Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.

In an appropriate atmosphere fitting for the sorrowful mood of the day, the morning of Ryan's funeral dawned gray and overcast. The sky itself was heavy with clouds that threatened to spill over with rain that would mingle with the tears of the grieving. Everyone was hoping, though, that the worst of the weather would hold off until after the interment at the cemetery.

Olivia and Elliot arrived at the precinct, having already donned their dress blues. They had spent the previous day doing nothing but taking their medications at the required intervals and resting together on the couch, so they would be physically ready for today. At the station, they were presented with the black mourning bands to wrap their badges in. While their coworkers expressed proper concern and had been glad to see them, the general mood was somber, as expected. Once everyone was ready, they left in two groups, ready to pay their last respects before the services began.

The funeral home was already overflowing with a sea of blue by the time the members of the Special Victims Unit arrived. Immediately, they sought out Ryan's only surviving relatives, his sister and nephew. The pair were stationed by the flag draped casket, with a portrait of their fallen colleague on display for all to see.

Though she had never met the woman in person, Olivia embraced Natalie as though they were long lost friends. As Ryan's older sister, Natalie had looked out for him after their parent's deaths, and had always been so proud of him. In turn, he had been such a positive role model for her son, Ethan, when the boy's father had abandoned them without a word. Like his mother, the teenager was completely inconsolable at the loss of his beloved uncle. He was trying to put on a brave face, though, bolstered up by the massive presence of police officers who had turned out for Ryan's funeral.

"Thank you for coming."

Natalie had uttered those same words so many times today, that by now, they felt trite and mechanical. She was shocked even further when she noticed the titles on the nameplates of the two individuals who were standing closest to her - Benson and Stabler. Oh God, these were the two who were attacked alongside her brother the other day – the ones who had also been hurt. Even though they were dealing with their own trauma, they still had made a point to come and pay their respects. Though the recognition ignited her grief anew, Natalie didn't fault these officers for their survival. Her anger was reserved solely for the man who had taken her brother's life.

"You're them. The two detectives who were also hurt that day."

Natalie only spoke once Ethan had stepped away, back to stand guard by his uncle's photograph once more. Olivia and Elliot had both tensed at first, but once they realized there was no recrimination or accusation in the woman's voice, each visibly relaxed. Even so, Olivia felt the need to offer an apology. Reaching for Natalie's hand, she squeezed gently.

"I'm sorry there wasn't anything more we could have done."

Fighting back a fresh wave of tears, Natalie shook her head.

"It's not your fault. I know you would have saved my brother had you been able to. As it was, you were both at risk yourselves. Ryan mentioned you often. You don't know what it means to me that you are here today."

Olivia felt as though the other woman would have said more, but at that moment, the police chaplain stepped forward, announcing that it was time for the prayer service to begin. Natalie and Ethan took their seats at the front, while Elliot and Olivia filed to stand in place with the rest of their squad and other members of law enforcement. Following a simple blessing, the chaplain began the ceremony.

"My brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to honor the life of our fellow officer, Ryan O'Halloran. I'm sure you all join me in extending our deepest heartfelt sympathies to his sister and nephew. Together, we are united in our grief, but we must remember there is no shame in expressing the sorrow we feel."

As the chaplain continued to speak, muffled sniffles could be heard throughout the room. The majority of them were coming from Natalie and Ethan, but at a time like this, when the reality of the job was all too undeniable, even the most stoic of men were fighting back tears. This was a possibility each of them faced on a daily basis – that they would not return home at the end of the work day. While the horror of it remained that Ryan had in fact been murdered by a colleague, his death still had occurred in the line of duty. It was a bleak reminder that none of them knew from which direction danger would approach at any given time.

Even though he was trying his hardest to remain professional under the circumstances, Elliot was concerned when he saw Olivia sway slightly in his peripheral vision. With a light touch at the small of her back, he steadied her. It was only when his partner gave him an imperceptible nod that he allowed his hand to fall away. Though he knew it was protocol to remain standing, Elliot wished he would have somehow gotten permission for Olivia to sit during these services, although he knew she would have fought him on it every step of the way.

Elliot's attention returned to the present as the chaplain finished with his sermon and the eulogies began. Captain Judith Siper of the Crime Scene Unit was the first of those selected to speak. Elliot took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, feeling as Olivia did the same nearly in tandem by his side. He knew she was thinking exactly as he was – how to get through the rest of this day. With a subtle shift, he took one half step sideways to be closer the woman to his left, and Elliot felt the moment they both relaxed as their shoulders brushed. It wasn't much in the way of contact, but it was all they could have right now. As for an embrace, which they both desperately needed, that would have to wait until later.

