Thank you to everyone for the reviews. I appreciate them so much. This chapter went in a very different direction than I had originally planned, but that's okay. The muses obviously decided that it was a necessary chapter to write for the story as a whole. I'm also trying to be very self-aware of taking my time getting chapters up so I am not compromising my storytelling, especially as things have been a little crazy for me at work and with school right now. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the latest update.
Seung Jo would never say that his life was perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. He had experienced loss in his life, he had experienced highs and lows. However, generally speaking, he could admit that his life had been fairly easy and he never expected that to change. Until, that was, just over a month ago when Oh Ha Ni had suddenly disappeared from his life, leaving nothing more than her wedding ring, the stuffed bear he had won her, and a letter stating to not look for her. The letter had even had the audacity to tell him to forget her. How was he going to ever forget the woman that stole his heart the way she had?
The truth was Seung Jo had attempted, for so long, to ignore the flutterings he felt whenever he saw Ha Ni. He thought it had begun that infamous day when he had tried to get a soda. In an effort to impress him and interact with him, Hong Jang Mi had called Ha Ni over to kick the soda machine. It had stunned him to see the cute, tiny girl who knew how to kick the machine into submission. Despite his best efforts, he could not get her out of his mind after that, nor why her name was so familiar as if it was tickling the back of his mind to try and force a long-forgotten memory to surface.
When the letter had arrived in his locker, he had immediately been disgusted by the attempt at impressing him and it had gotten worse the moment he had read the letter that was littered with errors. He could not help the need he had to immediately take pen to paper himself and grade it. It had disheartened him greatly when he had gotten to the end and saw Oh Ha Ni's signature. How could a girl that intrigued him so much by her actions be so unintelligent? He was sure that it would mean he could push her out of his mind quickly.
Until fate, of course, intervened with other plans when her house collapsed, leaving her and her father homeless. Never had he imagined that this girl he had simultaneously become infatuated with and despised all in one was the daughter of his father's best friend. Then just like that, he found himself sharing a room with his brother as Oh Ki Dong and Oh Ha Ni moved into their home after his parents' insistence. Faced with Ha Ni every day, he found it impossible to keep that infatuation away, no matter how often he told himself that she was not his type. His type was someone that was at least as marginally intelligent as him, perhaps someone who was even into the same things he was. Yet it was Ha Ni who was a breath of fresh air in his life, challenging him in ways he never thought possible.
Despite the traumatizing factor of being dressed as a girl when he was younger, Seung Jo knew that life was just generally easier for him. His intelligence made every subject matter he studied easier for him without any sort of effort. He was naturally athletically inclined so most sports were a piece of cake, especially tennis, which he excelled at to the point that he was a much sought after player and why he was able to play if and when he wanted to while at Parang, much to Wang Kyung Soo's annoyance. He was always considered a beautiful child when younger, which became handsome once he hit puberty. His looks, athleticism, and intelligence made him the most popular male in their school growing up. He was the type of person that people imagined would be matched with someone equally as attractive, athletic, and intelligent.
While he thought Ha Ni was the most gorgeous creature in the world, he knew that many looked at her and saw a cute girl, not someone who oozed sophistication or confidence. He remembered how often he heard murmurings during high school about Ha Ni not standing a chance when Jang Mi was interested in Seung Jo, or how often some of the guys on the tennis team would make comments about how they did not understand how Ha Ni thought she could compete with Ha Ra.
It actually suited him just fine that Ha Ni was viewed more as cute than gorgeous by others because he had issue enough with Bong Joon Gu's obsession with Ha Ni, he did not need other men drooling after her. He clearly remembered the pure anger that moved through him when Kim Gi Tae had taken an interest in Ha Ni. That anger is what had fueled his declaration of Ha Ni liking only him when Gi Tae and Joon Gu had their scuffle in the library over Ha Ni. Though he had to admit that he caught a few of the tennis members checking out Ha Ni in her skirt as she practiced once she started actually playing more. It was probably only a matter of time before they would attempt to gain her attention if he had not made his move and had they not gotten married.
