Full chapter title is "I Hope You Don't Mind That I Put Down In Words."

"I'm telling you Jules, I think you should go for it."

Julie rolled her eyes at Flynn as they walked through the halls to music class.

"And I'm telling you, I'm not interested. He dated Carrie. And not like, nice, our best friend Carrie. He dated mean Carrie. The guy obviously doesn't have very good judgement."

Now Flynn rolled her eyes. "They broke up like a year ago."

They made their way into the music classroom, Flynn lowering her voice a bit so others wouldn't overhear their them. "And plus, he totally likes you now, which I think makes up for the poor judgement from before."

"Who likes Julie?"

So much for not overhearing.

The girls turned around to see Reggie, Luke and Alex sitting in their normal seats behind them, the latter of the three asking the question.

Flynn smiled mischievously. "Nick, obviously. And I'm trying to get Julie to give him a chance because, you know, she insists that there isn't anyone else she could possibly-"

"Alright, thank you, Flynn," Julie said loudly, cutting her off. No way was she letting her finish that sentence.

Luke smirked at her playfully. "Uh oh, she's blushing. Flynn, I think someone does have a crush on Nick!"

Julie glared at him. He was an actual idiot.

Flynn had been trying to get Julie to admit for months now that she had a thing for Luke. (Which she did not. Absolutely did not.) When Julie refused to concede, she tried a new tactic, dangling Nick in front of her, hoping it would get Julie to acknowledge her (not) true feelings.

Which, honestly, she felt a bit bad about. Because she knew that Nick had a thing for her. He had made it blatantly obvious the last few weeks, asking her to help him study and sending her funny gifs about how bad of a dancer he was (which she didn't actually find all that funny, but she was trying to be polite). And yes, maybe she did have a tiny crush on Nick their freshman year, and maybe he was a genuinely sweet guy. But that was basically his entire personality. And maybe once upon a time, that would have been enough for Julie. But not anymore.

And, of course, there was the Luke of it all. And no, this was not her admitting she had a crush on him. But they were in the final stretch of their junior year now, and Julie could accept that Luke had become a more significant part of her life than before. Maybe they weren't as close as she was with Alex and Reggie, a charged tension lingering between the two as they navigated their newfound relationship after years of animosity, but she would help him when he struggled with certain parts of his songs here and there. And making music with him, even if it wasn't on the regular, made him significant in some way to her.

(And then there was the fact that she basically hung out with them every day during their practices, working on her homework unless they wanted to run an idea by her. And that her dad and Carlos had taken a liking to all of them and invited them to their family dinners regularly. But you know, semantics.)

Just then Nick walked through the door, shooting a soft smile Julie's way as she caught his eye. She smiled back politely but felt awkward with all her friends witnessing the moment.

Reggie whistled. "I see chemistry."

Julie hoped he was being sarcastic, because she certainly didn't feel any. Once upon a time she would have welcomed that. It was the whole reason why she had liked Nick during their freshman year. She knew she could control it, that she wouldn't get too attached. But she found that that didn't really appeal to her anymore.

Luke scoffed as he leaned back in his chair. He looked casual, but Julie couldn't help but notice the way his shoulders had stiffened and his neck muscles tensed ever so slightly. "I've been telling her since freshman year."

"You what?" Alex exclaimed, a panicked look on his face that Julie didn't quite understand.

Julie rolled her eyes. "Telling me and teasing me are two completely different things, Patterson."

He shot her a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, but I still called it, didn't I, Juliet?"

Like she said. An actual idiot.

Later that night, the boys were finishing up rehearsal as Julie sat on the couch in the studio, buried in The Great Gatsby for her AP Lang class when her father walked in.

"Ray!" Reggie perked up immediately.

Her dad shot the boys a friendly smile, lingering a bit longer on the bass player. He had taken a liking to all the boys in the time they had occupied their studio, but Julie knew he had a soft spot for Reggie. Which only got worse after he heard about his neglectful parents at home.

"Hey boys. Who's staying for dinner tonight?"

"Sounds good to us," Luke answered for the three of them.

"Actually, I kind of have a date with Willie," Alex said bashfully.

"Yeah, and I have to watch my little sister tonight, otherwise you know I would," Reggie answered, flashing her father a charming smile.

"Suck up," Alex coughed into his hand.

The older man chuckled and nodded. "Alright Luke, guess it's just you. Alex, Reggie, see you…well, tomorrow if we're all being honest."

He walked back to the house before anyone could say another word.

Reggie sighed happily. "Ray knows us so well."

