Chapter V: An Incident with a Television

"Ah, delightful, the kitchen has been stocked for us!" Alastor announced once they had returned to the kitchen. He quickly set to work. In helping Charlie to run the hotel, he took up many of the cooking duties.

"Blast! There's no cayenne pepper!" he exclaimed.

"Hmm, I'm not really in the mood for anything spicy anyway... Oh, you could make a meat pie!" Cherri told him.

"I suppose I'll have to, that's the best thing to make with what we've got."

Angel Dust leaned in, helping Alastor chop up some ingredients: "So, Alastor, if you're not into sex, how do you view the act?"

"More than likely distasteful. The thought of it happening to me gives me some shivers of disgust... Sorry Angel Dust, I must sound like an absolute prude right now."

"Hey in the line of work I had here in Hell, I can agree with you. Some folks are into some pretty nasty things. I'm just curious is all."

"What did you get out of it when it wasn't nasty?" Alastor asked.

"Well it gives health benefits - not that really matters to us anymore - it made me feel good about myself and it releases endorphins that almost feels like getting high," Angel Dust replied.

"Said like that it doesn't sound quite as bad. Though I still don't want it."

"You'd rather talk about something else now, don't you?" Cherri spoke.

"Nine circles, yes!" Alastor exclaimed.

"Okay, back in your serial killer days, did you ever have to do a news broadcast about one of the bodies you've dumped being discovered?"

"Haha! Those were particularly entertaining! There I was, reporting on a murdered body, and my listeners and the police had no idea that their friendly radio host was behind such dastardly deeds! Only three of mine have ever been discovered - at least before I died, more may have been dug up. There were several more that weren't discovered, but I sometimes announced their missing persons reports."

"You really have no remorse for what you did?" Vaggie inquired.

"Darling, when I came down I actually found most of those souls here! One of them included my own father! If anything, I feel validated."

"If they were all bad, then why are you so evil?" Vaggie asked him.

"I did take a lot of pleasure in committing those acts," Alastor's voice took a much darker tone there.

"I think I'm going to want my own room for the night," Cherri stated.

"That will leave Alastor to bunk with Angel," Vaggie replied. Alastor shuddered at the thought of it, sleeping in the same quarters as Angel Dust. Of course, he didn't care.

They finished up preparing the meat pie.

Ω Ω Ω

Dinner was rather quiet, but the pie was tasty, as was the norm with Alastor's cooking.

"I'm starting to think that you like venison because it tastes like human flesh or something," Vaggie told him.

"You're not too far off, but I attributed the flavor to be a bit more porcine... Fitting since some of my victims behaved like swine."

Angel Dust leaned close to Cherri: "Remind me to keep Fat Nuggets far away from him." She nodded.

"I believe I divulged a lot of detail from my life... Cherri, perhaps you could tell us stories about your life of anarchy," Alastor spoke.

Cherri went into details of a few places she'd been and how she'd taken to explosives after setting fire to an abusive ex-boyfriend's car, which exploded once the flames hit the fuel tank. It gave her such a release that she almost felt like she had gotten high. She couldn't stop her need to see flames and explosives, and it was this obsession that later did her in when she couldn't clear the area fast enough. She did speak with some sense of remorse when she found out that she had a few casualties from her actions.

After that, they had ended the night with a nightcap and now it was time for Alastor to sweat... He had to sleep in the same room as Angel Dust.

"Oh good, it's a king sized bed," Angel Dust stated.

"It's still one bed," Alastor told him, his smile wavering.

"We're skinny, so we'll be able to have plenty of space between us. Also I'm not in a frisky mood, so I'm not going to try anything on you... Haven't you noticed that we talked about some heavy sh*t today... Wait, what the sh*t happened?"

Alastor gave a snort of laughter: "I censored you."

"Well, f*ck you!"

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

There was a brief pause before they started laughing, when they stopped they could actually hear Vaggie's laugh die down.

"Oh man, do that trick to me and my brother, Arackniss, while we're in an insult fight and he'll flip his lid!" Angel Dust told Alastor.

"We'll have to cross paths then... As for your earlier statement, yes we did have some heavy discussion. I think that your friend and Vagatha will connect."

Angel Dust started switching over to his PJ's and Alastor buttoned up a night shirt and pulled on some sleep trousers.

