Chapter Notes: This is the last full chapter I have written. I'm working on chapter five now, but it might not be finished in time. What I'm saying it my update schedule may go from updating once a week to updating whenever I finish a chapter. Hopefully I won't make you guys wait too long in between updates.

Just one single glimpse of relief

~ epiphany by Taylor Swift

"Spike, my teacher says I have to cite sources at the end of my essay," says Dawn. "And 'the weirdo vampire who lives in the cemetery and helps my sister fight demons' is not a credible source."

The weirdo vampire scoffs. "I'm a hell of a lot more credible than the halfwits who wrote your textbooks! What were they smoking when they wrote this rot?"

When we first ventured deeper into the cavern under Spike's crypt, I thought I was gonna be bored as all get out. We can't bring the TV down, I can't do anything else that requires electricity because there isn't any down here, and the few magazines I brought down with me didn't keep me occupied for long. I was afraid I was gonna have to read a book, or something.

Leaning against the cavern wall, I realise that I didn't have to worry about a lack of entertainment. Spike and Dawn's bickering is providing me with plenty. My only regret is that I didn't bring any popcorn.

They're both sat on a rock, a torch pointing upwards between them. Dawn is scribbling stuff down in her notebook and Spike holding her textbook with a scowl on his face. If he didn't have a chip in his head, he'd probably be on his way to murder the historians who wrote the book for the crime of historical inaccuracy. I should disapprove of that hypothetical scenario, but considering I was humiliated in front of my whole class by a dumb history teacher just for asking a few questions – the same teacher who, while signing my drop-out papers had a look on his face like he was glad my mother had died just so he could get rid of me – I can't bring myself to care. Also, totally hypothetical. It's not like he'd actually do it, even though Mr. Maybe-You'd-Like-To-Teach-Your-Own-Class would totally deserve it.

Dawn snatches the textbook from him. "Thanks for trying, Spike, but I think I'll get a better grade if you don't help me with my homework."

"Excuse me if I wanted to improve the education system of this bloody country." Spike gets up and walks over to me, slower than he normally would and with a slight limp. "Bloody teenagers."

"I heard that!"

He shakes his head.

I smile. "Who was right and who was wrong?"

"She's not the one driving me batty, Slayer," says Spike. "If I'd known the American education system was this bad, I'd have never tried to kill you. Would've stepped back and let your school do all the work."

"I'll be honest, it got close plenty of times," I tell him. "It got to a point where if you ate my principal, I would've thrown you a party."

"Is that right? Got his address? He'll be my first wanker to kill if I ever get this chip out."

"You can't. He's already dead, curtesy of one giant snake mayor."

"…So, you're saying if he wasn't-"

"Don't push your luck."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He chuckles, then winces and brings a hand up to his side.

I look over at Dawn to see if she's noticed. She's too engrossed in her homework (which is a miracle, maybe I should bring her to Spike's crypt more often) to notice anything's wrong. I lower my voice and ask, "How're you feeling?"

"Better," he says. "Should be in fit and fighting shape by tonight."

"Are you sure? She really did a number on you."

"Nah, I've had worse from your ex-honey," he says. And before I can be swept away by thoughts of Angel and Angelus, he adds, "And no one will ever top you in the Damage Done To Spike department. Remember the organ?"

"You mentioned it only yesterday," I say. "Seriously, if you keep bringing it up, I'll be happy to repeat the performance."

He shrugs. "Wouldn't mind a repeat of our fight beforehand."

I'm so close to snapping, because during that fight he was literally trying to kill me, my friends and my boyfriend. He sic'd the Order of Taraka on me and tried to sacrifice Angel. But instead of letting the words and accusations run out of my mouth, I remember what I felt in the moment, fighting him. And OK, taking away the mortal peril and the fact that my loved ones were in danger… Yeah, that had been a good fight. Pretty sure we both agreed that we'd rather be fighting each other instead of other people.

I realise that's something I've missed during the time Spike has been chipped: our fights. No matter how much I hated him, I always secretly enjoyed our fights; how they challenged me, made me a better Slayer. And isn't that a startling thought, that Spike has been unintentionally helping me out, helping me last longer by making me stronger.