But Julie was frozen, eyes locked with a panicked Luke. She didn't know how it came about, but with the awkward we-used-to-hate-each-other-but-now-are-kind-of-friends phase of their relationship, they had an unspoken agreement that he only came to dinner if Alex and/or Reggie were also there. As a buffer of sorts, she figured. It made things much easier and much less uncomfortable when there was a middleman. Plus, the thought of just Luke having dinner with her family felt…heavy. She didn't even know if that was the right word. But it was different than it was with Alex and Reggie.

Julie wanted to sink into the ground and disappear as Alex and Reggie made their awkward and teasing exits.

"You kids have fun."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

She and Luke stayed there for a few minutes. She stuck her nose back in her book, hoping she could feign finishing the chapter she was on when in reality all she could do was read the same sentence over and over. (On the bright side, she knew the exact quote and page number if her teacher asked about Nick comparing Gatsby to Jesus). Eventually, she figured the silence was more awkward than anything she could have said. Maybe if she offered him an out...

"You, uh, don't have to come if you don't want to."

"It's fine. I already told your dad yes."

"Right. Yeah, cool."

"Unless you didn't want-"

"No! I-I mean, yes, you should come."

"Okay. Cool."

Julie practically ran in the house after that disaster.

Luke came in a few minutes later, looking much calmer than she felt. Which was fine. Obviously. He had no reason to be nervous. She had no reason to be nervous. They were friends now, right? This was what friends did. Flynn and Reggie and Alex, even Bobby sometimes, all had dinner with just her and her family. It's the same thing with Luke. The exact same.

"So Luke, how are your parents? I haven't seen them in a while," her dad had asked halfway through their meal. She was pleasantly surprised that the night was going well. Her father kept up a light conversation, completely invested in learning more about Luke (she didn't want to analyze the why in that) while Carlos jumped in every now and then with random stories and facts.

(Not that she cared about how the night was going. Because she didn't. At all. It was just an observation, okay?)

"Uh, yeah, they're good," Luke replied. He had an easy smile on his face, but his hand reached to scratch the back of his neck.

Huh.

"Y'know. Same old, same old," he finished.

Her father smiled, unaware of Luke's tell. "I miss seeing your mom. When it would be Rose's turn to host their book club, she always brought the best food."

Luke let out a chuckle. "Yeah, she loves to bake."

"They must be pretty proud to have a son like you. I've heard you guys out there in the studio. You're very talented."

Luke smiled bashfully at the compliment. "Ah, thanks, but I don't know about that. I don't really look like much when I'm next to this one." He gestured over to Julie.

Julie rolled her eyes but blushed, nonetheless. Her father laughed.

"Smart man," he praised. "My little girl is quite something, huh?"

"Dad!"

"What? He started it, mija."

Julie sent a playful glare her father's way, and then Carlos brought up the newest video game he'd been obsessed with, stealing Luke's attention. As the two interacted, Julie studied the guitarist. He didn't talk about his parents much. Everyone else would talk about their families. What they loved about them, what issues they had, but never Luke. At least not around her. He probably did with Reggie and Alex and probably even Bobby.

That thought stung more than it probably should have.

Once dinner was over, Luke insisted on helping with the dishes, but Carlos had other ideas as he kept trying to lure him away with the temptation of his Nintendo Switch he'd just gotten for his birthday. Julie found it endearing, really, that Carlos had taken to the guys so well. Her brother appeared to be okay most of the time after their mother's death, but Julie noticed little changes in him. Like how he drowned himself in video games and baseball, letting it take up the majority of his time. Or how he used to be able to talk to anyone about anything for hours, but now had his tight-knit group of friends and stuck to them. Which wasn't a bad thing necessarily, that was how Julie had always been. But it just wasn't Carlos. When the boys started hanging around, they were the first people outside of his friends he'd really connected with since their mom passed.

"They're so cool, like real rockstars," he told Julie one night, the admiration and awe clear in his voice.

So, Julie was okay with it whenever he tried to steal them away. But Luke was determined to help her and her dad with the dishes, so they settled on Twenty Questions, with Carlos perched on the island counter as Julie washed, Luke dried, and her dad put away.

What struck Julie was the way it all felt so normal. Like this wasn't the first time Luke had come on his own to dinner, or bargained with Carlos instead of skipping out on cleaning, or created an assembly line for the dishes. But it was, and it felt natural, and it unnerved her.

"Thanks for helping, Luke," her dad had said once they were done.

"Yeah, of course," he responded. Then he scratched the back of his head (someone should really tell him how often he did that). "But uh, I'll be honest, I had a slight ulterior motive."

He turned to Julie and she raised an eyebrow at him in question. "I have a song I wanted to run by you. I'm kinda having trouble with the beginning."

