I decided to delve a little into the darker side of Nyo Russia with this chapter, mainly her childhood. Why she hates winter so much and how she may have trouble sleeping sometimes. But I thought maybe the blossoming crush between Anya and Amelia may take fruition, taking from my own awkwardness when perusing a crush or a date.
Hope you like the update and please leave a review or message me with any requests for chapters
The winter winds whipped around them like small knives, prickling their skin and turning their fingers pale from the cold. The sky was so grey and blurred, nothing could be seen from above or in front of them, blinding their vision, leaving them trapped like animals in a cage. The endless vastness of snow that formed a sense of emptiness within. The passage of time stood still, the world frozen over, no living thing surrounded them, gnarled trees, icicles and frightening shapes. The heat of summer had gone away, replaced by the merciless cold that winter brought. Anya sat curled up in a ball, hugging herself as her violet eyes scanned the horizon blankly, her scarf bound tightly around her neck, her silvery blonde hair dancing in the wind. She hated the cold, the screaming wind, how the cold consumed her and followed her. People hidden away in their homes, hiding from the weather, no smiling faces, no flowers, nothing but isolation. She hated the winter, she hated how it plagued her, she hated the sadness that winter brought. "Cестра, you need to sleep, I will take the next watch" Nikolai responded in concern, he knew the winter weakened her, he knew it made her sad, but it wouldn't last forever. The light ebbed from her eyes, leaving a blank hollow stare in its place, she hadn't moved all evening, remaining fixated in her place like a morbid statue. He tried his best to make her happy, to hunt, bring home good food, skin pelts to make her a fur blanket to shield her from the cold. But he knew that what she truly wanted was something she would have to wait for. Weather was not something he could control, it was in the hands of nature while they remained at its mercy until it came to an end.
Anya sighed, watching the cloud of condensation pass through her lips like smoke, the only warmth that remained was within her body. She grew so tired of watching the snow fall from the sky, unchanging and familiar. Her eyes diverted towards Nikolai, watching him closely "Big brother, what is the sunshine like?" she questioned. Would it perhaps burn or tingle their skin upon touch, she had felt it so rarely growing up she forgot what it felt like. How she longed to run through a field of flowers, picking so many she couldn't hold them all. To roll in the grass and watch fluffy white clouds pass through an endless blue sky.
Nikolai hummed, he too missed the summer when the harsh winter came, but they would survive, they always did. But reflecting on seasons passed did make the winter more tolerable. "It is warm, welcoming, makes your skin tingle" he reflected, the natural light of the sun filling you with vitamins, energy and warming your body. Watching the sunrise stretch out across the ground.
"Why does the sun hate us? Why always the snow?" Anya pushed, the snow was pretty to others, white, endless and cold, yet so pure, but to her it was empty, vast and miserable, nothing grew and it seemed dead. Why couldn't the sunshine last longer? Why couldn't summer be forever? Why was the memory of the world being dead so familiar? Gnarled branches, fruitless trees, all animals hidden in their burrow, all signs of life returned to hibernation.
Nikolai knelt beside his older sister, he knew she loved sunflowers, their bright golden petals brought her such joy. But she had to wait so long just to see them again "The sun will come, Anya, what is darkness without light?" he reminded her.
Anya's stared into the darkness of the room weakly, her eyes still heavy from sleep, her hand tightly gripping her sheets for comfort. Her long hair flowing down her back across the bed, she could still feel her exhaustion from being half asleep lingering at the back of her mind. Yet she knew if she closed her eyes she would return to that place, the cold emptiness that had plagued her childhood. She wondered at what point her soul would move on, that she would forget that time in her life. But then the psychological development of the human psyche didn't finish until you turned 25. She was merely 20, so her mind would still have five more years of cognitive development until she was able to stop becoming a human being. The ghosts of her past would never leave her, never stop haunting her, lingering at the back of her mind. Imprinting a hatred of snow and cold weather, a desire to escape it come what may. Sighing bitterly as another unpleasant memory from the past returned, her home in which she her family had started out as poor, poverty and often dealing with war or other problems. Becoming familiar with the cruelty and harshness of humanity that forced her to mature at a young age. She had always hated winter, hated the cold, hated the snow. Growing up, the winters had been bitter and endless, unable to see in front of her for the blizzards that blinded her vision and caused her to become lost. The gnarled trees that bore no leaves, no fruit, like frightening claws of beasts threatening to consume her, the cold that nipped her skin and burned her fingers with frostbite. Envisioning beings in the darkness that may crawl out and chase her, kidnap her, drag her away into the darkness. How nothing grew, nothing changed, remaining the same, like an endless nightmare. How much she missed the sun, how much she missed the summer, where the snow melted and the earth came to life. How happy she became once she managed to attend college where she could finally enjoy summer, sunshine and no snow. Where she could grow plants on the balcony to her hearts content, wake to the sunrise and go to bed with the sunset. But the memories of her childhood would always remain. She sat up slowly, cupping her face as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she would never be able to return to sleep after this, she would never know peace again. She dragged herself from the warmth of her bed, seeking something to aid her insomnia, she needed something to soothe her mind and reassure her that she was safe. Ignoring the chill that came from departing the warm sanctuary of her bed. Creaking open the bedroom door as she stared into the darkened hallway of their shared flat, she envied how Amelia could sleep so soundly at times, unfazed by frightening dreams. She padded through the darkened hallway like a ghost, slipping through walls, unseen, unheard and free. She flicked on a low-light in the kitchen, pottering around, grabbing a saucepan, some milk and honey, she would sleep better with this, soothing her mind into restfulness.
Anya peered at the mug in front of her, the soothing scent of honey milk wafting up to her nose, having added some cinnamon for a little flavour. Usually, this was to help with cold symptoms, yet it made her feel so happy, her body instantly entering a state of calm. Her mind content with this treat, feeling sleep nag at the back of her mind, the sweetness of the honey dancing on her tongue. Something so simple, so easy to make, and yet it did such wonders for the mind and body. She clasped the mug protectively with her hands as if it was a magic spell keeping the nightmares away, her lucky charm that deflected negative energies and memories. After all these years, the bad dreams from her past still woke her at night, wondering if she would ever know a good nights sleep. Suddenly, she heard a bedroom door open with a creak, snapping her out of her spaced imagination. Her gaze averting towards the sound of the noise, watching the darkness for the figure of her roommate who was soon to appear. She heard a yawn before Amelia appeared in the doorway sporting a tousled bedhead, her blue eyes filled with sleep, her body on autopilot as it sought what it craved. Her golden blonde waves messily formed around her face, making her look painfully adorable in Anya's eyes. Wearing her favourite superwoman shirt and shorts, she stared sleepily at Anya, blinking at her half-asleep before she snapped back into reality "A… Anya? What… why the hell are you awake so early?" she scoffed.
Anya smiled back sweetly "Is early da? I couldn't sleep, why are you awake Amelia? Perhaps you consumed too much caffeine before bed again?" she teased. She knew Amelia had a coffee addiction which she took no efforts to negate or even consider an alternative, which only added to her hyperactive state. But it caused her to have strange sleep patterns, but also caused her to become grouchy when she crashed. Meaning she could never function without it in her life. More times than she could count, she had been forced to hide the coffee before bedtime and make Amelia something else to drink unless she was studying for a test. Meaning Amelia could return to a normal sleep schedule.
Amelia blushed and pouted sulkily, she knew Anya didn't approve of how much coffee she consumed and she was used to being berated by Maddie and Alice about it on more than one occasion. But this time she was awake not due to caffeine, but dehydration "I got thirsty, what's your excuse?" she snapped in retaliation. She was too tired to cope with any of Anya's shit so early in the morning, she should be asleep and cozy in a blanket burrito yet she was being woken to the vision of her vampire roommate. How someone could be so painfully perfect wasn't normal.
