The Woman in the Attic
Chapter Four: Behind the Mad Veneer
Despite Bellatrix's chilling words and promise of the future, Hermione could not help but want to visit the mysterious woman in her attic each night. As soon as 12 struck on the clock, Hermione would silently make her way down the hall and up the stairs, sliding the key into the lock with an eventual practiced ease.
She'd usually find Bellatrix either at the piano or looking out the window wistfully into the night. The woman would only given her a cursory stare before she turned back to her inner thoughts. Coaxing anything out of her was hard but Hermione was determined she would get answers. She felt Bellatrix, of all people would know what her husband was up to. He was a dreadful man, who even locked up his own wife! Hermione wanted to take him down, not only for the sake of her family's honor and revenge, but also on behalf of the terror Bellatrix had to live through.
"You play piano so beautifully. I did not know that," Hermione had commented as she watched Bellatrix's limber fingers stroke the ivory keys and construct a delicate but somber melody. Did she never play anything joyful? But then, what reason would she have to, when she had to be kept up here like a caged animal.
"There are many things you do not know about me," she replied gruffly, barely casting a passing glance at Hermione.
"Could you teach me?" Hermione asked, wanting to get Bellatrix on her side. Wanting to be kind to her.
Bellatrix paused her playing and gave her a cutting look, as if Hermione wasn't befit of doing something like this. "Aren't you but the house maid?" she asked coldly. Clearing her throat and trying to not be hurt by this, she answered as kindly as she could.
"Miss Lestrange-"
"Call me Black," the woman spat, fury arising in her dark eyes. "The man that has attached himself to my side like a leech doesn't deserve his last name to be accompanied to the greatness that is and will be my legacy." It became apparent to Hermione that Bellatrix was not there in this moment. Her eyes had glazed over and with a whirl of her skirts she rose angrily to her feet, backing Hermione up to the wall until she bumped into the ripped wallpaper, the coarseness of the grain felt through her night shirt. She was scared, her breathing picking up in quality. "He ruined me. He ruins everything he touches! And he'll ruin you too, don't you see that you foolish girl!"
"I swear it upon you, I'll swear it upon anything you like!" Hermione said, trying to be brave as she looked up at Bellatrix who stood a good head taller than her, dark curls tumbling down her face as she glared down at Hermione. "But as I've said before I don't intend to sleep with him. I don't intend to let him hurt me."
"You all think like that," Bellatrix growled out, slamming her hand into the wall by Hermione's head. The brunette tried not to flinch as Bellatrix leaned closer, her scent wrapping around Hermione and combining fear and something else in her stomach. "But you don't know what he's truly like. Only I know. Only I have had to put up with him. But no one takes heed of my word, because I'm just crazy Bella! I'm imagining things!"
"You're not insane-"
"Am I not?" Bellatrix growled out, dipping her head even closer. This time her voice was a whisper and with how close she stood, it was all so intimate and improper. Hermione's heart raced as her hands scrabbled at the wall paper behind her for purchase. "You don't even know me."
"But I would like to," Hermione said bravely.
"Is this why you insist upon visiting me every night for the past week?" Bellatrix asked. Her eyes never left Hermione's face and the brunette could feel the older woman's exhales fluttering over her neck like the caresses of a lover.
"Yes."
Bellatrix sighed out wearily and pulled away, going back to the piano. It was as if Hermione's attitude tired her out. Perhaps because her madness had been so ingrained into her, that she couldn't fathom why someone would wish to seek time with her. If that notion was true, Hermione would make sure Rodolphus paid for his cruel actions.
"Why would you do that?" Bellatrix asked as she started up the melody from before, playing it more softly.
"Well...certainly you must be lonely. Or feeling hurt. I too...know how that feels. So I want to take that pain away from you-" Hermione cuts herself off with a yelp when Bellatrix whips a lit candle at Hermione's head. Hermione ducks and clutches her head as the candle falls to the floor, flames hissing out.
"You know nothing of my pain," Bellatrix said through gritted teeth. "And do not play the martyr with me. I have no interest in being saved. I am happy being up here. I have grown used to my fate. At least it is safer up here than being down there with him." Venom dripped from her voice. She turned back to the piano. "Leave, before I throw something heavier at you. And don't come back."