Julie nodded immediately. She'd take it to the grave with her, but she secretly loved working on music with Luke. Mostly because, even though she was performing again, she still had yet to write a song on her own since her mom. It wasn't that she hadn't tried, she just hadn't felt that tug of inspiration she used to get. And if she didn't feel it in her soul, she had no desire to write it down. But helping Luke tweak a few lyrics or melodies every so often she could do. And she liked how he wrote. Everything in his music had a meaning, even if it was just for him to understand.

She turned to her dad, to make sure he was okay with it. He nodded, a knowing glint in his eyes (and once again, Julie did not want to analyze that). "Of course, mija."

Then he turned to Luke, a stern look crossing his face, but a smile playing at the corners of his mouth to show that he was joking. "But have her back no later than eleven."

Luke's eyes widened as he tried to stammer out a response and Julie felt her blood rush to her cheeks. Her father said that. Her father actually said that.

"Oh my god, Dad!"

He broke out into a fit of laughter, and Julie knew she had to get out of there. Saying nothing else, she brushed past him, Luke hot on her tail.

"I'm sorry about my dad. And Carlos too, for hounding you with questions all night," she said once they reached the studio.

Luke cleared his throat. "Nah, it's fine. It's, uh, cool that you guys are all so close like that."

Julie smiled as she sat down at the piano. "Yeah, I guess I got pretty lucky with them."

Luke stood by the door still, looking unsure about what to do, so Julie slid over on the bench and patted the spot next to her. He relaxed a bit at her cue, grabbing his songbook from his bag before bouncing over to sit beside her, careful to leave enough space so they weren't touching.

He opened his songbook, the title at the top of the page reading Bright. Well, she was pretty sure that's what it said.

"Your handwriting is truly awful."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Thanks. Like I've never heard that one before."

She let out a soft laugh and then he dove into singing what he had so far. She helped him reword a few lines, his leg bouncing when she suggested something he particularly liked.

In the last year and a half, Julie had begrudgingly realized that many of her first impressions as to who Luke Patterson was were not as accurate as she had thought. Like when his legs would start bouncing up and down, it was because he was passionate about what he was doing or saying, not because he was impatient or annoyed that someone didn't understand his point of view. Or that the sleeveless shirts and pocket chains didn't actually make him a rebellious, cool bad boy. In fact, he was actually very uncool at times and quite goofy. He just really liked the 90's grunge era of music. Or that even though his smile and big puppy dog eyes still made girls swoon…okay, he probably still knew what that did to people. But he didn't do it deliberately, it was just his face.

So pretty much, almost everything she had convinced herself to believe wasn't actually true. And when she had finally started to realize (accept) that after their performance together last year, it was as if her entire world shifted. He was supposed to be a Constant, the way she felt about him, and now her perception of him changed a little bit more every day, with every new thing she learned.

"I really want the beginning to be just piano, kinda like how we did with Finally Free," he said, pulling Julie from her thoughts.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Are one of you planning on switching to piano?" she asked jokingly.

Luke sent her a small smile. "Actually, the guys and I were talking. We thought it'd be cool if you joined us for the Spring SP this semester. I was, uh, actually writing this with that in mind."

Julie's eyes widened. "You guys want to do another performance again?"

He nodded. "And uh, I dunno. M-maybe appear at a few gigs of ours this summer? Now that you've been to a few of them and know what they're kinda about…"

Julie bit her lip, remembering what it had been like to experience Luke Sunset Curve in their element from the few shows she'd gone to. They wanted to perform with her again.

"I'd love that."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Luke shot her a grin, his features instantly relaxing. "Awesome. Well, then uh, I guess you should probably write the piano part, but this is kinda what I had in mind."

He started playing a melody, simple because he wasn't as versed on the piano as her, but better than what she had expected. Until she remembered The Assignment. The one they'd had in music class at the end of their Sophomore year.

"Your end of year assignment, although fun, is also meant to be educational. Teaching another classmate your instrument helps to develop your own mentorship and collaboration skills. I'll be choosing the partners," Mrs. Harrison announced.

She started reading out names, and Julie and her friends turned to each other.

"I kind of like this," Reggie said. "It's a cool concept."

Flynn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just hope you don't get stuck with Princess Bubblegum Pop over there."

"Flynn," Alex warned carefully.

She held her hands up. "Sorry, forgot you all were still friends with her."

"I wouldn't say friends with her," Luke jumped in and Julie swore she saw his eyes flicker to her for a moment. "We just tolerate her still. For Bobby."

"Alex Mercer and Julie Molina," Mrs. Harrison called out.

"Yes!" Julie exclaimed, high fiving Alex. "I always wanted to learn to play the drums."

"This is going to be so fun," Alex beamed at her.

Julie was just glad she was with someone she knew. Someone who understood her. It was still new for her to be playing again, and at least she wouldn't have to explain to Alex why it was hard for her still at times.