Anya shifted, sensing Amelia was not in the mood to be teased, Amelia was never a morning person but then her sleep schedule was all over the place being a student. Now wasn't the time to start a fight and she knew it, somehow it was just her default. She gripped her cup tighter "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to make a remedy to alleviate it" she explained. Maybe her bitterness at how Amelia could sleep so soundly despite her previous addiction to coffee annoyed her, knowing nothing could ever ruin Amelia's bright smile. While she forced herself to often appear happy and sociable, inside she was a broken mess of conflicted emotions and sadness that could never be healed.
Amelia softened, sensing Anya's reservation, something was bothering her and she had disturbed her during a time of reflection. Anya often found it hard to convey her emotions without teasing or using humour of some form. Sometimes she didn't even realise she was being bitchy, it was just how she communicated. She knew how hard it was to balance a normal sleep schedule as a student, feeling like an ass for snapping at her "Bad dreams or something?" she muttered. She remembered when she was little and couldn't sleep, Alice would read to her or sing her a lullaby until she calmed. Marie would sing to her in French or cuddle with her until she felt safe again. Maybe she could convey her own therapy to Anya in order to make her feel better.
Anya stiffened, annoyed at how perceptive Amelia was for someone half alseep "Da" she admitted.
Amelia shifted, suddenly getting a drink of water didn't seem so important anymore, she could always chug some later. Now finding herself in an awakened state due to the newfound adrenaline coursing through her body "You wanna talk about it?" she asked.
"I had a dream of my past, when I was little our winters were fierce, unforgiving, a frightening place" Anya explained, like something from a frightening story. The heavy snow that fell from the sky, blinding the light, freezing the world over. Shoveling it away and piling it up over and over, waiting for it to melt as the temperature began to rise. Chilling her to her bones, her fingers so frozen she couldn't feel them or move, burying herself in the warmth of her scarf and thick coat. Hoping one day she would be able to gaze from her window and see something other than the endless snowfall, something like sunshine and bright flowers. Growing a hatred for the winter, and a love for spring when the winter ended.
Amelia nodded, she herself loved the summer and the memories that came with it. But growing up she knew of bitter winters, she knew of the cold that came when summer ended. "I remember when Alice raised me, sometimes the snow was so heavy I would get scared we would get snowed in" she joked. How she would be amazed at the frozen water falling from the sky in small flakes, how delicate and pretty it was. How she would love to ice skate with Maddie, making snow angels and the snowball fights. Her cheeks pink from the cold and yet she had not a care in the world. Only when she got older did she realise the dangers and harshness that snow could bring, gaining a respect for winter and yet still retaining her childlike fondness for it. But for someone like Anya, perhaps winter was something to be hated instead of loved.
"The endless bitter cold, the screaming of the winds, how dark it would be despite being daytime" Anya continued, being wrapped in extra blankets to shield herself from the cold. Sitting by a log fire to warm her body, waiting for her brothers to come home from the hunt so they could eat. Wondering what it would be like to live in a warmer nation, the wind sounding like lost souls trapped in the winter. Cupping her hands over her ears in hopes of deflecting the sound, biting back the tears that threatened to fall. A time in which she didn't reflect upon fondly, glad to be away.
"Remind me to never visit your home" Amelia shivered, she knew Anya was of Russian descent, though the winters could be formidable the summers could be beautiful. As curious as she was she would prefer to visit any other nation with better weather. She didn't think Anya would take it personally however, she wasn't as keen on her homeland herself. But she could always make humour to deflect the negativity in hopes of making Anya smile instead. "So is that why you moved here for college, sunshine?" she questioned. If Anya hated the cold, it would make sense as to move somewhere that was infamous for having a little as humanely possible. Moving away from her past to find something new.
"It is warm here, you have sunshine, you have rain, it is loud but it is nice" Anya admitted, she could feel the sunshine on her skin, she could admire the blue of the sky. She never had to worry of being too cold in the night or needing extra blankets. She could watch white clouds roll through an endless sky, making shapes with her mind. She could watch the sunrise while the world still slept and feel a sense of magic within herself. Even watching the rain fall compared to the snow felt magical, anything but the cold she was familiar with. It was amazing to have varied weather systems that so many took for granted due to being so adapted to it, while to someone like her it was a strange subject.
Amelia hummed, she was glad her roommate was opening up a little even if it was just talking about something as mundane as the weather. She was a private person who kept people at a distance and didn't like opening up to strangers. If she didn't want you to know something, she kept it under lock and key. Anya rarely spoke of her childhood or her home, maybe this was why. Negative experiences were something people tended to repress as a coping mechanism, though she had considered Anya may have some trauma in her life. She never considered how severe it may have been for her. Making her feel like an ass for ever hurting her feelings in the past "You never made snowmen?" she asked. Snowmen was an adored past time of every child, rolling large amounts of snow into shapes and having fun. Being able to enjoy the innocence of childhood by forming a figure out of snow.
Anya tilted her head in confusion, wondering if Amelia was teasing her or truly being so naive. She recalled when the blizzards would end, indeed she would have fun with her brothers "Da, we would make snowmen, snow angels and ice skate, but my brothers would always make sure I never fell" she explained. They would take old clothes and place them over the snowmen, taking a pipe to place in his mouth. Leaving him outside as a frozen companion to watch over their home. Laying in the snow and staring at the sky while she made the shape of an angel, brushing it from her hair afterwards. Dancing on ice and feeling like a fairy, aware she could fall at any time. Yet when it grew dark or the snow became too heavy, she would be forced to return home again.
"First you say how awful winter was, then you tell me how fun it was, make up your mind" Amelia joked, she didn't know if Anya hated it or loved it, unable to make up her mind. Perhaps she merely enjoyed complaining about it, it was hard to tell sometimes. She was a constant dichotomy, confusing the hell out of everyone she met and never knowing if she was showing a mask or her true self at any time. She kept everyone on their toes at any given time and she never let anyone see her secrets unless she wanted to. The person she was closest to aside from her brothers was Yue Wang, a Chinese student whom had been a past lover to Anya during high school.
Anya shifted, her gaze pained "We didn't grow up in a wealthy house as you did, Amelia. My family and I were poor due to war and famine. It wasn't till my late mid-teens did I know of the wealth I managed to earn. My eldest brother is a farmer and still suffers financially at times. My younger brother and I worked hard to earn what we have now" she explained coldly. She had always known suffering a great deal, she had a great mind and was intelligent from a young age due to growing up fast. She used that gift in order to better her family and make sure they were cared for. She was forever grateful for the things she had in her life, knowing their true value. Someone like Amelia who was spoiled into privileged life from a young age would never understand the hardships she endured growing up, having nothing.
Amelia's expression became guilty, she was all too aware that she was blessed with a family who loved her, never aware of how cruel life could be. The veil of childhood naivety keeping her blind to the suffering of others. Now that she was older she was able to appreciate the life she was born into and how she was better off than others "Sorry I had no idea" she apologized. Anya had hardened her heart from a young age to cope with the world around her, maturing fast to survive. She was the polar opposite of Amelia and perhaps that was why she was drawn to her. She was the sunshine to Anya's winter, freezing the snow to warm her frozen heart. She then peered at the cup of honey milk in Anya's grasp "Does that help?" she questioned
"It helps me sleep" Anya confessed, it warmed her body and soul, made her feel safe and reminded her of her childhood. Her brother would make some for her, sitting around the fire until she fell asleep, the sweet linger still on her tongue. Bringing her so much joy, a childhood treasure that she still enjoyed after all these years. It was no different than making hot chocolate, the recipe was somehow simpler.
