CHAPTER 4:
On The RAG
My name's Takeshi Hokudo.
Hokudo walks down the street with his lackey.
I am a B-Class Hero, heir to the Hokudo Group. Shareholders for top businesses across Cities B through X. Including the Hero's Association. For as long as I can remember, I have been engaged to the heir of the Tendo Association, Asami Tendo.
He thinks of her: an attractive, buxom redhead with long legs and a sly, foxy smile.
Hokudo sighs. Unfortunately, she was caught embezzling from a rival company, and spent the first year of high school in juvenile detention. I'd assumed her parents had paid for her to go, discreetly, to a far-away boarding school. But none of my inquiries have proven fruitful.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asks his lackey.
"Of course it's a good idea," rants Hokudo. "Why wouldn't it be a good idea?"
"Because, with all due respect, Hokudo," his lackey searches for words that will allow him to be respectful, but also honest. "Miss Tendo hates you."
"She doesn't hate me," protests Hokudo. "I'm her fiance!"
"I think that's why she hates you."
"I have never been anything to her but a friend and gentleman!"
"Exactly! She's-"
"At any rate, I should think a show of support will do her a lot of good. It'll remind her that she doesn't have to commit crimes to secure a grand legacy! The Hokudo-Tendo merge should be more than enough."
"I think," says the lackey, in a low voice. "That she turns to crime because she likes it."
"As if you could possibly know that," snaps Hokudo. "Has it ever occurred to you that she's insecure about her future, while also brimming with ambition? She simply needs to learn where and how to channel that energy, and that comes with time. Besides, it's not like she's ever tried to hurt anyone."
A plethora of memories play inside the lackey's head: A young Asami stuffing unbought toys into her overcoat, stealing Hokudo's wallet from his backpack, smashing an intricate sculpture and claiming it fell on her leg, clocking the rearview mirror off an expensive sports car, the lackey himself stopping her from clubbing a rabbit, from throwing a puppy over a bridge, from stepping on a fallen nest of crying baby birds-
"No," he disagrees with Hokudo. "I, actually, think she might be a legit psychopath. Sociopath? It's one of those. Anyway, Miss Tendo has no feelings or conscience. Like at all."
Hokudo gasps sharply, then slaps his lackey audibly across the face. "How dare you?" he cries. "You'd better watch your mouth about your future mistress!"
"Oh, believe me, I will," the lackey assures him, rubbing his cheek, but otherwise seemingly unaffected. "Because I know she can kill me and not feel a thing about it. I, actually, think you're the one in real danger with her."
"I've had enough of your slander," Hokudo blows him off.
"Seriously, sir, I think about your wedding and I worry-"
"I'll sweep her off her feet with my presence, and she'll know that she has a partner who will never judge her!"
His lackey sighs. "This is not going to end well."
They arrive at RAG's gate. Hokudo approaches like he owns the place. The tall concrete wall has legitimate barbed wire across the top, and an iron gate complete with intercom.
"Remember the last time," reminds his lackey. "When this direct approach didn't work?"
"I think it will this time," says Hokudo. He presses the button on the intercom.
A dinging sound, preceded by static. A rough female-sounding voice cuts through the speaker: "Yeah? Who the hell is it?"
"Takeshi Hokudo," he responds. "And his manservant."
"'Manservant?'" growls the lackey.
The voice in the speaker gives a loud, aggravated groan, as if he had just asked her to turn in a homework assignment. After a solid thirty seconds of this, she finally says, "Fine! Whatever."
The gates open.
"How did you-?" asks Hokudo's lackey, astounded.
"The Hokudo Group made a considerable investment for the schools around here," Hokudo smiles. "I'm, technically, on the Board of Directors for RAG."
"What?" his lackey joins in his smile. "That's so rad! So we can just come here whenever?"
"Within reason. Don't make me lose this privilege!"
"Got it," nods the subordinate. "Don't tell the Cro-Holes."
"Exactly."