Two other speakers had followed in succession after Judith, and then it had been Olivia's turn at the podium. Though her voice had wavered on occasion, faltering briefly, she was proud of herself for making it through her tribute to Ryan without breaking down emotionally. Not that she admonished herself for her grief, or believed that anyone would fault her for her tears, but it was already so difficult to be seen as an equal in her line of work. It was unfortunate that even something as small as showing sorrow over the passing of a coworker and friend could cause some to look upon her unfavorably.

"I've known – I knew – Ryan for six years. I could go on endlessly about his amazing skills at analyzing evidence, but you already know all of that. Instead, I want to talk about the man behind the job, the man who was my friend."

Olivia went on to share how in the midst of the most difficult cases, Ryan had always taken a moment to check in with her. Even though his work was considered to be 'behind the scenes', he shared the same drive as those on the front lines, just as determined as those who made the arrests and fought for convictions to get justice for the victims and survivors. Olivia even garnered a brief laugh as she wistfully recalled a memory of the occasion when she and Ryan had burst into an impromptu rendition of "Solid As A Rock" following a mention from Ryan regarding a piece of evidence. It had taken place after a long, grueling day that had left everyone feeling a bit slap-happy. Gradually, she made her way to the end of her speech, hanging on to her composure until the end.

Breathing in steadily through her nose and exhaling out her mouth, Olivia shouldered past Elliot, who was waiting for his opportunity to speak. Though her hip was causing her great agony, she forced herself to maintain an even gait, and not walk with a limp. Despite Natalie's earlier acknowledgment, today was not about her. The last thing Olivia wanted was to do anything that would call unwanted attention to herself, when the focus should be on Ryan.

Though Olivia had made every effort to conceal her pain from Elliot's eagle eye, he had nonetheless noticed her discomfort. Though he desperately wanted to go to his partner, he knew that his concern was the last thing she wanted right now. Instead, he stepped closer to the microphone, notes at the ready. Following a deep breath to steady his resolve, he began to speak.

"I've been a member of the NYPD since nineteen eighty-six. During my twenty three years on the force, this is the one part of the job that never gets any easier. If I'm being honest, I never want it to. Working the front lines of law enforcement, it's always an unspoken variable that you may not come home at the end of shift. But in Ryan's case, he served the majority of his time in a lab. Now, that didn't make his job any less important – if anything, his role was a crucial one that we all relied on. But it was something that we all took for granted as being safe."

Elliot paused for a minute, having lost his place in his handwritten scrawl on the paper. He could feel panic begging to settle in when he glanced up. His eyes locked with Olivia's, and although he could see even from this distance that she was fighting back tears, he was calmed by the strength he found there. Forgetting about his prepared speech, he continued to orate directly from the heart. All of the other faces around him vanished, and it was as though he were speaking to an audience of one.

"The truth is, Ryan is – was – a hero. My partner and I worked with him on countless cases, and he was always someone who could be trusted. I'm not just talking about with techniques or evidence, but justice mattered to him, too. I remember a time when he called me long after everyone else had gone home. Something hadn't sat right with him, so he had continued to stay at the scene until he found the answer. That was the kind of man he was. I'm deeply proud to have known him, and I will miss him greatly."

Elliot had been the last of Ryan's work colleagues scheduled to speak. Natalie was next on the list, but she was too overcome by emotion and declined the invitation. Likewise, Ethan had decided not to eulogize his uncle, opting to remain by his mother's side. It was obvious the teen was trying to stay strong, but ultimately losing the battle to his grief.

As the Chaplain brought the ceremony to a close, Elliot and the other five men who had been selected as pallbearers stepped forward. With the greatest of dignity, and the utmost of respect, they positioned themselves on either side of the casket. Captain Siper moved to act as escort for Natalie and Ethan, while the remaining officers lined up to create an honor guard that would observe Ryan's exit out of the funeral home before beginning the journey to the cemetery. Each and every officer present stood at full attention, saluting as the flag draped casket was carried past.

Ryan's sister and nephew observed as the casket was placed into the hearse, then allowed themselves to be led to the limousine that had been hired as transportation for them. Following behind were a countless parade of police issue sedans and more traditional squad cars, all with lights flashing as they formed a procession. This was Ryan's final journey, and everyone was determined to give him the honor and reverence that he deserved.