Hermione takes the advice and scurries away. Her heart is pounding at very nearly being hurt and she slinks away back to her room, feeling tears prick at her eyes. What has happened to Bellatrix? She used to be such a stunning visage. And now...now she's been ruined.
Rodolphus...she hisses internally. He ruined her. He made her become this twisted beast. But, Hermione would get back at him. And she would save Bellatrix. The dark haired woman had mentioned knowing Rodolphus' dirty secrets. Hermione knew if she kept trying, she would be able to procure some information from her.
She had to keep going. She just had to be brave.
"You again?" Bellatrix grumbles when she sees the lock turn and Hermione enter her room at the stroke of midnight once more. Hermione shuts the door behind her and keeps her chin up, trying to effect indifference.
"You were wrong. I am not a common maid," Hermione confesses. She had thought about this long and hard all day long while doing household chores. If she perhaps gave a bit of truth about herself, then Bellatrix might be inclined to do the same. Might trust her more.
Bellatrix who is leaning against the window sill lazily, arms crossed over her chest, arches a single brow but doesn't say anything.
Hermione balled up her fists. She knew this might be risky. Revealing her position like this might ruin the whole mission if Bellatrix said anything to her husband. But if Bellatrix truly hated her husband as much as she claimed to, then she wouldn't say anything about Hermione to him. Sucking in a breath, Hermione speaks to a waiting Bellatrix.
"I am nobility, in fact."
Bellatrix's eyes rake down and up Hermione's form, shamelessly. "Hm, I don't remember nobility like you," she drawled, unimpressed. Hermione put down the hurt inside her chest that rose in a wave. Bellatrix didn't remember her, and for some reason that cut her deeply. She had wanted Bellatrix to remember her, because each interaction they'd ever had, had been ingrained in Hermione's mind over the years.
Especially that one night...
It had happened all so quickly, and it had started quite innocently. Hermione had been at a grand ball for the four royal houses, somewhat enjoying the evening despite how the men talked down to her. The Black sisters were there somewhere, but Hermione hadn't caught a glimpse of them at all, despite wanting to. She preferred their company to the one she had right now.
She'd been in the middle of getting another drink when a warm hand had landed on her elbow. It was Andromeda, worried expression on her face. "Hermione, I am so glad to see you. Have you seen Bellatrix anywhere?"
"Uh, no, I have not," Hermione took a second to respond due to shock of the urgency in Andromeda's voice.
"That is not well. We need to leave but she's not around."
"I can help you look," Hermione offered. "I've been to this place before, so I know the grounds."
"Oh, thank you," Andromeda said gratefully. "And knowing Bellatrix, she'll likely be somewhere outside away from the party and stirring up trouble."
"We'll have more luck if there's more of us looking for her," Hermione said, putting her drink down and following Andromeda outside and to where it was a bit quieter. There was some people outside, walking, talking, admiring the gardens. The two brunette's separated and went their own way, Hermione deciding to head out towards the back of the gardens where she knew there was a more secluded area. If anything, Bellatrix could be counted on to be hiding there so she could drink in peace or smoke, if she did smoke that is. Hermione had never seen her do so but it would fit her character.
Hermione wondered through the darker area, the place here quiet from how distant it was from the party. A owl hooted somewhere over head, nearly startling her and that was when she heard a voice from some bushes.
"Damned owl, scared the spirit out of me," she heard an all too familiar voice. It was Bellatrix's! Hermione hurried forward, but quietly, when she heard another voice.
"Calm down. No one is going to come looking for us here. We can be free to do as we please," it said, with a hint of a purr to it. Then there was silence and Hermione edged around the bush to where she knew there was a hidden alcove.
Sitting on a bench, under low hanging tree branches, were Bellatrix and Pansy Parkinson, some lower tier Syltherin noble. But it wasn't all that shocking that they were sitting together. No, it was more shocking what they were doing together.
Kissing.
They were kissing.
Two girls.
Hermione felt the breath be stolen from her lungs.
Oh.
She watched with wide eyes as Pansy's hands slipped through Bellatrix's black locks and her lips softly parted Bellatrix's own lips. Their eyes were both closed and they looked so peaceful and happy doing this.