"Luke Patterson and Lindy Kahn."

Immediately, the boys started heckling Luke. He just rolled his eyes before he turned and caught the gaze of Lindy, who smiled as he sent her a little wave. Luke and Lindy had dated briefly from the end of their Freshman year to the start of their Sophomore year. Julie didn't know her all that well, but she also played piano, so they were grouped together fairly often and Lindy had always been kind to her. She wasn't sure why exactly they broke up, but they were still amiable, even if they didn't interact much.

"Lindy, huh? That'll be fun for you," Reggie wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Pick up where you left off, maybe?"

Julie's throat felt dry.

Luke slapped Reggie on the shoulder. "Shut up. We didn't work out for a reason."

"And what was that reason again, Luke?" Alex sounded innocent enough, but he quirked his head teasingly.

Luke glared at him. "One, there were many reasons, not just one. Two, I'm leaving because, I never thought I'd say this, especially to you, Alex, but you all are acting too immature, even for me." He got up and made his way toward Lindy, who greeted him with a sweet smile on her face.

Flynn grimaced. "Yeesh. Looks like you struck a nerve."

"Maybe he's not over her," Julie suggested, mostly just so she could gauge the boys' reactions.

But to her dismay, they didn't give too much away, just shared a look with each other. It was a look Julie had become accustomed to, even if she didn't know exactly what it meant. It was like Alex, Luke and Reggie had their own secret language that could be communicated solely through a glance. She knew she was a bit of a hypocrite because her and Flynn shared a similar mode of communication, but it still annoyed the hell out of her. Especially when she was curious about something.

Eventually the rest of them dispersed into their groups, Alex and Julie making their way to a drum kit. She tried to pay attention to him. She really did. But it was hard when less than ten feet away from her was Luke and Lindy conversing and laughing as she taught him about the piano. Of course they would get along, they dated after all. They had to have had common interests or enjoyed certain qualities about each other. It was fine. Great, even. Good for them. They could fall in love again for all she cared.

"Jules, are you even listening to me?"

Her eyes snapped back to Alex. Right. Drums. Alex. Partner.

"Sorry," she offered sheepishly.

Alex's eyes flitted over to Luke and Lindy before he gave her a knowing look that Julie did not like one bit. She refused to meet his gaze, and was more than grateful when he decided to let it go and repeat what he had been trying to teach her.

About a week later, Flynn asked how The Assignment was going for everyone at lunch.

"Amazing," Reggie gushed.

Alex rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that because you're partnered with Kayla."

The bass player shrugged. "Doesn't change the fact, though."

Flynn shook her head at them fondly before turning to Luke. "How about you?"

"Lindy's great. It's actually been really nice catching up with her," Luke said.

Julie stabbed her salad violently with her fork. Flynn and Alex eyed her warily.

"Right, uh, how's the actual piano playing going?"

Luke shrugged. "It's fine. But it's definitely reaffirmed that ending things with her was the right call."

"Really? Why is that?" Julie jumped in before she could stop herself. The rest of her friends seemed to take note at her sudden interest, but Luke remained oblivious.

"She doesn't feel music the same way I do. You can just tell by the way she plays, and even the way she teaches, she's not passionate about it. Kinda like Bobby. They like it, sure. But it'll probably end up just being a hobby for her one day. It's why she'll only ever be a good pianist, not exceptional, like you, for example."

And yeah. She had a much easier time focusing on her part of The Assignment after that.

Julie played back the same melody Luke had just shown her, building on the simplistic lines to make them more complex, yet keeping the same overall feeling that she thought Luke was going for.

"Yes! Yes, that's perfect!"

Julie smiled softly, happy he approved, as she turned to look at him. It was only then she realized how close they were. She'd had to reach over to his side of the piano, encroaching on his personal space, to play what she had envisioned for the song. Consequently, she was now pressed up against his side, her arm still frozen out in front of him.

If this were anybody else, Julie wouldn't have thought twice about it. She didn't have a problem with physical touch, and she knew for a fact that Luke didn't either based on the way he was constantly hanging off Reggie or Alex or Bobby. But besides the occasional hair pull from Luke when he decided he wanted to be annoying, and her smacking him to keep him in check for it, they tended to avoid touching each other. Another unspoken rule that was apparently being broken that night.

(Yes, she realized they had a lot of unspoken rules. But they were awkward teenagers who had been slowly transitioning from rivals to friends. Give her a break.)

His eyes were blue, but not the shade of blue from when he would get upset. Those were a clear, crystal blue. These were a darker cobalt-like blue. She hadn't seen him like this before. She didn't know what it meant. And there went her thumping heart and personal rollercoaster ride again. This was why she refrained from touching him, what she tried so hard to avoid.