Is that why I slipped up last year? Because Spike's no longer fighting me, and therefore no longer helping me get better? That though almost tempts me into considering a way to switch off his chip, at least temporarily, before the more sensible part of my brain mentally slaps the other half. That kind of thinking will lead to Angelus 2.0.

A scenario I can't even picture. No matter how hard I try, I can't imagine Spike getting his chip out and going, "Thanks for the help, Slayer. Now I'm gonna go kill all your friends." Not now, after what he did for me and Dawn.

That's another uncomfortable revelation I have to push down.

In an effort to change the subject, I say, "I need to ask you something. When Willow was reprograming the bot, she found a camera in the eyes." I carefully watch his reaction, because he's always been an open book and it's annoying how I can read him just as much as he can read me.

His face fills with surprise and confusion, and I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding. Good, he didn't ask for the camera. "What? That twerp didn't tell me that."

"Maybe he put it in April and couldn't change the design on such short notice," I say. I try not to think about why Warren would put a camera in his robot girlfriend, because my thoughts start with creepy stalker shit and end with icky sex stuff.

"Could be," he says. "Or he's spying on us."

"Why? Why would he want to spy on us?"

"I don't know, maybe he blames you for his relationship ending?"

"I didn't chase his girlfriend away! That was all on him."

"Yeah, but in his mind, you showing up ruined his perfect plan of running away from his problem until her battery drained."

"Still totally on him," I say. "It's not my fault if he can't accept responsibility for his actions. But we don't even know if spying on us was his motivation, and it doesn't matter now. Willow's hijacked the camera and is using it to watch the confrontation with Glory."

I hold up the walkie-talkie Xander gave me. There hasn't been any word from the others since I first got down here and I tested the signal.

Spike looks away. "If the Hell Bitch trashes the bloody thing, it'll be the first useful thing she's done since she arrived."

"Spike, could you stop with the guilt?" I ask. "I get that you feel bad, but you don't have to keep going on and on about it. I know you're sorry. You don't have to keep reminding me. I forgive you."

He stares at me in shock, and is that awe in his eyes? "You forgive me?"

"For the bot, yeah," I say. "I didn't tell you, but I went on a Slayer quest to the desert. I was afraid I was losing the ability to love."

"Bollocks," says Spike. "You love your sister, your mum, your mates, your Watcher, not to mention the whole bleeding world. Whoever told you that you can't love is full of rot."

I'm tempted to confide in him about what Riley said to me; about how he claimed I was holding him at arm's length. How I wasn't enough to make him stay. How I wasn't enough to make Angel stay. How I'm pretty sure I gave Angel all of my love before I really understood what I was giving away, and he didn't give it back to me before he left. I want to blurt out everything I've never been able to tell Willow or Xander or even Mom, because there's always been something about Spike that just makes me open up to him. Maybe it's the way he just listens to me without judgement.

I clamp my mouth shut. I can't confide in the vamp who's in love with me about the failings of my previous relationships. "Back to the point. She says I'm full of love."

"See?"

I roll my eyes, but I'm smiling. "She also said a bunch of other stuff, like love and pain coming from the same place and how I need to risk the pain if I'm ever gonna love again." Which makes sense. I don't think I gave myself fully to Riley because I was afraid of being devastated again. Loving Angel had led to the total desolation of my heart, and what happened with Parker hadn't helped. "More importantly, she said I need to forgive. If I'm gonna start healing the damage done to my heart, I need to show more compassion and empathy instead of shutting my emotions away, or holding a grudge beyond the logical point. I blindly forgave Angel for everything he did as Angelus both before and after I met him, and honestly, I don't think I had the right to forgive him for the stuff he did before. But if I was able to forgive him for all that then surely, I can forgive you for a smaller offence."

Lots of emotions flash across Spike's face, from annoyance to anger to resignation. Which should be expected, since I mentioned someone he hates. "Some bloke upstairs must bloody hate me. You're the second woman I've loved who's already been hurt too much to love me back, by the same wanker no less, who carelessly tosses you aside once he's bloody done with you, making me wish I loved you first the way you deserved to be loved."

I frown. Is that weird, that this sort of thing has happened to Spike twice now? First Drusilla, who was tortured and broken by Angelus to the point of not being able to love anyone other than the monster who made her that way. And when Angel lost his soul, she didn't waste any time in getting back with him, ditching the man who had almost died for real to get her back to fighting strength again.