Hermione backed up, step by step until she was running through the gardens and back to the party, hastily helping herself to a glass from a waiter's tray and gulping it down in haste. She was shaken to say the least, her guts twisting terribly. She felt hot and cold all over.
Why had they been doing that? Had Pansy forced Bellatrix to do such a thing? She had so many questions. No, she needed more alcohol. She grabbed another one when she saw Andromeda approaching her from the corner of her eye. No, she did not want to speak to her right now. She needed to be left alone. But her social manners did not permit her to leave.
"Hermione, any luck?" Andromeda stopped next to her, eyeing Hermione's flushed face and glass in hand with silent interest.
"Sorry, I um, didn't see her," Hermione said uncomfortably, looking away from Andromeda. She could not bare to look the woman in the face after what she had come across in the bushes involving her sister.
"Okay," Andromeda said solemnly, and it was difficult to tell if she knew Hermione was lying. But the brunette went off on her own again, still searching for her older sister.
Hermione had felt funny after seeing that. Her whole body went hot and her heart began to race. What Bellatrix was doing was so scandalous! Not only kissing before wedlock, but it being another girl! Hermione ran out of there on shaking feet, not wanting to stay any longer. She felt in shock.
She needed to lay down somewhere. Cool her head.
As she burst back into the party, she ran into Andromeda. "Little sparrow, have you seen Bellatrix? We need to head home soon."
Hermione's mouth felt dry. Should she tell her and risk Andromeda stumbling across something so secretive? When Hermione didn't answer for a while, Andromeda grew concerned. She placed a hand on her forehead. "Are you feeling fine? You're forehead is hot and your face is flushed."
"I think I may have had too much wine," Hermione stumbled out. "I am going to have a rest. Please, excuse me." And she left in a hurry.
She did not leave her bed for a full two days after that. Her parents grew worried for her and feared she was falling ill. And maybe Hermione was. Every time she thought back on that kiss, she felt herself grow hot all over again, and something began to throb between her legs. It felt like she had to use the bathroom but nothing would come out. It was just very wet there. She believe it to be sweat from the high body temperature but in truth she did not know.
Her dreams were filled with images of what had happened over and over again and sometimes, that brunette that Bellatrix had kissed was replaced by Hermione herself and then Hermione would wake up, panting and feeling even worse than before as her insides twisted like a snake was alive inside them.
Was she possessed? What was wrong with her?
Eventually the sensations paused and the memory no longer served to make Hermione feel oddly. She was curious if anyone else had had such a similar malady so she began to question among her peers and scour through old books on different symptoms.
She achieved no results, not until she had gone to a tea party event. Most of the youth from the families there were gathered around each other. Hermione, though older, still could not find a way to fit with those of her same age. They all felt so immature compared to her and there heads were filled with fluff. Still, she had to sit with them and listen to their drivel. Which was how she caught the tail end of a hushed conversation between two girls sitting next to her, who clearly thought Hermione's bored expression meant she was vacant and not listening.
But she was, especially when she heard something that deeply resonated with her.
"When he kissed me I felt so hot all over! I thought I was struck down with fever!" gossiped one as her friend gasped.
"Was he that good at kissing?"
"Most delightful. He made me ache all over. I wish to marry him. No other man has made me feel this way and I want to feel more of that."
"Mother says that that is how you know a man is right for you. When he makes you hot all over and ready for him."
"What do you mean by that?" asked the first girl.
Her friend leaned in closer and Hermione unconsciously shifted closer to hear. "Ready to accept his seed. Mother says we grow wet between our legs so that he may come in more easily. And then children can produced this way if man and woman pleasure each other well enough."
Hermione tasted a sour taste in her mouth as her ears roared with blood. She had to excuse herself and now. She set down her tea cup and rushed to the bathroom, feeling her face flaming like it had been burned by the sun.
She had...she had felt exactly the same way as those girls had described it. So it had been sexual desire? That had been awakened by the sight of that kiss? She went into the bathroom, feeling the room spin around her. She grabbed onto the sink and stared into her own reflection. Frightened brown eyes stared back.
Was she...was she one of those?
A lover of women?
