There's a point in everybody's life where it is a constant struggle to keeping one's self-respect intact, the feeling of the slowly surpassing dissatisfaction eventually taking over until all hope is gone. First the disappointment arrives and it's almost like a sadness, knowing that your old self is gradually crumbling away in front of your very eyes. Then comes the grief, the ending, the moment you see your true self vanish. Yet in time this passes, in time the soul can begin to hope and heal. Harper however could not see this happening…
She gazed upon herself in the full-length mirror, cringing at the site as the sickly feeling of dread filled her stomach. Her once voluptuous curves had quickly dissolved making her scrawny and frail looking. Her rosy cheeks were washed out and replaced with dark circles sitting under her once sparkling blue eyes, and her bouncy shiny red locks were now flat and dull. Instead of her usual vibrant clothing Harper chose a plain black dress, it trailed down her body to her feet where she wore a pair of subtle black heels.
Harper gave a heavy sigh as she gave her outfit one final look, she hated it. But the thought of looking for something new exhausted her. She forcefully re-pierced her ears with some gold hoops and grabbed her phone before leaving her apartment but before long she felt the soft vibrations of her phone ringing in her hand.
Looking down at the screen she groaned in dread, "hey Sal, 'sup?"
"Where are you Red? I've got the meter running!"
"I'm walking out now," Harper informed as she pushed her way through the building's double doors.
Immediately a strong wind hit her, compelling her hair to blew into her face and sticking to her nude lip gloss. Harper grunted in frustration as bit by bit she yanked the strands of her hair from her lips, through the clumps of her auburn hair she spotted a yellow cab waiting on the corner and Sal frantically waving through the window. Harper plastered a smile on to her face as she casually strolled over to the cab. The bile in her stomach was slowly starting to rise to her throat and her heart raced, she rubbed her hands together and felt the sweat begin to appear in the center of her palms.
Once she sat herself down on the sticky leather seats she was greeted by Sal screeching at the cab driver, "Go! Go! Go!" Harper took a moment to take in Sal's outfit, the lime green strapless minidress was very distracting, especially with the neon pink wedges and Zebra print earrings. "You like?" she grinned, flashing the crumpled gum she was currently violently chewing.
"Sure, you look great," she lied.
"Thanks, you look… alright… Anyway, I'm sure Ray won't be looking at your dress when it's on his bedroom floor!" Sal cackled in delight.
"Oh please, I'm not in the mood for any of that stuff."
"Have you ever even been with a boy?"
"Of course, I have! Only one though, my ex, Zeke. We broke up when he went to college, we thought the long distance might be too tough."
"Yeah sure," muttered Sal peering into the cab drivers rear view mirror and applying more bright purple lip gloss. Clearly she wasn't listening, Harper exhaled loudly, rolling her eyes at Sal's rudeness she began to gaze out the window.
The rest of the cab ride went fairly quickly, Harper continued to look out the window whilst Sal talked away to her and watched the city go by. She loved to people watch and doing so from a cab window was perfect for her, the pedestrians sheathing the sidewalk were oblivious to her. Harper watched them live their lives with interest, from the old couple holding hands and gradually walking down the paved path to the single mother pushing her screeching two-year-old in a stroller. She was interested in them all, but what Harper was even more interested in was whether any of them felt as sad and lonely as she did right now.
"We're here!" Sal squawked as the cab came to a sudden halt, she launched her money at the driver and leapt from the cab dragging Harper with her. As Sal adjusted her dress Harper watched the cab slowly drive off and part of her wished she was leaving in it, "so," Sal began, "first things first, we need to fix this!" She grabbed the top of Harper's dress and lightly tugged on it, lowering the neckline and revealing some of her bust, "and this!" Sal placed the tips of her finger at each side of Harpers mouth and lifted them up, forcing an uncomfortable smile.
Harper grimaced at the pain and yanked herself away, "ouch!" She cried glaring at Sal, "what the heck!" She quickly readjusted her dress as Sal chortled to herself in amusement.
