Thanks to Tif S for reviewing.

I'm sorry for all of these long author's notes. But here's another.

I just wanted to let everyone know that most of my stories right now are ending. This story is one of them and except for this there's…

-I won't go away
-When I returned
-Game on
-A light in the dark
-What I did for hate (finished)
-The moment I needed the most
-We're coming home
-Buried deep within
-The search for a family (finished)
-For what is a human if she loses her best friend (finished)

So, if you've read that very carefully you would know that my only two stories that will go on will be riding on the wings of a dove and how they ended up in care.

I've also got some oneshots but at least they're not even half as many as I had before. And I already finished some.

Days kept on passing by after the one Amanda left with the kids and after the one ma came to live with me. Somehow she just gave up her home in New Jersey and decided once and for all to live with me. She went to get her stuff and sort out things during a couple of days and the whole house seemed quiet.

Not that the house was anything but loud when ma was here though. Everything seemed quiet without Samantha and Anthony around…

Not that I was one to make a lot of noise neither. And during what felt like years I spent 99 % of all time at home to sit on the couch with the TV shut off, the phone lying on the table and staring right ahead of me.

"Okay. That's it Daniel!"

Some time right before Christmas mum had had enough. She had been to grocery shop and dropped the bags on the kitchen counter with each bang.

"What?"

"Daniel." Her voice went softer again, she left the groceries in the kitchen and came to sit down next to me. "I understand that you're hurting, believe me. I do! But you cannot just act like this and give up on everything…"

If glares could kill there wouldn't have been much left of my mum.

"I think I know what you think about me right now. But I only want your best Daniel… And I could never stand Amanda, that much you know. And I hate that she's doing this to you but… you can't just do… this. Just sit here and… stare. I'm not saying you should go anywhere. But you can't just sit here and stare day after day."

When she said that last she must have understood that if the children didn't return then that was what I wanted to do.

But as we both silent, I went through what she had just said…

"You're right… I guess…" She gave me a meaning look. "I know.." I got up finally, for what felt like the first time in a thousand years. "You're right…" I looked out the window at something I barely knew. "….But no. I don't want to go anywhere but… you're right. Amanda just somehow… wins if I go on like this and you and I both know that's the last thing I want…"

I turned again and helped mum with unpacking the groceries, without another word for the longest time before I sat back down on the couch and stared right in front of me.

Being without the children l was nothing… I felt like nothing. It hurt just as much but for the first time in almost two months I had to realize that ma was right.

"The tournament is soon, isn't it?"

I couldn't help to just glare at ma again. After everything that had happened. Did she really think I wanted to go to the tournament or even think about karate ever again?

"I know" Mum sat down next to me again and stroke my cheek. "But this… this… this… I know you're hurting more than you could tell. But life doesn't end! And you can't just lie on the couch all day every day... Where are all your Christmas stuff?" I sighed deeply. "Where is it?"

"The attic."

Ma waited for just a few moments, then she suddenly stood up and I heard her footsteps as she went through the house and upstairs and to the lid in the ceiling where she would find the attic.

"Ma?"

I couldn't just sit on the couch and wait until she- at almost eighty years old got hurt from carrying boxes up and down that attic ladder.

"Come on." I went over to her. "What boxes are Christmas things?"

"The ones wrapped in Christmas gift paper."

I said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, ma heard my tone and now there wouldn't have been much left of me if glares would kill.

"Then we'll start with taking them all downstairs."

"Ma?"

"Come on."

Somehow the boxes wrapped in Christmas paper made their way downstairs, ready to make it all the way into the house where the children should have been here and helped us with it.

I couldn't have made it any worse for me than when I lifted the lid of the very first carton I found a doll made of wooden sticks and a bit of white fabric…

…"Daddy. Look what I made."

Seven year old Sam ran up to me with a doll she had made in school, with Christmas glitter on top of his head and a black piece of yarn tied around what was supposed to be its waist.

"It looks like Uncle Miya. Can you see that?"

It was obvious, wasn't it?

"I'll give it to him. Do you think he'll like it?"…

Nowadays I had almost forgotten the children's nickname for Mr. Miyagi.

And then, seeing in front of me what had happened the day that Sam had come home with that doll and how "Uncle Miya" had laughed, and laughed, and laughed when we put it in the window. That was when the tears finally came, I started crying and within a second or they were streaming down my cheeks while sobs made my whole body shook.

I sunk back to sit on the couch when I wasn't sure if I could even stay on my feet, still- with the Mr. Miyagi- Christmas- ornament clutched tightly in one hand. I realized there was no point to with the other keep on wiping tears that came way too fast to catch them all.

"Oh, Daniel."

Mum sat down next to me and laid her arms around my shoulders.

"Sch, sch, sch." She comforted whispering into my ear. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

I couldn't see how anything would ever be okay while my family wasn't here with me. And the knowledge of that only sent a new round of sobbing through my whole body.

I lost track of time for how long I had cried. I knew for certain I hadn't ever cried like this…

One hour? Two?

When I finally stopped it was dark outside and I felt weirdly weak and tired. I wasn't so sure about how long I would be able to stay up. But at last, with one last, shaky sigh I let ma wipe my tears with a tissue as if I had been a child. And I had to say one thing more before going to sleep for the night…

"So… they left, all three of them. And I don't know when or even if they'll return and I can't call them. I just… I barely even appreciated enough that I had them and now they're gone…" I had to pause before I finished. "I just want to be able to tell them that I love them…"

Random fact

I do get if you think Lucille's just a b*. But she only wants Daniel's best after all and I can see why she thought Daniel shouldn't get stuck day after day, sitting staring right in front of him.

I hope the way I wrote it made sense.