Her chest hurt and she felt like she couldn't breathe. No, this had to be a mistake. Maybe she had only confused things because Bellatrix was so beautiful and so reckless. Things that Hermione wished she could be so it drew her towards the older woman. Hermione only felt admiration for her. Only that. And seeing Bellatrix kiss another woman had only made her feel funny because it was wrong.
That's right. Hermione was normal. She was fine.
But then why had Bellatrix kissed another woman? What had been so irresistible about her that Bellatrix would put her own reputation at sake? No, it had to be the other woman who had corrupted her. Bellatrix was wild, so she was prone to accepting bad ideas. It was not Bellatrix's fault. It was not.
Hermione bite her bottom lip.
She had to stop thinking about this. She had to.
And she did, for some time. But when the sisters Black came to visit three months down the road for a winter solstice ball, Hermione found herself rapidly falling into that same pattern of thoughts. All three sisters wore stunning dresses in different shades of black.
Narcissa wore the lightest shade of black from all of them. And it was a very proper dress, with the lengths all cut at the right amount. She added blue jewelry for a dash of color and her blonde hair was done up in a perfect bun with wisps hanging beside her face.
Andromeda was wearing a simpler gown than her sister, one outfitted with hints of green to make it stand out more, given it's plain shape. Her hair was loose around her shoulders but straightened so that Hermione almost did not recognize her at first.
Bellatrix was wearing the darkest shade of black possible and her hair was a chaotic waterfall down her bared shoulders. She looked stunning, coupled with the more intense makeup compared to her sisters. Her lips were painted a bright red that stole all of Hermione's attention of the outside party and relegated it there. And every time Hermione tried to tear her gaze away she could not.
Hermione could not help but look over at Bellatrix's lips. They looked so full and soft. How would they feel in a kiss? How would Hermione's feel when she kissed someone? Her lips were smaller, more dainty. Would they feel nice? What if she and Bellatrix kissed?
She pressed a hand over her mouth, feeling her lips tingle. She needed to stop thinking about this. Hermione would have her first kiss when she was good and ready, with the boy she loved. She should not be jealous that Bellatrix kissed someone else. Hermione would have that too.
And yet, when Hermione's eyes looked on woman Bellatrix had kissed, she felt rage build in her stomach. And she could not reason why.
Hermione drew herself back into the present. "I am Hermione Granger of the house of Gryffindor. Our family used to do trade together when I was younger. I meet you and your two sisters. We sometimes talked and entertained each other. But now my family has fallen in disrepair so I am here, working for a living," Hermione concluded upon.
Bellatrix narrowed her eyes, not swayed by the story. "House of Gryffindor. I have not heard that name in years. But you were such a successful house. How did you fall to ruin?"
"It is not only my house that has fallen to ruin. But so have Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw is sure to follow shortly. Someone is causing the nobles to be ruined. Only Slytherin is spared."
"And yet here you are, working for a Slytherin man. How it must hurt your ego," Bellatrix chuckled darkly, taking amusement from this.
Hermione did not find it as funny. "I have lost many things, my ego is one of them. But I have never lost my pride in who I am or where I came from. Even if I am some lowly maid now, I am still, royalty."
"Does my husband know this?" Bellatrix asked.
"Possibly," Hermione answered.
Bellatrix hummed but did not speak further on this topic. "I suppose if you are royalty I can teach you piano. But I am not a merciful teacher," she warned. "Be prepared to lose a finger if you displease me."
Hermione shivered at that but when Bellatrix gestured at the bench of the piano, Hermione marched up and sat down with no hesitation. She had taken a handful of piano lessons before so she was not completely lost. But she was nowhere nearly as natural as Bellatrix and she wanted to perfect her craft. It was the one comfort of her old life she still had.
True to her word, Bellatrix was not a patient instructor nor did she really know how to instruct well. She snapped at Hermione and did not kindly rearrange Hermione's fingers onto the right keys.
"You are hopeless!" she declared angrily when Hermione could not play a complicated piece.
"You are giving me pieces that are too hard!" Hermione shot right back as Bellatrix got off of the bench with a huff. She paced around the room, like a caged animal.
"Leave, now," she declared roughly and Hermione could see that glazed look overcoming her once more. It meant the dark haired woman was going to have another one of her fits. Hermione quickly hurried away, locking the door just as she heard the shattering of something inside.