"Oh come on! Remember you're doing this for dead girl!"
"Her name is Alex!" Harper snapped, "and she wouldn't make me belittle myself or try and pimp me out to some guy!"
"I just want you to have some fun," Sal pouted her bottom lip and grabbed Harper's hands, "please?" She spoke in a child like manner, "pretty please? For me?"
Harper groaned, she often found herself doing this when she was having a conversation with Sal, "Fine! But if this party is as bad as I think it's going to be, I'm going home."
"That's fine with me!" Sal pulled on Harpers hands and pulled her in to the house sitting opposite them.
The house was nothing special, but still Harper would have preferred to live there instead of her grotty little apartment. Everything was very plain and bland, the beige wall paint clashing horrendously with the dated dark furniture and the yellowish-cream couch. Still, it had more class than Harper's place, but it was nothing compared to the Russo's. Harper smiled at the memory, almost every room was colorful and creative from the yellow tiled bathroom to the orange lounge. Somehow Mrs Russo always managed to make colours that shouldn't go together work so well and make her home look so trendy, it never seemed to go out of style. Alex had the same talent, not for a single minute would Harper have though that Alex's pink fur wallpaper would match with her cream and green vintage style bed, room divider and jewelled mirror. But it did.
Harper stood in a daze as the music boomed around her and before she knew it Sal was forcing herself through the hordes of party goers before shoving a red cup full of clear liquid into her face, "drink this!" She ordered, "it's vodka, I wasn't sure what mixer you like so I've just given it to you straight."
"Umm, thanks," Harper took a sniff of the drink and was instantly repulsed by the strong smell violating her nostrils.
"Yeah it'll do that to ya," Sal laughed, "it still tastes good though!" She then proceeded to gulp down her own drink. Harper watched on in disgust as Sal completely emptied her cup, but quickly Sal grabbed Harper by the shoulders and spun her around whilst pointing manically. "There he is! Ray Ramosa!" She gestured to tall Hispanic guy in between the group of rowdy boys drinking in the corner.
Sure Ray was handsome, he was tall and athletic with dark eyes and dark unruly curls. But Harper just wasn't interested. Eventually he noticed the two girls staring and made his way over to them, Sal squealed in excitement whilst Harper filled with dread, she squirmed her way out of Sal's grip and began to down some of her drink. She winced as the burning liquid eased it way down her throat.
"Dutch courage?" Sal whispered as Ray edged his way closer.
"This isn't funny, don't you remember? I'm not interested!"
"Hey girls," Ray greeted them with a beaming smile, "Harper you look great!"
Harper smiled sheepishly and Sal strolled over to Ray and lightly ran her fingers along his chest, "What about me?" She smirked.
"Yeah," Ray hesitated, "you look good too." Harper giggled at how uncomfortable he looked, Ray shook off Sal and continued to speak, "Harper want to get a drink? There's a group of us next to the drinks table, you should join us."
"She'd love to!" Sal interjected shoving Harper into Ray.
Ray led Harper over to the drinks tale but as she turned back she managed to give one last glare to Sal before she disappeared within the crowd.
"What are you drinking?" Ray asked as they both approached the table.
"I'll just take a water thanks."
Ray smiled and handed her a cup, "same here," he picked up his own cup and connected it with Harper's, "cheers!"
"You don't drink? But this is your party?"
"I like parties, but I feel guilty drinking. I know it's dumb, but whenever I've drank in the past all I could picture is my Mom scolding me for drinking underage."
"Why have a party then?"
"Well, when your parents go away for the weekend you just have to have a party," Ray sarcastically told her earning a small laugh from Harper. "So why aren't you drinking got an early shift at the store tomorrow?"
"No, I'm not in 'til the afternoon, I just think drinking causes trouble."
"Smart girl," Ray nodded taking another sip of his water, "hey let me introduce you to some of my friends."
