A/n This is the penultimate chapter of Alone Together. I am so glad that people have been enjoying it and your comments/reviews/tweets have really made me smile, so thank you. This one is a little emotional.
Chapter title explained:
"And when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you.", is a lyric from "HOLD TIGHT OR DON'T" which is a track from Fall Out Boy's 2018 LP, "MANIA".
One of my favourite lyrics.
Enjoy!
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"And when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you."
They fill their Saturday morning by walking around a bustling local park in Austin, enjoying the pleasant weather and the great company. Lisbon has spent most of her week cooped up at home trying not to procrastinate in doing some home improvements but failing. It was Jane who touched up the paint on her front door in the end as soon as he woke up today. He said he didn't mind because he actually finds DIY somewhat therapeutic. She doesn't understand that.
When their stomachs start to rumble, they retreat to a coffee shop in the city centre. It is not one that either have frequented before, but they took the large queue for takeaway as a good sign and found a table in the corner. Despite the busyness, a waitress appears to serve them very quickly and after ordering some hot drinks and a couple of sandwiches they sit back peacefully, taking in their surroundings.
People watching is an activity that they both like to do, and it isn't something they could really stop even if they wanted to. They've worked in law enforcement for too long to not notice things.
Every so often, her boyfriend makes an observation about some of the other customers, usually insights into their lives as he cold reads them. Little things like who owns a dog, guessing if they're tea or coffee drinkers and he even claimed that one of the youths sat at a larger table by the door is dealing drugs. She pretends she doesn't hear that particular observation which makes him chuckle.
She watches him smile at the sight of a little girl, probably about four-years-old, running around the tables with a doll in one hand and a cookie in the other. Her mother is in pursuit trying to persuade her to sit down whilst looking very flustered.
Although he is smiling, she detects a little sadness behind his sea-blue eyes. She wishes that she could make all his pain go away but she understands that will never truly be possible, so instead she will help him through it. That's assuming he knows that he can open up about that stuff with her, she likes to think that he does but she also appreciates he is a bit of a closed book. "Jane."
On hearing the concern in her tone, he looks back at her with his brow crinkled in confusion. "What is it?" She hesitates in her reply but that just increases his worry, so he adds, "I won't bite."
Lisbon glances towards the little girl, who is now sat back in her chair much to the relief of her mother, and immediately he has an inkling about what she is going to say. "You know that you can talk about Angela and Charlotte with me, right? I feel like I know so little about them." Apart from what was written in police reports, she considers, but doesn't verbalise.
She thinks that she can hear him suck in a breath, but she could not say for sure. "What do you want to know?"
"I don't know." She half shrugs, "I just need you to know that it is okay."
He nods with a lopsided smile because although he didn't feel like he could not talk about his family, it is nice to have it confirmed, even if it is a topic that he finds difficult. "You would have liked Charlotte she was incredibly bright." Jane manages to force the statement out, deciding that maybe it wouldn't be as hard as he thought.
"Yeah?" She smiles sweetly at him and instantly he's glad that he mentioned it.
"She loved reading, both fiction and non-fiction." His eyes light up as he remembers, like he is reliving the memory as he speaks. "I remember there was a book about dinosaurs that tickled her interests in particular. The cake for her sixth birthday was in the shape of a triceratops."
"What kind of cake was it?"
"Chocolate, of course." He says in a rather matter-o-fact manner making her quickly realise that the young girl had a sweet tooth like her father. "She was also so creative. Played the piano, wrote stories and was continually making stuff out of anything she could find." Sounds like a handful but a good handful to have.
The brunette observes a look of uncertainty on his face briefly before he dips his hand into his pocket and removes his wallet. Almost reluctantly, he flips it open and pulls out some photographs that were tucked inside some hidden compartment. She has never seen the photos before, nor did she have any idea that they were there and finding this out makes it feel like he is genuinely becoming more unguarded with her and she loves that.