Inside of Room 2-4, Kamiyama pens a letter, while Metal Bat and Hayashida repeatedly punch each other's faces in the background.
"Dearest Mother,
"Our teacher has already left for the day. He usually runs out of here screaming at least closer to lunch. But this time he actually left some assignments for me to read! I should finally be caught up on trigonometry and history. Thank goodness for online materials!"
Bad throws Hayashida over his head and onto a desk. It doesn't break, but Hayashida hits it with a painful crash. He rolls off with a moan, then collects his rage and tackles Metal Bat to the floor.
Kamiyama frowns, but stays focused:
"I'm sorry your counselling initiatives within the Hero's Association keep falling flat. Goodness knows we could use some mental health around here!"
"Fuck off Mohawk!" hollers Bad. He swings a right hook.
"Up yours, Pompadour!" counters Hayashida, going in for a jab.
Metal Bat's fist rams into Hayashida's jaw, while his knuckles simultaneously dig into Bad's nose. They both fall back, then lunge into a grapple.
The surrounding boys fill the air with cheers for their favorite, which is mostly Hayashida.
Kamiyama can hardly hear himself think. But diligently writes through it all:
"I'm serious, Mother, I really think you should use Cromartie High School to make your case. Maybe even the Rehabilitative Academy for Girls. It's only a block away from our school, how stable could they possibly be?"
A broken piece of chair bounces off the top of his letter. Kamiyama jumps back, then turns in fury.
"Are you two quite finished?" he shouts.
"He started it!" the two boys yell, Hayashida in a headlock while jamming his elbow into Metal Bat's stomach.
"And neither one of you can finish it?" demands Kamiyama.
"What did start it anyway?" asks Maeda. "I mean, not that I mind a good brawl. But you two went from just sitting there to attacking each other."
Hayashida and Bad both stand up straight and look at one another with confusion. Metal Bat's nose bleeds, Hayashida's lip is split open, and both have black eyes and swollen purple lumps along their cheeks and eyebrows.
"Hmm," wonders Metal Bat out loud. "What was it?"
Hayashida shrugs. "I forget."
"You don't even KNOW why you're fighting?" shouts Kamiyama, livid. "OH MY GOD that is so typical! Enough of this!" He stands on his desk and proclaims, "This school needs a counselor!"
Everyone looks at him, then erupts into laughter. Takenouchi knocks three people over with the strength of his guffaw, while even Hayashida and Metal Bat use each other as support to not literally roll on the floor.
Maeda wipes tears from his eyes. "Oh, ho, that's hysterical! Who in their right mind would work as a counselor here?"
"Scores of people would," argues Kamiyama. "We, seriously, need therapeutic help! Don't any of you want to work through your issues? To gain a clear sense of-"
A projectile narrowly misses his head, which turns out to be Mechazawa's little brother.
"Who threw that?" Kamiyama was met with more laughter. "Well, thanks for proving my point, everyone."
"Kamiyama," says Hayashida pacifyingly. "You're not wrong. If anyone needs intensive help, it's these Cro-holes."
"Speak for yourself," growls Bad.
"But," Hayashida continues. "Think about the kinds of creeps other schools hire as 'counselors.'"
Some of the boys shudder; all nod in agreement.
"Besides," continues Hayashida. "Do we really need some clueless adult telling us how to think? I mean, imagine what this place would be like-"
"That's exactly what school is supposed to be!" cries out Kamiyama. A city scene sprawls behind him, ringing with overworked technology. Kamiyama grows in size as his point is made: "Listen, whether you badasses like it or not, authority is everywhere. And for the rest of our lives, we're going to have to shuffle in line, do our job, and concentrate. Even if our surroundings are boring and bland! School is supposed to prepare us for all of that! And is that a motorcycle engine?"
Indeed, a real machine sounds like it's right at the end of the hallway. It gets louder, as if coming closer and closer. The cacophony of lockers being struck heads straight towards their classroom door.
Freddie looks out, then gasps in shock. He opens the door wide, ducking behind it.