Despite her thoughts, she couldn't bring herself to pull away. Not with him pressed up against her like that, igniting her body in a way she didn't know was possible. Not with the room so silent she could not only see but hear him swallow nervously. She swore she saw him glance briefly at her lips, but it was so quick she couldn't be sure. To test her theory, and with a sudden rush of bravery taking control, she allowed her eyes to explore down his face, stopping at his mouth before dragging them back up to meet his eyes once more. If the moment hadn't been so charged, she would have laughed at his stunned expression.

It was as if her brain had taken a back seat to her desires, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. So she was infinitely grateful (yet enormously disappointed) when a phone chimed, breaking the moment. Julie jumped back so quickly and so far she almost fell off the piano bench. Luke watched her, an unreadable expression on his face, before he pulled out his phone.

He cleared his throat. "It's my mom. Wondering when I'll be home."

"Oh," Julie managed.

"Yeah."

"Guess you should go then, huh?"

He nodded, reaching for the back of his head. Great. She'd made him uncomfortable. Good job, Julie.

"Yeah, it's pretty late. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

They exchanged awkward goodbyes before he practically ran out of the studio.

Neither of them brought up that moment again, storing it in a safe and throwing away the key where no one could discover it. Yet another thing between them left unspoken. But the aftershocks of the moment lingered in the way she would now subtly lean closer to him so she could feel their shoulders brush when they were next to each other. Or when she would feel Luke press up against her when she would show him and their friends funny videos on her phone. It was the best she could give him at that moment, her head still trying to fight her third Constant from changing, even though she knew her heart had surrendered that battle a long time ago.

So yeah. They didn't talk about it. It was unspoken. It was kind of their thing.

It was just another ordinary day when the lyrics came to her. She was sitting in on a Sunset Curve practice, writing her analysis essay on The Great Gatsby as the boys worked through Luke's newest song, Late Last Night. After many run-throughs, they agreed that the guitar riff wasn't working and eventually made their way to the lounge area by Julie to work on it. She was hyper aware of her knee pressed into Luke's thigh as she sat cross-legged next to him, but other than that, she wasn't paying them much attention. (It helped that she had a lot of feelings about Gatsby and how Daisy was the absolute worst.) She mentally praised her ability to multi-task when weeks ago her brain would have short-circuited at the thought of touching Luke. This was progress!

"Wait!" Luke exclaimed suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts. "That's it! Jules, what do you think of this?"

She listened as he strummed through the riff, head bowed and eyes closed as he lost himself in the music, fingers switching between different chords like it was second nature to him. It sounded good, she thought. And she was about to tell him so, but then he looked back up at her, his eyes shining brown and green and grey and blue and bright all at once.

Here in front of me

Shining so much brighter than I have ever seen

The words were running through her mind before she could even realize what was happening. And when she did realize, the rest of the song was already taking shape. There was no stopping it.

"Uh, Julie? Hello? I think you broke her."

She shook her head, Alex's words catapulting her back to reality.

"Sorry. I uh, spaced out for a second. Stupid essay." The excuse sounded lame even to her.

Reggie smirked. "I think she got lost in your eyes, Luke."

Luke let out a low, teasing whistle. "Damn, Juliet. I knew I was hot, but not that hot."

Julie blinked once. Twice.

"I hate you," she deadpanned. They were teasing yet had no idea just how spot on they were.

The three boys burst out laughing.

"Actually, I hate all of you. I'm leaving now." As she shut her laptop and gathered the rest of her things she heard them try and protest, but none of them could get a sentence out through their fits of laughter.

She was halfway out the door when she heard Luke call out to her. "Hey, I know you're smilin'!"

She was. But they couldn't know that. So without turning around, she flipped him the bird and then marched toward her house.

That night, she wrote down the song that refused to leave her head. Perfect Harmony, she titled it. She tried not to think about the significance of it, but with her favorite picture of her mom sitting on her desk right in front of her, it was hard not to.

"The first song I've written since you passed and it's about Luke fucking Patterson," she said. She ran a hand through her hair, a small laugh of disbelief escaping her lips. "Didn't see that one coming."

A conversation suddenly flashed through her mind. One she had forced herself to forget, yet in that moment was all she could remember. The first and only time she had ever talked to her mom about Luke. How she tried to convey how uneasy he made her, and how that must have meant that she disliked him. How her mom had given her a knowing look and a cryptic message.

"Feelings aren't always black and white one hundred percent of the time."

She turned back to the photo, caressing the edges of the frame as she smiled gently. "But maybe you did."

Everything went crashing down at Senior Takeover.