Olivia and Elliot were traveling about four cars back from the front, riding with their Captain, and directly ahead of Fin and Munch. The partners were mostly silent as Cragen drove. The travel issue had been something that had provoked a mild disagreement between them earlier that morning. Though both were still nursing wounds from their encounter with Dale Stuckey only days before, there was no denying that Elliot was the one of the pair that had a diagnosed head injury. And, while she was in fact recovering from a surgical procedure, Olivia had already stopped taking the prescription painkillers in favor of a high dose ibuprofen. The distance from the funeral home to the cemetery was not a great one, and before either knew it, they would be back at Olivia's apartment once more. Even so, Elliot had argued that neither of them should drive today. So, they had taken a cab to the precinct earlier, and would hail another later this afternoon.

Time slipped by quietly as they made their way through the city streets. The Chief of Ryan's division had arranged ahead of time to have traffic cleared, so aside from the occasional patrol car, fire truck, or ambulance they passed along the way that were also out showing their respect, they encountered no other vehicles. Before long, the procession was pulling past the wrought iron gates into the cemetery.

Now that they were here, Elliot was torn. He wanted to perform his duties as pallbearer, felt an obligation to. However, he also firmly believed that his place was by Olivia's side. As difficult as the day had already been, there were even more emotional rituals that had yet to take place – the folding and presentation of the flag, the twenty-one gun salute, the committal of the casket to the ground. Though he would be unable to offer any form of physical support, he wanted to be there for her. It didn't surprise Elliot any when Olivia took a position near Captain Siper on the other side of Natalie and Ethan. The two women flanked Ryan's only surviving family, acting as pillars of strength even while they wrestled with their own grief.

Elliot worked alongside his fellow officers painstakingly folding the flag so that every crease was uniform. This part of the ceremony also took him back to his years in the Marines, and his time served in Desert Storm. There were so many he had known then who did not get to come home. These were the thoughts in the back of his mind as he carried the perfect triangle between his two gloved hands to present to a sobbing Natalie. He wasn't sure if he actually heard Captain Siper's words thanking Ryan's family for his service, or if his brain had supplied them by rote memory alone.

Taking up his place beside Olivia once again, Elliot was glad to be back where he felt like he belonged. He didn't have time to focus on that, though. The call was given to stand at attention, and every officer present saluted once more. As the twenty one shots began to ring out, several present lost the battle with their emotions. A few moments after silence fell, the bagpipes began to play a mournful rendition of 'Amazing Grace' as the casket was slowly lowered into the earth. When all was quiet for the last time, the officers began to file out, stopping by to pay their final respects to Natalie and Ethan with a tip of the hat or other similar gesture. Soon, only Ryan's family, CSU, and SVU were left.

"Thank you all again for coming. We couldn't have made it through this day without you."

Natalie had finally composed herself enough to speak, though her voice was still raw. Olivia answered, an arm still around the other woman's shoulder.

"Of course. If you need anything, please let us know."

The squad from SVU took their leave then, and before long were back at the precinct. Don offered to order in lunch for his crew, but Olivia and Elliot declined, insisting that they were tired and wanted to get home. They promised that they would be back in a few days time, once their designated medical leave had expired and they had each been given the all clear to return to work. After hugging each of her coworkers, and watching Elliot shake their hands, Olivia followed her partner out the door.

The cab ride back to Olivia's apartment had been a quiet one, as both detectives were still in a somewhat reflective mood. Though they hadn't spoken to each other about their respective thoughts, it had been on each of their minds that the events of that fateful day could have played out very differently. Still healing from injuries, it was hard to escape the possibility that had existed that both could have been killed, or that one of them might have been forced to attend the funeral of their partner.

Letting themselves in the door, the pair walked in silently. Anxious to be free of the confines of the dress uniform he was wearing and the way it was aggravating his chest, Elliot began to unbutton his jacket as he headed down the hall toward the bedroom. He stopped midway, as the thought occurred to him that perhaps Olivia was just as uncomfortable as he, if not even more. Wanting to give her the opportunity to change clothes first, he retraced his steps.

"Liv, why don't you take the bedroom? I can take my things into the bathroom and change there. Unless, of course, you needed it."

"No, El. That's fine. I'll be there in a minute."

Olivia's voice was muffled, but Elliot could still hear her. His current view was of her back, as she was standing at the counter that divided the living room and kitchen. Her arms were braced on the surface in front of her, and there was an imperceptible shake to her shoulders – the only giveaway to the tears she'd been trying so desperately to conceal.

Even though he instinctively knew that the last thing his partner wanted right now was an audience, Elliot couldn't leave her on her own when she was like this. Crossing the room in as few strides as possible, he came to stand behind her.

"Liv. Liv, what is it? Are you in pain? I knew today was going to be too much for you. I should have insisted that you stay home."

Shaking her head, Olivia dismissed the suggestion.

