When Kakashi woke up the next morning, he was convinced everything had just been a bad dream. He made himself a nice breakfast and took the long way round to the training field.
His cute, delusional genin were already there.
There were no dead bodies in sight.
Kakashi relaxed and walked closer.
He raised his hand for his customary "Yo!" greeting and immediately lowered it when he was seeing them deeply immersed in a book titled:
"Icha Icha Paradise – Heavenly Pickup Lines"
Kakashi cried.
He had never felt prouder before.
Shisui peeked down the tree and wondered if this was a good moment to drop a handkerchief.
Or maybe a towel would be even better.
"Ne, Sakura?" Naruto asked over their sensei's manly cries of joy. "Don't you think we should tell Sasuke about Danzo?"
Sakura blinked. "You are right. We have completely forgotten that. But how are we supposed to contact him? We don't know where he is."
Naruto grinned. "One word, Sakura: Clones."
Five minutes later thousands of Naruto clones rushed off, screaming for Uchiha Sasuke.
"What is it, Zetsu?" Pain inquired and looked up from his paper.
"…the Nine-Tail's jinchuuriki is trying to contact Uchiha Sasuke," Zetsu replied and glanced at the boy in question, who was still happily clinging to the puppet.
Pain raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in interest. "Oh? Is there a reason for it?" He had not known that Itachi's brother was acquainted with the jinchuuriki.
Maybe having the child around would prove to be useful, after all.
"Judging by the way his clones are screaming around, they want to tell him they found the person responsible for the death of the Uchiha clan," the white side explained.
Suddenly the room cooled significantly, and the two men whirled around to stare at Sasuke. A dark aura was surrounding him, and his Sharingan spun furiously. "They found what?"
"The instigator of the Uchiha massacre," Pain repeated, and eyed Sasuke with mild interest. He had to admit the child's glare was vaguely impressive for someone who was clinging to a puppet. It took a special kind of skill to look threatening while hugging.
"Apparently," Zetsu continued, his yellow eyes piercingly sharp on Sasuke, "they are dealing with it."
The dark aura surrounding Sasuke immediately subsided, and he actually looked amused. "Is that so?"
Pain raised an eyebrow at the boy's sudden mirth.
Sasuke's Sharingan deactivated. "Then I don't have to do anything. Naruto can be really scary if he wants to be – and Sakura is terrifying. They will know what to do. Itachi needs me more now."
Sasuke snuggled back in Itachi's embrace.
Yes, his friends knew what they were doing.
Danzo squinted at the heavily perfumed message.
Beloved Danzo,
my heart beats faster every time I see your striking figure,
blinding is your youthful vigor.
The first time I saw you, it struck me like a water whip,
and I thought:
"This man, he is really hip!"
Danzo smiled to himself. This was the nicest love poem he had ever received – and the only one. But this hardly mattered now. In his opinion, his secret admirer was a real artist with a wonderful taste for men.
Granted, he had been rather skeptical at first, but the letters were really nice, and so far none of the sweets had been poisoned.
He carefully folded the poem and put it away.
Life was really nice.
'Perhaps,' he mused, 'I should…'
Danzo waved a ROOT agent over.
Befuddled by the strange order, the ROOT member went off to acquire a poetry book.
"Ne, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto looked at his teary-eyed sensei.
"Yes Naruto?" the man asked in a wavering voice, still too touched by the recent development, and wiped his eyes with the fluffy dog-print towel that had mysteriously appeared on his lap.
"It has been five hours now," Naruto remarked, "Don't you think you have cried long enough by now? Look, your mask is already damp."
Kakashi sniffled and carelessly ripped off his mask, revealing –
another dry mask!
Sakura and Naruto threw him a decidedly unimpressed look.
On top of the tree, Shisui shook his head. "And I thought these kids were strange."
"Itachi and Kisame will be returning soon," Pain informed Sasori. "I want you take the puppet away before they arrive. We cannot allow the child to catch on. I have no patience to deal with a tantrum."
"Of course," Sasori agreed, "But I might require your assistance removing it from him."
Both men looked towards Sasuke who was contently sleeping in the puppet's arms, his fists tightly clenching the black robe.
"I can see how this would be challenging." Pain stood from his seat. "Very well, I shall restrain the child while you take the puppet away."
Sasori inclined his head.
Sasuke blinked tiredly when he suddenly lost the comforting warmth. "Itachi?" he muttered, "What is it?"