The piano lessons continued after this for another week. It was one of the ways that Bellatrix could be talked to, and it allowed Hermione to get closer to her. Closer to making her plan work. Between her house chores and scouring the estate on any clues as to what Rodoplhus was doing, Hermione found herself tired. She got little sleep at night because she spent so much time with Bellatrix.
"Are you okay, Hermione?" Luna had asked one day when she noticed Hermione nodding off while standing up, her tired form leaning on a broom she was meant to use to sweep the hallways. Hermione jerked awake, afraid to get a scolding.
"Uh, yes," she said, gathering herself and seeing it was only the blonde.
"Not sleeping at night?" was the innocent question.
"No, I guess not."
"You should try some warm milk. It might put you right to sleep."
"Thank you Luna. That is kind of you," Hermione smiled and watched the girl leave before she decided she needed to find a quiet spot to take a nap or else she'd fall asleep in front of the head maid and she did not need to get in trouble with her.
She would not take Luna's advice. Her mission was more important than something like sleep. Hermione had to press on. Quickly, before Rodolphus came back. It was decided. Hermione would ask Bellatrix about her past in hopes of gleaming some truth on how she meet Rodolphus and how she became involved with that wicked man.
To butter Bellatrix up, Hermione decided to do something risky. She decided to sneak off with some snacks from the pantry for Bellatrix. The woman looked gaunt, and Hermione had no idea of how she was being fed. Did someone leave her food? Or was she left to starve for periods of time until Rodoplhus came back home to feed her?
Hermione knew that no one would notice one or two biscuits missing and so she pocketed those and stealthily made her way up the familiar stairs.
"Back for more," Bellatrix asked languidly as she lit up a few candles in her room. She blew on the match to extinguish it once it's use had passed. "Do you not get bored?"
"No. I do not. You fascinate me," Hermione answered earnestly.
This had apparently been the wrong thing to say for suddenly Bellatrix was striding forward so quickly that Hermione had to stumble into the wall again. But Bellatrix did not maintain a distance this time. She grabbed Hermione by the front of her night gown, wrenching it up and forcing Hermione to squeak in distress. "Oh, I fascinate you?" she hissed, like a snake. Her eyes were blank, empty swirls of abyss. And there was a static to the air, one that caused the hairs on Hermione's arms to rise. "Is it because I'm 'mad Bella'? Come to laugh at me? Come to poke me and evoke a reaction from the madwoman in the attic?"
"That is not true!" Hermione burst out, wanting Bellatrix to calm down and not think the worst of Hermione. "I just admire you!"
This stopped Bellatrix's rant in her tracks. She blinked, eyes slowly regaining consciousness and her humanity once more. "Admire me?"
"Yes," Hermione breathed out as Bellatrix let go of her shirt. "I have known you from inner circles of nobility. I always admired the way you drew attention to yourself so easily."
Bellatrix chuckled though it was not a happy sound. "Attention is a two way sword," she replied. "Sometimes it's best not to have it." She gave Hermione a good look over, considering her presence here. "What do you want from me today?"
"I wish to bring you snacks. And I hoped we could talk about something. Something that did not involve pianos or the gloom of this estate."
Hermione held out the biscuits as a peace offering. Bellatrix barely hesitated as she hastily took them, like a starving animal might from a stranger and running off with it. She re-positioned herself by the other side of the room, ripping right into one. "I have not had one in a while. Hm, how I miss their softness." She let a blessed moan slip from her lips.
"Does your husband not leave you food?"
"He does. I keep it in the icebox in the other rooms. But he is never so kind as to bring me things I would enjoy to eat. He brings me only the necessities." She plopped down over to a couch and Hermione stays against the wall, watching her eat the food happily. Within minutes both biscuits are gone and her pink tongue is darting out to catch the remaining crumbs on her fingers. Hermione swallows heavily and averts her eyes until the tongue recedes back.
"I was hoping we could talk about the past," Hermione broached carefully. The content look at the biscuits, disappears from the dark haired woman's face.
"Why?" she asks cautiously and with a hint of a growl.