"It's not that, El. I mean, I am hurting, but that's not why I'm crying. It just hit me all of a sudden. It could have been your funeral that I attended today. How would I have ever explained something like that to your family – that I failed you, that your death was my fault?"

While he had been hesitant to make physical contact just a few minutes ago, wanting to respect Olivia's personal space, Elliot had no such qualms now. Placing a hand on each shoulder, he pivoted her gently until she was facing him. Crooking a finger under her chin, he lifted her head to coax her to make eye contact, and when his blue irises met her brown ones he spoke again.

"If that had happened, Olivia, you wouldn't have been to blame. But, I can understand how you would feel that way, because I've been playing a reverse scenario in my mind ever since I heard my gun go off in that lab knowing you were in the line of fire. Then, when I saw you actually had been shot - I can't very well tell you not to feel responsible when I've been feeling guilty, too."

Following that admission, Olivia was silent for several moments, although she longed to offer Elliot the same absolution that he had given her. But, the truth of the matter was, she was beyond weary, exhausted and felt as though her legs would give out on her at any minute. Still, despite her fatigue, she couldn't allow him to cling to his guilt.

"You're not to blame, either, El. Please tell me you know that."

Elliot was about to respond, but held off. His eyes widened as Olivia began to wilt in front of him, and he braced her as best he could without causing strain on his own body.

"Easy, Liv. Let's get you into the other room and into something more comfortable. This uniform can't be good for you."

Guiding her down the hall, Elliot didn't release Olivia until she was sitting on the bed. After instructing her to rest for a few minutes, he allowed her to direct him to her dresser drawers in order to find some comfortable lounge pants for her to change into. When he brought them back over, Olivia tried again to stand, and Elliot caught her for a second time as she swayed on her feet.

"I know how independent and determined you are, but will you let me help you? Please?"

The only response Elliot felt was Olivia's head nodding against his shoulder. Over the course of their years together, they had often seen one another in various stages of undress, so he knew it wasn't out of modesty that she had averted her gaze. There was a level of trust between them that went beyond just being partners and friends.

After making sure Olivia was steady, Elliot began to assist her in the removal of her dress blues. There was nothing sexual about helping the woman in front of him disrobe, the entire process rooted in respect, care, and concern. Once he'd hung up the jacket and ensured that none of her medals had fallen off, Elliot removed his partner's tie and unbuttoned her white shirt.

Peeling the shirt off Olivia's arms, Elliot revealed the extra long tank top she wore underneath. Though he wasn't aware of it yet, the material extended beyond her hips, providing adequate coverage. Not that he would have done anything inappropriate had there only been a lace bra beneath the fabric. As a matter of fact, it had been only ten months earlier that Olivia had stripped down to a similar undergarment in front of two suspects while he had been undercover to play the role of a prostitute in order to try and keep him safe. At that time, she had wrapped her arms around him and pressed intimately against his chest. Though he had ultimately earned two bullets for his 'betrayal', each of them had escaped the cover house unharmed.

Elliot shook his head, trying to dispel the memory. Olivia needed him now, that was more important. After easing her slacks over her hips, and knowing she'd already been standing for too long, he made sure she was sitting once more. Only when Olivia complied did he assist her in the removal of her boots and socks, then in taking off her slacks completely. Reaching for the pair of comfortable pants on the bed, Elliot helped his partner dress once more, but only after checking briefly on the bandage that concealed her stitches.

"Thanks, El."

Olivia's voice was a soft murmur, but Elliot had heard her loud and clear. Pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, he finally began to see to his own needs. Following the same procedure, he shed his dress blues and hung them up properly. Then, he slipped into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and slipped his white undershirt overhead as gingerly as possible. After replacing it with a loose fitting tee that wouldn't irritate his chest, the change of clothes was complete. Even though it had already been established between them that Olivia did not mind if he went shirtless, Elliot did not want his injuries to be a focal point right now. Holding out a hand to the woman on the bed, he offered a compromise.

"Although I know how much you would like a nap right now, what do you say we get something to eat first? We skipped breakfast, and I don't know about you, but I could go for some pain medication. Not to mention, we're both overdue for an antibiotic. We can always rest after lunch."

Placing her hand in his, Olivia agreed.

"Only as long as you aren't expecting me to cook for you."

With a laugh, Elliot pulled Olivia to her feet, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Together, the pair headed out to the kitchen.

A few hours later, the partners were still on the couch together. They'd never made it back to the bedroom for a nap after lunch, having dozed off in more upright positions. Elliot was slouched down somewhat, his feet propped up on the coffee table, and his head resting on the cushions behind him. In her sleep, however, Olivia had abandoned the concept of a more traditional pillow. Instead, her arm was around Elliot's waist, and her head rested on his shoulder.