His brother moved and Sasuke was suddenly wide awake. "Where are you going?"
He attempted to follow, but Pain grabbed him and easily lifted him up. "No. You are staying."
Sasuke stared sadly at the closed door. "Why are you always punishing me?" he grumbled.
"Because you deserve it," Pain replied impassively. "You are constantly giving me a headache."
Suddenly the air shifted, and an excited voice yelled: "IZUNA! I am back early! Oh, are you playing ninja with Pain?"
"Yes," Pain agreed. "Do you wish to join in? I just caught the enemy spy. You can make sure he does not escape."
Sasuke turned his head around to look pleadingly at Pain and was met with the man's unyielding expression. "You really are cruel," Sasuke muttered despondently.
Pain's eyes flashed and his grip tightened. "I am Pain, child. You have not seen half of it. Pray to god that it stays that way."
He carelessly dropped Sasuke into the arms of an overexcited Madara. "Guard him well."
"Of course," Madara replied happily, "I won't let him out of my sight."
"Good."
Much to Sasuke's displeasure, Madara made an excellent warden. The man was overjoyed being able to play with his little brother again and made sure to stay extra vigilant.
Which meant that Sasuke's escape attempts usually ended the moment he endeavored to leave the man's embrace.
"You know," Sasuke finally told him, "We can't play ninja if you hold me so tightly. Trying to escape from you is half of the fun."
Madara froze. "Is that so? I see." He released his hold on Sasuke. "Very well, then run little brother."
Sasuke had not to be told twice. He jumped up and bolted.
Madara grinned at his brother's enthusiasm. "Trying to escape from me is half of the fun, hm?" Fine, if Izuna wanted to play catch, he would play with him.
Three heads turned when a black blur dashed past them and hid behind the living room couch.
"Wasn't that Mini-Itachi?" Deidara asked and paused in molding his newest clay sculpture.
"Yes," Kakuzu replied, not even taking his eyes away from the accounting book.
"Isn't he supposed to stay with Leader-sama?" Deidara continued.
"He is," Sasori agreed, sounding completely unbothered.
"Shouldn't we try to catch him then?"
Sasori lowered his paper and stared at Deidara. "Have you already forgotten what happened yesterday? Besides, do you think that kid would manage to escape the leader?"
"Good point," Deidara turned back to his sculpture.
There was a moment of silence.
"But why is he hiding behind the couch?!"
Suddenly the door was thrown open and an orange spiral-mask peered inside. "Tobi is playing ninja with his friend. Have you seen Tobi's friend?"
"No," three voices chorused in unison.
They might not particularly like Uchiha Sasuke, but neither of them was cruel enough to hand him over to Tobi.
"He is hiding behind the couch," Pain cut in.
Well, he was the exception.
"ITACHI!"
Seven heads immediately turned towards the door.
The Akatsuki members watched with varying degrees of interest as an elated Sasuke launched himself forward to greet his brother only to get snatched out of the air mid-jump by their very annoyed-looking leader.
Hidan cackled at the flailing child.
Pain ignored Sasuke's attempts to free himself from his grip and turned towards his subordinates. "Itachi, Kisame. I take it your mission was a success?"
"Indeed," Itachi confirmed, his eyes zeroing in on Sasuke.
"It was easy," Kisame showed his sharp teeth.
"Good," Pain fully entered the room and closed the door with his free hand. "I expect a detailed report after the meeting."
"Of course, Leader-sama," Itachi agreed, never taking his eyes from his struggling brother.
"Then we can – "
Pain stopped abruptly to glare at Sasuke. "Did you just try to bite me?!"
The room froze in horrified hilarity as everyone stared at the child who had just taken a snap at their leader.
Kisame grinned.
Hidan edged away.
Deidara looked weirded out.
Sasori was mildly interested.
"Sasuke…" Itachi muttered, worried about Pain's reaction.
Konan placed her hand on Pain's shoulder, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. "Itachi," he finally gritted out, "Take this child and smother him before I lose the last sliver of my patience."
He crossed the room with brisk steps and deposited Sasuke rather harshly in Itachi's arms. Sasuke immediately cuddled up against him.
"If I see him even twitch, I will become very unpleasant, is that clear?"
"Yes, Leader-sama," Itachi replied and rested his chin on top of Sasuke's head. "Be good and don't move, Ototo."
Sasuke had no problems with this particular instruction.
A/N
A bit shorter this time, but that was just one day - and it's crack anyway. *xD*
Thanks for your comments. :D