"You know they have pills for that sort of thing now" Amelia reminded her, she recalled how Anya reminded her she could take medicine for her anxiety. The same could be used for Anya and her insomnia if she so wished. She didn't have to take care of Amelia only to neglect her own wellbeing out of stubbornness.
"Da" Anya replied, she knew Amelia meant well and she was just trying to help, but this was something she was familiar with. This was a problem she had endured for years on her own and coped on her own terms. The nightmares were irregular and unpredictable, she never knew when they would hit and how hard, whether she would simply be restless at night, ripped from sleep or laid awake unable to close her eyes. The nights were hard, bringing the question if nightmares or sweet dreams would join her that night. Pushing them to the back of her mind where they couldn't hurt her. Hiding her tears, hiding her pain and trauma's had become an innate talent. Never letting anyone see how much she was hurting.
Amelia blushed, this was going to be awkward as hell, but she could always make the offer, easing her conscience that she couldn't say she didn't try. She couldn't leave Anya here alone in the dark after being hit with such a bombshell. "Listen, it'll be a bit of a squeeze but, when I had bad dreams growing up. Alice would always let me cuddle with her until I felt better. So… if you want… you can….share with me?" she suggested. She had no impure motives here, it was just an act of random kindness, though she could understand why it may come across as something perverted. She felt her cheeks burning at the suggestion, realising how embarrassing this sounded out loud. The thought of her body being so close to Anya's, her pale soft skin brushing against her own, her long silky hair tickling her skin like feathers, those gorgeous violet eyes like a doll. She could feel her face growing darker, but she tried to keep a level head and not make herself look like a moron.
Anya stared back at Amelia with an expression of surprise, having not expected such an abrupt offer from Amelia of all people. The two had always respected the others personal space as roommates, her violet eyes filled with confusion and yet tenderness. She remembered when she was young, her eldest brother Dmitri would hold her close and stroke her hair until she fell asleep, sometimes she would fall asleep on his back as he would carry her home, singing to her songs from their home until she fell asleep. Amelia had no reason to make such an offer, to share her bed in good faith so she would have a good nights sleep "You… you would do that for me?" she asked.
Amelia averted her gaze "Just don't make a habit out of it ok, if it gets too bad get some medicine for it" she muttered, there were pharmacies that sold medicine to help with sleeping. She could happily pick some up after class or on her day off to help with her bad dreams. It wasn't something taboo, everyone had problems, this was just a one off.
Amelia gripped her teddy tightly, staring at the wall as her heart hammered, hiding her face in sheets, she felt like a coward given she was the one that suggested this. But she hadn't been thinking clearly, half asleep and hyped up on adrenaline, making a spontaneous decision out of pity. What had she been thinking? Why was this a good idea? She'd dug herself into this mess and she couldn't say it was a bad joke either, she would look like such a bitch. Anya laid beside her, curled up in a ball staring at her back in silence, fading into a peaceful sleep away from nightmares. She could smell her shampoo, feel her warmth, her whole body felt like she was full of butterflies. The girl she was crushing on was sharing her bed, close enough to reach out and touch, this was both a nightmare and a dream come true. "Oh my god, Oh my god, OHMIGODOHMYGOD" she screamed internally. Anya's gaze roamed around the darkness of Amelia's room in curiosity, ignoring the silence of Amelia and her clear fidgeting, she was used to her abnormal habits by now. The decorations of her room so personalized, the nest of Amelia, in which she had formed a life for herself in such a short period of time. The posters of heroines such as Wonderwoman, Captain Marvel, and other fictional heroes spread around her room, strong female characters in which she idolised so dearly. A bisexual flag, icons and more plastered everywhere, a messy wardrobe, nerdy objects were thrown astray, the scent of the sweet candles that Amelia loved to burn. Amelia never had any shame in parading her hobbies all over her room, sharing them for the world to see and appreciate. Yet it felt so homely, so casual, her bedroom smelled like her, everything screamed Amelia, so happy, so vibrant, so safe, somehow, her nightmares felt like they couldn't reach her here. "Y… Y'know, I can… maybe make you a dream catcher if you want. My… my sister is good at them, I can put in a good word, supposedly they work" Amelia blurted, breaking the silence. She needed to think of something to say and this was the first thing that came to mind. She felt like an idiot but she just hoped that Anya would understand what she was trying to say. She just wished she could be smoother, why was it of all people she could never be confidant and casual around Anya? Somehow she turned to melted butter and speaking clearly went out of the window.
Anya hummed, first she had suggested sleeping pills, then she had offered her to share her bed for the night, now this. She was full of strange ideas yet she somehow went along with them without hesitation. What kind of influence did Amelia have on her and why did she never resist? She had heard dream catchers were good for keeping bad dreams at bay, trapping the wicked dreams in their tangles. She had never been one for superstition despite the tales from her country, maybe they would work their magic on her "Da, I would like that very much" she smiled.
Amelia peered around the room sleepily, light beaming in through the curtains, piercing the shadows of her room, dragged from the comfort of sleep by her own body reminding her of the start of a new day. Her bear having been discarded from the bed in her sleep, remaining abandoned on the floor, arms outstretched in a silent plea to be rescued. Her arm hanging off the bed as she stretched into the distance as if reaching for an invisible force, something felt tight around her chest as if she was wrapped in something. Had her bed sheets become tangled in the night perhaps? She was known for moving around in her sleep, Maddie used to complain about her being a blanket snatcher or hitting her in the face while sleeping as children. She did tend to move in her sleep, she tried to move but she couldn't, trapped by whatever was keeping her still. She then realised the pair of arms that remained wrapped around her waist, the arms of another person who was sharing her bed. Her eyes snapping open as memories flashed through her mind, remembering what had occurred last night, waking up in the night to find Anya torn from sleep due to her nightmares. Her empathy going into override as she heard Anya's hurt tone of what she endured as a child, reflecting on her past and dislike of winter, soothing herself with milk and honey to keep her nightmares at bay. Silently pleading for help with puppy dog eyes that Amelia couldn't bring herself to be immune to.
So helpless
So conflicted
So sad
So she welcomed Anya into her bed without thinking just to comfort her, hoping that it would keep Anya's fears at bay and for once make her feel safe. Never considering the shock she would wake up to the morning after. Now she had a girl in her bed, she'd often considered what it would be like to sleep with Anya, though the matters of in what term were vastly different from this situation. Cursing her conflicted mind for turning to dirty thoughts at a time like this, but she didn't regret her decision in the slightest, knowing she had done a good thing. But she would have to move eventually, she would need to use the toilet, take a shower and eat, she couldn't last without food and she prided herself on looking her best. She shifted, slowly lowering her hands to gently loosen Anya's grip on her body, allowing her to turn her body and place the arms across her mattress and pillow. Hoping to god she wouldn't wake up and cause her embarrassment. Watching Anya peacefully asleep beside her, realising this was the closest she had ever been towards her. The personal space and boundaries had been thrown out of the window entirely. Her dark lashes tickling her pale cheeks, her soft pink kissable lips, she looked like a fairy, some ethereal being. Amelia blushed, allowing her mind to wonder as she reflected on her own thoughts. She'd often considered kissing Anya millions of times before, previously hating herself for it but then admitting that Anya was the one that got away, their connection and tension was unavoidable. But if she couldn't tell her how she felt, she could try to get along with her. But the feelings never dimmed, never faltered, always lingering, wanting to touch her, hold her, be near her, yet never making a move out of anxiety. She wasn't doing anything wrong here, it was just a kiss. People had embarrassing kisses, worst kisses, best kisses, funniest kisses, all sorts.
