So that's how it goes. You don't get the fairytale ending.
You get your life ruined at 16 years old.
My mind is brought back here in New York City, at Constance, in history class.
Suddenly the bell rings and with relief I pack up my things and rush out into the hall.
I can feel the panic rising in my chest as it really sinks it.
I'm pregnant.
Like with an actual baby. That's inside me growing right now.
What the hell?
I suddenly cannot be here. I don't even care if my dad finds out I left school early, I've just got to get out of here.
I sneak out of the school as the halls are filled with girls walking to their next classes.
Once outside I feel the fresh air hit my face and I breath a sigh of relief. My heart rates starts to come down.
Is this what a panic attack feels like?
I walk quickly down the street, not stopping until I reach the bus stop and hop on the bus back to Brooklyn.
Part of me wants to take the next bus uptown west to Broadway and be at Columbia and fall into Nate's arms, but that would be crazy.
Maybe I won't even tell Nate? I don't even have to tell anyone.
Once the bus reaches the stop near the loft I get off and practically run down the street.
I go to this little pharmacy I often stop at to grab random pharmacy items. I remember going to this shop when I was 13 and my mom left and I was too embarrassed to ask my dad to get me pads and tampons.
What would my mom think about this? I haven't even spoken to in the last few weeks. Hadn't told her anything about Nate.
I walk in the door of the pharmacy and go all the way to the back where they keep women's items. I look at the assortment of different brands of pregnancy tests and grab one of each. First response, Clearblue, Equate, any I could find.
I go to the cash and unload about 10 boxes of pregnancy tests onto the counter.
The girl behind the counter, who looks to be only a few years older than me, has dark black hair and a nose ring and she's chewing her gum loudly.
"You know you usually only need one of these", she says while scanning them.
"Well... there's false positives... so I just wanna be sure", I say matter of fact.
"They're usually pretty accurate", the girl says.
"Well not always, okay I could've had a defective one or something", I whine and don't realize how loud my voice is.
The girl looks surprised but doesn't say anything else. I leave cash on the counter, take the bag and run.
Yeah, false positives are definitely a thing. I try to convince myself.
When I finally reach the loft I unlock the door and as I'm alone in my home I put my back against the door and sigh. This is what I needed.
I begin to drink a ton of water. I'm gonna need pee, and lots of it.
I get all the different tests out of the boxes and unpackage them.
Okay, I think, I'm ready to end this nightmare.
I put all 10 tests on the side of the bathtub and set the timer for 3 minutes.
I mean we used a condom. Seriously, I'm like one of the most careful, responsible people, and so is Nate.
Are condoms that ineffective?
Maybe I should've been on birth control if I'd have planned a little better.
The timer winds down.
Okay Jenny, here we go.
Two lines.
Pink plus sign
"Pregnant"
"YES"
"5 weeks"
Shit.
I grab the tests and go to my room, open my laptop, and immediately search up "Planned Parenthood Brooklyn".
I find the phone number and dial it into my cell.
My hand shakes as I hold the phone.
"Planned Parenthood, this is Sarah speaking".
"Hi", I croak out. "My name is Jenny, I'm um... I'm pregnant and I'm 16, and I don't know what to do".
"Hi Jenny", Sarah says. "Well you came to the right place. I'm here for you. Would you like to come see us in person to talk about your options".
Options. Of course I know them. Keeping the baby, adoption, or abortion. I'd never thought I'd have to make the choice though. I thought if I had kids it would be when I was ready.
"Yes, yes that would be good", I spit out.
"We have availability this afternoon, if you'd like", Sarah says.
"Yes, I can be there in like 15 minutes", I say.
"Okay Jenny. I'll be here", Sarah says.
She sounds kind which makes me feel better.
I freshen up a little bit, fix my eyes from where tears had come down and get on my way out the door.
I grab a cab outside and tell them the address.
Walking into the planned parenthood I see women of all ages, some as young as me.
I walk up to the reception.
"Hi I'm Jenny", I say. "I talked to Sarah on the phone".
"Yes! Great, I'm Sarah, I'm going to have Dr. Martin take a look at you honey".
"Okay", I say. "Thanks".
"She'll come get you", Sarah smiles.
I sit in the waiting room. There's a couple small toddlers running around.
Could me and Nate seriously have one of those in a year or so? It seemed infallible to me, not real at all.
"Jenny", I suddenly hear.
"Hi", I say standing up and looking at the doctor. She's quite tall, has dark hair and glasses, but looks nice. Almost reminds me of my mom.
"Follow me", she smiles.
We go down a hallway that smells like a hospital.
Dr. Martin leads me to a room and asks me to undress into a gown and sit on the small bed like thing in the middle of the room.
Dr. Martin leaves and I take my clothes off to feel cold in the sterile, windowless room.