The boys see a silver speedbike coming straight for them. Even through their buises and swelling, Hayashida and Metal Bat immediately recognize the driver.
"Nuclear Samurai?" they both cry at once.
Aiko spins the back of her bike to slide in behind a desk. The inertia knocks its chair out of the way, sending it ricocheting from one wall to the other. It takes out about three people.
"That's my desk!" shouts Maeda.
"What the?" Kamiyama yells in shock. "Aiko Kamikaze?"
"Present!" Aiko calls out. She cuts off the engine, lays back, and falls promptly to sleep.
"You're at the wrong school!" hollers Metal Bat.
"Are those real swords?" gulps Kamiyama.
"That's my desk!" cries Maeda.
Aiko snores in response.
A crowd gathers at the door now. Mechazawa pushes his way through and walks in.
He, Bad, and Hayashida get closer to Nuclear Samurai, then recoil. Even through their roughed-up noses, the burn of booze comes through.
Mechazawa's eyes are showing 0.189, his head spinning. Metal Bat and Hayashida both start coughing.
"Whoa," groans Hayashida. "That is strong stuff!"
"I should have fucking known," Bad taps her temple with his bat. "Hey! Wake up!"
"Leave me alone," moans Aiko. She manages to sway even while laying down.
"You're drunk," accuses Metal Bat.
"Whatever," Aiko opens one eye. "Still came straight to school. So get off my nut."
"Straight to the wrong school!"
"Bullshit," the samurai drifts back to sleep.
Bad pushes on her shoulders, trying to sit her up.
"Hey," snaps Hayashida, shoving him away. "Leave her alone, will ya? Just let her sleep it off."
"Are you crazy?" Bad looks at him, his black eye twitching. "She just drove drunk into the wrong school!"
"Yeah," concedes Hayashida condescendingly. The blood from his lip bobs up and down. "Which means, we should let her sleep and sober up, before driving off again."
"No," disagrees Metal Bat, his bloody nose bubbling. "We need to get her back to her own damn school."
"Why, man?" Hayashida sounded annoyed. The lumps on his forehead dance and pulse. "What does it matter?"
"I'm not babysitting her drunk ass today," states Metal Bat. Bruises on his knuckles rise and fall in rhythm as he clenches his fist. "She could take down this whole building and not even remember the next morning. I've seen it!"
"Fine," shrugs Hayashida, lifting his hands. They're all distorted and crooked from the fight. "I'll make sure she doesn't pull some shit."
"Ha! Have fun with that, Mohawk." Bad sits down at his desk and pulls out a convenient ice pack. "You don't know what you're in for."
"Someone's bound to get in trouble for this," comments Maeda.
"I agree," says Kamiyama. "This whole thing just doesn't feel right."
"Still, it's not like we can do anything this exact second," weighs in Mechazawa. "She's too far gone. Watch." He tries to wake her up by blowing some water on her face from a hose in his hand.
Aiko splutters, then shouts, "Fuck off! You stank-ass hoebags!"
"You're at Cromartie," Mechazawa tells her simply. "Not RAG."
"It's fine," Nuclear Samurai lays back down, this time on her stomach, head between the handlebars. "I was here yesterday."
"Two weeks ago, not yesterday!" shouts Maeda. "And that was just to kill monsters!"
"It's fine," she mutters, before falling back to sleep.
"See?" says Hayashida. "She says it's fine."
"She's passed-out drunk," says Kamiyama.
"Exactly," concedes Hayashida again. "So, we won't be able to do anything about it anyway, until she sleeps it off."
"She obviously can't be reasoned with right now," weighs in Takenouchi. "It'd probably be safer to keep her inside and off the road."
"Well, great," groans Maeda. "We'll just let her keep my desk, then."
"You stand around with us anyway," contests Hayashida. "So quit whining."
"You just want your new girlfriend to stay," sneers Maeda.
Hayashida blushes slightly, his hair waving back and forth. "Well, yeah, I mean, she is pretty. And rad."