She slowly edged towards Anya, watching her like a hawk, waiting for the slightest movement from her that may lead to her having to explain herself. Her heart hammering in her chest, her hands trembling, licking her lips nervously as she edged closer. Leaning towards Anya's sleeping form, she hesitated, wondering if this was a good idea, but it felt so right. She took a deep breath, placing a chaste and gentle kiss upon the lips of the Russian girl, her lips still lingering with the taste of honey from last night. So sweet, like the most wonderful feeling in the entire world worth waiting for. She hesitantly opened her eyes to find Anya still fast asleep, unmoved and undisturbed by her gesture, no explanation necessary for what had occurred. This precious secret she could keep to herself that only she would know of, instead of being humiliated to find Anya had instead awoken to her kiss. Yet she couldn't help but feel a little sad at the same time "I knew fairy-tales were bullshit" she muttered. But she knew Anya had a habit of watching people, her gaze always wandered into the crowd to watch passersby with a sense of curiosity. She liked to observe, perceive, like she was narrating someone else's life, as if she was telling her own story. Be it out of amusement or to find out people's secrets, it would be nice for the tables to be flipped for once. Knowing she had a secret that Anya would never know, she felt herself smiling like an idiot.
Anya shifted in the bed, brushing her silvery hair from her face as she adjusted on an unfamiliar pillow, her body still heavy from sleep, limbs stiff and unused, staring at the wall and the many posters from the night before that she recalled. Piecing together the events of the previous night in her mind, that's right, she had shared a bed with Amelia, she had been troubled by nightmares and to comfort her Amelia had offered to let her stay the night. Refusing to ignore her roommate in her time of need and making a bold gesture of kindness. Even when she was a young girl, she had never shared a bed with her brothers upon her nightmares, she had simply curled up beneath her sheets and cried, her tears exhausting her until she succumbs to a deep sleep. Forcing herself to be brave and face her monsters alone, hoping they would no longer bother her, how wrong she was. The emotional intimacy of knowing Amelia was nearby, that she need merely reach out and touch her if she felt afraid, it was strange yet comforting, to know she could trust Amelia. It was a rare moment when she was truly able to trust someone in such a personal way, allowing herself to feel secure in the fact this person wouldn't betray her. She sat up, taking in the room, how different it appeared in daylight, the previous warped shapes and decor appeared to have taken on new form. Amelia was gone, the bed was empty and yet still warm, the lingering feeling of her body heat still remained on the mattress. Amelia was not much of an early riser, but perhaps she had slept in longer than she believed. Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Amelia stood in the doorway holding two mugs, surprised to see her roommate awake. "Morning I uh… brought you some coffee…" Amelia babbled nervously, she had left Anya to sleep a little longer given how troubled she was last night. Thinking it rude to disturb her so it felt only right she be left to her own vices. But she was relieved to see her awake and well rested.
Anya sat re-positioned herself in Amelia's bed, her face still a picture of half-asleep, clearly adjusting to being in an unfamiliar environment so early in the morning. Wearing a black silk Pajama top that had slipped during the night, her collarbone flashed before Amelia's gaze. A small hint of her cleavage on show through popped buttons, giving Amelia a small surprise. Though Anya was known for her larger cleavage, she tried not to stare despite the butterflies in her stomach. Anya blinked, she was not used to someone else making her breakfast, she was a fiercely independent person. She hated to owe people's debts or leech off of other people's kindness without giving something back. "Spasibo, though I feel I owe you for such an offer" Anya responded, she would need to think of something Amelia may enjoy in return.
Amelia smirked, stifling a laugh, did Anya believe she was doing this for some self serving reason so that Anya would feel forced to repay a debt? She wasn't doing this to force Anya to like her, she was doing this to cheer her up. "Anya, it's coffee, people do nice things like this for their roommates all the time. Don't sweat it" she teased, approaching the bed to hand her a cup of coffee. Kind gestures were something that people did all the time, making someone else's day by being selfless and making them smile. Anya took the mug gratefully, the scent of coffee filling her senses, gazing into the swirling caramel coloured liquid, sipping the drink in content, caffeine filling her senses. Sleep easing from her body as she felt her brain awakening to a normal state. Amelia perched on the side of her bed, watching Anya politely sip her drink, spilling not a single drop as she enjoyed her beverage. Her hands clasping the cup to assure it wouldn't fall or break, even when she was drinking, Anya was nothing but ladylike. "Do you have plans today? We can get lunch or something?" she suggested, they had nothing but time to kill and she was enjoying this awkward bonding.
Anya peered at Amelia over her cup, finishing her sip before smiling at her "Da, I would like that, however, I must call my brother Dmitri, I know he plans to visit soon" she explained. She tended to live her life through schedules and planning, rarely doing anything spontaneous due to how inappropriate and problematic it could be. Her brother lived so far away, caring for the family farm that he rarely left the country, living in peace away from the hustle and bustle of large crowds. He was a humble and gentle man, but she loved him immensely, acting as a father figure to herself and Nikolai as they grew up. The separation they endured as they grew older was something that deeply hurt her, to be so far away from someone she loved.
Amelia shifted, she was due to meet Alice or Maddie again soon, they always scheduled a catch up when they weren't overworked, studying or their mental health was taking a toll. They respected personal space and tried to balance around each others lives, they knew all too well of her crush on Anya. She could at least tell them of the progress she had made, though she doubted they would believe it "Sure" she muttered.
"YOU SHARED A BED?!" Maddie yelled down the phone. She thought that Amelia had been quiet for a while and wondered just what she had become involved in to remain quiet for so long. She never thought she had been taking such drastic measures to finally make progress with her crush. She was impressed, wondering just what had come over her sister to inspire such courage.
Amelia kept the phone at a distance, wincing at the volume of her sister's tone, she knew she was overreacting, there was no need to behave the way she was. Yes, Amelia was hopeless in her en-devours of her crush, but she was trying damn it. This wasn't a big deal, it happened naturally and she felt no shame in what she had done. "It wasn't like that Maddie, she was having nightmares and I felt bad. Just like when we were kids" she sighed. She didn't want to leave Anya alone, in case her nightmares got worse or she sat up all night. She wanted to keep an eye on her roommate and reassure herself she was ok. It was no different to Alice sitting up with her when she was little, or Maddie crying when she stole the bed-sheets. She had done the right thing and she didn't feel bad for that.
"Amelia! Sharing a bed with your crush is how every love story starts!" Maddie huffed
Amelia blushed, she was aware of all the gay cliche's that all queer women had experienced before they came out. All the amusing, awkward or embarrassing horror stories that came from being closeted or experienced while having a crush on someone. She knew things could have gone completely different but they didn't. But she understood Maddie's concern and excitement "Ok yes, it was a risk and I took it, but she needed comfort and I felt bad". Anya opened up to her, reached out and was vulnerable, to take advantage of her would have been wrong.
She could hear Maddie smirking down the phone "I'm so proud of you, taking big steps. So what's next kissing?" she teased. Amelia blushed, it was as if her sister could read her damn mind and it frustrated the hell out of her. Like all of her secrets were in the open and she couldn't hide a damn thing. She didn't need to answer that, she had already kissed Anya and it had been amazing, like everything she had ever dreamed of and more. "Amelia F Jones! You've kissed her haven't you?!" Maddie confronted.
"I… she was sleeping and she looked so cute…. I didn't do anything wrong!" Amelia protested, mothers kissed their children goodnight all the time, lovers kissed their partners every morning, why was what she did any worse? They were roommates, she had feelings for Anya and she had finally taken the dive. God knows everyone had been bugging her to do so, now she finally did. All of her accumulated feelings built up and she decided she needed to taste Anya's lips once and for all.