"I...I thought it might be good if we talked about happier times?" Hermione said as she dared to approach the other woman, sitting down on the other end of the sofa. Bellatrix watched her actions with a degree of reservation, her fingers on the back of the couch flexing but not reaching out to do any harm.
When she said nothing, Hermione cleared her throat and spoke again. "I loved both my parents. They were such wonderful people. And my favorite thing to do with them would be to throw balls. It's such a typical thing of royalty to enjoy but...I felt like such a princess during those times. My father said I was the center of his world. And I enjoyed his attentions. I was happy to have such loving parents and then...then they were taken from me." Hermione said this as evenly as she could, but her voice did waver in the end. "They encouraged me to be the best I could be. To read and to learn, to be both kind and intelligent. Rumors that cropped up ruined that reputation unjustly and my family's ruin came soon after."
Bellatrix was watching her, chin propped up in her arm which was resting against the back of the couch now. "I remember now," Bellatrix said with a devious grin. "Hermione Granger. You were Ian's daughter. Andromeda used to call you her little sparrow."
Hermione could not stop the grin forming on her face even if she wanted to. Bellatrix remembered her! She was not entirely forgotten.
"I tend to block out my past, but reminiscing on it has brought so many memories back," Bellatrix said, her hard black eyes suddenly turning soft. Was she upset? Had Hermione upset her by bringing up the past?
"We do not have to keep conversing on your past if you do not want to," she said because it was not her intention to hurt Bellatrix. She only hoped to understand her more, but she did not want that at the cost of someone's well-being.
Bellatrix shook her head, pushing away the concern. Her hard veneer was up once more just like that. "I simply miss my family and what we used to have. Tell me, would you do me a favor? Find out for me what Narcissa and Andromeda are up to. I just want to know if they are doing well." Bellatrix laced her fingers together on her lap and Hermione reached over before she could stop herself and placed her hand over them. Bellatrix's skin was cold, like bones leeched from warmth.
"I will. If it will make you happy."
Bellatrix nodded her head before clearing her throat. "Let me not be a sap. Let me instead regale you of the tale of how I made a young gentleman lose his breeches in front of the Queen."
"That would be delightful," Hermione commented because she would be happy to know even the tiniest morsel of information about Bellatrix.
Hermione woke up to the sensation of gentle combing fingers through her hair, and a voice humming a lullaby.
Oh. This felt nice.
She most decidedly was not in her room. She must have fallen asleep here, drifting off to Bellatrix's exquisite tales.
"You should leave soon," Bellatrix breaks off the lullaby to speak. She's sensed Hermione's awakening. "Dawn approaches and they will question where you are."
Hermione sat up, feeling stiff from having slept the whole night on a couch, though Bellatrix had been kind enough to offer her her lap. She stifled a yawn and stretched her arms over her head as Bellatrix got up, moving to her window. She peered through the blinds to where gray light filtered in.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to overstay my welcome," Hermione said, getting up and fixing up her wrinkled shirt. "I hope I did not prevent you from getting any sleep." Why had Bellatrix not retired to bed? Or kicked Hermione out? She was well within her rights to do so.
Bellatrix gave her an odd look. "I cannot sleep, at all." She said this as if it made any sense at all.
"That is not possible. You need to sleep. Everyone does."
Bellatrix gave her a wry smile. "Go, before they look for you." And then she turned to the window and refused to listen to anything else Hermione said.
When Hermione went downstairs she found that Luna was sitting on her bed. Hermione gasped and jumped up in shock. What was the girl doing here?
"Where were you Hermione?" the blonde asked, staring blankly at Hermione. It was unnerving and the brunette's mind raced to find an answer to excuse her mysterious behavior.
"I went to the restroom."
"Strange," Luna rebutted right away. "Because your bed is made, and it is cool. You have not been sleeping on it."
"I...I could not sleep still. Nightmares plague me. So I take walks to tire myself out," Hermione stammered to explain, hoping Luna would believe her and leave her alone.
Luna nodded her head and hoped off the bed. "Be careful. Do not go wandering about in the night so casually. Rodolphus will return and he will not be pleased if he sees such a thing."
Luna left on that and Hermione shivered. How much did the blonde know? Did she suspect Hermione?
A/N: Let me know what you think! Next chapter will go up on June 2nd!