And now there's me. I'll be the first to admit that what happened with Angel is a big part of why I freaked when Spike declared his feelings for me. I mean, there was also the part where Spike's been my enemy for the past four years, but the vampire plus dating equals bad equation was much bigger. Not to mention the elephant in the room constantly repeating one question since the day Spike showed up heartbroken over Drusilla, that question being if Spike can love without needing a soul, why can't Angel?

In truth, that question doesn't matter anymore. They're just two very different vampires with very different priorities. For Angelus, it was about causing pain. With Spike, it was all about what Drusilla wanted.

Now it's all about what I want.

I mull Spike's words over in my head. If I'd met them out of order, Spike first and then Angel, could I have loved the former? I guess that depends on what his attitude towards me would've been.

But would I have been as emotionally devastated by Angel? There used to be so much pain in the Angel-shaped hole in my heart, but now it's like a dull ache that's been numbed by time. Even when he showed up the night after Mom's funeral, I didn't feel anything along the lines of the raw heartbreak that had wrecked me the day he left. Maybe that was because Mom was gone and that pain outweighed everything else, but…

I've been thinking back on my time with Angel recently, and it almost feels like something that happened to a different person. A child. I walked past Dawn's room last week and I overheard her gossiping on the phone to one of her friends, gushing about a boy the same way I used to gush to Willow about Angel, and it hit me then how childish I'd been back then. To think, I'd thought I was so mature.

It was an illusion of maturity that only made me more childish.

I still asked him to stay, that night by my mother's grave. Because I'm older now. Maybe we didn't work out because I'd been so young, too young to really understand what I was getting myself in for. Angel even said that; said that I had a whole life ahead of me and that I deserved a normal guy. Well, the normal guy didn't work out, and I just want someone who can be with me, both the Slayer and the girl. The moments in between the pain… They've gotta be worth it.

He's the only guy I've ever been happy with. And yeah, it was a bad idea to get back together with him that Christmas, but again, I was young and didn't understand the sacrifices of a real relationship. All I had wanted was to be with him, in a way that was messy and childish. I already know that I can't be that girl again, but I can be a woman and love him, can't I? And it's not like I'd be giving everything to him. I still have Dawn, who'll always come first. But after Dawn turns eighteen and I can focus on my personal life…

There has to be a chance that we'll find our way back to each other someday. I'm an adult now. I have to choose old and familiar and safe over new and exciting and dangerous. Being with Angel can't get any worse than what I've already gone through with him.

I'd have no idea what to expect with Spike.

The aforementioned vampire is watching me, waiting for me to say something. I don't know how long I've spaced out for, but I know I can't tell him my thoughts. I'm not sure why, since they would probably go a long way in showing him a relationship will never happen between us, but I just can't.

Before the silence gets awkward, my walkie-talkie buzzes to life. "Major Tom to Ground Control, come in Ground Control."

Spike rolls his eyes. "Harris doesn't have the cred to reference Bowie."

"Be nice," I tell him, before holding the walkie-talkie up to my mouth. "What is it, Xander? Any sign of Glory?"

"Yeah, she's sat down on the bench next to the bot," Xander says. "Now she's threatening to kill people if the bot tries to call out for help."

And when she finds out she has a robot instead of the Key, she'll probably kill people anyway. I'm seconds away from climbing up the ladder and racing to the fair, but then Dawn comes to stand next to me, having abandoned her homework in order to listen to what's happening. Her presence reminds me of my job. Protecting her takes priority. I should probably tell her to go back to her homework, but then this is about her and she has a right to know what's going on.

"Let me know if it looks like she's going to," I ask him.

In the background, I hear Willow say, "She's crushing the bot's hand! How hasn't she noticed anything yet?"

"She probably just thinks she's crushing bone," comes Anya's voice. "I doubt she'll notice until she tries to draw blood."

Immediately after Anya says this, there's a screech. "A robot?! A stupid robot?! My Key is a robot?! No, you're not the Key! You're just a distraction! I hate being lied to. It makes me feel so betrayed! Tell me who my Key is!"