I put the gown on and Dr. Martin comes in.
"So Jenny", Dr. Martin says with a friendly smile. "Why don't you just tell me about yourself".
"Um okay", I start off as if this is summer camp and I'm introducing myself, but of course where I am right now is the furthest vibe from that.
"Well my name is Jenny Humphrey, um, I'm 16, I'm a senior in high school. I just found out that I'm pregnant today, I'm pretty sure".
I tuck my hair behind my ears in discomfort.
"Okay, how many tests did you take?", Dr. Martin asks.
My cheeks burn with red.
"About 11", I say.
Dr. Martin let's out a laugh.
"Okay, well I'll still do a blood test to make sure you're right and that everything is healthy", Dr. Martin says.
Dr. Martin takes my blood as I lie down in the reclining bed/chair.
She takes it to another room.
Dr. Martin then asks me a couple basic questions.
"Your date of birth?"
"March 31st 1993", I answer.
"Your last period?"
I think for a bit. "July 15th".
"We'll get a for sure answer on how far along you are, but do you have any idea the conception date?"
"Yes... it's July 29th for sure", I say. "I only had sex once".
I immediately regret saying that because I'm met with a look of pity from Dr. Martin.
"Do you have any idea what you want to do?", Dr. Martin asks.
"Um no not really, I just found out this morning because I heard that morning pee is the best to take the test with. I didn't really sleep last night. I haven't fully thought about what I'm going to do", I babble on. "I know my options".
"Can I ask if you have anyone who can help you with this decision?", Dr. Martin asks softly. "A parent, a friend, a sibling... or the father if he'd be helpful".
"Yeah I have all those people... I'm just scared to tell them", I say looking down.
"Is the father safe and someone you can trust?", Dr. Martin asks.
"Oh yeah for sure. He's great... and I can trust him. I just definitely don't think he'd want this", I say. "He's 19 and started at Columbia today".
I don't know why I'm opening up to this woman, maybe it's because she doesn't know me at all and it feels like she won't judge me. She's the only person I've ever even told about sleeping with Nate besides Eric.
"Jenny I think it matters most if you want this", Dr. Martin says. "You have to do what is right for you".
"What's right for me, I think, is to not have a baby at 16...", I say and pause.
"Then we can book an abortion", Dr. Martin says. "And we can book it for a week out so you still have time to think".
"Okay", I say quietly and pause. "And what if I decide to keep it?".
"Well then we can talk about that and help you plan for it", Dr. Martin says and gets up. "I'm just gonna go grab your blood test results".
I nod and sit until she comes back.
"Alright, so you are pregnant Jenny", Dr. Martin says.
"Congratulations to me", I say sarcastically.
"You're going to be alright Jenny. I know this is life changing news and it feels like the world is crashing down" Dr. Martin sits close to me. "But we're here for you. And if you feel comfortable and safe telling your family, I'm sure they'll support you".
"Thanks", I say. "Thank you for all your help", I sit up straight.
"Of course, that's what we're here for", Dr. Martin says. "Now I am going to suggest that you start taking these".
Dr Martin hands me a bottle of vitamins.
"They're prenatals, just in case you decide to carry the baby to full term", Dr. Martin says.
I thank her and take the prenatels.
"And then just no raw fish, try to limit your coffee intake, no smoking, no drugs, and very limited drinking", Dr. Martin says.
"Don't worry I don't do any of those things, beside coffee", I let out a small laugh.
"Okay Jenny", Dr. Martin smiles. "It was very nice to meet you today. I've booked your abortion appointment for next week, September 16th. But feel free to call us before then. And if you decide to carry to term we can put you in touch with a gynaecologist, so you can get routine ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy because of your weight and age".
"Okay", I say. "Thanks so much".
"No problem Jenny, I'll step out so you can get dressed and then I'll see you September 16th or wait to here from you again".
"Sounds good", I say.
We say goodbye to each other.
I get my clothes on and leave the Planned Parenthood.
My phone beeps in my purse.
Oh no. It's my dad.
Dad: Where are you?
I reply
J: Didn't feel very good, so I'm just heading home.
Dad: Too bad. You can tell me next time and I would've picked you up. Why don't you come over to Lily's tonight if you feel up to it?
I think about it for a bit. I didn't really want to tell everyone all together but maybe it would be the easiest.
J: Okay, dad. Thanks. I'll let you know.
I stare at my phone screen.
But there's someone else I need to tell first. As much as I don't want to spring this news on him, I want him to be the first to know.
I want to tell him in person, so I'll ask him if he has time to talk today.
My finger hovers over Nate's phone number until I finally press it and it starts to ring.
Okay, Jenny. Here we go.
I sigh.
A/N: Hi guys! I promise Jenny will actually tell everyone in the next chapter lol. Please like and review 3