Senior Takeover was an annual tradition at her high school, where on the final day of school the incoming Senior class threw a huge party, celebrating the fact that they now "ruled the school". The entire grade was invited, and it was pretty much the only time social status didn't dictate whether a person was cool enough or not to go to a party. Every year the incoming Seniors would nominate one person from their class to host the party and, to no one's surprise, Carrie was chosen. It made sense, Julie thought. Her house was enormous, and her dad let her do whatever she wanted.

If Julie was being honest, she found the entire concept of Senior Takeover a bit stupid. But it was also a once in a lifetime thing, and it was, well, tradition. Who was she to break that?

So that was how she and Flynn found themselves at Carrie Wilson's house for the first time in four years. They stood in the foyer, oblivious to the bodies moving past them as the memories they had in that house danced in front of Julie's eyes. One look at Flynn and she knew she was thinking the same. Julie grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Hey, you okay?"

Flynn blinked and shook her head, as if ridding her mind of what was once one of their favorite places. They didn't talk about it much, but Julie knew Flynn was just as hurt, if not more, when Carrie decided they weren't worth her time anymore. While Julie absolutely considered Carrie to be one of her best friends at a point in her life, Flynn was the one that introduced the two. She was the glue.

"I'm okay. Promise," Flynn replied, squeezing her hand back in reassurance. "But I think we're in serious need of some shots if we want to actually enjoy ourselves tonight. And lucky for us, we know this house inside and out."

Julie laughed, a burst of affection swelling in her chest as she allowed her friend to lead her to the kitchen.

Two hours, three shots, and four games of beer pong later (she and Flynn really liked beer pong, alright?), Julie felt alive, free, and drunk. Definitely drunk. But the first two trumped that by far. She was really upset they lost their last round of beer pong, so she decided the best remedy would be to take another shot. She slowly made her way to the kitchen, her classmates distracting her as she stopped to talk to every person she passed by.

Finally, she reached her destination, grabbing the bottle of vodka she knew Carrie's dad had stored in the freezer and pouring a shot's worth – whoops – okay a bit more than a shot's worth into a red solo cup. She threw it back in her mouth, cringing at the way it burned going down her throat. Why did vodka have to taste like literal rubbing alcohol?

"Jules?"

Immediately she felt her face light up. "Luke!"

He was standing at the entrance to the kitchen, watching her with a half amused, half concerned look on his face. Without any hesitation, she launched herself across the room into his arms. He let out a grunt as she collided with his body, but wrapped his arms around her nonetheless.

Wow.

He was really warm. And firm. Very firm.

He chuckled in her ear, causing goosebumps to form up her arms. "You having fun?"

Julie nodded enthusiastically, pulling back so she could look at him, but not fully out of his grasp. (She was an affectionate drunk, okay? Sue her.) It was only then she was able to take him in. He was wearing a loose-fitting purple-ish shirt that had a few buttons running down the top, the first few open so she could see the beginnings of his chest. He looked hot. Very hot. But she couldn't let him know that.

"Where are your arms?"

Yep, that was a good one.

"My…arms?"

She grabbed his right forearm, tugging on the sleeves as she tried to roll them up. "You can't show off your biceps while you're wearing sleeves."

She was absolutely crushing it.

Luke sent her an amused smile. "Julie Molina, are you trying to tell me you like my muscles?"

Okay, maybe she wasn't doing as well as she thought. But it was fine! She could fix this.

"I'm a seventeen-year-old girl Patterson. I have my weaknesses."

…Or maybe she just shouldn't speak ever again.

Luke blinked, obviously not expecting her to be so candid. "Yeah alright, we need to get you some water."

He rinsed out her empty cup before filling it with water and leading her to the couch in the lounge. Julie narrated everything that was happening around them as they walked while Luke just kept his hand placed firmly on the small of her back, sending her soft smiles every so often to assure her he was listening.

Once they got to the couch, Julie collapsed on it with a sigh, spreading her arms out to her sides.

"I haven't sat down in days."

Luke smiled at her again, handing her the water. Julie took it, and, after her first sip, realized just how thirsty she was before she tried to gulp the entire cup down.

"Hey, hey, slow," Luke said gently as he sat next to her, pulling the cup away from her mouth.

Julie pouted, but figured he was the sober one, so he probably knew better than her in that moment. But she had to tease him a little bit. So, as slowly as she could muster, she brought the cup back to her lips, taking a slow, dramatic, extra-long sip before slowly pulling the cup away from her mouth again.

He snorted. "Smart ass."

She grinned back at him. She'd be fine doing this the rest of the night, she thought. Just sitting on the couch with Luke. Maybe she could even lean into him and put her head on his shoulder as he-

"Who wants to see me do it?!" Julie heard someone, who sounded suspiciously like Reggie, yell from somewhere.