There are three photos, which he carefully scatters across the tabletop, all small and faded but look well loved. He has most likely been carrying these pictures in his wallet for well over a decade and that moves her. Patrick notes the obvious emotion in her features but turns his attention back to the photographs because the last thing he wants to do is cry in this very public place and seeing his girlfriend on the edge may just tip him.
He studies the three images silently and she waits with patience, expecting that he will say what he wanted to say when he is ready. The first is of Angela and Charlotte sat at the piano both grinning, the mother looking so proud of her daughter and he remembers why, she had just learnt both hand parts to her latest piece. It was always a big day when that happened.
The second is of the three of them barely an hour after she was born. The picture is grainy, a sign of the times, but it is one of his favourites ever because it highlights the most special day of his life.
The third is the photograph he was actually looking for. He picks it up off the table and holds it out to her. "She made this robot out of trash. It was so good, and she played with it until it broke." With care, Lisbon takes the picture from him and examines it. Five-year-old Charlotte Jane is holding up said robot with so much glee, sporting a grin from ear to ear. "I think it was made of an empty washing powder box and some toilet paper tubes."
"Special kid." And he can tell that she means it. "Plus, she was recycling before it was cool." He lightly laughs at this additional remark as she passes him back the photo. Holding it in his hand he stares at it for a few moments with his face twisting in pain. She reaches across the table and interlinks the fingers of his free hand with hers affectionately, not bothered if anyone sees them.
The physical contact helps as it acts as a reminder that he is no longer alone, and he doesn't have to face his demons without help. He has her.
They are forced to separate when the waitress returns with their hot beverages and food. Jane hurriedly slips the photographs back into his wallet before hiding it away, the interruption having come at probably a good time. He wants to be as open as possible with her, but it doesn't come easy to him… today though, was a start.
Their sandwiches look great, with him having gone for grilled cheese whilst she ordered a ham salad. He watches her turn the plate slightly, so it is at a better angle to grab her food and smiles. His past may be painful, and he will never be completely free of that, but at least he has her to love and to be loved by. "Thank you." He finds himself muttering which earns a perplexed expression from her as she picks up one of the sandwiches.
"Why are you thanking me?"
"For starting this conversation." He replies earnestly. "I know some people find it odd that I don't really talk about my family but that's because it seemed easier that way."
"I get it." She nods as a way of adding to her point. "But you can talk about them, with me, if you ever want to. I will always listen to you."
The rest of their meal is spent making light small talk, a juxtaposition to the big emotional conversation they just underwent. It is nice. They have eaten together countless times before, going back years, but it feels different now that they are eating together as a couple. Every just seems so much better now.
Lisbon drives them back to her place. It is an unspoken agreement that she is the designated driver because he knows that she isn't overly fond of his driving style and she prefers to be in control. He is okay with that though. She navigates the hectic streets of Austin with ease and all with the radio playing quietly in the background.
He glimpses over at her and smiles. Today's somewhat tricky conversation may have been tough, but it was also cathartic. Maybe all those shrinks were right, maybe talking does in fact help. Who'd have thought it.
Whilst thinking this, Jane decides to ask a question that he's been wondering for the past few days. "What did your brothers think about your sudden change of plans?" Perhaps, she will find opening up liberating too. However, the following silence is very telling. "You didn't tell them that you were moving to D.C. with a man?"
A man. Can he not even say Marcus' name now? "Well, it is lucky I didn't because now I don't have to explain why I didn't." The blonde doesn't have siblings, it was something he always wanted as a kid so he would be less lonely and wouldn't have to deal with his father so much. A sibling to share the burden but also the ups and downs of life.
He knows and understands that the Lisbon clan have a troubled past and if it weren't for her then they would have got nowhere, but one thing he will never fully comprehend is how much she distances from them. Maybe she can help him understand, but they won't get anywhere if they don't talk about it.
Patrick visibly shifts his attention out the window but mentally he is still working out his next move. The last thing he wants to do is make her feel cornered, but he thinks he should return the favour for her broaching their earlier conversation. "Do they even know who I am?" He then adds as an afterthought, "Apart from Tommy obviously."
