Chapter Four: Valuable Life Lessons are Avoided At All Costs

Hisashi was breathing into his inhaler and trying to contain another coughing fit when he heard pounding on the cabin door. "This is the police! Open up!"

Of all the times for his body not to be working correctly! He growled, "Did you commit any crimes lately, you spikey-haired delinquent?"

Kaji bristled. "Not unless fantasizing about killing you counts."

The police called, "Yuuto Shigaraki, we demand you come out with your hands up."

In truth, Hisashi had already realized even before they'd spoken. Of course they'd come for him.

He'd warned his weak little brother countless times that if he ever left the gentle confines of his protection then this would happen. Yuuto had never been part of his organization, never committed any crimes. But the government would trump up charges and arrest him in order to use him as a hostage against the terrifying All for One.

"It figures that your security and secrecy is so weak." Hisashi sighed. "Does this hovel at least have a back exit?"

"Less being snooty, more running," Kaji growled, lifting him up and dragging him.

The cabin had a back door disguised from outdoor sight by bushes and vines. Kaji lead them through just as the police busted down the front door.

They ran.

Though the police shouted at them to stop, they didn't try to shoot. Hisashi had counted on that. They knew full well a dead hostage would be useless—and would get them murdered by All for One.

A man dressed in a sparkly jumpsuit dropped from the sky and landed in front of them, blocking their escape. Many press briefings had displayed the face of the leader of Japan's first team of professional heroes: Akira Shogo.

The hero addressed Kaji: "This is none of your affair. I doubt taking his brother's lover hostage would have any effect on All for One. Walk away, and you don't need to get hurt."

"You're not even going to pretend to have a just reason? You'll openly admit to taking civilians as hostages? What kind of hero are you?" Kaji snarled. Sparks danced down his arms as he prepared to fight.

A dozen more people in hero costumes emerged from the trees. Kaji paled.

A man with spiky brown hair stood among them. He waved. "Lord's idiot brother, I'm here to save you!"

Hisashi stared. Was that Machia wearing a hero costume?

Yuuto dropped down from the sky and punched Akira Shogo in the face.

Machia and Yuuto went back-to-back as the professional heroes surrounded them. One growled, "Machia, how could you betray us on your first day on the job?"

Yuuto sneered. "How can you scum call yourselves heroes when you take hostages from innocent people?" Well, okay, his big brother wasn't innocent, but they didn't know that. "False heroes will never win." An evil laugh escaped his lips. Funny how that kept happening. Once he'd started doing them, he couldn't seem to stop.

Looking too relaxed for his situation, Hisashi raised an eyebrow. "Foolish little brother, you planted a spy among the heroes and used it to find our location? I didn't think you had that kind of cleverness in you. I'm slightly impressed."

"You always underestimate me," Yuuto said, seeing no need to reveal he'd basically done it by accident. It was a bit unnerving to hear his brother's familiar condescending speech coming out of a face looking exactly like his own.

Hisashi continued, "But your maniacal laughter needs work. It should come more from your belly."

Unfortunately, Yuuto had no time to respond with something snarky as the fight began. He was still outnumbered. Kaji leapt into the fray, shouting, "I'm so relieved to see you, Yuuto! Hanging out with your brother sucks!"

With his new collection of powers, Yuuto used an energy shield to block every blow, then threads and air blasts to push people down so Machia or Kaji could knock them unconscious. Standing over the fallen bodies of his enemies, he said, "That's what you get for favoring stylish abilities over substance! I have a very heroic power! So there!"

"Don't move or your brother dies!" Akira had gotten to his feet. He held a knife at Hisashi's throat.

Yuuto's heart stopped. Had Akira been faking unconsciousness to wait for this moment? This was all his own fault for failing to knock the man out properly!

Hisashi bit Akira's arm.

The leader of the heroes howled. Hisashi grabbed the bleeding arm and threw Akira over his shoulder. Then he throat-stamped the hero. Akira went down with a gurgle.

Blood dripping from his mouth, Hisashi looked up. A wide grin covered his face. "Is this what if feels like when you go feral, Yuuto? No wonder you do it so often. It's a lot of fun." His words ended in a cough.

"Oh, no." Yuuto rushed over. He found an inhaler in his brother's pocket and held it up.

Hisashi wheezed, "Or maybe being perpetually sick makes you cranky. I could understand that, too."

