A/N: Lots of talk of death and grief in this chapter
No one thinks they can survive the end of the world.
They hope for the best — a painless, easy death, that they're loved ones will be okay, that whatever happens to them, it'll all be okay in the end. There is no telling what's on the other side. What one becomes once they've died. But there isn't much time to think about it when you're fighting for your life.
That's all there is to it. Fighting. Surviving. Somehow thriving.
Zed's spent his whole life fighting. His family didn't have much money. Zed and his parents lived in one bedroom, in a tiny three bedroom apartment with his grandma and uncles and aunties and four cousins. They managed, with no room to breathe or grow or spread. Living life one day at a time.
He was eleven, just finishing elementary school. May eighteenth. He remembers it clearly.
Everyday after that, he sat in the guidance counselor's office, talking about death, death, death, and more death. Why people die, how to accept and move on from a loved one's death, all of that and more. His dad told him it was to help him, because everyone knew his mom wouldn't make it out of the pregnancy alive.
He still can't wrap his head around it. He loves Zoey, he loves her with his whole heart. She's everything he's ever cared about rolled into a scrawny teenage ball of excitement and sass. But more than anything, he will always miss his mom.
Zed thinks that's why he's so protective of Zoey. His mother gave up her life just so Zoey could have one, and Zed would be damned if he let anything happen to her.
Like at home. His dad couldn't cope without his mom, and his family didn't care enough to do anything about it, not until his dad started to take from them. Beer money, he'd say. He'd pay them back. Except he didn't, he never did. Drinking himself into a coma night after night, falling further and further into debt.
Zed hardly recognized him by the time of his death. The slow spiral into a deep, dark place Zed hoped he'd never have to experience. The drinking, the hostility, yelling and spitting and down right terror he faced for years. Zevon Necrodopolis, the man who'd raise Zed for eleven long years, was dead long before his actual death.
No one should have to see someone they love like that — broken, beat, a husk of their former self.
No matter how much hurt his dad caused, though, seeing him dead was the worst feeling in the world.
Zed knows what Addison is feeling the second he sees her is distraught face. He may not have ever met Bree, but he's seen a lot of death. The empty, overwhelming sense of nothingness, a tingling numb that engulfs you when you first realize they're dead. Actually, seriously dead.
Having been there, once, almost a whole decade ago, Zed knows what it's like. How it feels. How hard it is to stop looking at the empty, lifeless body.
It was late at night, he was sixteen, and he had no idea how long his dad had been laying there. He was sixteen, his grandma long gone and his aunts and uncles and cousins nowhere to be found.
Right now, he can't remember where they were or what was happening. He just remembers being alone. Empty, sad, angry, everything and then some.
All the emotions, the pain, the guilt, the distraught, all of it written all over Addison's face. Most frightening of all, though, is how hollow she is. The usual fire behind her wild blue eyes has vanished, replaced in mere seconds by nothing more than an aching emptiness.
She doesn't react when he places a hand on her shoulder, doesn't resist when he pulls her into his chest, shielding her from the scene before them.
She doesn't cry, but she does accept his comfort. She stands stiffly in his embrace, hiding her face in his chest. He hugs her anyway, knowing that he wished he had someone to comfort him when his parents died.
After a few silent, tense minutes, he hears her start to sniffle, nuzzling her face in his shirt. He squeezes her tighter. She wraps her arms around him, collapsing into his embrace.
Her pain takes him back to his own. The sadness and heartache from losing one parent after the other, being completely alone in the never ending world. He used to spend entire days at their graves, longing for his mother's hugs or Saturday morning pancakes with his dad.
Nowadays, they don't get the comfort of grief. Today they stand in the middle of the woods, feet away from Addison's only companion, the lingering threat of walkers hanging over their heads. They can't stand there forever, a fact Zed gently reminds her of.
Addison looks at him, already broken and fracturing further, her blue eyes flooded with nothing but pure fear. Her lip quiver, eyes still watering. She looks away from him, down at the ground between them and her friend. When she steps out of his arms, his brows turn down in a puzzled frown, suddenly cold and lonely.
Addison nervously rubs her arm. Her voice comes out barely above a whisper, "I-I should stay with Bree."
Oh no, he hadn't meant to come off…like that. Or for her to think that. She shouldn't deal with this alone, or resign herself to death.