Numerous boys in the room all concur, including Mechazawa.
"Yeah," sighs the robot dreamily. "She is pretty rad."
"I guess," even Bad agrees, checking out Aiko's sleeping form and the way her clothes ride up in places. "There's just something about a badass samurai chick..."
"Strength, a sense of honor," agrees Mechazawa.
"She does make scars look good," sighs Kamiyama.
Aiko cuts off their conversation with a fart loud enough to rustle her skirt. A rank, green miasma floats in the air like a balloon, then bursts.
The door gets clogged with people, trying to run out. Takenouchi's face turns white, then he barrels through the people, breaking the doorframe to get out.
Metal Bat throws on his face mask and desperately opens the window. A whole group gathers over him, leaning out for air, almost falling out.
Another rumbling sound, followed by a chorus of screaming. Fresh green smoke flies into the sky, and starts showing through the windows on the lower floors.
Kamiyama and Metal Bat steer the motorcycle on the left side of the handlebars, Hayashida and Maeda push from the right. Mechazawa stays in the center, behind the back wheel, keeping it steady.
Aiko snores, her face between the handlebars, her skirt riding up in the back.
"I'm in the best place right now," says Mechazawa. "But it will be the worst place, if she farts again!"
"Hey, we agreed to rotate," chides Hayashida.
"Easy for you to say," grumbles Maeda, his eyes swollen and watery. "She didn't rip one when you were back there."
"We're here," Kamiyama assures all of them.
Indeed, they go right to the massive iron gate of the Rehabilitative Academy for Girls.
Kamiyama presses the button on the intercom, leaving the other boys to keep Aiko and her motorcycle upright.
The voice through the speaker sounds intensely aggravated. "Ugh, what? Who is it now?"
"Hello," says Kamiyama politely. "My name is Kamiyama, I go to Cromartie High School just a block away. Um, one of your students wound up at our school by accident, and we're just bringing her back."
The sleeping drunk passes gas again, knocking out Mechazawa. The boys almost drop her bike, and have to scramble to balance their strength, while also trying to turn away from the stinky miasma.
"Wait," a camera above the gate swivels, and hones in on the boys by the bike. A shriek sounds through the speaker. "AAH! Is that Metal Bat?"
"Um," Kamiyama looks at Bad, who shrugs. "Yes?"
Screaming ensues on the other side of the com, and several voices reveal themselves:
"Aah! Metal Bat!"
"Oh my God, he's even hot in real life!"
"Did he just have a fight? Fuck me, that's sexy!"
"Come on in!"
"Yeah, bring your hot friends."
"I like the sweet one."
"Thank you," says Kamiyama, to the sound of giggling.
The boys wheel the bike closer as the gate starts opening. Suddenly, it stops.
A girl on the intercom says, "Wait, you can leave that bitch at the gate."
"Are you kidding?" another girl whispers, but is still audible. "She's the Year 2 leader."
"I don't care if she's the leader of my dick," the first girl responds astutely. "I'm not letting her ass in drunk!"
"That's understandable," agrees Kamiyama. "But she really can't stay at our school."
"You at least got her dad's number or something?" calls out Metal Bat.
"It's probably here somewhere," answers one of the girls.
"Fine, I'll let her in!" The gate resumes swinging open. "But I'm not cleaning up whatever mess she makes today."
"Fair," says Maeda. "Thank you!"
The boys push the motorcycle through the gate.
Hayashida immediately lets go of his handlebar and starts walking toward the school.
"Um, Hayashida?" says Kamiyama. "Don't you think we should secure Kamikaze and leave?"
"Um, no," responds Hayashida. "I want to have a look around."
"But-" Kamiyama starts to retort, but is interrupted by Aiko and her bike falling through a bush in front of the school.
Mechazawa tries to help her up, but she swats him away.
"Stop," she whines. "I'm fine." Her face buried in the dirt, shielded by leaves, Aiko goes right back to sleep.
"See? She says she's fine." Hayashida turns towards the yard, where girls can be heard.