The past month had been a time for Seung Jo to start reflecting on how utterly he had screwed up everything in his life when it came to Oh Ha Ni. It had also led to many arguments with a variety of people. Those arguments had sometimes come close to, if not had fully, turning into physical blows with Bong Joon Gu. Despite everything, he was still insistent that he was going to find Oh Ha Ni and marry her himself, no matter how much Seung Jo told him that was not going to happen since Ha Ni was his legal wife. Either the other man did not care or he was that big of an obsessed idiot that he refused to acknowledge that he had no place in Ha Ni's life romantically. It actually worried Seung Jo that he would try something stupid once Seung Jo found her and brought her home with him.
During the first couple weeks of his reflection, Seung Jo had practically blown off work and school, but he quickly realized that he could not do that. He had a wife he needed to take care of once he found her and brought her home and he had to live up to her faith in him becoming a good doctor. Even though he knew things came easily to him, he had found a renewed focus when it came to his studies and chosen career path. He had not realized just how much Ha Ni truly had influenced him in so many ways. For as much as he had used harsh words to motivate and influence her to do her best, her presence alone made him do his best to be a better man for her. Yet he had failed miserably in doing so by being such an emotionally manipulative ass to her.
His mother and Ki Dong had been right when he had gotten into yet another argument with both of them, separately, about his treatment of Ha Ni over the years. His mother, of course, went head to head with Ki Dong about Ki Dong's insistence on not giving any news regarding Ha Ni to anyone and she had started defending Seung Jo's place as Ha Ni's husband. Privately, however, was a different story. While she wanted a unified front to Ha Ni's father about Seung Jo being the right choice for his daughter, she would lay into her son about his treatment of her. At first, Seung Jo had tried to defend his actions as a means to motivate Ha Ni, but the more Geum Hee had gotten onto him about the things he did, he had started to think more about what he did, and did not, say to his wife.
Today had been a particularly bad day when it came to the entire situation. It had started with an argument with his mother when he heard her muttering about how much she missed Ha Ni, how she missed how a room would light up the moment Ha Ni smiled or laughed. Finally, he had snapped, telling her that she was not the only one who missed Ha Ni's presence and kindly reminded her that despite everything she currently thought of Seung Jo, he loved Ha Ni with all of his heart and it physically hurt him to not have his wife there with them even more than it hurt his mother. The moment he saw how hurt his mother was over him snapping, and the shock on Eun Jo's face at his tone, Seung Jo had quickly made his excuses that he had lost his appetite and grabbed his things to head to school.
The first thing he had dealt with when he got to campus was Yoon Hae Ra immediately assuming her position at his side. He had tried hard to just ignore the woman, even had attempted to avoid her, but she seemed to be stalking him to ensure she was at his side. Even though he plainly wore his wedding band for all to see and had Ha Ni's on a chain around his neck, Hae Ra seemed to be intent on ignoring them both. He managed to ignore her constant yammering and questions between classes, but two things at lunch made it impossible to not let his anger snap. The moment they walked into the cafeteria and Bong Joon Gu saw them, he immediately began loudly proclaiming something about how Baek Seung Jo was a horrible person, moving on from someone he claimed to love. He attempted to ignore him, but then Hae Ra's friends also began chittering, exclaiming that they always knew that there was no way that Ha Ni would ever be able to keep someone like Seung Jo, especially when he had someone like Hae Ra. After glancing at the aforementioned woman and seeing her mocking smile, Seung Jo lost it.
He had laid into everyone in the cafeteria for even daring to mock or belittle Ha Ni. He had said that no one would ever compare to her in his life and that he fully intended on finding his wife and fixing their relationship. He had told Hae Ra that he had never and would never be with her romantically and that under the circumstances he did not even have any intentions of being an acquaintance of hers because she refused to accept that he was a married man. He had then told Joon Gu that if he dared to make any attempt to steal his wife away from him, that he would regret ever knowing who Oh Ha Ni was. Needless to say, it had left everyone stunned that the normally stoic and unflappable Baek Seung Jo had lost his cool. It was then and there that he decided he needed to find out where Oh Ha Ni was, which is what found him entering his father-in-law's noodle restaurant at that very moment.