His heart aches for her. He can't even imagine what she's feeling right now. He's lost so much in his life, but to feel isolated at the end of the world is something he never wishes to experience, something he never wants anyone to experience.
Worst of all, she believes he's going to abandon her! Not now, not ever. He's been apprehensive all day about leaving her, and he'll be damned if he leaves her now.
"You should come with me," he tells her. "Back to the house. My offer still stands from earlier."
She glances at him, but refuses to hold his gaze for more than a few seconds. "I'll just be a burden. I-I can't…"
He steps closer to her, softly placing his hand on her shoulder. "Addison," he whispers. He moves around her, standing between her and her friend. His hand on her shoulder moves to cradle her jaw, lifting her head up so she's looking at him.
"Addison, I don't think you're a burden. I just want to keep you safe, whatever it takes."
Her lip quivers, seconds before tears burst from her eyes.
Zed wraps her in his arms, shielding her from the world. He does his best to keep her protected and comforted, locked away from the world in his arms.
Sooner rather than later, they'll be leaving, running and hiding away from the world again. They'd be safe, away from danger, where the only thing they have to fear is Eliza's wrath to Addison's presence. He knows Eliza is going to kill him for inviting Addison, but he doesn't care. He'd rather be put out then leave her alone.
Zed and Zoey hunkered down at Eliza's apartment where her and her stepbrother were staying when the outbreak first hit. They stayed there for a few weeks, until it became clear that those things weren't going away. Then they needed more food, clean water, medicine. They left as a group, and when they came back, the apartment building — what was left of it — was overrun with walkers.
The next few weeks were spent hopping from place to place in search of a safe place to sleep. Empty motels, abandoned classrooms, under the counters of empty restaurants or behind the doors of crowded managerial offices. Wherever they could find four walls and at least two different exit points, they bunkered down for the night.
That was until they found their safe haven, the golden goose hidden amongst the trees just beyond the hills. High enough on a hill that they could observe their perimeter, but still obstructed for their safety. A three story, old, victorian-era home with enough room for the four of them and enough protection that they haven't had to move for months.
As the day drags on, Zed ends up carrying Addison, like the first day they'd met. The combination of her misery plus the pain from running and falling and her still-messed up ankle made it almost impossible for her to keep up with his walking pace, and Zed wanted to get back before dark.
His back was going to hurt so bad later. But he keeps telling himself that it's worth it. Keeping Addison and himself safe is all that matters to him.
His body screams at him as the time passes, exhausted, worn out, everything and then some. He hasn't slept more than an hour each night while looking after Addison, terrified they'd be jumped by walkers or hunters, both of which would be terrible to face when half asleep. And he's been carrying Addison a lot, which doesn't help with his exhaustion.
He forces himself on. For his sake, for Addison's, for Zoey and Eliza and Bonzo, who've been waiting a week for him to return with more food and supplies. Their need pushes him onward despite how badly he wants to crumble in a pile and rest, or cry, or die. Any one of those three would give him some peace of mind.
He shoves his pain and fatigue deep inside of him, putting on a brave front once he can see the house, with its faded blue paint that slowly chips off with each passing day, every window covered and boarded from an outside perspective. Zed catches someone's eye from the vantage point of the third story window.
He knows it's Zoey up there, keeping evening watch. None of them want her in harm's way, so they'd collectively decided to give her the easiest post as watchman once the sun starts to set until it gets dark. Zed would usually be with her because none of them had wanted her to be solely in charge of weapons. In the event that Zoey caught sight of a biter, Zed would take care of it for her with the lovely crossbow they stole from a hunting shop. It hasn't happened yet, but they refused to risk it.
Since he's been gone, Eliza must be with his sister, instead of securing the house for the night with Bonzo like she would usually do.
The shutter blinds that block the third story window from an outside view flutter. They've definitely seen him and are definitely running down to greet and intercept him and his extra supplies. Just in time too. He might just collapse if he's not careful. His knees wobble like jelly and his body is running on nothing but pure adrenaline, which quickly fades as the seconds go on.
"Addison," Zed says. She hums into his ear. "We're here."
She lifts her head, taking in the sight before them. "Woah," she breathes. "This place is…woah."
Zed can't help but smile. He never thought much of the house, nothing more than how well suited it was at keeping them hidden and safe. But if he were about two years older and five times richer, in a healthy and loving relationship looking for a quiet place to settle down, this would be the perfect place.
