The Kraken spun Hermione around like a beaux baton. Her boots waved into the air and her capes flailed in the wind.
"Germeeone! I am coming!"
Viktor came forward, his wand at the ready. As he did, Severus 'aided' some nearby barrels to run their natural course under the Bulgarian. Viktor flew aside like a First-Year on a faulty broom.
Childish? Absolutely. Unprovoked? Never.
Severus was the Master of his emotions and would help anyone who had no control over the own. Viktor Krum needed to be put into his place; a captain overcome with lust was not in the mindset to steer a ship or slay a Kraken. That man was not going to come for just anyone, and certainly not for Hermione.
He dealt with the difficult problem. Now for the Kraken. Severus ran along the deck of the Jolly One Horn. He was not sure he'd have enough strength to chop one of the Kraken's tentacles off, but he was sure he could distract the creature for long enough to give Hermione time to escape.
He loosened the ties of the sails, with minor help. They whipped around the Kraken. In a flash, Hermione cast the beast aside and fell into the sea.
Hours ago, Severus contemplated how easy it would be to find a new witch to daydream about while he flushed out the Chamber of Secrets. The next one would have to have terrible aim; his head would not be able to take another pounding. But now that the insolent crone was a thousand leagues below the sea, he had forgotten about his fear of swimming.
"Hold on Mr. Sneg! Miss Germeeone! I have come at last!"
Severus hoped he could still drown mid-air as Viktor hoisted up him and Hermione onto the deck. Even soaked to the bone, he looked like a model on the cover of Play Wizard. He held his shoulders firmly as he erected him into a sitting position.
"Get your bloody hands off me," Severus snarled. "Hermione is the one you should be fussing over. Look at her!"
"Oh dear, Germeeone. I will take to her rooms."
Severus swatted his hands away just as they reached over and he scooped up Hermione into his lanky arms. "I am sure you have enough responsibilities as it is…polishing the wheel or sewing the sails. Allow me."
He reminded himself that back pain was temporary and about how much he loved Hermione's curves as he stumbled back to the rooms. Viktor followed, sighing every time Severus tripped. The final straw was drawn when the duo fell down the stairs and Hermione was shaken into consciousnesses.
"Shit, could you not carry me like a sack of Mandrake Roots?"
"The roots I would carry with more care." A simple thank-you would have sufficed. Severus was considering dumping her overboard. Sleeping in wet bed sheets will have to suffice as punishment in the meantime.
Viktor removed her boots and checked her wounds. Severus wished he would disappear to do his captain duties. What sort of 'arms-out-of-buttocks' Captain was he?
"Mr. Sneg, you are, how you say, Potions Master. You find in the Infirmary a salve or balm for this?" He pointed to a scrape on her leg.
"It is your ship. I would not like to disrupt your stores. Allow me to bandage-"
"I do not mind."
Severus stiffened. "Sir, I am a trained medical professional."
"He's not a trained medical professional," Hermione muttered under her breath.
"Do you see? She is hallucinating," Severus interjected. Viktor was insisting on helping, therefore he displayed his final weapon. He drew Viktor aside.
"I did not want to say, but the Ministry wiped my memories of Potions along with my powers during the trial. As you can see, our relations are strained enough as they are with my…dysfunction. So as a man to a man, I am asking you to help me Viktor."
Viktor, who appeared convinced he was helping in the name of male solidarity, flew out of the room.
"You told him what?" Hermione shrieked as she stared down at her leg. It was sprouting purple boils after whatever unlabeled bottles Viktor ran over with. "So you can put a stopper in death, but not heal a simple cut?"
Severus rubbed another salve on top of the purple puss with more intention.
"So useless." She collapsed back into the pillows. Even half-asleep, she still managed to be completely insufferable.
"Next time, I will be sure not to summon the Kraken, if it displeases you so much. Or perhaps I'll let him have you for a midnight snack," he grumbled.
Hermione smiled. Then she shut her eyes and fell back asleep.