"Baek Seung Jo?" Oh Ki Dong asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Have you heard from Oh Ha Ni?" Seung Jo asked as he set his bag on the chair at the counter.
Ki Dong sighed softly as he began mixing the noodle ingredients. "You know I would not say anything if I had," he said.
"Father-in-law, please," Seung Jo said. "I know you know where she is, please tell me so I can bring her home."
"I will not do that," Ki Dong said.
"Why?" Seung Jo asked. "I thought you approved of us."
Ki Dong paused and looked at Seung Jo. "My approval is not what Ha Ni needs right now," he said. "I am doing the one thing I haven't done enough of in her life and that's to respect her wishes. You need to do the same."
"What?" Seung Jo asked.
"The one thing that none of us has done for Ha Ni is respected her," Ki Dong said. "I hate to think that it's true, but as I thought more and more about how I treated my daughter, I realized how much I did not respect her. Including agreeing with everyone that claimed she wasn't smart or that she wasn't enough of something-."
"She's everything to me," Seung Jo interrupted him.
"But she doesn't know that," Ki Dong pointed out. "In her eyes, you made it clear to her that you did not want to fight for your relationship by not registering your marriage." He lifted a hand when Seung Jo started to speak. "Yes, I know you registered it, but you did not tell her that and you attempted to use it as leverage to get her to do something she may have not been able to accomplish."
"She's always stepped up to challenges I've given her," Seung Jo said, but the conviction in his voice was lacking because he knew Ki Dong was right. In all of his own reflection, he knew that everything he had done to Ha Ni, as much as he thought it was a good idea, only made things worse for him. How could he claim to love his wife when he treated her as badly as he did? How could he claim to need her in his life when he never stood up for her to those around him, including his own brother? Eun Jo only learned it from him after all.
"And that is not a bad thing," Ki Dong said. "But the challenges you give her should not make her feel worthless. They should not break her. I don't think that is what you are understanding, Seung Jo. This latest? It broke her. You broke my daughter, the woman you say that you love with everything you are."
Seung Jo lowered his head, staring at his clasped hands. Hearing Ki Dong's words had been hard all month with each time he tried to get more information from his father-in-law about Ha Ni's whereabouts, but today was the hardest. To hear him say that Seung Jo had broken his wife was more than he wanted to hear, but he could not deny the truth of it. He had broken Oh Ha Ni when he should have been lifting her up and encouraging her. He should have been protecting her from those who tore her down, not assist them or give them a reason to think they could. How often had he not defended her to Hae Ra or any of his high school friends? How could he have yelled at her on their honeymoon when that idiot woman attempted to seduce him? Why had he not realized sooner what the woman was attempting to do every time she pushed herself into his time with Ha Ni? As much as he had hoped Ha Ni would step in and assert herself, he knew that it was not just up to her and he had to assert himself as her husband and declare she was the only woman he wanted and would ever want. Then he should have swept his wife away to show her how much he wanted her and how much he needed her, instead he was now facing a stone wall he now called his father-in-law.
"Seung Jo, I won't lie," Ki Dong said. "I want you to be my son-in-law. I honestly do think that you love Ha Ni, but I can't choose you over my daughter. Right now, Ha Ni needs me to be behind her and that means respecting the fact that she has left and doesn't want anyone to know where she is. If she chooses to come back, she has to make the choice herself."
"I need to fight for her, father-in-law," Seung Jo said, lifting his head. "She needs to know I love her, that I want her, that I am going to fight for her. For us."
"And if she doesn't want that?" Ki Dong asked. "What do you do then? Do you continue to hope she will change her mind and not respect the choice she's made?"