The door on the front porch swings open, a skinny blur of blonde hair flying towards them. Zed knows what's coming. He quickly gets Addison off of his back, and although she's still stumbling and wobbling, he trusts her enough to not fall over. He turns around just as his sister barrels into his chest, throwing her arms around his neck and screaming in his ear.
"Zed!" she squeals.
Zed grunts on impact. Pain momentarily flashes across his chest but he pushes it away, lifting his sister in the air and hugging her tightly.
His thirteen year old sister clings to him tightly. All those nights apart, checking in and making sure she was okay, knowing if anything went wrong he was too far to protect her, to keep her safe. The relief of being able to finally hold her in his arms overcomes him, has him squeezing his sister tighter until she starts to squirm.
Zed pulls back, holding her at arms length to get a good look at her. No blood and no signs of visible damage or harm, not that he worried Eliza or Bonzo would let her get hurt. It didn't hurt to make sure, though.
"Zoey," he breathes. "I missed you, squirt."
She grins, a huge, wide smile that he can't help but return, momentarily forgetting about the other blonde girl behind him.
"I missed you too," she says. Her grin quickly turns into a frown, her eyebrows drawing together in either disgust or concern. Or both, maybe. "You're covered in mud. That's disgusting."
Zed chuckles. He glances down, then back to his sister. "Yeah, we kinda fell down a hill." He shrugs. "We were being chased by zombies."
A tiny smirk plays at her lips, quickly expanding as she exclaims, "That's so cool! You always get to fight zombies."
Zed chuckles again. "There was a lot more running than fighting, but thanks, I think." He stands up, glancing back at Addison.
She lifts her eyes to his face, though her expression remains unreadable. She hasn't said a word since Zoey ambushed them. But she's still on her feet and not in any visible pain. She's just…upset, he thinks, about something or the other — exactly what he can't figure out.
"So," Zoey chimes. Zed jumps a little, looking back to his little sister. Behind her, he can see the front door opening again, this time Eliza coming out and marching towards them.
"Who's your friend?" Zoey leans forward, raising a hand to block her mouth from Addison's view. She talks in a stage whisper though, asking, "She a biter?"
"They're not biters," Addison grumbles.
Zoey raises an eyebrow at her. "The 'biters,'" she explains uncomfortably, "aren't biters, or zombies, or whatever. Don't call them that."
Zombies, biters, walkers, they were all the same to Zed. They were dangerous monsters, not to be taken lightly. Instead of arguing with her, he brushes it off entirely, smiles and says, "This is Addison!"
Eliza stops behind Zoey, an err of disgust twisting her face. Zed knows she's mad — hell, she's probably furious about him bringing Addison, especially without telling her, but he also doesn't care about how she feels. Right now, he can only muster enough energy to care about Zoey and Addison.
"Addison, this is my sister, Zoey, and my best friend Eliza," Zed introduces.
Eliza looks Addison up and down. "Why are you both so dirty?"
"We fell down a hill. Into a mud pile. While running from walkers. It was a hell of a day." Zed smiles.
Eliza isn't amused. "Can we talk?"
He doesn't want to. He's very very scared of her, especially when he's pissed her off. But avoidance is never the answer, so he nods grimly, already prepping for the chewing out he's going to get.
He turns to his sister and asks, "Zoey, why don't you take Addison inside? Show her where the shower is, see if you can find some spare clothes."
"Okay."
Zed looks back to Addison. Her tired and blank expression quickly changes to one of fear. Her eyes bounce over his face, looking for the lie in his words.
He turns around, stepping closer so hopefully his sister and friend won't listen in too hard. "Hey," he says softly. "It'll be okay. I'll just be outside, okay? I'll come up as soon as I can."
Addison swallows, but nods slowly. "Okay."
"You can trust Zoey. Promise." He holds out his pinky, much to Addison's surprise, but she lifts her own and wraps it around his.
"I trust you," she says quietly.
"Good." He gives her a smile, then sends her on her way with Zoey.
He watches them, waiting until they're inside before facing Eliza. Both out of concern for Addison and fear of facing his angry best friend. The past few days, Zed had made every decision for him and Addison without really consulting anyone. Addison never minded, she was either too injured to care or completely incapacitated, but he knows for a fact Eliza is most likely planning murder.
They'd only survived so long because of their transparency with each other. They wouldn't have made it more than a month if they didn't trust each other, if they weren't completely honest with each other. It could be hella annoying being together for so long, but Zed couldn't leave her or Bonzo. They were more than his friends, they were his family. They needed each other.