"I'm sorry," I hear the bot say in Tara's voice, only it's more monotone than how regular Tara sounds. "I have no idea who you are or what this Key is that you are talking about. Perhaps I can take you to a locksmith? They might know."

"I already tried that dump, you lying little tramp!" Glory screams. "The smith's brain didn't even taste nice. It wasn't even worth the effort of going there. Hey, that's magic! You're a magic robot!"

"She's grabbing the necklace," says Willow. After a pause, she continues with, "Yes! The spell worked!"

"I can't move! What did you do to me? Hey, you're the Slayer! And a robot! Hey everybody! Did you know the Slayer's really a robot?"

Wow, Glory's definitely not the smartest Big Bad I've ever faced. The strongest, sure, but that strength's clearly making up for her lack of brain cells. I think she can even give Harmony a run for her money.

"I wish we can see what's going on," says Dawn, folding her arms across her chest. "Listening in like this is so dead. Um, no offence."

"None taken, Bit," says Spike with a wink.

I shush them. Something's happening on the other end, but the sounds are distant and I can't quite make them out. Punches, maybe?

"Willow," says Xander, "as much as I love watching a robot Buffy beat up a defenceless Glory, don't you think people will, I don't know, call security so they can come and break the fight up? People are already shouting at them to stop."

"I was hoping they'd all flee in terror." But Willow doesn't sound so sure of herself.

There's another sound, sort of like a blast.

"Well, that spell didn't last very long." That's Anya.

More crashes. Then nothing.

"She destroyed the bot," says Willow.

I turn to Spike and Dawn.

The former knows what I'm going to say before the words even form in my mind. "Go. I'll watch her."

"Thank you." I know I shouldn't leave Dawn. I know I should listen to what our future selves told us. But I can't stand back and let innocent people die. Even if I won't be able to hold Glory back for long, it'll give at least some people time to get away. And I'll be sure to retreat before she can kill me.

"Stay put, guys. I'm going in," I say into the walkie-talkie, before I pass it to Dawn and turn towards the ladder.

It's all a blur, climbing up to ground level, leaving Spike's crypt and racing across town. Soon I hear screaming, and then I see a large crowd stampeding away from the fair. I avoid the worst of it as best I can while also keeping an eye out in case someone falls over. I don't want any casualties here, be it directly from Glory or getting trampled by the crowd.

The fair's security officers are directing people away, and in the chaos, I manage to slip past them. I wander around the abandoned fair for a few minutes before movement catches my eye. First I spot the bench and then a flash of red – a red dress. It takes a second for me to prepare myself to fight, but then another second for it to register that the person wearing the red dress isn't Glory.

It's Ben.

Ben's wearing a red dress. And high heels.

At first, I can only stare as he walks in the heels like this isn't the first time he's worn them. But then I notice that he's holding his head and is close to falling over. Did Glory hit him? Or did he get knocked over by the stampede? Either way, I should probably help him. Even if a part of me doesn't know what to make of the fact that he's a total drag queen. I really shouldn't judge but, well…

No, I shouldn't judge at all. And hey! If I do decide to date him then we can totally go shopping together. I'd be nice to have a boyfriend who actually likes shopping.

"Ben!" I call out, hurrying over to him.

His head snaps towards me and his eyes are wide with terror. "Buffy? What happened?"

"Um, I think the fair's being evacuated. Not sure why," I say. "A gas leak, maybe?"

"Oh." He looks down and seems to realise for the first time what he's wearing. Why would he forget what he's wearing? Or is he embarrassed? "Uh… I can explain…"

"Don't drag queens usually wear wigs and make-up?" I ask, keeping my face straight. No judgement here.

Ben frowns in confusion before responding. "Oh yeah, I just… wasn't feeling up to it today. I've had a bad day. I got fired from the hospital."

"You did? But you were such a good nurse! With all the clipboards and the smiling and the… being nice to patients." God, don't I sound like a lame-o? I smile, hoping that'll distract him. "Why did they fire you?"

"Well, turns out when someone gives you a job, you have to actually show up and do it," he says, trying to frame it as a joke. But I can hear the frustration leaking into his tone.

"Bummer," I say. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to show up for my job when I actually get one. Was there a good reason you weren't showing up?"

He sighs. "I have a really high-maintenance sister. She's been eating up all of my time."