"Sleeping beauty style? You sneaky thing" Maddie chuckled
Amelia rolled her eyes, she wasn't enjoying being belittled like this as the older sister, just because Maddie had a girlfriend didn't mean she could treat her like a child. She was sharing important information with her and she was responding as though she was talking to a child. "Are you teasing me or praising me sis? I'm unsure" she scoffed. Was she happy for her? Amused, thinking she was lying? She couldn't tell what Maddie was thinking which made her feel even worse.
"A little bit of both" Maddie admitted
Amelia shifted, taking things slow was where she began and it was always a good mantra to follow, but yet she craved more but found herself afraid of messing up. She didn't want to lose a good thing, not when she had worked so hard to finally earn Anya's attention and love. Living with her if things went wrong would be too awkward to cope with, things would never be the same again. "I… I asked her to lunch and she agreed but… I don't know if I should say I like her" she muttered, she could sense the tension and the growth between them, that Anya trusted her, but she didn't want to imply she liked her only to get shot down, this twisted sense of hope and anxiety was suffocating. She wanted to keep making excuses and ideas to spend time with her, just to be around her, because it was easier than doing something stupid and never being able to take it back. You couldn't reverse time, you couldn't undo a mistake.
"Aw sis, you're doing so great. You don't have to outright say it, just imply something, ask if she has someone she likes, the safe ground" Maddie soothed. She was being brave, she was being bold and it was working in her favour, she had nothing to worry about. Pushing out of her comfort zone and chasing after the girl of her dreams. She couldn't say the words yet, but she would find them within herself someday. She just had to keep doing her best and hope things worked out in the end. Amelia nodded, as always Maddie was right, speaking words of wisdom that helped ease her panic. Despite her teasing she was supporting her and wishing her luck in the endeavors of love. She knew what to say and how to go about things, how to avoid messing up and assure they would become a couple. Edging towards making her feelings clear while moving at her own pace.
Amelia stood under the spray of the shower, the water cascading down her skin like a soothing cuddle, rivulets of water dancing down her skin making small tracks. This was her safe place, where she could hide and think for a couple of hours in the day without disturbance. Her head felt clear and yet she was warm from more than just the shower, her body burning from the inside out. Why was telling her crush her feelings so damn hard? She felt her heart race whenever she was around her, that stupid feline smile that made her stomach tingle, those violet eyes that lured her in and yet made her skin crawl, how much she wanted to kiss her "Why am I such a coward? Damn it, Amelia, be a feminist, you can ask out a girl!" she growled. She'd dated enough guys in high school, before her crush on Anya she'd had hookups and crushes on girls before, she wasn't a virgin and she wasn't closeted either. So why was she freaking out now? Why was this suddenly such a difficult concept? But then Anya was a complicated girl, never showing her true feelings and always teasing her with her behaviour and tone, like she was playing a game. Knowing she was in control of the situation and Amelia was at her mercy no matter the situation. Knowing just how to tease and taunt Amelia, yet never truly giving away her intentions, all to see that predictable expression on her face. What if she didn't like Amelia at all and she was just wasting her time? That this whole time she'd had a one-sided crush on her roommate?
Anya sat on her bedside staring at her feet, the pattern of the carpet was suddenly so fascinating she couldn't look away. Reflecting on how she had shared a bed with Amelia the previous night, waking up in the bed of another person, how she had slept soundly for the first time in a long time. Her head was clear and she felt balanced, no fatigue or headache from a lack of restful sleep. How warm Amelia's body had been, the scent of her snacks and body wash radiating from her, somehow comforting rather than an unpleasant feeling. The messy soft blonde waves that fell in front of her face during sleep, resembling an angel or cherub. How her shirt rode up in the night to reveal her stomach and hips, her figure laid before her for Anya to appreciate in all it's glory. The slight drool that fell from her lips as she snored lightly, the simplest of things that had made her heart flutter. She had fallen for a childish idiot and there was no turning back. Now Amelia had asked her out on a date, again, spontaneously making an offer to spend time with her without warning. Could this mean she was closer to being Amelia's lover? That she was someone special in Amelia's eyes? But then Amelia was friendly with everyone? She was known for her attempts to make people smile, what if this was a kind gesture and nothing more? She sighed, reaching out for her phone to find her brothers number, she could rely on him to lead her in the right direction. Calling Dmitri for his advice
"Anya, Доброе утро, it's nice to hear from you"
Anya gripped the phone tightly, just hearing his words filled her with a sense of security, knowing she could pour her heart to him. Dmitri had always been her rock, her father figure and mentor, as the eldest he was provider, he was the matriarch and he cared for their family home. He loved his siblings immensely and had a kind heart, even Nikolai admired him though he was quiet about it, worrying for his brother's health and wellbeing. Being so far away from him without his kind words or protection felt strange, wishing to be at the farm with him and know peace "Big brother, the nightmares came again last night" she reflected.
"The winter dreams" Dmitri responded solemnly, understanding now why she had called him out of the blue like this. He knew Anya still suffered trauma from their childhood, being the middle child she couldn't look out for her other siblings, nor was she a role model to anyone, she was merely in the middle. But she was her own person, yet she was conflicted of her identity, she would always be broken in some ways, as would they all. They all coped as best they could, he wished he could have been there for her more, but being separated growing up had been hard on them all. But they had made it work and improved in later years, coming to terms with their demons and becoming stronger for them.
"Da, the dreams of snow, the cold and the loneliness" she admitted
"Honey milk?" he questioned, he remembered after he would be finished milking the cows he would bring the fresh milk to the kitchen to be warmed and make them some honey milk to warm their bones and help them sleep. The look of delight in Anya's eyes every time they were handed a cup was a memory he would never wish to forget.
Anya smiled, he knew her too well, he had become acutely aware of her habits and behaviours over the years, the only person who knew her better than herself "Just like how you used to make" she chuckled.
"Does Amelia know?"
Anya sighed heavily, cupping her face to brush the sleep from her eyes and push these thoughts from her mind. Of course, Amelia knew of it, she had lived with her long enough to notice. But she didn't know how deep the scars ran, how ingrained they were into her psyche, how terrible much of her childhood was, how jealous she was of the privileged childhood she was blessed with in comparison. She only knew she suffered bad winters growing up and suffered bad dreams as a consequence "Da" she muttered. The fear that would always linger at the back of her mind, her body on autopilot, constantly prepared for a danger that may occur at any time.
"Something happened didn't it? I can tell when you are lying Anya" Dmitri responded, she was hiding something. Be it self defence or protection, Anya had a habit of deflection attention or the truth away from herself, blocking it from ever approaching. Hiding within a bubble of safety that prevented her from ever being hurt by someone else. He hated that Anya had the habit of handling problems on her own instead of reaching out, it wasn't selfish to ask for help sometimes. She was human, even she was capable of weakness sometimes.
"She is a meddlesome person, but she is kind, she offered me a trinket and a warm bed" Anya confessed, she never knew when to leave well enough alone, she always had to involve herself in someone else's business. She could have ignored her and left her alone in the kitchen with her thoughts that night, shrugging it off and respecting her privacy. But instead she meddled, she chose to reach out to her, chose to care, that was what meant the most. What she did meant so much to Anya.