Machia looked between them. "Why did the idiot brother just address Lord as idiot brother?"

Instead of explaining that one, Yuuto ordered, "Go to the cabin and look for rope to secure our prisoners."

"Right away, Lord." Machia left.

Turning toward his older brother, Yuuto smiled. "I'm very glad to see you."

"You are? Because you want to toss me into the vault again?" Hisashi backed away.

"No, because I want to apologize to you. I said some egotistical stuff back when I didn't realize what it was like to be the target of discrimination."

Hisashi looked gob-smacked. "Is this a joke?"

"I'm serious. Now I better understand what you've been through, I hope we can have a conversation in earnest about the state of the world and how to fix it." As Yuuto spoke, his body started to glow. He looked down at the shimmering light on his hands. "What's happening?"

Hisashi beamed. "You learned the lesson your power wanted you to learn! We're switching back!"

Except nothing happened. Yuuto continued to glow, but that was all. After a moment, he said, "I think you were supposed to learn a lesson too, Hisashi. That's probably why we switched bodies."

Hisashi looked indignant. "What lesson would I need to learn?"

Kaji muttered, "I don't know where to start. Don't stick your brother in a bank vault? Don't murder people?"

Hisashi bit his lip and thought. "Yuuto, after being inside your body, I realized how painful your illness must be for you. It sucks to be weak."

Hisashi's hands started to glow, too.

Yuuto gasped. "It's working!" Usually, he'd be concerned about what would happen to him after the switch. But he believed the power had wanted them to reach an understanding. If Hisashi truly had learned his lesson, then he'd be willing to bargain.

Hisashi said, "I've also realized you must be seriously desperate to date this spikey-haired explosive punk. I'll launch a search to find you a more acceptable partner—someone completely loyal to me who will obey orders on exactly how much physical contact is allowed."

Kaji glared. "Excuse me? Did you just try to set my boyfriend up with someone else in front of me?"

Hisashi sneered. "Would it be more socially acceptable if I put you six feet under the dirt first?"

"Did you threaten to kill my boyfriend?" Yuuto bristled. "For shame, big brother!"

Hisashi mumbled, "I'd only see myself killing him before I buried him if I was feeling nice."

Yuuto said, "Ignore him, Kaji. I love you, and there's nothing he can do to change that."

Kaji smiled, making his entire face soften.

"Your taste in boyfriends is dreadful. Clearly I need to save you from yourself." The light around Hisashi had started to fade. He didn't seem to notice. "I was totally justified to stuff you into a vault because you'd never survive on your own. I only lasted this long in your body because I'm so smart. A fool like you would have died right away without my protection."

The light around both of them went completely out.

Yuuto shrieked, "You learned nothing!"

Hisashi said, "You can still switch us back. Just remove this cursed ability from me." He pointed at Akira Shogo, lying frothing at the mouth on the dirt with a bitemark in his hero costume. "Why don't you transfer the metahuman power to him? I bet the leader of these so-called heroes could stand to learn some moral lessons."

His older brother was so very right about that, Yuuto was briefly tempted. But contrary to what some people thought, he wasn't stupid. "No way. I don't want to go back into the bank vault. I'm never, ever letting us switch back."

"Wait! I've learned my lesson and won't imprison you anymore. I won't even murder your boyfriend the instant I get my powers back." Hisashi looked at his hands, but they didn't glow.

Yuuto growled, "How dumb do you think I am? You can't fool me, and you certainly can't fool a metahuman ability." He crossed his arms. "It looks like we'll stay permanently swapped."

Hisashi paled. "No, please! I'll try to change!" He couldn't bear being stuck in this pathetic body without his beloved All for One.

"If you meant what you said, then you'd be glowing." Yuuto glared. "You're lying again."

Unfortunately, even if Hisashi sincerely tried to change, he couldn't imagine convincing himself of utter nonsense like that his brother's boyfriend might not be a completely unworthy dog or that his brother might not constantly need his protection. If the karma ability demanded such mental twisting of him, then he truly was screwed.

Then All for One would remain in Yuuto's hands? He'd need to rely on his foolish younger brother to protect them both? They'd die! Yuuto couldn't even be trusted to feed himself! Hisashi despaired.

That was when Kaji cleared his throat. "Uh, Yuuto? I feel like there's something I should tell you. I'm really sorry about this, but I don't think I could ever kiss your brother's face."