But Addison needs him too! And he needs her! She has no one and nowhere to go, and he'd be damned if he left her alone in the terrible state of the world. He'd fight for her, even if Eliza was pissed about it.
"Zed."
He turns around, crossing his arms over his chest. No matter how scared he is of Eliza, he won't let her kick Addison to the curb.
Eliza crosses her own arms, waiting for his explanation.
"I told her she could stay here. With us."
Eliza scoffs, frustrated and annoyed. "You can't just make that choice! There are three other people you need to worry about! What about us, huh?"
"What about her? She has no one to take care of her and nowhere to go!"
Eliza glares at him. "That's not my problem. My problem is you, Zoey, and Bonzo. Keeping us safe, making sure we don't die!"
Zed swallows. She has a point, he knows it. He wants them to stay safe too, but that extends to Addison. "I have to keep her safe. I-I can't leave her, Eliza. She needs me and I need her."
Eliza flares with anger, her cheeks growing red. "You don't even know her!" she shouts.
"It doesn't matter! I'm not just gonna leave her to fend for herself out there! She deserves better than that!" He sighs, looking down at the ground. "If you or me or Bonzo or even Zoey were in her situation, I would hope someone would be nice enough to take us in."
Eliza fixed him with a stink eye. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Try to guilt me! Okay, Zed, I get that you're nice and shit. I know that. But this is different. We don't know her! We — Me, and Zoey, and Bonzo, your actual friends! I don't want some stranger here! She could be dangerous!"
"She's not!"
Eliza ignores him. "She could rob us, or kill us!"
"She won't!"
"And if she doesn't, then she's just going to slow us down! She can't even walk!"
"She's hurt and she's grieving! Leave her alone! She's not dangerous!"
He huffs, dropping his arms. He can't do this right now. She's too angry and he's too exhausted to try and reason with her. He turns and starts for the house.
"Where are you going!" Eliza shouts furiously.
He doesn't look back, calling backing, "I'm done here. I'm going to go check on Addison and Zoey. Sit down. I'm fucking tired."
"Asshole! Dick! I hate you!"
Zed flips her off as he walks away. Eliza growls, completely frustrated. Luckily, she doesn't follow him or argue anymore.
The rest of the evening is tense.
Addison stays upstairs, in a room at the end of the hall. Zoey keeps her company most of the night, bringing her food or blankets. She turns Zed away when he tries to visit, saying Addison was in desperate need of proper "girl time."
So Zed spends his night with Bonzo, putting away the supplies he and Addison gathered while catching up with him. Not much has happened around the house, so Bonzo tells him about cool new ways he's been fixing up the truck, fun things he did with Zoey while Zed was gone, if there's been any walkers around recently, and how much he's missed him.
Zed tells him about his week away. His time with Addison, the few walkers he ran into, all the cool stuff. Bonzo loves the story of when Zed and Addison fell down the hill. So does Zoey, who's apparently eavesdropping from around the corner.
Eliza stays upstairs, away from Zed and far away from Addison, keeping watch while everyone prepares for bed. They bring her a can of baked beans and some corn for dinner, which she begrudgingly takes.
Zed knew she'd be angry, but he honestly thought she wouldn't hold onto it for so long like a petulant child. It wasn't making living together any easier. He would still be normal, regular Zed, even if she hates him. He would just have to avoid her continued glares at him and her passive aggressively bumping shoulders with him any time they were near each other.
It's frustrating. But he ignores it. He sends Zoey off to bed, promising he'd be there soon, then heads up to the roof for the first watch. Eliza doesn't say anything to him as she heads to her room, just silently acknowledging that she's up next, following their usual rotation before Zed disappeared in the woods for a week.
During the day, they like to keep surveillance of the surrounding area from inside because everyone is awake then. There's three more pairs of eyes, which means whoever is on watch has a much easier time. At night, they need to go to the roof, with both a rifle and the crossbow. They haven't had any nighttime visitors, but don't want to risk letting their guard down.
They learned early on that trying to split the night into three shifts without a way to keep track of time was hard enough. It's easy to figure out time when the sun is up and they can refer to its position in the sky, but the moon is not the sun. In the beginning, they still had their phones and could use the stopwatches and timers, which helped them reset their body clocks until they had a good rhythm going. Zed would get tired around the same time that Eliza would wake up. And, if all else failed, they had a couple of stopwatches to clock at least four hours.