Elliot was the first to wake. As soon as he registered that Olivia was reclining against him, he shifted his body slightly to wrap an arm around her. This allowed the woman to lean against his chest instead. No matter how much discomfort he was still in from the knife wounds Stuckey had inflicted, Elliot knew there was no way that holding Olivia close like this could ever be painful.

Brushing his lips against the top of Olivia's head in a kiss reminiscent of the one he had given her earlier, Elliot closed his eyes as he reflexively pulled her closer. He tried not to think about how, after he had helped Olivia change in the bedroom today, he'd had the impulse to kiss her – and not just on the head. No, he had wanted capture her mouth with his while holding her tight.

After his divorce had been finalized, he had needed some time to process what that transition actually meant. Yes, it was true he had dated on occasion during his separation from Kathy, but that had always felt more perfunctory than anything. The last thing he ever would have wanted to do was make Olivia feel like a rebound.

Once he did garner his courage, Olivia had gone undercover at a women's prison, and had been assaulted by one of the very guards. Then had come the moment last year when the rug had been swept from under his feet when Tucker had revealed that Olivia was in a relationship. Olivia had broken up with Kurt Moss only days after their case had ended, so Elliot decided to wait some more. It was probably a good thing he had, because not long after that, Olivia had been taken hostage during a case by Merritt Rook. To this day, Elliot remembered the sheer terror he had felt the moment he had realized his partner had gone missing. He supposed Olivia must have felt a similar sense of dread on his behalf when she figured that something was amiss the other day.

Now, after not only having faced his own mortality – again – but witnessing Olivia quite literally take a bullet for him, Elliot was through with waiting. Ryan's funeral today only further proved that time was guaranteed to no one. When Olivia woke up, he was going to tell her how he really felt. He could only hope that those feelings would be reciprocated.

"El? You okay?"

Pulled from his introspective thoughts, Elliot glanced down at the woman in his arms. Her eyes were still closed, the only indication that she had woken the slight change in her breathing. That, and the fact that one corner of her mouth was quirked up in the beginnings of a smirk. It was as though Olivia had already anticipated what Elliot was going to say to her, and was planning her response accordingly.

"I didn't know you were awake."

"How am I supposed to sleep, with you thinking so loudly?"

Brushing his lips against her yet again, this time making contact with the skin of her forehead, Elliot murmured an apology.

"I'm sorry. I'll try and contemplate more quietly next time."

No sooner had the words registered, Olivia was pushing herself up and away from Elliot. Her hands drifted briefly over his face before settling on his chest, as though checking for any signs of pain that may have increased in the length of time since they'd returned. It was obvious from the fear in her eyes that she was worried she'd exacerbated his injuries by having fallen asleep leaning against him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Why didn't you wake me? You don't need that much pressure against your wounds, Elliot."

Though he could feel the resistance in her as she fought him, Elliot encouraged Olivia to return to her prior position.

"Relax, Liv. You weren't – and aren't – hurting me. Truth is, I rather like having you here."

Olivia glanced up to make eye contact, and her breath caught in her throat at the tender way in which Elliot was regarding her. She'd seen that expression more than a few times over the years, and they had always seemed to find a way to tap dance around it. Now though, she didn't want to avoid it. Fighting the urge to close her eyes, she met the gaze full on with a soft look of her own.

Any prepared speeches or poetic soliloquies that Elliot had rehearsed prior to this moment evaporated into thin air. Too many words would only get in the way. Cupping his palm around her cheek, he went with the simplest truth in his heart.

"Olivia, I know my timing may not be the greatest, but I can't wait any longer. I almost lost you, and if these past few days have taught me anything, it's that no one is guaranteed forever. I love you – I have for years. More than that, I'm in love with you."

Tears brimmed on Olivia's lower lashes, and she nervously drew her lower lip between her teeth. Seeing this, Elliot felt his heart begin to pound in his chest as he awaited her response. When she spoke, Olivia's voice was full of confidence.

"I love you, too, Elliot."

Dipping his head, Elliot kissed his partner for the first time. Her lips were just as soft and sweet as he'd always imagined. When he teased the seam of her mouth, she granted him entrance, and they moaned in unison as their tongues met. After endless moments, they came up for air, keeping their foreheads touching as neither wanted to break the connection. Their worlds had irrevocably changed this week, in more ways than one, and they both just needed time to process the enormity of it all before moving forward. What they did know for certain was this – whatever the next steps were, they would be taking them together.

A/N: There's one more chapter to follow after this. Thanks to all who have read this far. Your reviews, follows, and favorites mean so much to me!