"She is a kind girl" Dmitri hummed, though clumsy, childish and often oblivious, Amelia always had the best intentions behind every action. Incapable of being a bad person, she was just a bit simple. Someone who would be the best for Anya, always willing to go beyond to make her happy. "I do believe you are falling for her сесtра". Of all the people that Anya could have fallen for, she had chosen the best person. Anya stiffened, she could deny it all she wanted, that she was mistaken and she hadn't fallen for the likes of Amelia. She could try and run away or pretend she wasn't developing feelings for Amelia. He was indeed correct, her brother was always the wisest person she knew, Amelia had crawled inside her brain and polluted everything, swaying her mind and heart under her spell without consent. Causing her to lower her guard and become happy, to know this person would never hurt her, that she may have been an idiot but she cared. She was growing possessive and jealous of Amelia, how much she wanted to claim her, but how she wanted to be loved in return. How she wanted to belong to someone and that person was Amelia. She loved and craved Amelia's warmth more than anything. "You aren't wrong to crave love, if she means this much to you she is special. You have to explain that to her, she is the oblivious kind isn't she?" Dmitri teased
Amelia ruffled her hair with a towel, her head now refreshed and feeling lighter, a hot shower made most matters better, the same as a hot bath made someone feel refreshed. Feeling as though all of her worries had seeped from her skin down the drain, departed from her being. She felt a bit braver about edging around her feelings, she needed to make a new step and take the leap. Nothing would occur if she remained a coward, she would remain trapped at the crossroads unable to make a chance as opportunities slipped through her fingers. She liked Anya, she was crushing hard on her, she was plaguing her mind on a daily basis and driving her insane. If someone else confessed to Anya first, if someone took her away, if she missed her chance, she felt sick at the very idea, that someone was braver than she was to say what she couldn't. But what if she wasn't good enough, what if she couldn't make Anya happy and ended up becoming a mockery, reminded of her failure. She'd always been a popular and well-liked student, standing up for what she believed in, looked up to like a sister figure. But that didn't mean that Anya had to admire those qualities in her, that didn't mean Anya had to like her, the fear of being rejected. "You are done showering" Anya's voice responded over her shoulder, she did enjoy taking long baths and showers, as though she was cooking her brain under the heat. She began to think she would need to knock on the door to remind her to leave the bathroom at some point. But instead opted to respect her privacy until she was done. Amelia jumped out of her skin, as if an electric current had just run through her body, she had become so used to living with Anya she forgot her modesty. Wearing her towel over her shoulders half-naked, covering her chest, wearing a pair of jeans around her hips, cupping her arms across her chest defensively, her cheeks darkened. Anya was still wearing her black pyjama shirt, unshowered and yet so haunting, she exhumed an air of dominance in every situation. Nobody ever messed with Anya, fearing the consequences of what may occur should they attempt to. Staring at Amelia in an almost predatory manner, she felt naked emotionally, like a glass being "I wish to discuss something with you, something personal" Anya asked calmly.
"Um… sure… whatever" Amelia babbled, she was too anxious to complain, feeling Anya's gaze cutting through her.
"I have sensed our relationship has blossomed, am I mistaken?" Anya questioned, something between them had changed, Amelia's behaviour had changed. They had begun to spend time together and Amelia had been trying to grow closer to her. No longer keeping her distance and constantly distracted, as if something was gnawing at the back of her mind. She needed to understand the meaning behind her actions and she had an idea of what was causing this change. But she needed to confront Amelia on this and assure that this wasn't a delusion, communication was natural and healthy.
Amelia blushed, as always Anya was using strange explanations to get her feelings across that often confused her or felt like a riddle. Her way of speaking was so different from anyone else in their classes. Blossomed? What the hell did that even mean? Did she mean something had changed between them, if so she was indeed correct. Sure there was tension but of a different kind, they were on friendlier terms but they still argued occasionally and Anya still confused the hell out of her. But yes, their relationship had changed "yes… it's…. different" she agreed.
"You have been asking me out, dating. Trying to become closer to me through activities" Anya asked, friendships occurred the same way, so she could be mistaken, but she wanted to hope that Amelia meant this romantically. She had taken an interest in her personal life and decided to intrude on her life on a nearly daily basis. Taking her to places that meant a lot to her, trying to involve Anya in her life. Those reasons couldn't be for nothing, they had to mean something.
Amelia's cheeks darkened, suddenly everything was falling into place and she felt as though she was living in one of those rom-com moments every girl dreamed of. Was this? Was she? Was Anya finally clicking onto her crush? After this agonizing time of waiting for it to happen and wondering if her feelings would ever be noticed, her prayers were being answered. Wait, hold the phone, What? What the hell? She was by no means prepared right now, she didn't know what to say, her brain wasn't catching up to what was happening. She licked her lips nervously, her whole body felt like it was vibrating on a different level. She felt dizzy, she felt elated, she felt excited, she felt hopeful. "Anya… are you….." she stammered, she didn't want to hope, but her heart kept telling her that she was right, god she hoped she wasn't wrong "…..Are you asking me out?" she pressed. The silence in the room was deafening, you could hear the drip of the tap, the tick of the clock, every background noise sounded clear and loud.
Anya watched her with silence, waiting for her response felt like it took forever, her hands wrapped around her chest to fold across each other. Tilting her head so a smile formed on her lips, like the cat who had gotten the cream "Da, that is what you do when you like someone is it not?" she teased. It seemed like Amelia had finally caught up and realised their feelings were mutual.
Amelia felt as though she was dancing on a cloud, the sounds of music playing in the background as the world cheered for joy. She couldn't stop herself from smiling like an idiot, her body shaking from relief. Her crush requited her feelings, her crush liked her back, Anya was crushing on her too? This was the best feeling in the world and she didn't want it to ever end "YES! That's exactly what you do" she snorted in amusement. She felt like such an idiot for worrying all this time, she could have said something sooner and gotten this over with. God, she wanted to kiss Anya all over again, how long had they been dancing around the subject? Smirking at Anya playfully "So you've liked me all this time when you suggested the film night? The bar, the nightmares last night?" she chuckled.
Anya's cheeks darkened in embarrassment, was Amelia making fun of her? After realising that she was confessing her feelings? This felt rude yet, that smile on her face was so endearing "You made those suggestions, I didn't interfere I simply agreed" she protested. She had been doing what she thought was right, trying to get closer to Amelia in hopes of her feelings being understood. The wait had been painful until she literally had to confront Amelia and explain she was in love with her. Calling Amelia oblivious was beyond the description, her idiocy was on another level.
"But they were dates to you?" Amelia teased, meaning Anya had been suffering from the same frustration, awkwardness and anxiety she had except she had been hiding it better. She had wanted to make her realise her feelings and hope she felt the same way, god they were both idiots. Meaning she never had to worry about losing Anya, because all along she had eyes for her, she had been watching her too, waiting to be noticed.
"Da, that is what you do with a crush" Anya huffed
Amelia felt like she could touch the moon, she felt so powerful, like she was on top of a mountain, ready to take on the world. There was no word for this boundless happiness and it was long overdue. But now there was just one thing to confront "So….. you're my girlfriend now" she hummed, it felt so right saying those words. She had a plethora of pet names in store for Anya, embarrassingly cute, sweet and full of cringe, so she better be ready to hear them. Bombarded with texts, calls and all sorts of lovey dovey crap. She'd been crushing on her since high school and now she didn't have to hold back any longer. The wall holding them back had crumbled and everything was set free. Amelia loved hard, she loved strong and she was a passionate being, Anya needed to be aware of what she was in store for.