"Same," I tell him. And wow, we're having an actual conversation. Maybe I'll ask him out on a date, after all. Once all the Glory business is delt with. "Dawn's so high- maintenance that I had to drop out of college to look after her."

"What about your mom?"

The question cuts deep, and it takes everything in me not to break down crying then and there. "Guess it happened when you were with your sister. My mom had an aneurysm. She died a few weeks ago."

His entire face falls with sympathy. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Are you guys doing OK?"

"Yeah," I say with a sigh. "It's a little stressful right now, but my friends are helping me out a lot."

"That's great," he says. "And I really don't wanna ask and add more stress, but is that why you cancelled our date?"

Oh yeah. I did that around the same time. I'm about to tell him that I cancelled before Mom died, but he's standing there all nice and normal (or as normal as a drag queen can be) and he's acting concerned about me and my family, and I can't bring myself to tell him the real reason why I cancelled. Instead, I say, "Yeah. I just… couldn't. I'm sorry."

"No, it's OK. I totally understand."

I smile. See, I don't need to date a bad boy who used to be my mortal enemy, or even get back with my first love. I may never love Ben, but he's safe and stable. And nice.

Why can't I think of anything else to say about him? Ugh, maybe Dawn's right. I should probably find another reason to date him.

For the first time I look past him and see the Buffy Bot lying in pieces on the other side of the bench. Crap, I need to clear that up before security finds it. Or the police. The last thing I need is them knocking on my door asking why there's a robot that looks exactly like me especially when I'm supposed to be the responsible adult looking after my sister, and maybe indulging in robot hijinks doesn't make me a fit guardian and they'll be there not just to question me but also take my sister away…

"Sorry, I'm holding you up," I say. "We're supposed to be evacuating."

"Right. Shall we go?"

"Actually, I'm looking for a friend," I lie. "You go on ahead. I'll catch up."

"Sure. I'll see you later." Ben gives me a smile before walking away, and luckily, he doesn't look behind him.

I want to feel butterflies from his smile, the same butterflies I felt with Angel – heck, the same butterflies I've been feeling lately whenever Spike looks at me. But there's nothing. The butterflies in my belly don't agree with my rationale that Ben would be a nice, safe, stable option for me.

I've totally gotta shake this attraction to bad boys before it gets me into trouble. Again.

When he's gone, I walk over to the Buffy Bot and wince at the damage. Glory ripped both its arms off – including Tara's jean jacket – along with its head, which has also been partially crushed in. Even with all the wires and sparks, seeing my lifeless face staring back up at me is haunting. And fascinating.

Spike's words from outside the Bronze come back to me. I've been hurting so much over these past several months. Mom's illness, Glory coming after Dawn, Riley leaving, Mom dying… What would it be like, to finally be at peace? Would the pain finally stop? Would I be happy? Is this what the First Slayer meant when she said Death is my Gift?

The rational part of my brain catches up with me and I'm filled with horror. Did I just fantasize about dying?

No, I can't die. Not when Dawn needs me. When my friends need me.

But why should I live just for them? Why should I keep going with the weight of the world on my shoulders alone? What about what I want? Can't I want to live for myself? What do I get out of living?

I shake all the dark and scary thoughts away. I need to focus on the here and now. And right here, right now, I need to get the bot back to Willow. She probably won't be able to salvage it, but she'll be able to dispose of it correctly.

For a moment I wonder how I'm gonna carry it back without drawing attention to myself, until I see a discarded red wagon turned on its side. It's small, but it should be big enough to fit all the pieces of the bot into. I really hope it doesn't belong to some kid who'll come looking for it later and cry when they can't find it. Maybe I can put a FOUND advertisement in the newspaper when this is all over?

I stand the wagon upright and load the pieces of the bot into it. Then I cover it with an old blanket I find under the bench, which probably belonged to some homeless man. I don't think about what could've happened to him. The homeless don't last long in Sunnydale.

With the wagon ready, I pick up the black handle and begin to pull it towards the fair's exit. The security guards sweeping the area don't spare me a second glance.

The journey back to Spike's crypt is slower than my mad dash to get to the fair, giving me time alone with my thoughts. I stay away from all the thoughts about death swirling around me like a cyclone of despair and instead try to think about other stuff.