"Of course, they do!" She exclaims, almost out of disbelief. "You've been part of my life for a long time. Stan even stepped up to look out for me when you disappeared."
"I am surprised you told him." It comes out before he is even aware what he is thinking, but that's because it is true.
"It was on the news." She states monotonously. "Funnily enough the story of Red John and the man who slayed him even made it to Chicago."
"Why are you acting all defensive? I am not attacking you."
"Sorry." She immediately apologises because that wasn't her intention, especially after he opened up to her before. "A coping mechanism I guess." He doesn't say another word on the topic as they continue their journey back to her place.
When they return to her condo, they decide to spend their afternoon painting one of the walls in her living room a different colour to create a feature wall. She wants to hang up pictures to make the place a bit more homely, especially now she can see her future here in Texas.
With the two of them working on it together, they quickly make good progress, even with the sneaky kisses here and there. It may just be painting a wall, but it makes him want to start a proper life with her and she would be lying if she said that she didn't feel the same. "And your landlord is happy with us painting?" He questions, definitely too late as the wall is now a deep green.
"Yes, he said I could change whatever I want." She shrugs as she wipes a bead of sweat from her forehead using the back of her hand, being carefully not to catch any part of her face and hair with the paint roller. "Although he should say that with the amount I'm paying."
"In which case…" He trails before dropping his roller back into the paint tray, having decided that they've done enough. "How attached are you to the blue kitchen units? I think they look dated."
"Not very." She replies and also puts down her roller, her eyes scanning the wall inspecting their work. "What would you suggest?"
"Hm." Jane ponders and glances in the direction of her kitchen deep in thought. "Maybe just in white… and then you could have brightly coloured tiles on the back wall!" He suddenly gets quite excited, it humours her the things that enthuse him, and she definitely never pegged him as some interior design guru.
Lisbon smiles at the idea (and his interest) when a thought enters her mind and her expression falters slightly, the small change he notices. He gazes at her in anticipation, willing her on with whatever she wants to say, with his eyes. "When you asked about my brothers earlier, I got all defensive, even after you so candidly spoke about your family and I'm sorry for that."
"Teresa-"
"Don't say it is okay, because it isn't." She is quick to interrupt. "I can't expect you to bear your soul to me if I close up about the things that matter to me."
Without another thought, he engulfs her in a big hug that he does so well. She doesn't think that she has ever had better hugs than the ones with him but maybe that's because generally she isn't a huggy person. "Like you said to me earlier, if you want to talk about your family with me then I will always listen." Lovingly, he then plants a kiss on the top of her head. "But I will never make you."
The respect they have for one and other's boundaries is such a vital thing which stems from years and years of working in close proximity together. They know what to say but also, more importantly, what not to.
She feels him pull the band from her hair that she had used to tie a ponytail before they began their artistic activities, and she is smiling into his chest. One thing she has realised over the past couple of weeks is that he has a bit of a thing for her hair. He loves to run his fingers through her dark locks and play with them when they spoon in front of the television. "You said earlier that Stan was there for you… I am glad. Glad that you weren't alone."
"It was nice to feel loved during that time. Grace and Rigs were also a real help." She admits but then a brainwave hits making her tighten her grip around his form. "I'm sorry that you were alone."
"I made my bed, so to speak, it is something I had to do, and I don't regret that." That doesn't mean those two years away weren't incredibly difficult. "But I am also very relieved not to still be on that island. The repetitive routine would have driven me insane, and I did miss you so much."
"You don't have to miss me anymore." His heart swells at the comment as Lisbon pushes him off her slightly so that she can gaze into his eyes when she sincerely declares, "I'm here."
A dazzling grin overtakes Jane's features at her words and the honesty of them; even after all these years she amazes him. "I know and I love you." He then dips his head to kiss her tenderly, with both hands cupping her face whilst her arms wrap around his waist.