Luke's eyes widened, locking in on something behind her. "Oh shit. Uh, I think Reggie might be about to jump into Carrie's pool fully clothed, so I should probably stop him."

Julie giggled, but a rush of disappointment washed over her. "Yeah, probably."

He hesitated a moment, giving her one last look, before darting outside to stop their friend.

She had hoped he would come back once he'd taken care of Reggie, but he didn't. She pouted briefly before reminding herself that she didn't own him and he wasn't obligated to spend the entire night by her side. It didn't stop her from hoping, though.

Eventually, she finished her water. She smiled. Luke would be proud of her. She finished the whole thing and it took her a whole twenty (Thirty? Time was just an illusion) minutes. She had to find him and tell him. Slowly lifting herself from the couch, she searched for him. When she couldn't find him downstairs, she tried the upstairs. She'd seen some of her classmates going between the two stories throughout the night. As she walked through the halls, she tried every door she passed. Most of them were locked, probably Carrie's doing so that no one would steal or ruin her dad's stuff. Finally, she approached the last door in the hall. Trevor's office.

She almost didn't even check the door – she figured if there was one room to lock people out of it would have been this one – but then she heard a giggle from inside. Curious, she turned the doorknob, nudging the door open only to be sobered up instantly by the sight she was welcomed with.

Because there was Luke, leaning in to kiss Carrie. He couldn't see her, his back was turned toward her, but she'd recognize that purple shirt and shaggy brown hair anywhere.

Carrie had looked up at the sound of the door opening, noticing Julie standing there. She could practically see the smirk on her ex-best friend's face as she deepened the kiss.

Yeah, she'd seen enough. She turned and fled the scene as quickly as she could, and the few moments after that were a blur. Suddenly, she was in front of the house, standing in the driveway, bile rising in her throat. She ran to some bushes, reaching them in the nick of time as she couldn't hold her stomach contents down any longer. She didn't know if throwing up was a reaction to the alcohol or the scene she'd just witnessed, but in all honesty, she really didn't want to know.

(But if she was super honest, she definitely already knew.)

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she stood hunched over, unable to move. Did she really see that right? Carrie and Luke? She thought…never mind. That obviously didn't matter anymore.

"Julie? Are you okay?"

She turned around to see Willie standing there, the concern on his face worsening as he took in her appearance. Well, at least she didn't have to verbally answer his question.

"Willie? What are you doing out here?" she croaked. My god, she sounded horrible.

"I had a skateboarding competition earlier, but I promised Alex I'd meet him here after. I just got here."

Julie nodded, tears pricking at her eyes again. How she longed for a simple, uncomplicated relationship like Willie and Alex had.

Willie's features hardened. "Did something happen, Julie? Did someone hurt you or-"

Julie shook her head, cutting him off. "No, no. Nothing like that. But do you think you could take me home? I don't want to bother you but I just really don't think I can be here right now."

The skater nodded his head immediately. "It's not a problem at all. C'mon, let's get you home."

Julie nodded gratefully. She didn't talk the entire car ride. She was too afraid that if she tried, she'd burst into tears and pour her entire heart out to Willie. He was kind enough not to push it either. When they pulled up to her house, she finally looked at him.

"Thank you."

Willie smiled softly; the concern still evident in his eyes. "Of course, hope you feel better."

She got out of the car, pausing again before closing the door.

"Could you…would you mind not telling anyone about this? Tell Alex I was tired or something, just please not the specifics."

She saw him hesitate for a moment, but he must have seen something while searching her face because eventually he nodded.

"Your secret's safe with me."

She could tell as soon as she entered the house that her dad and Carlos were already asleep. Which wasn't a surprise. It had to have been past one in the morning at that point.

When she finally made it to her room, the first thing she did was open her dream box and tear up Perfect Harmony. Not that it mattered all that much. It had been playing in her mind on repeat ever since she wrote it, and she had the whole thing memorized front to back. But it was late, and she was sad and probably still a little drunk and she wanted to be melodramatic and it just felt symbolic.

She brushed her teeth because she couldn't deal with the aftertaste of vomit before climbing into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin like she did when she was little and wanted to hide from the monsters. It didn't work as well anymore.

Finally she checked her phone, knowing that her friends were probably sick with worry when they found out she wasn't at the party anymore. Sure enough, she had a plethora of text messages and missed calls waiting for her.

Flynn:

yoooo whered u go

did u die

julie helloooo

okay now I rlly thnik u might be dead

seriously this is not funny anymoer where r u

if ur not already dead im gnna kill u for makign me worry

Reggie:

jules flynn is interrogating me about where u are so please respond to her so she'll stop

pleaseeee she's 10000000x scarier when drunk

Alex:

Willie said he took you home, said you were super tired

Get some rest! Love you!