Like Ben. I feel all twisty inside, trying to decide whether or not I should give him a chance. The same arguments for and against that have been on my mind since yesterday keep bouncing around my head. He's nice, and sensible, and safe, and Dawn totally has a point about me needed to stop flinging myself at guys for those reasons alone. My friends would encourage me to give him a chance, but that falls under being expected by society to date any nice guy who shows interest in me, and shouldn't I do what I want for a change? But dating Ben could keep those dark nasty thoughts at bay and give me a reason to live… but would he make me happy enough? If he's not inspiring passion and happiness in me now, then what hope does he have of doing that later? Actually, the thought of having to pretend to be a normal girl for his benefit just makes me feel numb. The same numbness that seems to be swallowing me up.

And then there's what I realised earlier. Compared to Spike, Ben will never measure up in the passion department.

Are my dating options always gonna be monsters? Or men who think they should be more like the monsters they think I'm obsessed with? OK, maybe not that second one, but my relationship options are still limited. I think back to that conversation I had with Willow and Xander during Sophomore Year about us never having normal relationships and hey, how come they're allowed to date demon-y guys but whenever I do, I always get judged? I mean, Oz was a cool guy and couldn't help being a werewolf, but Xander's dating an ex-vengeance demon who doesn't even feel bad for wreaking havoc for over a thousand years. And OK, I've listened to a lot of her tirades and some of the guys she cursed totally deserved what they got, but some of the stuff she did… Not pretty. She's human now I guess and she's helping us, but only because she's dating Xander. Not to seek redemption or anything.

I get the feeling that trying to dump on Anya in an effort to convince my friends I haven't gone loco if I, well, go loco and start dating Spike won't really go over well with Xander. Or Giles. Willow might get behind me if only to dump on Anya herself.

And why am I thinking of reasons and excuses to tell my friends that dating Spike isn't as insane as it sounds? Spike is totally not dating material. As helpful as he's been lately, it won't happen. No way.

I should probably look in the mirror and practise saying that until I can convince myself. And look convincing while saying it.

Spike's crypt looms into view and I drag the wagon inside. Figuring that it's safe up here until we're ready to go, I leave it by the door and walk across the crypt towards the hole in the ground. Just as I'm about to start climbing down, voices drift up through the hole.

"Nothing to be worried about, kid," says Spike. "Nothing's gonna hurt you with the Big Bad standing guard."

I hear Dawn scoff, but it sounds half-hearted. "Oh yeah? The same no one who did that to you?"

"What, this? Nothing to write home about."

"Yeah right. You got all those 'nothing to write home about' bruises protecting me."

She sounds scared. I should go down to comfort her, but… I haven't been good at the comforting thing lately. If I was good at it, Dawn wouldn't have tried to bring Mom back.

"Chin up, Platelet," Spike assures her. And he sounds like he means it; he's not giving her empty comfort. But could he at least give her a nickname that doesn't refer to her as some kind of snack? There's a stretch of silence and I'm about to go down, but then I hear a gentle, "Hey…"

That was Spike. I don't think I've ever heard him sound so soft, at least around us. Around Drusilla, maybe. But not us. Guess I should get used to it, now that we're his loved ones.

That thought comes so naturally. Not even my previous mindset of 'demon equals bad no matter what' fights against it.

"You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike? Me." A sniff follows Dawn's words.

She's crying. I don't care if I'm not the best at comforting. I wanna jump straight down, skipping the ladder, run over to her and bundle her up in my arms like I used to when she was still practically a baby. She used to get a lot of nightmares.

But my feet won't move.

Dawn continues talking, sounding like she's getting more worked up the more she talks. "I'm the Key, Spike. And anything that happens to Buffy and you and the others… is because of me. Your bruises, your limp… That's all me too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt. And everyone around me suffers and dies. I must be something so horrible to cause so much pain and evil."

Oh God, is that how she really feels about all this? Why hasn't she told me? Then I can tell her she's so far from evil that she'd have to travel faster than the speed of light to reach it.

"Rot." Spike's voice is both firm and reassuring all at once.

"What do you know?" Dawn snaps.

"I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil."

