Content Warning for swearing and discussion of medical procedures in this chapter.
Quite a heavy chapter this one, lots more Steve angst and him thinking about his relationship with Kate. Found it quite hard to write all the medical stuff but a gave it my best shot, I hope it makes sense. Insomnia sucks but it does mean more time for story research. I hope what I've included is accurate, but Science is not my strong subject so if anything is wrong I'm sorry.
There is also an appearence of a certain (yes I know she's dead) Holby Doctor, non canon because in my head she and Serena got their happily ever after (they deserved it okay!) and no one can make me think otherwise.
Hope you enjoy :)
The door to the hospital crashed open.
"Female, mid thirties, GSW to the abdomen. GCS 8 on scene, dropped to 6 enroute. She's Tachy at 120 and BP is 80/50. Sats at 90% on O2, reps rate 20."
Steve followed behind the paramedics, still clinging onto Kate's hand. He didn't want to let go, for fear that if he did he'd never see Kate again, he couldn't leave her. Please let her be okay. More Doctors and nurses began to surround Kate, "recheck ABCs."
"cross match for 4 units. FBC and Coagulation. U and Es and Lactate."
A nurse gently placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, "they're going to look after her, you need to give the Doctors some space now." Steve gave Kate's hand a final squeeze before allowing himself to be reluctantly ushered out of the way. Just hang on mate. A tangle of green and blue scrubs obscured Kate from view.
"What's her name?" He heard one of them say, the first thing he had understood amongst all the medical terminology. This is what it must be like, he thought, when Civilians hear us Coppers speak, just meaningless acronyms and numbers.
"Kate," he stuttered. "Her name is Kate".
"Kate, can you hear me? Kate, my name's Bernie, I'm one of the Trauma Doctors." A tall woman with short blonde hair leant over Kate. I'm going to be looking after you. Can you open your eyes for me Kate?"
"Kate?"
"That's it, I need you to try and stay awake for me Kate."
"We need to get another line in. Large bore access."
"Lets get another 5 of morphine."
"Set up a 12 lead."
"Push fluids, she's hypovolemic."
"Shit, she's haemorrhaging."
"Activate Major haemorrhage protocol."
"Start with a bolus of TXA."
"TXA going in."
"Where's that MHP!"
Steve could only stand and watch, everything was happening so fast, there were more shouts of words he didn't understand, and Kate was soon engulfed by wire and tubes.
Please save her, please. She looked so fragile lying there, pale and exposed, as if she could break completely from the slightest touch. Please be okay, you can get through this Kate, you're so strong mate. Just hang in there please.
A monitor screamed, a continuous tone echoing across the walls and Steve was torn from his thoughts.
"Peri-arrest"
"She's crashing!"
"Start CPR."
"We need a secure airway."
"Prep for an RSI"
"Fast bleep the theatre team. Emergency Laparotomy, we need to go now."
Just as quickly as they had rushed in, the team of nurses and Doctors rushed out, still surrounding Kate, lying motionless on the stretcher.
Steve is left standing alone, he still had Kate's blood on his hands.
The fluorescent lights flickered and hummed monotonously, their faded glow dancing across the scuffed linoleum floor.
The hard plastic of the chair dug into Steve's back, but the dull ache was nothing compared to the fear that still gripped his heart. He's never been so scared, he just couldn't comprehend a world without Kate in it. Intelligent, dedicated and head-strong, always wanted to do the right thing. God she could be infuriating sometimes too. After being shown memes by Josh, she had inundated him with them. Dogs in waistcoats and stupid jokes, Kate knew exactly how to wind him up. Her eyes lighting up and a coy smile creeping across her face when he fell for another of her pranks. Kate who always had his back, was always there when he needed her, without him ever having to ask. And tonight, when she had needed him, he wasn't there.
The image of Kate lying unconscious and bleeding burnt into his mind, her ragged gasps for breath echoed in his ears. Holding her icy cold hand in his, willing with every fibre of his being for her to hold on.
If felt as if time had come to a standstill, he didn't know if it had been hours, minutes or days since they'd whisked Kate away in a frenzy of monitors and medical jargon. Each moment drawn out into eternity and all he could do was wait. Fuck this. He sprang up, no longer able to just sit and wait, and lashed out at the first thing he saw. A metal paper bin was sent clattering down the corridor.
"Woah there fella," came an exclamation from behind him. Ted. Steve turned to the Gaffer who was holding two paper cups of murky brown liquid pretending to be Coffee.
"Machine quality, but it's hot and caffeinated. So, if you are going to insist on waiting it will have to do."
"Thanks," Steve muttered as Ted handed him one of the cups. He stared down at the murky brown liquid, lost for words.
"She is a strong wee lassie, our Kate," came Ted's heartfelt reply. "She's a fighter and too bloody stubborn to go out like this. She's going to be okay, I'm sure of it." He trailed off, words lacking belief and conviction.