Luke:

hey i can't find you are you ok?

ok jules seriously no ones seen you

please answer your phone

i just need to know you're ok

She texted Flynn and Reggie back, letting them know she was safe and at home before texting Alex a bunch of affectionate emojis that were definitely not an accurate depiction of her current state. They replied almost instantly, telling her goodnight. Sighing, she put her phone down, only to have it vibrate again a few minutes later.

Luke:

flynn said you went home. hope everythings okay. goodnight, jules.

She felt a tear roll down her face as she read his words before angrily brushing it away. This is what her life had come to? Crying under her covers over Luke Patterson? She'd known from the second she saw him he would be trouble. She tried so hard to keep him at a distance, but he had still somehow managed to worm his way into her life, practically waltzing past the years of walls and obstacles she'd built around herself when it came to him. And she just let him.

That thought only made her cry harder.

Logically, she knew she couldn't really be upset. It wasn't like they were dating, and the more she thought about it, she didn't think she ever told him explicitly that she considered him a friend. So technically he could kiss whoever he wanted. (But did it have to be Carrie?)

So because she considered herself to be a mature, logical person, she didn't ignore him completely. If she was hanging out with their other friends and he showed up, she smiled at him politely. She continued to let Sunset Curve practice in her studio. She would even answer him if he asked her a question directly. See, mature.

But she put a stop to their random touching. She did all her summer reading homework in her bedroom instead of in the studio. She stopped helping him with his songs, and she never got around to performing with Sunset Curve at any of their gigs. It was just self-preservation, really. She could acknowledge that her feelings for him were a bit more than platonic at that point, but Senior Takeover had made it clear that the feelings were not mutual, so she decided to nip her little crush in the bud before it developed more. See, logical.

(Not that the distance was helping all that much. Because every time she'd see him smile or laugh her heart would beat a little faster. Every time he looked at her and tried desperately to catch her eye, her stomach would turn into that now familiar rollercoaster. She hated it.)

Summer came and went and suddenly they were a quarter way through their senior year, and Julie was proud of herself for not caving. It would have been so easy with that innocent, deer-in-headlights look he would give her. She thought it was completely unfair that he was eighteen now yet could pull off the same faces as he could at twelve. Like she'd always said, he was dangerous.

Their friends were just as confused as Luke was about the entire ordeal, Julie opting to keep that entire night to herself. She never even told Flynn. It was a secret that, unfortunately, she only shared with Carrie. In all honesty, she was surprised the girl hadn't rubbed it in her face yet publicly, opting to do so with private smirks and teasing glances instead.

Luke had tried to fix things between them in the beginning. But it was hard for him to fix something when, to him, nothing had been broken. So about halfway through summer he had given up, accepting that they were now back to square one. She was relieved, in a way, that she wouldn't have to make such a conscious effort to ignore him anymore. But she was also disappointed, part of her wishing that he'd continue to fight for their friendship. (Yes, she knew that made her a hypocrite, but it was how she felt so shush.)

"Hey, have either of you seen or heard from Luke today?" Alex asked her and Flynn one day as he and Reggie took their usual seats in music class.

Flynn shook her head apologetically as Julie furrowed her eyebrows. "Um, no, this is the only class we have together this semester. Why?"

The two boys exchanged a look, as if they were deciding how much to tell them.

"He didn't come to school today," Reggie said. "And he hasn't answered ours or Bobby's texts all day."

Julie felt an immediate chill go down her spine, but she ignored it and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine. Probably just sick and has been sleeping all day."

Flynn shook her head worriedly. "I don't know, Jules. That doesn't sound like Luke. Even when he's stayed home sick in the past, he's up writing songs all day. Maybe you should text him."

Julie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Why don't you text him?"

This time, the three of them exchanged exasperated looks before Flynn answered.

"He just…might respond if it's you. It's been a long time since you two have talk talked."

For good reason, she thought. But they didn't know that, so she didn't say it. Instead, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "Look, like I said, he's fine. He's sick and sleeping. We'll probably hear from him tonight or tomorrow. No need to worry."

But they didn't hear from him that night. Or the next morning.

And then Julie and Carrie were pulled out of AP Chemistry by Principal Lessa.

And then they were met with Alex, Reggie, Bobby, and Flynn in the school office.

And then two people introduced themselves as detectives assigned to the Patterson missing person's case.

Fuck.

Now she was worried.

Songs/Other References:
-Your Song, Elton John (Chapter Title)
-The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
-Bright
-Finally Free
-Late Last Night
-Perfect Harmony