I smile. There's another thing to add to my long list of Reasons to Keep Spike Around: He's really good with words. He always knows the right thing to say, be it harsh words that cut deep or warm words that make me feel like I can take on the world. I'm more of an action girl. I wouldn't be able to say all that to Dawn; I'd just hug her and hope that gets the same message across.

"Maybe… I'm not evil." Good, Dawn's listening to him. "But I don't think I can be good."

Why does she think that? Sure, she can be a brat sometimes and not listen to me but that doesn't make her 'not good'. Oh God, should I have been gentler with her earlier today, when I flatly told her to stop acting out and making things worse for us? Is this my fault?

After a moment, Spike says, "Well, I'm not good, and I'm OK."

My smile widens. Yeah, he really is.

"And I'm sure big sis will agree, when she gets down here."

Crap. Well, I guess I should've known a vamp would be able to sense a Slayer in his crypt. I guess he wanted me to hear what Dawn had to say. And he's right, I needed to hear that.

I finally climb down the ladder and turn to face Dawn, who's sat on the same rock as before on the far side of the underground level. Her face is wet and her eyes are red, and she looks so terrified and helpless. I immediately race across the cavern and sit beside her before enveloping her in a hug. Spike moves away from us and leans against the far wall.

"I'm so sorry, Dawnie," I tell her. "I shouldn't have sounded so harsh today. I just needed you to understand how serious this whole mess is. You're not evil. You're as good as a good person can be. And this is the sort of stuff you need to tell me. Remember the promise?"

She nods into my shoulder. "I'm sorry. But it's all my fault."

"No." I brush my hand through Dawn's hair. "Sweetheart, it's not your fault."

"But those people…"

"No one got hurt." I pull back and draw an 'X' over my heart. "I promise. And if anyone's to blame for all this mess, it's Glory. Speaking of the she-devil, she was gone when I got there. But she destroyed the bot before she left."

"Thank Christ," says Spike.

I roll my eyes and stand back up. "I need to contact the others," I say, pointing to the walkie-talkie in Spike's hand. Dawn must have given it to him at some point.

He holds it out to me. "All yours, Slayer."

I walk over to him and take it, before lowering my voice and saying, "Thank you. For what you said."

"Was just telling her the truth," he says.

"Still." I give him a smile before holding the walkie-talkie up to my face. "Hey guys, I'm back. Glory was gone when I got to the fair. The bot was her only casualty. No one else got hurt."

There's a pause before someone picks up. "Buffy." It's Giles. "Do you know where Glory may have gone? Did you see anything that might indicate her next move?"

I shake my head before realising that Giles can't see me. "No. I didn't see anything strange. Well, apart from Ben in drag, but that has nothing to do with this."

Dawn bursts out laughing. "Ben wears drag?"

"Don't judge him," I tell her.

But she's not the only on laughing. I can hear Xander laughing in the background of the walkie-talkie. "Give that one a pass, Buff. I really need another guy in the group."

There's a slap, and he yelps. I'm guessing that was Anya.

"That the berk you were hanging out with at the party?" Spike asks. Ugh, he sounds jealous. Not fun. "You can do better than him, Slayer."

I ignore him. "Can we stop talking about Ben and his fashion choices, please? I'm gonna bring the bot over to you guys and then we can discuss our next move. We've still got a while before our future selves show up."

Dawn jumps up from her seat and hurries over. "And we're just gonna leave Spike here? After he let us crash at his place? He should come with us."

"No!" Xander's response is immediate. "I get that he has to help us, and holy cow, I've only just realised I'm gonna be dealing with two Spikes, but I draw the line at giving him an invite to my apartment!"

"Our apartment!" Anya corrects. "I don't mind Spike coming in."

Spike smirks. "And there's my invite."

"Anya!"

"In the name of restoring order and ending this pointless argument," says Giles, "I suggest, Buffy, that you stay put in case Glory is on the hunt. There is not much else to discuss other than what to do if your future selves do not appear, and we can do that right now."

"What about the bot pieces?" I ask.

Willow speaks for the first time. "If the bot's scrapped, Buffy, then there's nothing I can do to fix it."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "I was thinking that we could program her to take on a second job for me so I can get more money. And I wouldn't have to do the work."

Spike snickers. "Naughty Slayer."

