So, hey. I am writing this in Tuesday, idk when am I gonna post it. I just wanted to say that, today was the first day after some time that I felt like a complete failure, worthless even. And then I read again those 8 reviews and it made me feel a little better. So thank you, you all, you made me feel a bit less of a failure today. Here is chapter 5!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the characters belong to Dick Wolf but this particular plot is all mine!
Never meant to cause you any sorrow
Never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you in the purple rain
"Have you thought of hurting yourself?"
"Yes."
Yes. She had just answered yes to him. Rafael couldn't believe it. He was just standing there looking at his friend, a girl who he thought he knew like his own hand, and didn't want to believe that that beautiful, southern, blonde angel wanted to hurt herself. He couldn't keep the tears at bay no matter how much he longed to. He just let them ran their course.
Seeing the expression on his face, Amanda immediately regretted her disclosure. What the hell was she thinking revealing to her best friend that she was suicidal? Panick took the better of her and she tried to make it to her backpack. Maybe if they never talk about it again, just maybe, it wouldn't be so real.
When she was ready to head out the door, Rafael grabbed her arm and pulled her into his embrace despite her protests.
"Let me go!" She hissed, waves of pain running through her entire body. But he didn't let go, no matter her pleas, no matter her struggle, no matter the pain, he just kept her in the one place he thought she'd be safe: his arms.
"Stop fighting me, Amanda. Just stop." He whispered in her ear hoping that his soothing words and calm voice would finally make her give up. And they did, she stopped trying to get him off her and instead made herself comfortable in his embrace.
The first sob came, chocked. Then a second, then a third and now her entire body was shaking from the crying. Rafael, tried to compose himself and with steady backwards steps laid them down to the bed, Amanda still in his arms. They stayed like that for a few minutes, waiting for Amanda's sobs to calm down and eventually turn into sniffles. He ran his hand up and down her arm, forming circles right under her shoulders.
"I am so sorry, Raf." Amanda broke the, not at all awkward, silence. "I am so so sorry." Her head during this whole time was buried in his neck and she placed a soft kiss there, an attempt to show her true remorse for what had just taken place.
"Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for. You hear me? Absolutely nothing." He kissed her forehead, moved his body and turn to his side so they would be face to face. "Let me help you. Just let me in, baby." He brought his right hand up to her cheek and swiped the remnants of her tears under her eyes. She leaned into his touch, enchanted for some reason, and nodded.
"Okay." She replied and kissed his palm.
There was something in the atmosphere around them that was different. There was an eroticism towards blue eyes that neither of them could explain. Frankly, they didn't want to over analyze it, it was there, it felt pretty and a little pretty was all they needed.
"Now, how about you sit on your ass, and let me take care of you. How does that sound?" He asked his voice gentle and a smile decorating his lips.
"I think it sounds just fine." She said but didn't attempt to move. When he was about to turn away, she grabbed his arm and made him stay for just a moment longer. She leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. It wasn't dirty, it didn't leave any implications, it was just pure gratitude. "Thank you." And with that she let go off his hand and she herself moved into a sitting position letting Rafael take care of her.
A little shocked by Amanda's actions, Rafael got off the bed and out of the room and headed towards the living room first, where he found his mother all dressed with her bag ready to go.
"Where are you going mom?"
"I am going to see abuelita. Thought it would be better to leave you two alone." She winked at him and put on her coat.
"Mom it's not like that. Amanda is the friend I was talking to you about the other night." Mrs. Barba stopped readjusting her collar at her son's words and looked at him a little ashamed for making such a comment.
"Oh, I am sorry I didn't know. Anyway, if you need anything call me and she can stay if she wants. The Barba house will always be open for her." She approached her son, left a kiss on his cheek and then exited the apartment.
Rafael went straight to the bathroom. He grabbed the first aid kit, opened it and took out a cream for burn wounds. Then he went to the kitchen, opened the freezer and took out and ice pack. After that he hurried into his room again, entering with such force that made Amanda startle.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you there." He said as he closed the door behind him. "My mom left, so we don't have to worry about her being annoying anymore." He rubbed the back off his neck with his free hand awkwardly, not knowing how to ask the next question. "Uh... you might.. you know.. so I can.." He showed her what he was holding and let her put the pieces together herself.
She just chuckled at his uncomfortableness. "You mean, I might wanna take of my shirt so you can help me with my injuries." When he nodded she chuckled again and gently grabbed the hem of her shirt. "Raf, if someone should be embarrassed here, that's me. So it's okay, really." And with that she took of her shirt hissing and wincing from the pain. She was now only in her bra and he couldn't help but stare at how gorgeous her body looked even with those purple and blue marks on.
'Rafael, think straight. You can't fantasize about your best friend. At least not when she is in such state.'
He cleared his throat and moved towards her. He kneeled down in front of her to check on her ribs. "Can I..." He trailed off pointing his finger at the yellow mark surrounding her middle. When she nodded once again for that day, unable to form words, he touched the fainted bruise with his fingers. "These are pretty old. And were they broken you'd be in twice as pain so, I guess there is not much we can do. Maybe put some ice on it later, when you go to sleep." She nodded again.