Yuuto touched his borrowed lips. "You mean, while I'm like this…oh."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Kaji rubbed his neck. "I've been thinking about it ever since you two swapped, and I just can't do it. Looking at you now, I can't stop seeing you as him. And I hate your brother. Just listening to his voice makes me want to punch him, even when you're the one controlling his lips. I hate him so much that every moment he breaths spawns millions of parallel universes where I do NOT have sex with him."

Hisashi felt vaguely indignant. "As if I'd ever want you, either, you mangy mutt."

"What if I straightened my hair?" Yuuto asked, tugging on a white curl.

Kaji looked uncomfortable. "Sorry, that wouldn't be enough. You'd probably have to get plastic surgery."

Hisashi shrieked, "Don't you dare cut into my handsome face!"

Kaji looked at the ground. "I realize how unreasonable this may sound when you finally have the power you wanted and a way out from under your brother's thumb. I truly am sorry. But I thought you deserved to know. If you break up with me, I'll understand."

Slowly, Yuuto said, "Not unreasonable at all. The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I get with having sex in my brother's body. I don't think I could do it, either. Too close to incest." He shuddered. "I'll have to change us back."

Hisashi felt his heart leap. He couldn't believe his idiotic little brother would give up the power of All for One for love of a worthless insect. But if Yuuto was that gullible, then Hisashi saw no need to tell him that the instant he got his powers back, he planned to kill the spikey-haired nuisance before he'd ever have the chance to defile his baby brother ever again.

"Back to the original plan." Yuuto leaned over and touched Akira's body. "I'm sure this fraud has lots of great lessons to learn about becoming a true hero. Get over here, big brother."

Eagerly, Hisashi took Yuuto's hand. He didn't speak a word. After getting so close, he feared accidently screwing this up by saying the wrong thing.

Hisashi felt a slight tug, but of course he didn't resist. He wanted this awful ability gone.

White light blazed from both Hisashi and Yuuto's bodies. It wrapped around Akira. The world blurred and spun.

Hisashi went from bending over to standing up. He touched his hair. It had returned to its usual curly form. "It worked!"

Then he felt something missing. Something very important to him.

Yuuto watched realization dawn on his older brother's face. He couldn't help a slight smug smile.

"Where's All for One?" Hisashi bellowed.

"I moved it over to my body before I swapped us," Yuuto said. He actually felt a bit guilty about stealing the ability that meant so much to his big brother. But he knew full well that if he hadn't done it, then Hisashi would have thrown him straight back into the vault. Besides, if his big brother wanted any sort of moral high ground, he shouldn't have started this all by forcing a power on him. "You really thought I was that stupid, didn't you? It kinda hurts my feelings."

"You idiot!" Hisashi shrieked. "I'll make you give me back my precious All for One!"

Yuuto snapped a picture of his older brother's furious face before turning on his heel and running.

Kaji ran alongside him. "Wait, you have All for One now? In your own body?"

"That's right," Yuuto said cheerfully.

Kaji laughed. "You crazy son of a bitch, this is why I fell in love with you."

Hisashi sent a blast of air after them. Kaji glanced over his shoulder. "But he still has his other powers?"

Yuuto winced. "I didn't think I could move them all over without him noticing something was wrong."

"We'd better run faster, don't you think?"

"Yup!"

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: Future Headaches for the Government

Hisashi: See, I was right about the government taking you hostage if you ever left my protection.

Yuuto: Yes, you were right.

Hisashi: You're just going to admit it? Are you feeling well?

Yuuto: Time to declare war on the government!

Hisashi: That's the level of stupidity I've come to expect from you…get back here!

#

Omake: Much Later

Hisashi: My pathetic little brother gave away HOW MUCH of my money?

#

Omake: Machia Wasn't the Only Employee to Receive Career Counseling from Yuuto

Yuuto: Who's next? I see your name is listed as "Haru the Butcher." Why do people call you that?

Haru the Butcher: I slaughter government stooges and wear their fingers as a necklace, master.

Yuuto: Oh, dear. What led you to pursue this revolting career path?

Haru the Butcher: It all started when I was six years old and developed my metahuman power. All I could do was make flowers bloom, but it still scared the neighbors so much they reported me to the authorities. Late at night, some out-of-uniform police officers led a mob to burn down my home, killing my entire family.

Yuuto: I'm so sorry for your loss.

Haru the Butcher: I've avenged their deaths a hundred times over with the blood of my enemies!

