shredding their bodies into bits and pieces with his own inhuman hands. In fact, Severus was sure that Lupin would be eager for death. Even if Albus stalled the sentence for an investigation, it wouldn't even fucking matter, because Lupin would kill himself in a feat of self-pitying masochism.
The plan was beautiful. The fact that it was his own deranged mind to think it up made Severus hate himself all the more.
Is it any wonder that Lily could never love you? When the only way you can save her is by murdering three pieces of shit before allowing the disposal of a fourth? Look at yourself, wizard. You have wasted entire generations trying to save her and the best you can come up with is killing her cunt of a husband and his equally sociopathic friends.
It would be so much easier if Lily could have loved him. If Lily—sweet, beautiful Lily—would look upon him with a slightly lesser adoration as that which she would look upon James Potter in the Daily Prophet clippings that had been seared into his mind's eye ever since his very first life. What did Potter have to earn such a beautiful look from Lily? And then Severus would look in the mirror.
He had a vault full of gold and a handsome face and a pure wizarding lineage. He was also a Gryffindor, which meant he could do no wrong in the eyes of his fellow Gryffindors.
Even if the plan succeeded and the Marauders met with a timely and fully deserved end, Lily Potter would still be in danger. A strong-willed and beautiful muggleborn is bound to draw the ire of the Dark Lord's followers and the Dark Lord himself eventually. Killing Potter's gang would just be a stalling maneuver. It would buy him time of which he already had too much. Time in which hopefully he could get Lily to flee this wretched fucking island for safer climates. Know-it-all Granger was right: get your loved ones out while you still can.
Once Potter was gone, maybe then Lily would look at him with love in her eyes like in those newspaper clippings.
STOP!
Stop that at once, Snivellus. Do not want that which is beautiful. You are half a wizard, you are unworthy to every have anything beautiful. Do not want what you cannot have. Do not want what you cannot have. Do not want what you cannot have!
Severus continued dry heaving into the toilet as the mantra beat its way through his shattered psyche. His stomach was empty already, but his heart was filled with a desperate need to have Lily Potter look at him like he mattered. And that was the funniest part of all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lily Evans was mildly taken aback when she saw Severus in their next class. He looked like a walking corpse.
"Hey Sev, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Lily. Its just the last of my good nature is dying, but you are still lovely as always," Severus managed the strength to smile weakly.
Black never misses an opportunity: "Hah, as if Snivellus ever had any good nature," he crowed from the safety of his circle of friends.
"Shut up, Black," and Lily never misses a chance to defend her friend; even if she really doesn't mean it, "Severus has plenty of good nature—"
Severus wanted to laugh until he cried as Lily play-acted the role she held since childhood: his best friend. He knew all her tells after decades of decoding the collapse in their relationship; and right now, she was embarrassed that she was defending him, a Slytherin, against Black, a Gryffindor, yet again.
There, there, Lily. I know defending Snivellus is mortifying, but don't worry. After tonight's full moon, you'll never have to defend me from the likes of them again. Everything I do, I do for your sake. Maybe one day you will see that.
"What Sirius is trying to say, Lily, is that he is a Slytherin and everyone knows that their house is not the house of 'good natures,'" Potter Senior had cut Lily off, and Severus noticed that she seemed relieved to not have to continue her tired defense.
Luckily, it was at that moment that Professor Flitwick arrived to start the class, so Severus didn't have to play act the Severus everyone knew and expected. Honestly, the subterfuge of pretending to be a 15-year-old boy with a temper to match was exhausting.
Severus pondered what was about to happen inside the shrieking shack as he waited under the draught of disillusionment. Technically, it still wasn't too late to hold to the light after all. He could go back to his dorm right now and pretend that he never considered massacring the marauders.
But then the memory of desperately clutching Lily's cold corpse to his chest hundreds of times prior returned again and weeping bitterly for her loss resurfaced, and Severus knew that those worthless sons of bitches had to die.
It was the eleventh hour already. It was a late moon-rise tonight, for which Severus was grateful. It gave him time to reflect on what must be done. If Lily was to have any hope of surviving the war then the Marauders had to die. It really was that simple. But still, the thought 'What would Lily think?' resurfaced.
Severus pushed the thought away. As long as Lily was alive at the end of the war, then she could have any opinion on the matter she wished. She could hate him all the more for what was about to occur, and Severus would welcome it. He would enjoy her hatred when compared to the hollow void she left behind after her destined death. Really, anything would be better than the cold memory of her glassy green eyes staring into nothing or those same eyes staring out of James Potter's face. So if those eyes stared at him with disgust and derision out of Lily's face, then so be it.
Lupin entered just a few minutes before the moon rose.
Cutting it a little close there, werewolf?
Severus sneered as he steeled his heart and observed the transformation. His murder weapon was now in place.
The three unwitting victims entered in animal form and began working on unraveling the protections.
The moment was now. Severus lifted his wand and committed himself wholly to the path of darkness.
"Incitato bestia"
And in that moment with a single spell, Severus became a Dark Lord.