Anya blushed, it wasn't often she saw Amelia being dominant, cocky and playful, it was a strange sight but not that she hated it. She had been pursuing Amelia romantically for some time, she had felt both romantic and sexual affections for her. She had hoped her feelings would be made clear, she thought her teasing was proof of that, but Amelia was the oblivious kind "You are my lover, this would make us romantically involved" Anya agreed. She was devoted to Amelia, her body and soul belonged to her now and they now shared a trust. She hoped she was making the right decision, she didn't want to have her heart broken by her roommate of all people. Amelia grinned, seeing Anya so bashful and awkward was something she could get used to, how the tables had turned. Slowly walking towards Anya closing the gap, reaching out to cup Anya's face, the latter stiffened at the gesture but didn't push her away. Breathing in her scent, taking her in anew, like they were meeting for the first time. Amelia's blue orbs gazing into Anya's violet ones, closing the gap to capture Anya's lips in a soft but passionate kiss, the taste of honey still lingering from before. Anya's eyes widened in surprise but she didn't hesitate, she had craved this for so long and now what she wanted was finally happening. Amelia had finally noticed her after what felt like an eternity of one sided pining, returning the kiss and leaning into her, shyly unfolding her arms to grip onto Amelia's shirt. Pressing into her body and closing her eyes, smiling into the kiss.
Amelia soon pulled away, still clasping the latter's face, reminding herself that this moment was real, that she didn't need to pinch herself as a painful reminder. Anya wouldn't vanish, she wouldn't reject her and she could finally be happy "Hey" she smiled. She felt like she was meeting her anew, as if they were strangers and yet not.
Anya stared back, her cheeks dusted pink but a small smile edged on her lips "Hello" she responded.
Amelia blushed, she was aware this now made them a couple but this felt very strange, she was aware every couple experienced the honeymoon faze, everyone had nerves and easing into a relationship took time. There were bound to be misunderstandings and messy moments, yet why was she the only one feeling this way? She had expected Anya to be hesitant, shy even, but instead, she had done the opposite. She had jumped the gun and she was taking control, not holding back on her feelings in the slightest, her arm wrapped around hers like a snake. She was trapped in the bindings of Anya's passionate love, the invisible chains keeping them together in which only Anya had the key. Gripping her hand tightly and bound close to her, glaring in the direction of anyone who stared, warning them to stay away. She was wearing a blue and white striped oval stretched collar with sleeves reaching her elbows, and a pair of skinny jeans that hugged her figure perfectly. It was fair to assume that Anya could wear anything and it would still look good on her. Amelia was wearing her favourite denim jacket, a red spaghetti strap top that showed off her figure and cleavage a little, a pair of washed skinny jeans and white vans. She had felt brave today and decided to wear something bright and a little flashy "Y'know you don't have to cling to me so much" Amelia babbled shyly.
Anya smiled mischievously, if Amelia was uncomfortable she would have pulled away but she didn't "But if I don't you might run away птичка " she teased. She finally clipped the wings of the bird who was always out of her grasp, now she they could sit in their pretty cage together. Amelia would protest but she understood, jealousy was a powerful thing, warping your mind into a different state. In the past when Anya would smile or laugh at another girls jokes, she would feel her stomach being squeezed, when someone else showed an interest in Anya, she felt so angry for no reason. So she could understand why Anya would be acting this way, Anya didn't want unwanted attention directed at Amelia. She was possessive and childish, but it was how she showed affection, she didn't know how else to communicate.
"So, what do you want to do about food? We don't have classes to attend today" Amelia questioned, she had her own ideas but she liked to convey with Anya her opinion so she felt included, whatever Anya was comfortable with they could manage to provide.
Anya hummed, usually, she would cook for her family or friends, she enjoyed that intimate feeling of sharing a cooked meal with the people you loved. Having worked hard for it or paying yourself brought on another feeling entirely, but eating out was good now and again. Spoiling yourself of a treat that didn't come often had a different feeling, she enjoyed when Amelia chose because she learned something new "Surprise me" she suggested. She knew taking her to unfamiliar places brought excitement to Amelia, like she was a tour guide, seeing the smile on her face made Anya happy too.
Amelia peered at her suspiciously, was she being serious or testing her? "Y'know this could go wrong right?" she warned, she could end up at a weird place, eating something gross or doing something reckless. She was placing a lot of trust in her and she could easily get up to mischief, but she didn't seem scared of that. It was like Anya craved the unknown, always looking for something exciting or different at any given time.
Anya smiled, she could sense the hesitance in her voice but she had nothing to fear. Much fun could be had when spontaneous, never knowing if things would be good or bad, that excitement that brought people thrills. The spice of life that everyone craved, reminding you that you were alive, pressing herself against Amelia "I trust you, Amelia, you may be childish but you aren't spiteful" she hummed. She would never hurt her, that much she knew.
"I wonder if Amelia got the courage to covey her feelings to Anya, I mean, they cuddled all night and that's making a bold step" Maddie hummed, but Amelia was rather childish when it came to love, bashful and naive yet so full of dreams. She would need someone to take her hand and show her the adult side of romance, the maturity of it, instead of thinking in a fairytale. Sometimes the innocence of her older sister was amusing, she lacked the slightly dirty minded or mischievous nature that she had inherited from Marie and Alice. Amelia had experienced more than enough hookups, yet when it came to emotional attachment and talking about feelings of the heart, she became bashful and innocent. Unable to openly talk about them, as if they were forbidden.
"You can't take a horse to water uccellino, but you can push her in the right direction" Lovina reminded her, she had been dancing around this crush for nearly a year, hell since high school, but she could never muster the courage to make a move. Amelia would always remain a coward, trapped with her crush and never able to admit that to herself. Begging others for help because she lacked the courage to make the adult decision. As if she was afraid to love, afraid to show weakness. They had given Amelia enough advice, she had to take matters into her own hands.
"She's just so awkward, I understand but she'll never get anywhere if she doesn't communicate" Maddie sighed, not everyone spoke Amelia's language, she needed to be more forward. Anya was different, her culture was different, her personality was a polar opposite. Amelia needed to think of Anya's personality and body language if she was ever going to get anywhere, she needed to observe and take notes. But that was better said than done.
Lovina allowed her gaze to wander around the campus, enjoying the peace and quiet that came with the simplicity of doing nothing. Today they had no classes so everyone was either studying or chilling, at least those with the day off. The brief respite away from their stresses, overloading on information and balancing their classes. Suddenly she stared in shock as two figures strolled into the open "Porca puttana" Lovina mumbled. It seemed Amelia had finally done the right thing for once. Maddie averted her gaze, her own eyes widening and her mouth dropped open, now she understood what had caused Lovina to curse in such surprise. Amelia was walking through the campus, her face bright red and her face an expression of conflicted embarrassment and happiness, Anya was at her hip, gripping her arm tightly and smiling happily. Had they? Were they? It was safe to assume so. "Looks like she finally got off her ass and made a move" Lovina scoffed
"Am… am I dreaming?" Maddie babbled, somebody had better pinch her or say say this was a prank right now, there was no way her sister got a girlfriend at last. She never thought Amelia would actually get the guts to confess, she would constantly hide away in her anxiety and moon over a girl she could never have. Amelia's gaze averted to notice her sister and her girlfriend staring back at them with a look of disbelief, she smiled nervously and shrugged, uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. But she was happy, she was finally at peace with herself and gotten with the girl of her dreams. She'd made changes with Anya and they could take things at their own pace, she just hoped they were proud.
Lovina grinned in amusement, that look on her face said it all "No if Amelia can smile like that, it's real" she reflected. That bashful awkwardness of new love was an expression everyone knew. It had taken her years, but she had finally asked out her crush, finally she had earned her respect, Amelia had taken the leap and finally gotten with the Russian girl who knew exactly how to get under her skin.