"Um, I think that would count as fraud, Buffy," says Willow. "And yes, I'm sure. We'll just have to dispose of the parts properly."

"I'll help," says Spike. "Would be my pleasure."

Wow, he's really not kidding about wanting to see it destroyed. "I'll leave the parts here for now. What about the back-up plan? My future self said to leave town but to not go together, probably to confuse Glory and the Knights of Hack 'n Slash. If we split up into four teams, we can each go in a different direction. For example, Xander and Anya can go north, Willow and Tara can go west… And Giles, if you don't mind going on your own, you can head south while Spike and I take Dawn east."

"Buffy, are you sure it is wise to take Spike-"

"Spike's the only one who's strong enough to stand a chance against Glory if she comes after us," I tell him. "My priority is protecting Dawn, and I need extra muscle to do that."

"Didn't know you were so interested in my muscles, Slayer."

I roll my eyes, trying my damn hardest not to giggle. "Does that sound like a plan, Giles?"

"I suppose venturing in different directions would confuse our enemies," he admits. "My only concern is what happens if either Glory or the Knights pick a direction. Spike and yourself may be able to fight off such threats, and perhaps Willow with her magic, but the rest of us would not fare so well. Remember, united we stand, divided we fall."

That problem didn't occur to me, and I'm surprised it didn't occur to my future self, either. Maybe she thought our pursuers would be confused enough that they would also divide their own forces, making the threats more manageable? But Giles is right regardless; Xander and Anya would get destroyed by Glory, and Giles might be tough but I doubt he'd last long against a whole bunch of Knights.

"Then we'll just have to hope that our future selves show up," I say. "But we should all pack a bag ready to go, just in case. Meaning Dawn and I can't stay here for much longer, if we're gonna be ready in time."

"We're watching the news now, Buff," says Xander. "They're reporting on the incident at the fair, but that's it. No mention of a super strong woman going on a rampage through town. Maybe she's gone back to her evil lair to berate her minions for pointing her towards the wrong target."

"Then it's probably safe for all of us to go home," I say. "But I don't think any of us should be alone right now, just in case. So Giles, maybe you should stay with Xander and Anya for now. Then all of us can meet up outside the school fifteen minutes before eleven tonight."

"Does Giles have to stay here?" asks Anya. "If there's a chance we're all gonna die tonight, Xander and I should have a pre-climax climax of the orgasm variety-"

"Yes, thank you, Anya." I can practically hear Giles massaging his forehead. "I shall remain here for as long as I am able, Buffy. And though Glory may have retreated, I suggest that you remain vigilant."

"Will do. Speak later." I remove my finger from the button and sigh. "Come on, Dawn. Let's get back home."

"But what about Spike?" she asks. "You said none of us should be alone right now."

It's sad that a few weeks ago, heck, even a few days ago, I wouldn't have cared about what happened to Spike. Now the guilt creeps up on me, that I didn't even think about him and the fact that he'll be alone in his crypt. And sure, he has more of a chance than the others at fighting back against Glory, but she did a number on him last time and he still hasn't fully recovered from his injuries.

"Don't worry about me, Bit," Spike assures my sister. "Can take care of myself."

I should take his word for it and leave with Dawn. If he says he'll be OK, then it's fine to leave him. But I can't ignore the guilt. What if Glory finds him and hauls him away for more torture?

"Dawn's right, Spike," I tell him. "No one should be alone right now. And we were gonna go back via the sewers anyway, since it keeps us out of sight. You can come with and stay with us."

He stares at me like he can't believe the words are coming out of my mouth; like he's dreaming and doesn't want to wake up. "No, it's fine. I need to get some kip, anyway. Can't do that in your house when the sun's still out."

"We have a cot in the basement." Why am I insisting?

"We'd feel better if we knew you were safe, Spike," Dawn adds. "Please?"

The vampire sighs. "Alright, if you're sure. I'll grab some blood bags then we can go." He walks over to the ladder and starts to climb it.

Dawn gathers up her homework, leaving me with my thoughts. I should be nervous at the thought of Spike under the same roof as me, but instead, all I feel is… relieved. When I think about him sleeping in the basement, I'm filled with warmth that he'll be so close.

And that warmth keeps the dark and scary thoughts at bay.