Chapter 5: Judas

A/N: So my uploads are going to be kind of all over the place. I don't have an upload schedule (clearly). I tend to write this as I take a short break from writing my essay. Anyway, more Eli means more I don't agree at all with his point of view. It's truly upsetting to see how many people think addiction is a choice, and not an illness like any other. Also I would love to hear what you guys think of the story so far!

That session went about as well as Eli imagined it would. Terrible. Fitzgerald was completely uncooperative, giving the most basic, short answers to any question he would ask. Half the time he seemed more preoccupied with what was outside the window than the session itself. This was exactly what he hated about the job, the absolute bums who didn't want to get better and had no intention of even trying. He had tried to empathise, knowing how hard it was to seek help and how afraid he was of beginning his medication. It was just completely different in his case. He had a chemical imbalance, he had no choice.

He did have a choice about whether he took his meds however. One he had been grappling with ever since he had woken up. If he took them, he would feel all fuzzy, as if his brain couldn't quite think, couldn't quite keep up with him in the way he had wanted it to. Sure, if he didn't take them he could end up having a manic episode. But did that matter? He was able to think clearly without them, everything made sense when he didn't take the medication. He hated the husk of himself that he would become when he took the medication. He hated the dizziness. The nausea. The constant and ever present tiredness that would hang from the bags under his eyes. He hadn't a manic episode in years, he barely became depressive. At the end of the day it had been better not to take the medication.

So he chose not to that day. Clare of course didn't know this, he wouldn't tell her. She would just bitch and moan about him not looking after himself. He could even hear her voice ask "Eli? What if you have another episode? I can't risk possibly losing you like last time." So he crashed his car, big whoop! Morty was a hunk of junk anyway, and he had wanted to see Clare. He still remembers that evening like it was yesterday. Clare loved him, but she would never love him like he loved her. He would go to any lengths to keep her with him. He just cared about her so much. He couldn't wait until he had saved up enough money and Clare wouldn't have to work. She could stay safe at home, away from the world and its scariness. Away from the patients that are so violent. Away from this new guy, Fitzgerald. Eli didn't trust him one bit.

The last part of Clare's job for the day was checking in on Fitz. It was going to be an interesting check in seeing the poor results he got from therapy sessions of the day. Vomiting on the cranky group therapist was definitely not a good start. "I'd hate to get on the wrong side of that lady." Shuddering, she thought about what Eli had told her about his session. That he absolutely refused to cooperate and would barely acknowledge him.

"He doesn't want help Clare! He is biding his time until he can get out and go back to living his heinous life."

"Oh Eli, you have too little faith in people sometimes. I think Fitz will learn here that he can change his life and he doesn't have to go back to the cycle of abuse he was in."

"You have too much faith in people. Far too much sometimes."

Sometimes she wondered if Eli shared her same beliefs on rehabilitation, but surely he did, he chose to work here in the first place. You can't spend years in a job you hate, right? Having been swept up in her own thoughts she didn't even realise she had already made it to Fitz's room. It pushed her back into reality and she was determined to stay focus this time. She was not some blushing school girl. She could handle having an attractive patient fine enough. Knocking, mainly out of a formality rather than anything else, she entered his room.

"Hi, I'm here for our final check-up of the day."

Her eyes scanned the room until they rested onto Fitz. He was on his bed lounging on his side, head propped up by one hand, the other thumbing through the folder she had left him. The mid-afternoon sun spilled out from the window, framing him as almost angelic. He lay only in his jeans, his shirt discarded onto the floor. His chest, despite being various hues of purple and blue with splotches of yellow here and there, was toned and gorgeous. She could feel the heat rise to her face, he was unlike any patient that had come into the rehab facility before. Noticing she was ogling him, Fitz smirked and sat up.

"Like what you see, Nurse Clare?"

"That's… that's irrelevant, now, I'm here to talk to you about your day and give you your medicine."

"Fine. My day was shit."

"Want to elaborate?" She sat across from him on the chair, crossing her legs for modesty sake, "what made it so bad?"

"Well I threw up on some old hag, and I can't stand the other therapist either."

That perked Clare's interest. What was so wrong with Eli that after one session Fitz already didn't like him? It would definitely explain what Eli was talking about, and maybe she could give him some advice on how to make the sessions more accommodating to Fitz! I mean it might have breached the Hippocratic Oath just a little, but at the end of the day it could really help her patient and that's what she wanted.

"What went wrong with your individual therapist?"

Fitz stared dead into her eyes, almost as if he was trying to figure out what she was wanting to know and why. She did remembering mentioning Eli at the beginning of their tour, so she wondered if he also remembered that. It was likely she smiled when she said his name, she couldn't help it really. She was in love!

"I didn't like his office. It was weird. And he seemed really cold. Who thought it was a good idea to have an office full of skulls anyway?"

That made sense really. She was always telling Eli that while she loved his personal aesthetic style, it might not be the most appropriate for patients. In fact, it wasn't the first time someone had complained to a nurse about the office. The last patient found the imagery of death suffocating. Maybe that's what Fitz was feeling as well, Eli did mention he stared out the window the entire session.

"Well, I can talk to Eli about that."

"Yeah? What can you do?"

"You'll see. Trust me."