"Hey, Mohawk!" cries out Bad, lifting Aiko out of the dirt.
Anything else he wants to say is interrupted by the main doors slamming open. Three girls come clamouring down the stairs, all wearing long-skirted uniforms. Each of them carry their own baseball bat. They circle Bad.
"Oh my God!" cries the shortest one, with pink pigtails and stars drawn down her face. "It's really you! Can you sign my bat?"
She holds up a well-used wooden bat wrapped in barbed wire.
"Uh," Metal Bat looks down at Nuclear Samurai. "I'm a little busy right now."
"Oh, just let her sleep it off out here," says the freckled redhead, a transexual female. She rests a baseball bat against her shoulder, keeping its jagged nails away from her face. Kanji down her face spells out "Wanted" over her heavy foundation and rouge. Her shirt is heightened into a crop top, showing off her chiseled stomach and slightly hairy chest. "We'd rather not have her inside like this."
"For real," concurs the tallest girl, her long, maroon hair glistening. Her lashes flutter against stark black eyeliner, a pretty mole sits just beneath her left eye, and deep red lipstick completes her pin-up style make-up. She's wearing her corset on the outside and a dramatic slit is cut up her skirt, showing her fishnet and garters.
She smiles at Bad. He grins back, realizing he's been staring at her with his mouth open.
"She passes out there all the time. See?" The pin-up girl points with her dented aluminum bat, wrapped in chains. "She likes it."
"Who?" Bad looks down at his arms. "Oh yeah, Aiko! Um, okay, if you say so." He puts her down in the bushes so quickly, he nearly drops her. He runs over to the maroon-haired girl.
"Great," groans Maeda. Then he sighs. "I'm going back to school. To my own school! You coming, Kamiyama?"
"I don't know, I feel like I should check on Hayashida."
As if to prove Kamiyama's point, a bunch of hollering, whooping, and laughing can be heard behind the school.
"Crap!" Kamiyama takes off at a run. "I might be too late!"
"Kamiyama!" Maeda runs after him. "Wait!"
Mechazawa idles up to Metal Bat. "Should we go help out?" he asks.
Bad doesn't look away from signing the pretty girl's chained weapon. "Nah," he responds. "I'm good here. So, Fujiwa, is it?"
"Yes, Bad," Fujiwa bats her eyelashes. "Thank you for telling me your real name."
"For telling us," cuts in the girl with the pink hair. "My turn now! Make it out to Miwako, if you please!"
"And I'm Watinouchi," says the redhead, handing over her nailed bat with a wink and a smile.
"Pleasure to meet you girls," says Bad politely. He takes Miwako's barbed wire bat. "So should I just sign over the blood or-?"
"It's whatever," giggles Miwako.
"And who's your friend?" asks Fujiwa.
"Mechazawa," answers the robot.
"Mechazawa," Fujiwa's green eyes twinkle. "You guys want a tour of the school?"
"Sure," the boys both answer.
Bad holds out his arm, grinning. Fujiwa takes it, and they walk up the stairs into the building.
Suddenly, kraken tentacles burst out of one window.
"Whoa!" cries Metal Bat, pulling Fujiwa behind him.
Tutting, she pulls him along and scolds, "Don't look at the octopus."
"Um," confused, Bad looks at her instead. "Okay?"
"Hey!" Miwako cries up after them. "You signed our bats to Fujiwa!"
"He drew hearts all over hers," grumbles Watinouchi jealously.
Kikyo Gocha, aged seventeen, hides underneath the bleachers by the tennis court. Her glasses catch the streams of light sneaking between the seat slats.
She composes an e-mail on her phone:
"Dearest Grandmother,
"I appreciate your most recent efforts to get me transferred out of this miserable place. How unfortunate that father's debt with the Tendo Association runs so deeply! I hope that my impending failure will not make things worse. For it is proving impossible to offer good advice and guidance to, may I dare say, a narcissistic sociopath."