"Ya know, Alastor, I asked you to that lunch because Vaggie and Charlie thought that you and I might connect as friends. What do you say to that?"

"They... May not be entirely wrong. Good night now."

They tucked in with their backs facing each other, and they didn't make contact the whole night.

Ω Ω Ω

Angel Dust woke to the sound of swing jazz music and caught Alastor's movements of getting dressed for the day.

"I guess that's one way to wake up," he stated.

"What's not to love about swing jazz?" Alastor replied with the radio announcer enthusiasm.

Angel got up and dressed.

The day went on much like the first, only a bit more light-hearted as more focus turned to Angel Dust rather than Alastor. Angel Dust told stories about his grandmother and siblings and the trouble they got into. He also elaborated on his interest in picture shows and theatre, and also his enjoyment in dancing, this caught Alastor's attention. To finish up the trip, they bagged one more deer and a couple turkeys.

Ω Ω Ω

Upon their return to the hotel, they set to work on cleaning the deer. Since Alastor was the most experienced in this task, they had to let him do it... He did it with expertise, but also with zeal as he held the knife.

Angel Dust, Cherri, Alastor, and even Vaggie talked casually while they were getting splattered in blood as they even wrapped organs as well as meat cuts.

However, things took a turn when Charlie knocked on the door and came in.

"Hey everyone, it's nice to ha-AAAIIIIEEEE!"

It was a very loud and shrill shriek from Charlie. She was seeing the dead animals and demons covered in their blood. She had slammed the door behind her and ran off. The remaining four just looked at each other.

"Pfft!" Angel Dust burst out, and everyone just cracked! They didn't mean to give the Princess of Hell such a fright!"

"Oh, shoot, I better go check on her. Poor hon, she can just barely watch 'Bambi'!" Vaggie told them. She then happened to glance at a calendar: "Oh crap! Is that the date!?"

"What is it, Toots?" Angel Dust asked her.

"Okay, Charlie's birthday is two weeks from now! I shouldn't have to ask this of you, but for the demon princess that is literally trying to save your souls, could you guys make an effort to do something nice for her?"

"We'll see what we can do," Cherri assured Vaggie. She left with a skeptical look in her eye.

"What is that 'Bambi' she mentioned?" Alastor asked.

"Ah, you remember the Disney funnies from the picture shows?"

"Yes, there were some that were entertaining."

"Well, Disney started colorizing and making movie-length cartoons a few years after your death. 'Bambi' is a picture from 1942 focusing on the life of this young deer, named Bambi. I took a young cousin of mine to see it and whoo boy it took a while for that kid to stop crying after the movie killed off Bambi's mom. The first picture of this type was 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves' which came out in 1937 and was a major hit after everyone thought it as 'Disney's folly'. It was quite impressive to see it on the big screen when it came out."

"Well now, this sounds interesting... I may just have to see these pictures."

"Whoa now, you, Alastor, you wanna watch a Disney double-feature?" Cherri asked.

"I've never had the chance to see them."

"Well, Charlie's likely to be charmed hearing about this... Speaking of whom, she's got a birthday coming up, and I think that it would be just dandy if we far exceeded Vaggie's expectations."

"Oh, do you have a proposal?" Alastor asked as he continued his butchery.

"Anyone can give the Princess of Hell a gift and do her a few small favors. However, the only thing Charlie really wants is to see us make some improvements and accommodate more guests here. Well, we can throw her a little party. I can pop out of a cake and play Happy - fucking - Birthday on the trumpet, we could probably sing our own numbers of self-reflection, let the broad sing herself, and then surprise her with a sweet little present," Angel Dust elaborated.

"What's the gift?" Cherri asked.

"Well, it's not going to be very fun, but I think that we'll get a pretty good face from Charlie: We'll make and post flyers for the hotel. Her last promotion for this place was a bit of a bust, but it at least brought Alastor here."

"Haha, yes, that newsreel was quite a fiasco," he replied.

All the while Alastor finished cutting the meat, they cemented their ideas for Charlie's birthday.

"Well, if that's all said and done, I'm going to write a song then," Cherri told them.

"Hey wait now, we could do a duet you know," Angel Dust told her.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," and she left.

Angel Dust turned to Alastor: "Ya got this taken care of?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well then I'm going to find Charlie.