Yuuto: And how does that make you feel?

Haru the Butcher: At first, it brought me some satisfaction, but now I just feel empty inside. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying.

Yuuto: (Offers a tissue.) It's okay. This is a safe space for you to express yourself.

Haru the Butcher: I want to stop being so angry all the time, but I don't know how.

Yuuto: I'm going to teach you how to meditate.

Later:

Hisashi: Half my employees quit to "pursue career paths better in line with their life goals and personal satisfaction"? What did my idiot brother do to them? Is this some kind of joke—Haru the Butcher left to open an orphanage for metahuman children?

#

Omake: Like Cinderella but Without the Happy Ending

Hisashi: (Looking over a room of his top people.) I'm arranging a match for my little brother, because I've realized if I don't find him a partner then he'll exercise his own terrible judgement. Is anyone interested? (Holds up a picture of Yuuto.)

Two people raise their hands.

Hisashi: It must be understood that if you so much as hold his hand before I grant my permission, I'll murder you.

Both hands go down.

Hisashi: Strange, I didn't expect it to be this hard. Pretty much everyone who meets Yuuto starts drooling. I was running out of ways to dispose of the corpses by the time I vaulted him.

Kenjiro: Yes, he's hot. But all of us except the two newbies have fought your brother before. Frankly, we're afraid of being savaged if he doesn't like us—and we already know he doesn't like any of us.

Hisashi: A valid concern.

Kenjiro: Also, I'm guessing when people first meet Yuuto, they don't know you're his older brother.

Hisashi: What are you implying? Maybe they're too overwhelmed about the honor of potentially being my in-law?

Kenjiro: I struggle to think of how to put this diplomatically. I'm going to attempt to use an analogy. Suppose someone offers you a free, brand-new Lamborghini Veneno. But there's a massive lion sunning himself on top of the car, eyeing your throat with a hungry expression. Lions may not drive cars but it immediately becomes evident the lion doesn't plan to let anyone else drive it, either. Even if the lion lets you near the car, it plans to tag along absolutely everywhere like the world's worst third wheel. And the lion has superpowers.

Hisashi: So in this analogy, having me for a brother-in-law is the expensive car, but my brother's rebellious and feral personality is the lion? I fail to see how I'm the problem here.

Kenjiro: Forget it. We'll just stick with reason number one.

#

Omake: Yuuto's Crusade Against the Corrupt Government Begins

Hisashi: What's the latest update on my foolish little brother's last known location?

Terrified Minion: Our spies within the government report him destroying a secret prison and freeing the metahumans detained there.

Hisashi: I don't know if I should be annoyed or proud.

Minion: He used bombs that he stole from us.

Hisashi: Definitely annoyed.

Minion: He also faked a message from our organization claiming responsibility for the attack. The government has hit several of our buildings in retaliation.

Hisashi: He's added deception to his repertoire of skills instead of solely focusing on arson. I'm back to being proud again.

#

Omake: Hisashi "Human Disaster" Shigaraki Never Met a Lesson He Couldn't Refuse to Learn

Hisashi: As soon as I catch Yuuto and make him give me All for One back, then I'll force that stupid stockpiling quirk on him. It will be funny, and he'll be so angry.

Author: You can't possibly be serious.

Hisashi: The first time I forced a quirk on my little brother, it backfired on me horribly. The odds are against that happening again!

Author's Note:

Hisashi ought to be more careful about fighting with Yuuto, since he could get his current collection of quirks stolen. Sadly, he's rarely smart when it comes to chasing after his little brother.

On the other hand, if we go by canon mechanics for All for One, Yuuto may be about to discover that his brother's quirk has either a vestige of his brother inside it or a connection to his brother's mind. Either one will annoy him to death and cockblock him. Won't he enjoy that?

Let's just say the Shigaraki family feud is going to be much more interesting this time around, and more evenly matched.

Next up in my Sunday update slot is my new favorite child: Save Your Dysfunctional Family, Save the World

Summary: After an All for One-induced disaster destroys the world, Izuku attempts to travel back in time to his early childhood. Unfortunately, instead of ending up in his younger body, he lands in someone else: the First One for All user, who's been kept in stasis for over a century by his older brother.

High-stakes mind games ensue as Izuku fakes amnesia and plots murder, while All for One pretends to be a regular Japanese businessman, no villainy to see here bro.