A random shout cuts off her thoughts. She listens, but no one calls her name. A tiny teddy bear does cartwheels on the ground, then on the bleachers above Gocha, as she continues:
"Miss Tendo is determined to prove herself a leader amongst these criminal girls. While I do fear for my own danger, it is comforting to know that the closer I stay to Miss Tendo and her bodyguard, Misako Seiki, the safer I am.
"Although Seiki loves using me as spontaneous sparring practice.
"I shall like to take you up on your offer, to express myself to you openly. To trust you with my most honest thoughts, even if expressing so upsets you.
"I'm sorry, Grandmother. But fuck RAG.
"Fuck RAG and all these heinous bitches.
"Yours forevermore,
"Kikyo Gocha"
She sends the e-mail.
Suddenly, a voice carries from behind the bleachers. A masculine, familiar one:
"If she's not inside, she must be out here."
"Careful, sir. We shouldn't let her see us."
"Why ever not?"
"For your own safety."
Gocha snaps to attention. Mister Hokudo? And his lackey?
She storms directly to them.
The boys immediately notice the curvy, bespeckled girl step out from the shadows. Her wavy, braided auburn hair ripples in the sunlight. She pushes her lavender glasses up her nose, its attached chain rattling slightly.
"Whoa!" cries Hokudo's lackey. A blush comes to his face at the sight of her curves in a gym leotard and hoodie. He attempts to hide it by bowing. "H-Hi, Miss Gocha."
She strides up straight to Hokudo. The top of her head barely goes to the bottom of his chin, but she brazenly sticks a manicured finger in his face.
"You," hisses Gocha between her teeth. "Need to leave. Now."
"Told you," concurs his lackey.
"I'm not going anywhere," insists Hokudo. "Until I know, for certain, that Asami goes to school here!"
"I'm here," Gocha lowers her voice, but that makes it sound more menacing. "So that should tell you yes, she goes to school here. Now leave."
"Is that Hayashida?" Hokudo's lackey points to the tennis court.
There, sitting by the scoreboard, his mohawk wafting in the proper breeze, is Hayashida. He claps and cheers, flipping the score sheet accordingly.
"Yeah!" he hoots. "Go Hot Legs! That's another point for Skins! Hey, Preggers, stop turning your wrist when you shoot!"
"I'm trying," responds a slightly pregnant player on the team wearing T-shirts.
The opposing team, wearing exposed leotards, high-five and cheer, "Skins! Skins! Skins!"
Hokudo reaches for his lackey, damn near pushing Gocha aside. He whispers, "What is he doing here?"
"I don't know," answers his lackey.
"I told you not to tell anyone."
"How could I have?"
"He cannot be here."
"You can't either," cuts in Gocha to the whispered argument.
"Oh, it's you!" Kamiyama comes right up to them, talking loudly. "And Hokudo! What are you guys doing here?"
"Yeah, Hokudo," echoes Maeda. "When did you get here?"
"Did I hear the name Hokudo?" cries Hayashida from the scoreboard. He turns, sees the group, and picks up the megaphone to talk: "Hey, it is Hokudo! And his servant boy! What are you guys doing here?"
"I was just asking that," cries Kamiyama laughingly. "What a coincidence!"
"I know, right?" chuckles Hayashida. "Who would have thought Hokudo would come here, to RAG, without us? The great Takeshi Hokudo!"
"What are all these boys doing on campus?" asks a girl on Skins.
"I don't know," replies the pregnant student. "But I don't hate it. They all look pretty fine."
The other tennis players concur.
Suddenly, a tennis ball zooms right by Gocha's face and clocks Hokudo on the cheekbone. He falls to the ground, a bruise already swelling.
"Oh, man," laments his lackey. "That looks bad."
"Told you," says Gocha.
She is suddenly taken by the hand, and finds herself staring into the face of Kamiyama.
His smooth hair brushes his brow, dark eyes shimmering with compassion and concern. His lips seem soft and enticing, as do his cheeks and warm hand.
"Are you alright?" he asks. "Did that ball hit you?"