Ω Ω Ω

"Oh, yeah they talked. They went on about their sins, they talked about love and sex, sexuality, and they even admitted to wanting something that they thought they could never have," Vaggie told Charlie.

"I'm glad that they had a good time."

"I even got a couple laughs," Vaggie replied, she told the story about Angel and Alastor falling onto each other. Charlie did snort with some laughter.

Then a knock came from the door: "Hey ladies."

"Angel, what's up?" Charlie asked him.

"So, if you can believe it, Alastor fancies a Disney double-feature tonight."

"Alastor?" Vaggie clarified.

"Yeah, I had to explain to him what 'Bambi' was after ya mentioned it, and he wants to see it and 'Snow White'."

Charlie's face lit up with excitement. It was just pleasing to hear that her guests wanted to do something wholesome, and it was even better that even the baddest of them wanted it...

... Until Alastor started laughing at the death of Bambi's mom.

Everyone in the hotel was watching the movie and they had all scooted away from Alastor, except for Angel Dust, who just looked perturbed while supporting his head in a hand: "I should've known your twisted sense of humor would've been triggered at this point."

"YOU DON'T HUNT DOES!" Alastor laughed.

"Ya know, I'm surprised at you, Alastor. You've at least told me that the only person in life that you were close to was your mother, you killed the man who beat her, and ya are a deer demon who died by the bullet of a deer hunter," Angel Dust told him.

That actually shut him up for a moment and he looked like he might've actually took to reflecting about life experiences, his situation, and started to identify with the movie a bit. Or perhaps he thought that it would be in his best interest to just keep quiet.

At the end of the picture, Alastor admitted that it was a decent flick, and they loaded up the next movie.

'Snow White' was another hit with Alastor, no inappropriate laughter this time until the witch's death scene.

"Now she has to spend eternity in that hideous form! Such a fitting punishment!" he explained.

However, just as the movie was leading into the happy ending, the TV cut to an image that made everyone jump! On the screen was now the face of Vox, the TV overlord.

"FUCK YOU, ALASTOR! I'VE TOLERATED OUR FARCE SO FAR, BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE AND CROSSED THE LINE!"

"I have no idea what you're on about," he replied.

"VALENTINO WAS MY LOVER, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU AND ME, RADIO, I'M GONNA-!"

Radio sounds crackled as Alastor threw his hand out and the TV exploded!

"Oh, dear me, the television is broken. Not to worry, I'll see about paying for a replacement in the future. Excuse me please," Alastor told them as he made his exit.

Everyone just kind of sat there and looked around until eyes fell on Angel Dust.

"Ugh, the fuck just happened! Vox and VAL! Ugh, I gotta take a bath and brush my teeth!" he then made a quick exit.

Ω Ω Ω

Angel Dust got into the bath before it filled and scrubbed hard and brushed his teeth to the point were the mint flavor of his toothpaste overwhelmed his mouth.

Satisfied with his cleanliness, he dressed in a loose shirt and pajama pants, and took to wandering the halls. He only paused when he heard the sound of someone cursing up a blue streak and items clattering about.

"...Piece of shit television! Fils de pute! Fucking obnoxious, crass, bastard!"

To Angel Dust's shock, it was Alastor! He was cursing and tearing up one of the empty rooms, but he was still in his usual form, though he looked like he would switch over to full demon at any second.

Tentatively, Angel Dust knocked on the door, stepping out of immediate sight. He figured that Alastor was trying to hide this fit. Upon hearing the knock, he went to radio silence, Angel Dust saw a flash of light from magic, and then Alastor opened the door calmly and with a smile, though that grin seemed to take a menacing twist when he saw that Angel Dust was on the other side. He lunged forward, and snatched Angel Dust up: "YOU! Get in here!" He flung Angel Dust onto the bed.

"Oof, Alastor, if ya wanted me in bed with you, you could've just asked! I would've offered ya a sweet deal for a first-timer!"

"SHUT IT! This isn't the time for such vulgar jokes!" Alastor snarled. He took a breath to still himself, but that grin of his wasn't being so effective at concealing the rage he was truly feeling: "What do you know about Vox and Valentino?"

"I knew that they hung out together, but I didn't know that they had that kind of a relationship. I swear! That's what your fit was about? What happened while we were watchin' them pictures?"

"Don't you get it? Vox is another overlord and my arch rival!"

"Okay, go on. I take it that there's more than what you're lettin' on, Alastor."