Zed finds that the stopwatches come in handy tonight. He's stayed up pretty much all day and all night when it was just him and Addison. He can barely keep his eyes open as he sits on the roof under the starry night sky.
He passes the night by doodling in his notebook. His drawing abilities were alright at best, but it was enough of a distraction to keep his mind awake for hours. He's filled more than half of the 300 page book with doodles and drawings. Some of his sister, some of the view, a few of Eliza and Bonzo from when he feels up to it.
He draws until his pencil lead is flat. The page is a mess of dark scribbles, lines crossing over each other. In the dark of the night, he can barely make out what he's drawn. He closes his book, checking the time on the stopwatch, feeling more tired than when he'd gotten up there. Fortunately, the four hours have passed, so he climbs back inside. He grabs a fresh magazine before heading down to the second floor. He passes Eliza on his way to his room. Usually, they'll stop and chat for a bit. But Eliza shots him a nasty look, brushing past him and up the stairs.
He sighs. He understands, but it still pisses him off. He cares about Eliza — and Zoey and Bonzo — but he can't just leave Addison alone. It doesn't feel right. She's hurting, and she doesn't have anyone else. All she needs is a friend.
He goes down to the first floor, where his and Zoey's room is. He's not expecting to run into anyone, especially not Addison, quietly stuffing cans of food into her backpack. She freezes when she sees him, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Which she technically is.
Zed frowns. "What are you doing?" It looks like she was taking their food and skipping town in the middle of the night, but he had to be wrong. Addison wouldn't sneak out. She wouldn't leave without telling him.
"I…" She puts the can of corn back on the shelf, readjusting her bag over her shoulder. "I was leaving."
Hurt isn't enough to describe how he's feeling. They may have only known each other a few days, but he had thought there was at least some trust between them. Enough that she wouldn't just come, take their food and disappear in the middle of the night.
Addison looks down at the ground in shame, away from him. "I-I'm just causing problems. I figured it'd be better if I just...disappeared."
He softens. "Addy — "
"I don't want to get between you and your family," she whispers. "They need you, and you need them."
"And you need me," he adds. Her head snaps up, eyes wide. "And I need you. I promised I'd keep you safe. That I'd take care of you."
"But…" Her voice quivers as she trails off.
Zed crosses the space until he's standing in front of her. "But nothing," he says in a quiet voice. "If you're leaving, I'm coming too. I'm not letting you be alone out there. I won't."
In the dim moonlight, he can see her blue eyes watering. "Zed," she whispers. "I-I can't…"
A few tears escape, her lips quivering as she tries to gather her words.
"I can't do this without her," she finally says.
"You're gonna be okay, Addison," he assures her. He knows she will be, because he was. After his mom, after his grandma and his dad, he was okay. After every horrible, terrible event life threw at him, he still came out on top. And he knows Addison will too. "I didn't know Bree, but I know she'd want you to keep going. Not just for her, for yourself. It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt so much. But you can do it. I know you can."
She squeezes her eyes shut, letting her bag fall from her shoulder until it hits the floor. Zed takes this as his chance and wraps her in his arms, pulling her deep into his chest. All tiredness leaves him, replaced by the sudden shared weight of her stress and fears and anxiety — all of it that he's felt before that he'd be damned if she'd have to go through alone. No one deserves that.
She clutches at his shirt, clinging to him as if he's her last lifeline. And, well, he feels like he is. It's a cruel world they're in now, with monsters around every corner. No one deserves to fight through it all alone, especially not Addison.
They stand in the kitchen for a few more minutes, until Zed loosens his hold on her lightly, lifting his head so he can properly speak. "Let's get some rest, okay?"
She nods against his chest. Neither of them pull apart though.
"Thank you," she whispers. "For-for taking care of me. For looking out for me. I'd be dead without you, Zed. You're — "
She sniffs, rubbing her face in his shirt, and he rubs her back gently. He knows what she means, even if she doesn't say it.
They don't talk much the rest of the night. Zed walks her back to her room at the end of the hall, sitting with her in bed. Sitting turns into laying next to her, keeping her company because she quietly admits that she's afraid to be alone. Sitting turns into sleeping, when his exhaustion of the past week finally catches up to him, and he can't cling onto consciousness much longer.