Gocha could only gape. He looks like a model, or a movie star.
"I'm sorry," Kamiyama put his other hand on her head, checking for bumps. "Does this hurt?"
"Huhhh…" Gocha moans, her voice and throat not linking with her brain.
A sharp, shrill voice cut Gocha out of her reverie: "Takeshi!"
Gocha starts babbling, "Hi yes I'm fine the ball hit me no wait I mean it didn't nothing hurts except my pride hahahaha my name's Gocha and holy crap is that a gorilla?" She starts coughing.
"Gocha," Kamiyama hands her a bottle of water.
"Since when do you just carry water?" comments Maeda.
Gorilla shrugs.
"I'm Kamiyama," he continues over them. "It's nice to meet you."
Everything turns into pink fog and rainbow bubbles for Gocha. Kamiyama's hair blows seductively as his face glows. Gocha forgets to breathe.
Until her boss, Asami Tendo, shoves her to the ground by her face, spilling water all over her.
Striding straight to Hokudo, Asami's long red hair flows behind her in its high ponytail. Her make-up proves to be sweat-proof and her bra built for maximum support; they maintain their perkiness despite their size. Her long legs almost make her as tall as her fiance.
Seiki steps in behind her. Taller than everyone else by at least six inches, and that does not include the height of her blonde mohawk. Kanji for "Trigger" is shaved on the side of her head, and her ears are loaded with piercings. She has two lip rings, a nose ring, eyebrow, and tongue piercing.
"Hey, Hot Legs!" calls down Hayashida to Tendo. "Great game out there!"
"I know!" Asami shouts up at him, then grabs Hokudo by the collar. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you," Hokudo responds ardulently, taking her wrist and loosening her hold on him, his other hand cradling his injured cheek. "You didn't tell me you went to school here."
"I'm not obligated to tell you anything," argues Asami. "I can have you escorted off here, by force."
Seiki smirks and cracks her knuckles.
"If my fiance is going to a delinquent school one block from mine," shouts Hokudo. "I have the right to know!"
"Whoa, what?" cries Maeda, his shock matching Kamiyama and Hayashida's. "Fiance?"
"We've been engaged since we were children," Hokudo explains. "I am the heir of the Hokudo Group, she of the Tendo Association. It's only natural."
"It's sexist and dehumanizing and I will have no part of it," quips Asami.
"Think of our family's fortunes, what it'll do for our publicity."
"My publicity's fine. My modelling career has everyone forgetting last year's...indescrepancies."
"You mean when you embezzled all that money?" asks Maeda coldly.
"Who asked you?" snaps Asami.
"It was a lot of money!" Maeda counters angrily. "One company had to lay off fifteen hundred people!"
"Was one of them your daddy?" mocks Seiki. "Aww. Sit down, son."
Maeda gulps as the giant girl looms over him.
"We all saw it on the news," says Kamiyama. "Your trial was televised and everything."
"So we don't need your commentary," retorts Tendo. "At any rate, leave this premises or I will be forced to resort to extreme measures. Don't make me exert my authority, Takeshi!"
A girl calls over from the tennis court, "Hey, Thigh Gap! Get back in the game!"
Asami shrieks, with the fires of rage present in her face, turning as red as her hair: "Stop calling me that DISGUSTING name! YOU WRETCHED SKANKS!"
A cacophony of laughter rings in response.
"Thigh Gap," says Hayashida contemplatively. "That's a much better nickname than Hot Legs."
Asami nails him in the throat with a tennis ball. Then she swings her racket right into Gocha's stomach.
"Hey!" scolds Kamiyama. "You need to stop being so violent!"
Ignoring him, Tendo barks, "Get your cellulite butt on that court! Now!"
"I don't have cellulite," whimpers Gocha, blushing and pulling her briefs down.
"GO!"
The bell rings. Groaning, all the girls head inside.
"Thank goodness," breathes Gocha. "I suck at tennis."
From inside the school, the kraken's tentacles once again emerge, roiling towards the sky.