"I've fought other overlords since I came down here, but Valentino and Sir Pentious aren't shit when compared to Vox! He would have been out of the way if I knew that I could best him!"

"You're saying that Vox is more powerful than you?" Angel Dust questioned.

"We've never seen each other at full strength, though we have caused each other some mischief. However, it appears that in saving you, I ended up killing his lover, and now he's going to want a full on battle. At the end, only one of us will continue on and we'll probably destroy half the city in the process!"

"So you're going to fight this guy, not knowing how well you're matched against him? It sounds to me that now's the time I cash in that favor I owe you."

"How do you figure?"

"Even in the mafia, we have a code of honor: If an ally on the outside is in trouble, then we swoop in to help them out of it. C'mon, Alastor, you're behind the eight ball* an' I'm not about to let you go into a fight knowing that you don't know what the outcome is going to be."

"Alright, how do you want to play this out then?" Alastor asked.

Angel Dust pulled out his phone from a pocket in his pajamas and shot a text to Cherri.

"Cherri's going to meet up with us in the kitchen. She's going to want to be in on this."

Ω Ω Ω

"What's this all about?" Cherri asked when they reached the kitchen.

"I told Alastor, here, that he didn't need to sabotage me. I told him that if I was going to fuck this redemption thing up, then I'd do it on my own merits... Well, I'm about to fuck up on my merits for the sake of his own ass!"

"Angel, such language!" Alastor exclaimed.

"Ooh, this sounds like it's going to be fun!"

"Oh, it is, Sugar Tits! Vox's interruption during our picture show was a means for him to challenge Alastor to a duel to the death! Well, I owe Alastor one, and I could use a taste of some serious action that'll come with offing an overlord."

"YEA-HA! I'm so in!"

"Alastor, care to fill us in on what you know about Vox and his powers? I'll make us some coffee while you're at it."

"Most of what I've seen is electrical manipulation, especially when it comes to screens. Your phones could easily be a portal to him... Then there's that face of his... He could potentially display a vulgar image on it that'll have me flustered!"

"Well then don't look at the screen then," Cherri told him.

"He could also potentially make golems out of electronics and flash bright lights at me – that would be an issue if I'm in the shadows. That's about all I suspect. No doubt I could handle him alone with my magics, but I don't know what he'll bring to the table," he went on.

"Okay, so we'll help ya out by taking down whatever goons or little helpers he brings, and we'll leave the boss to you. However, I'll stick closer to your area in case he – somehow – gets to be a little too much for ya. Cherri, I've got a pretty sly game for you to play."

"Lay it on me, Angie!"

"I knot that Alastor, here, would never dare ask the Princess to help him in a war. However, I'm thinking that she's way more powerful than she's letting on, maybe even more than she knows. If she somehow ends up in the throngs of two of Hell's most powerful overlords, she's going to want to protect her people."

"You want me to get her in the area, got it, but how?" Cherri replied.

"Though Charlie may not wear the latest fashions, you could ask her to help you change your look. Spin it like you're going to see it as shedding the skin of your past self or some sh*t like that…Really, Alastor?!"

"You've got a problem with the way I dress?" Cherri asked.

"It's just a distraction!"

"Though you could afford something a bit more put together. In our day clothes with holes was a sign of poverty," Alastor explained.

"Ah, you sound like a real old-timer," Cherri told him: "Alright, I can go for that."

"Great, now all we really need is a medic on standby in case someone gets a little too roughed up," Angel Dust pulled out his phone, hit a number, and started speaking in cheerful Italian – a greeting of sorts from what Alastor and Cherri could understand. They had the feeling that he was calling up one of his family… Sure enough: "Listen, Molly, I owe a favor to a new friend for offing an attacking goon. It could get dangerous and I need you and your medical skills on standby at the Hazbin Hotel tomorrow. I've got a room there. When you show up, just tell them who you are and that I'm expecting you."

There was a pause.

"Great, get here at around 11:00, we should be out but nothing should go down by then."

Angel Dust hung up and turned off the phone.

"How's about we get dressed to kill?" Angel Dust asked.

"Oh, you're going to your stash?" Cherri asked excitedly.

"Oh yeah, and Alastor, you're coming with me."

Ω Ω Ω

It all goes down in the next chapter!

*Behind the eight ball: Slang for being in a precarious situation

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