Seung Jo honestly did not know how to answer that question. It had never occurred to him that Ha Ni would never want to return to him. He had hoped that once she had time away that she would remember how much she loved him and would return. In fact, as much as he intended on fighting for her, he was still banking on her love for him overruling everything else that happened so that he could show her just how much he actually did love her and how much he wanted to be with her. He could not imagine anyone but her at his side or imagine anyone else being the mother of his future children. Yet now he was faced with that very question by Ki Dong. He suddenly realized that despite Ki Dong wanting him to be Ha Ni's husband, it was not up to Ki Dong to accept him. Ha Ni had to do so and right now, Ha Ni wanted nothing to do with him.
"Hope is all I have right now," Seung Jo said. "Please-."
"I can't, Seung Jo," Ki Dong said. "I have to-."
"No, Father-in-law," Seung Jo said, interrupting him. He bowed his head in respect to the man when he arched an eyebrow. "I just wanted to say, please tell her I am here. That I love her and I want her home. I'm not going to stop looking for her, but I will try and respect she needs time away. But please relay to her when you speak to her that I want her home. I want my wife."
Ki Dong sighed, setting the bowl of noodle dough aside. "Seung Jo," he said, his voice sad. "I can't do that. I understand this will anger you, but I need you to know that I can't tell Ha Ni what you just said."
"Why not?" Seung Jo asked, pushing his anger down.
"Because it means I am not truly respecting what she wants," Ki Dong admitted. "You have told me time and again this past month that you keep thinking about how you have treated Ha Ni and reflecting on what you have done wrong. Right now, you need to understand she needs you to respect what she currently wants. If I tell her everything you just said, it'll be nothing more than emotional blackmail and I won't do that to Ha Ni."
"Emotional... that's not what it is!" Seung Jo protested.
"You may not think so, but it is," Ki Dong said. "The words Ha Ni wants to hear the most will bring her home, which you know, which is why you said what you did. But Ha Ni has to decide that on her own. She has to decide if she wants to put her heart on the line for you again for you to be given the chance to show her your words. She can't do that if I tell her what you just said."
"I don't understand," Seung Jo said. "If she wants to hear those words, why shouldn't they bring her home?"
"Because her heart is currently in tattered shreds," Ki Dong explained. "She needs time to mend those wounds before she can make any rational decision about her future with you. She needs the distance and time to make the right decision for you both. If you don't respect that she needs that time, then she will come to resent you because it means you used her weakness and love against her to get what you want rather than think of what she wants. She was very clear in her letter to you what she wants."
"She wanted to leave me and she wanted me to move on," Seung Jo said. "There is no moving on for me, Father-in-law. She is the missing part of my soul."
"I can't help you right now, Seung Jo," Ki Dong said. "My daughter has to be my priority and that means not telling you where she is or relaying your message to her so that she comes home. I need to be there for her and understand that she needs to make her own path and that path might not include you."
"I can't accept that!" Seung Jo said, his hands smacking on the countertop. "I need her!"
"It's not about you, Seung Jo!" Ki Dong finally snapped. "In all these weeks of your so-called reflection, that's the one thing you haven't understood! You broke Ha Ni! How do you expect her to just come back and accept you as her husband when you have done that!" Ki Dong took a deep breath to calm himself, his eyes lowering to the countertop. He counted in his head before lifting his eyes to look at Seung Jo.
"Go home, Seung Jo," Ki Dong said. "You need to think long and hard about how you are making this entirely about what you want and not considering, at all, what Ha Ni wants." He picked up the bowl of noodle dough and turned his back on Seung Jo, heading into the kitchen, effectively dismissing the younger man.
Seung Jo stared at where Ki Dong had been standing. He wanted to run after his father-in-law and shake him until he got the information he wanted. But Ki Dong's words began to play over and over in his head. Grabbing his bag, Seung Jo turned and trudged out of the noodle restaurant. His thumb rubbed at his wedding band as he walked, eyes distant as he thought about what his father-in-law said. Ki Dong was not wrong when he said that Seung Jo was making this about what he wanted. He wanted Ha Ni back at his side, but was it what she wanted now? Had he well and truly destroyed any future that he had with the woman he loved? As much as he wanted to deny it, that it could not possibly be the case, he realized that he may have done exactly that. The question now remained, how in the world was he going to fix it, and was it even possible that he could?