Maeda and Hokuda scream. Kamiyama jumps and falls to the ground.
"Is…" he stutters. "Is that a, a-"
"Don't look at the octopus!" shouts Seiki.
The boys immediately comply.
Tendo pokes her fiance roughly on the chest. "I better not see you here again, Takeshi. You have no right to stalk me!"
Hokudo chuckles. "Well, I am on the board of directors here-"
"What?" cries Asami. Everyone except Hokudo's lackey looks just as shocked.
"-so I'll be coming by anytime I like." He kisses Asami's hand, as she recoils. "See you soon! Come on, you."
"Still not calling me by my name," his lackey grumbles. But he still goes to follow Hokudo to the front gate.
He turns and looks at Gocha. "Um, I'm sorry about all this."
"It's not your fault," Gocha assures him. "But, thanks. See you around."
They politely bow to each other, before he walks away.
"We should leave too," says Maeda. "Where are Bad and Mechazawa?"
"Who cares?" coughs Hayashida, rubbing his throat. "Let's just come back tomorrow."
"We are never coming back here," grunts Maeda.
Gorilla nods in agreement as they walk off into the sunset with Hokudo and his lackey, Mechazawa appearing to fall in line.
The bell rang, but Fujiwa made no moves to go to class. Nobody seemed to have computer science yet, either, as the lab remained empty and dark.
Bad sits on a desk, his knees spread, with Fujiwa leaning in between. Her hands roam his back and hair while his clutch her cheeks and neck. Their tongues explore each other's mouths in eager rapture, both moaning as they press closer and closer.
"Should we go?" Metal Bat asks between kisses.
Fujiwa chuckles. "Nobody comes in here, this is the repair lab."
"Oh," Metal Bat noticed, for the first time, that all the computers were broken. "Nice."
She lifts the bottom of his shirt. He throws the thing over his head, flexing a little. Fujiwa blushes, slowly licking her top lip, as she unlaces her corset.
Bad pushes it down impatiently and fondles her pretty, perky breasts.
"Oh my God," she sighs, as his thumbs flick her nipples back and forth.
He kisses one, and then the other, making a hungry sound in the back of his throat.
Fujiwa reaches for Bad's beltline greedily. He kisses her lips and pulls her closer by her nipples.
"Ooh," she bites his lip.
He grinds his groin against her and whispers, "I want you."
"Come and get me."
Suddenly, the door slams open. With a screech, Fujiwa pulls up her corset. Metal Bat puts his arms around her protectively.
Dirty and disheveled, with sticks and leaves poking from her hair and uniform, Aiko Kamikaze steps into the room.
"You." She points at Metal Bat with her sword, darkness framing her livid face. "You. Left me. In the bushes."
"You said you were fine," says Bad. "You were barely even conscious-"
"Aah!"
Aiko lunges, slashing her sword. Metal Bat dodges with Fujiwa, who bolts for the door and down the hall faster than a frightened cat.
Bad calls after her, "Call me! Or text me! Message me any-"
"Aah!"
Nuclear Samurai comes up behind him. He blocks the blow with his bat, steel meeting steel with a sharp ring.
"I'll kill you!"
"Just drink some fucking coffee, woman!"
"AAH!"
The clanging of their fight draws attention from surrounding classrooms. They gather at the door to watch, the bat and katana dancing off each other with flying sparks and dizzying speed.
It attracts another creature. At the sight of its massive tentacles, all the girls turn away and move.
One wraps around Metal Bat, the other around Aiko. They're lifted off the ground and suspended out the window.
"What the hell?" cries Nuclear Samurai. "Nobody was even paying attention to you! Quit being so insecure!"
The giant octopus roars in response, then throws them both into the sunset.
NEXT TIME
on King of Cromartie:
"Dearest Grandmother,
"There really are more gorillas wandering around! One was at my school today. It was very polite. I wonder if it lives around here?
"I don't know what else to say about today.
"Yours forevermore,
"Kikyo Gocha"