He looked around and grabbed the nearest person to him, Harper looked over and smiled but soon felt her stomach drop and heart race. The palms of her hands quickly filled with sweat, and her chest tightened. A sickly feeling swirled in her stomach and her eyes widened in horror, she looked to the ground trying to avoid their gaze, but it was too late.
Max stood dumbfounded in front of her, he was as surprised as Harper was. Shock crossed his face, his mouth dropping open.
"Harper?" He gasped.
"Wait you two know each other?" Ray laughed.
But Harper didn't respond, instead she pushed her way through the crowd and out of the house as fast as her feet could carry her. As she ran, she heard the muffled conversations coming from the other party goers as she violently barged past them with the faint sound of Max calling out her name behind her.
When Harper reached the street, she rested herself against one of the many lit streetlights, taking deep breaths she doubled over in pain as a stitch burned through her abdomen. She clenched her fist tightly around the streetlight and waited for the pain to subside when a trail of heavy footprints approached her from behind.
"Harper?"
She didn't turn around, she knew exactly who it was and as soon as she heard their voice the sickly feeling return to her stomach along with the bile quickly rising to the top of her throat.
"Harper, why'd you run off like that? I haven't seen you in so long, we miss you…" Harper turned and came face to face with Max, his hazel eyes were glossed over with crystal tears which were threatening to spill down his face. "where've you been? You haven't answered anybody's calls or texts?"
"I've just been busy…"
"Doing what? We've been worried sick about you, where are you living? Are you still in that apartment you found? Are you even working?"
"Red!" Harper heard Sal squeal from the front door, "what's the deal? Ray said you ran out on him, is he not good enough for you or something?"
Harper cringed as Sal drunkenly stumbled towards her, swaying from side to side she held out her arms in a pathetic attempt to balance herself as she trotted along in her ridiculously high heels.
"You're with Ray?" Max asked formidably.
"What? No! I barely know the guy," Harper spat as Sal eventually made her way over and propped herself up against Harper's fragile frame.
"Who… is… this?" Sal slurred, examining Max intriguingly.
"Just some guy I know."
"Some guy?" Max scoffed.
Sal approached Max and stared at him intently, he squirmed uncomfortably as she breathed the stench of Vodka on to his face. Her purple lip gloss had smeared across her face on to her heavily rouged cheeks and the thick application of mascara resting on her eyelashes had began to crumble, leaving small smudged under her eyes.
"What do you want?" Sal spat angrily.
"I just want to talk to Harper," Max explained calmly, "is that a problem?"
"She's not interested in you, you know…"
"And I'm not interested in her in that way, I just want to talk to my friend without having to explain myself to you!"
Sal rolled her eyes and then used Max's physique to hold herself up, "do you think you could be interested in me?" She asked sultry, softly caressing his cheek.
Max was not amused, he looked at Sal with no emotion before stating bluntly, "No." He quickly peeled Sal off of his body and turned his attention back to Harper who was uncomfortably ogling the sidewalk beneath her. "Harper, can we meet one day and talk properly? I just feel like we have so much to discuss and maybe Justin can come to?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, I need to go."
Harper rushed off down the street, her heart pounding madly within her chest. She felt the hot sting of tears burn her eyes and gradually they overflowed and trickled down her face. Max watched on sadly as Harper vanished up the road, he felt a heavy pressure add to his shoulder and he glanced down only to Sal trying to balance herself.
"Aren't you gonna get her?" She mumbled, tightening her grip on to Max.
"What's the point, she isn't interested. I don't even know where she lives or works, it's useless. Who knows when I'll next see her…"
"Well, I can't remember her address," Sal started, "but she works at the convenience store two blocks away from Madison park."
"Cool, thanks for letting me know." Max shrugged Sal off him once again and pulled out his cell. As Sal scrambled her way back inside to the party Max waited patiently as the dialling tone played into his ear. As the tone cut off, for the first time in a long while Max smiled. "Hey Justin, I've found her, I've found Harper…"