Steve and Ted fell into a subdued silence, there wasn't anything left to say.
Ted gazed slowly up at the ceiling, pangs of guilt heavy in his chest. Again, one of his best officers had been critically injured, partly through his orders. If only he had followed Steve and agreed to bring Ryan in when they had the chance. He closed his eyes with a weary sigh and turned to the only thing he could do to help. He prayed.
Steve slumped back into the chair, ignoring the stabs of pain in his back, exhausted but incapable of sleep. Ted was snoring quietly a few chairs down, the events of the last few hours having clearly taken their toll. The usual smart uniform now dishevelled, shirt untucked and tie loosened.
For a moment, he felt a slight envy towards the Gaffer, sleeping through the agonising wait for news. How could he sleep when his colleague, his partner, his best friend was fighting for her life in an operating theatre further down the corridor.
"Mr Arnott?" Steve looked up to see the blonde Doctor who had earlier introduced herself as Bernie.
"Dr. Wolfe, call me Bernie please. I'm the Doctor in charge of Miss Flemming's care."
"Steve."
"Can I?" she asked, motioning to the chair next to Steve.
"I understand you are Miss Flemming's next of kin?"
"Kate," Steve interjected, imagining how Kate would squirm being referred to as 'Miss Flemming'.
"I…" Steve began. He didn't know Kate had changed her next of kin, or that she's chosen him. Things must be really bad with Mark, why didn't you tell me Kate? Why didn't you tell me? About Jo, about Mark and Josh, about how you felt, about anything? You're my best friend Kate, why didn't you tell me?
Steve knew the answer, the same reason why he hadn't told Kate about his back and the painkillers or Steph Corbett.
Because sometimes it's easier to pretend that everything is fine than admit you are vulnerable or struggling.
"I'm her friend," he responded, unsure of how to sum up their relationship, Kate was like a sister to him but so much more. "Is she, is she," he scarcely dared say the words for fear of what may come next. He took a deep, shaking breath to steady himself, before finally asking. "Is she okay?"
Steve glanced at the Doctor's face, but her expression remained neutral, giving nothing away.
"We were able to stop the bleeding and get her stable," Bernie paused, Steve felt an initial wash of relief but his heart sank as he realised there was still more to say. You didn't need to be a detective to know that there was a but coming.
"But," Bernie's expression turned solemn, and Steve felt like he couldn't breathe. Please let Kate be okay.
"The bullet caused some significant internal injuries and Kate lost a lot of blood. As a result, she went into Cardiac Arrest on the table. We were able to get her back, but she was down for a long time."
"What...What does that mean?" Steve stuttered, his brain still struggling to process the words he was hearing.
"It means," Bernie continued softly, "Clinically, Kate was dead for nearly 10 minutes."
Upon hearing those words, everything stopped. Steve felt as if someone had torn his heart out, he could feel the walls closing in and he couldn't breathe. Kate had died and his world had ended. His best friend, he hadn't been able to save her. Steve crumbled in on himself with an agonising wail. "No, please no," he gasped between shaking breaths.
Ted, woken by Steve's anguished howl, hastilty stood up, taking stock of the situation. His DI sobbing, crumbled in the plastic chair, next to him a Doctor. He knew then that the news couldn't be good.
A gentle hand squeezed his shoulder, "Mr Arnott, Steve." Bernie's soft voice broke through the sobs. "Steve, I need you to look at me, deep breaths. Can you do that." Steve shakily raised his head, to meet Bernie's kind eyes. "That's it," she said calmly, "deep breaths, okay." Slowly, guided by Bernie and the occasional grunt from the gaffer Steve regained control of his breathing.
"Sorry," he mumbled, looking back down at the floor.
"Oh, fella," Ted sighed.
"You have nothing to apologise for," Bernie declared.
"Kate is stable at the moment, but her condition is still critical. She's not breathing on her own right now, so we're having to help with that. We won't really know whether there will be any lasting effects until she wakes up." Steve's head sunk into his hands and he only just caught what Bernie said next. "If she wakes up."
"I.." his eyes filled with tears that he didn't know he had left. If she wakes up. The words hang heavy in the air, filling the silence.
The thought spiralled round his head. If she wakes up. He didn't want to comprehend the possibility. There couldn't be an if. Kate had to wake up, she just had to.
"Can I see her?"
"She's being transferred to ICU, as soon as they're ready I'll come and get you."
Bernie stood up slowly, offering Steve a caring smile. "You should try and get some rest, it might be a few hours before you can see Kate. She'll need you to be strong, so please, try and rest."
Steve was about to protest, claim he wasn't tired, but he could already feel his eyelids drooping. Bernie disappeared down the corridor as Steve gave in and drifted into a restless sleep.