Amelia sat on a bench sipping a caramel latte with a blueberry muffin beside her, she'd decided coffee was the best bet, it was simple and easy, many people met over coffee these days. She didn't trust herself with anything else without the panic of throwing up, she was too nervous to stomach anything else and she needed time to wake up and adjust. Everything was just happening so fast, merely an hour ago Anya had become her girlfriend, she was still settling into that, it still didn't feel real. She felt like a new woman, like she had leveled up somehow, as if she had gained mage wisdom on relationships, no longer single. Anya sat beside her protectively, sipping a hot chocolate with a pastry in her hand, somehow managing to not get cream on her nose or face. Making sure she gave Amelia space while sitting as close to her as possible, holding her hand casually. Since the two had confessed their affections for one another, joking about their foolishness and clueless attitudes to their mutual interest. They had had time to think and agreed they should take a walk to calm themselves. Anya had watched Amelia like a hawk, refusing to leave her side for a second, as if something bad would happen if she left her alone. Though Amelia didn't mind having a clingy girlfriend, she'd always wanted someone to dote on her endlessly, but this was different. She worried why it was that Anya was so possessive, so afraid, maybe it had something to do with her nightmares and childhood. "Hey, I know it's common for the honeymoon stage to be affectionate and clingy, but I'm not pranking you or secretly plotting to runoff out of nowhere. You can enjoy your personal space" Amelia soothed. This was new to her, she'd never had a relationship with someone before, as much as she had daydreamed about them. She was just as clingy, many of her friends and family could vouch for that, awkward, anxious and overthinking. But Anya was acting like a guard dog, frightening away any strangers.
Anya stiffened, they had already been together an hour and yet Amelia was already getting worried, how was it that she caused such a feeling in Amelia? Did she make her feel unsafe somehow? She gripped her cup tighter yet didn't spill a single drop "Da, I am aware, you are not the kind of girl who cheats Amelia" she huffed. Amelia had been stood up, cheated on, asked out as a prank and had her fair share of crushes and hookups. She wouldn't put Anya through that too.
"Then why are you acting like a watchdog? You can relax, just act like yourself" Amelia reassured her, she wanted Anya to be herself, she didn't want her to feel like she had something to hide. She didn't want a fake girlfriend, she didn't want lies or bullshit, she just wanted to have the same relationship they had before, only with intimacy and romance.
Anya's expression became pained, this was so hard to explain to someone who wouldn't understand. Someone who didn't know what it was like to be avoided by other people because she seemed like a bad person. She was used to people avoiding her, spreading rumours and being scared of her, how her nightmares caused people to think her strange or complain that she woke them up. How her insomnia was weird, how she watched people creeped them out, her possessiveness and fear of being abandoned made her clingy. What if Amelia thought her frightening, grew to hate her and abandoned her too? So she was right back where she started "Are you scared of me Amelia?" she asked solemnly, her gaze remained fixated on the horizon.
Amelia nearly spat out her coffee in surprise, of all the questions to be asked this was not what she was expecting "Am I…. I mean you can be a bit strange sometimes, but I'm used to it. Hell I was used to it by high school" she babbled. Everyone had their weird quirks, Anya just happened to be more noticeable, her smile was often fake and people could notice. She forced herself to appear happy even when she wasn't. She seemed distant, apathetic and lonely, yet she never did anything to hide that. But that was just who she was.
"When I was younger, people would confess to me often, but as soon as my true colours came to light they ran away. Called me an ice queen, an emotionless doll. That I couldn't love" she replied. People fell in love with her based on looks, she was their dream girl, everything they wanted. Hoping to treat her as a princess and believing she would be easy, the ideal lover in every aspect. Pressing their delusion of a fantasy onto her, yet when they got to know her, saw her true self they got upset. They turned on her, became mean and blamed her when things didn't work out.
Amelia softened, knowing Anya was teased relentlessly by Maria, a German girl during her youth, calling her creepy, weird and asking why she was so quiet. She was loud, rebellious and enjoyed making fun of other people, as well as in high school. Yes she had teased Anya herself somewhat, but never out of malice, she meant it out of humour. "I guess your apathetic behaviour can be off-putting sometimes, you can be childishly cruel and sometimes it's frightening. But you're very maternal, lonely, you were bullied a lot as a kid. It would be odd if you didn't have some trauma" she trailed off. Her inability to understand social cues, her lack of emotion, it was rather unusual. She often did things for fun to tease others without realising it was hurtful or cruel, merely because she didn't understand. But she had a kind heart, she loved her brothers and those that were kind to her.
Anya stared at Amelia in surprise, she would have expected Amelia to tease her, to tell her to stop being negative and roll her eyes, instead, she was sympathetic, mature and kind. She paid attention to her character and understood that she was more than what people believed her to be. It was touching "Strange, for someone who is often the loudest person in the room, you are incredibly self-aware" Anya hummed. It seemed Amelia was also hiding something from others, they had a lot in common it seemed.
Amelia frowned, hoping that wasn't a personal jab of some kind "I was raised by Alice and Marie as dual parentage, an Englishwoman and a Frenchwoman, I was bound to have a decent education" she reminded Anya. Being raised by same-sex parents with an academic background was bound to affect her. Alice had Amelia had home schooled her from a young age until she was old enough to attend school and make it on her own. Preparing her for what life had in store, so she would be able to adapt to adulthood easily.
Anya smiled "Nyet, I merely meant you are often obsessed with fictional characters and live through them. It is rare you ever show an intelligence outside of that" she explained. To see Amelia show self-awareness and intellect based on observational skills was impressive, she was smarter than she appeared. Amelia spent so much time in her own imagination it was hard for anyone to pull her out of her own mind. To see her behave normally and maturely was a rare moment indeed. So different from her usual self.
"Touche" Amelia agreed, she was aware of how people perceived her, she paid attention to what was popular, what people liked, becoming someone people would want as a friend. Able to easily blend in to avoid being bullied or isolated as a defence mechanism. She just never thought someone else would be able to notice that about her so easily. She had been able to fool so many others so easily. Pretending to be something she wasn't for the longest time until she didn't want to be that girl again, yes people from high school didn't recognise her but that was ok.
"You can spread your wings whenever you want, rushing headfirst into whatever comes your way. While I have remained a caged bird for so long, I suppose I fear you may leave my side and I shall be alone" Anya confessed. Amelia had no fear, no hesitation and no self doubt, she knew who she was and was never ashamed to say it. She was so free, she felt like she paled in comparison. Running into any given moment and simply living in the moment. Anya worried she couldn't keep up, she would fall behind and Amelia would forget about her. She would become but a memory of someone she outgrew, until she found someone she could hold onto.
Amelia turned to Anya, still gripping her coffee and snack, she could understand the fear of being discarded and left behind. Of loving someone only to be taken advantage of them and feeling that you gave up something for nothing. "Listen, I've never had a serious relationship, I've had some fun with guys and women more times than I can count. But… when it comes to love I take that shit seriously. Plenty of times have people just wanted something casual. So I get the reservation, you don't want to get hurt. But I promise I'm serious about you. I'm just an idiot". She was running blindly into something because she knew if she spent her life pining over Anya she would always regret it, she may mess up sometimes but she never betrayed the people she cared about.
Anya tilted her head, taking her words to heart, she'd seen Amelia flirt with numerous people, flashing a smile and winking at them. She was always popular in high school, teachers and students alike loved her, she'd hooked up enough times in college, always able to walk into a bar and meet someone. But she never failed to see or hear the disappointment in Amelia's features or voice when someone rejected her or wanted something casual. Pretending she wasn't heartbroken and hiding it under a smile, she craved love the same as she "So, this idiot belongs to me now?" she teased. Amelia blushed, yes she belonged to Anya, she was stuck with her until she realised she wanted someone else which she hoped never occurred. But she nodded, not wanting to ruin the moment. Anya smiled "Good"
Доброе утро-Good morning
сесtра-sister
птичка-little bird
uccellino-Little bird
Porca puttana-Holy shit