He then went and sat down behind her, giving himself a better view of the gruesome scene that was being displayed before him. Without giving it a second thought he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her spine. That physical contacted sent an electric shock right to her core, something that gave her chills. Rafael noticed but didn't say anything, instead he did it again. He smoothly ran his fingers over the chessboard like bruising on her back trying to show that part of her body some love.
"Why would someone do this?" He asked in a nearly audible whisper, more to himself than his companion.
"Because, I am not worth anything more." She grimaced at her own words, she shouldn't have said that. Not to him.
"Turn around Amanda." When she didn't he placed his arm on her shoulder and made half her body turn to him. "Amanda, turn around." With a sigh she did as told and turned around to face him. He put down on the bed next to him the cream he was holding and took her head in his hands. "You are worth way more. You are worth respecting. You are worth carrying. God knows how much worth loving you are." He said and wiped with his thumb a tear that fell from her eyes.
"Yeah, right. Why would anyone do that? That is literally the definition of stupidity and time waisting." She shook her head and looked up in an attempt to prevent the tears from making an appearance on her flushed cheeks.
"Well, I don't think I am waisting my time and I kind of feel offended." He stayed and slightly tilted his head with a smirk on his face.
"Why would you be offended?" She asked sniffling.
"Because you just called be stupid." At first she thought she misheard him but then as she stared into those to blue oceans of his there was no doubt. Rafael cared about her, but she refused to believe it.
She just leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. "Raf, what are you talking about?" She asked in whispering tone.
"God, I need to spell it out for you, don't I?" He said and chuckled. "Amanda Jo Rollins, I care about you." As soon as the words left his mouth Amanda pressed her lips against his.
It wasn't a rough kiss. It was gentle, caring, loving, everything that she needed right now. When she realized what she was doing she quickly stopped the kiss and embarrassed left the bed and went for the window. She was about to open it but soon remembered that she was still only in her bra.
"God, Raf, I am sorry. You probably didn't even mean it that way. God, I am so embarrassed." She stayed with her back at him her cheeks too red and her soul humiliated.
He rushed to get next to her and turned her around. He was the one to make the first move this time. When he pulled away he looked her straight in the eyes and gave her a small peck on the lips, as if to make a point.
"I meant it both as a friends and as in an 'I wanna kiss you' kind of way, Kay? You have nothing to be embarrassed about." She nodded and put her hands around his neck hugging him tight, afraid that he might leave her. "Hey, babe, I am not going anywhere. But if you keep the grip so tight I might go meet my creator." They both laughed at the joke and Amanda let him go. "Now let's go back to the bed and take care of those angry marks, huh?" He took her hand into his and led her to the bed.
They sat down again with Amanda's back on Rafael and him examining the bruises.
"Did he do it with a belt?" He didn't waste his time by processing the question and he cursed himself internally for that. "Sorry I shouldn't ha-"
"Yeah. A leather one. Black. I bought it for him when I was fifteen." She said so casually and in such cool tone that Rafael went rigid by the apathy.
"That's why your skin is torn. Okay I am gonna put some cream on it. Doesn't hurt don't worry. Also you need to, um, unclasp your,um, bra. So I can cover that area too. But if you don't want to do that-"
"God, Barba you wanna get me into bed already? We've only kissed twice." She said sarcastically and laughed hard when she sensed his awkwardness. "Raf, seriously, you are the first person to ever take care of me and we have established by now how amazing you are so, nothing you do or say will make me uncomfortable." And she unclasped her bra, still keeping it on.
Rafael started taking care of her injuries. Fifteen minutes later he was done and Amanda put on her clothes again. When Rafael came back into the room after going to the bathroom to clean himself up a bit, he saw the blonde putting on her jacket.
"What do you think you are doing?" He asked closing the door behind him.
"Going home?" She asked fixing the collar of her jacket.
"Stay." He said, a soft tone in his voice.
"Rafael, you know I cannot-"
"It's Friday. Kim is gonna be at friend's house, you said it to me during lunch and your mother is in Georgia paying a visit to some friends so," he stepped close enough so he could take her hands into his. "Stay."
"Well, what is your mama gonna say? I don't wanna invade her privacy or yours-"
"My mama, said, that mi casa es tu casa. So," he move even closer and gave her a kiss on the lips. "Stay." He said again against her lips.
"If you keep doing that, I won't be able to resist." She said and kissed him back.
As their lips were entangled together, she pressed her tongue onto his lower lip, seeking for entrance. He gasped at the sudden cockiness of the southern girl, and that reaction gave her what she wanted. Tongues dancing together into a heated kiss that they both wished it would last forever. Amanda was the one to pull away, 'Damn oxygen!' She thought to herself.
"Hope your couch is comfortable Barba." She said with a wide grin on her face.
"My bed is pretty big." He shrugged and looked at the sealing.
"Oh so you are trying to get me into your bed after all, huh?" She said shoving him slightly with their still entangled hands.
"So are you staying?"
"Yes, Rafael, I am staying."
So that was chapter 5. I know we didn't talk about Amanda being suicidal but I promised that we will get to that in the next chapter. Couldn't resist the temptation of pairing them together so I am sorry if you are disappointed. Till Friday, take care!