Thanks again for your review Guest! This first part in italics is a flashback and there will probably be other flashbacks in future chapters. I'll keep them italicized so that hopefully it's not confusing. Thanks for reading!
Dalia had always hated the night. The way it crept in around her, blinding her and leaving her helpless and undefended. As a young child she'd screamed and cried when Lady Kaia had closed the door to her room, locking her in it on her mother's orders until the sun rose in the morning and revealed that she had survived another night. Now that she was nearly twelve, she didn't cry and scream anymore. Instead, she lay still as a statue in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Every sound was a threat, every shadow was a murderer waiting to jump out and kill her. Or maybe they would torture her, possess her, turn her into a ghost that would haunt this room forever.
Forever. It was such a long time. Dalia couldn't handle being dead forever. But she would be one day. Not only her, but her mother too. Everyone she knew would die and they would be nothing more than ashes...
Dalia breathed shallowly, the terror in the pit of her stomach reminding her she was right to be afraid. The only thing more terrifying than death was life itself. It was logical to be afraid - she'd be a fool if she wasn't. Anything that might be good in the world was only there to lull you into a false sense of security so that it would be twice as bad when it was ripped away from you. And everything would be lost eventually. That was the only sure thing you could count on.
Closing her eyes, Dalia felt the Force stretching out around her. It was infinitely large and that was terrifying. It was horrific and promised her all her fears would come to pass. It raised the goosebumps on her arms and made her shiver. The Dark Side was the truth. It was real - it didn't lull you into a false sense of security like the Light did. It showed the universe the way it was - a monstrosity.
But every now and then, Dalia would get a glimpse of the Light. Just when the Darkness became so thick she couldn't breathe, it would appear, faint and dim...but it was there. And for the split second she saw it, all her fears vanished like they had never been there to begin with. But then she would quickly return to the Darkness - the truth. She couldn't afford to lull herself into complacency. She would see the world for what it was - no matter how tempting it might be to do otherwise.
The sky was cold and grey and Dalia shivered as she stepped up onto the raised platform that had been erected in the square next to Kylo Ren. A sea of people stretched out around the platform and beyond them, the pale faces of Atoans could be seen peering through dusty windows and crowded onto balconies. On the platform in front of them, three nooses hung. Dalia stared at them, her breathing shallow. She would watch. She would watch so that she would never forget why she had to end her mother's rule.
"Hi." Dalia said under her breath.
"Hi." Kylo Ren responded, just as quietly.
Dalia fell silent, suddenly at a loss as to what to say to him. There was no point pretending to be polite to him anymore. There was no point acting. All that was left was real and Dalia didn't know how to be real.
"I thought they never found the family." Kylo Ren said under his breath from beside her.
"They didn't." Dalia replied. "But my mother wants to send a message. So she's going to tell the world that these are Raemon's wife and children. So everyone knows the price of defying the Causha."
Kylo Ren made no reply and Dalia glanced up at him, wondering what he was thinking. Did he approved of her mother's actions? Did he care? Just how much humanity was left in him after all? It was impossible to tell.
"Thank you all for coming out to watch this historic event!" Aketra cried, stepping up to the microphone placed in the center of the stage. "Today is a great day for the Atoan people. We will see those who would unravel our society sentenced for the crimes they have committed."
Aketra gestured to the left and Dalia watched as Jorah led a woman and her two children onto the stage. The children didn't look older than eight or nine and Dalia grit her teeth, willing herself to remain calm.
"We Atoans are a people who prize family above all else." Aketra said, flashing a grin. "After all what is more important than family? A family is a unit - it is one. One flesh and one blood. That is why when one member of our family commits a crime, it is as if the entire family has committed the crime. Raemon Owens has already suffered his punishment. By the mercy of the Causha he was spared the difficulty of watching his family sentenced. But now it is their turn. Only through their death with the life of all Atoans be preserved."
Jorah placed the nooses around the necks of the woman and her children and Dalia watched as one of the children began to cry. She looked away, blinking back tears of her own, before forcing herself to look again. You will see the truth of this world, she reminded herself. You will look.
A low chant began among the Priests and Priestesses and Dalia joined in quietly, her voice wavering ever so slightly. She could feel Kylo Ren's gaze on her but she refused to look at him, staring at the small family instead.
The chant rose, louder and louder, as the crowd around them joined it. It was a count down. A timer on the lives of the people in front of them.
And then it was over. Jorah removed the platform out from underneath the prisoners and they fell, swinging as they struggled to breathe and then eventually became still. The silence that reigned was deafening and Dalia found herself unable to pry her eyes away from the youngest child, whose eyes now stared blankly ahead.
"Murderer!" A nameless voice in the crowd called out. "You're a murderer!"
Dalia whipped her head around, searching for the person who had called out. Suddenly, a flicker of fire burst to life in the crowd and a scream filled the air. Dalia took an involuntary step forward and Kylo Ren grabbed her arm, restraining her. She barely even registered his hand on her arm, her eyes glued to the man who had just set himself on fire. The crowd around him parted, leaving him screaming in pain as the fire consumed him.
"For Atoa!" Another voice cried out and Dalia turned to the right just in time to see a woman set herself on fire. Before she could blink, others did the same. Caushan guards began herding the Priests and Priestesses off the platform and into the waiting ships but Dalia stood transfixed, unable to tear her eyes away from the grotesque scene.
"Come on, let's go." Kylo Ren said, pulling at her arm.
Dalia nodded, turning to leave when suddenly the sound of a blaster went off and Kylo Ren doubled over, nearly collapsing. Dalia grabbed him, her eyes widening as she took in the blood seeping through his shirt. He'd been shot.
Dalia pulled him towards the ship but he stumbled, seemingly unable to breathe.
"Hey!" Dalia cried, pulling him towards the ship. "Keep walking! We need to get you to the infirmary."
Kylo Ren made no reply, heaving deep breaths that didn't seem to fill his lungs with air. Dalia pulled him behind a barricade, out of sight of the crowd, he collapsed against the barricade and Dalia stared at his chest, realizing the bullet must have punctured his lung. She swore under her breath, kneeling down next to him. She could still hear people screaming in the crowd and every now and then gun shots would go off. Dalia closed her eyes, blocking out the outside world. He was going to die if she didn't concentrate and she needed him.
Slowly, Dalia placed a hand on his chest and closed her eyes, releasing her own lifeforce into his body. She felt his lungs begin to repair themselves slowly and Dalia grasped the side of the barricade as her strength began to falter.
"Th-that's e-enough." Kylo Ren breathed, but Dalia could feel it wasn't. The tear was still there. She ignored him, continuing until her head began to swim and she felt his hands grasp her own.
"That's enough." Kylo Ren said, more forcefully this time. He pulled her hand off his chest and she collapsed on top of him, the world spinning before everything went dark.
Kylo Ren watched numbly as the nurses took Dalia's blood pressure, injected her with some kind of fluid, and then muttered to each other unintelligible words in Atoan. He'd carried her onto a ship once she'd passed out and she was still unconscious. Outside the infirmary, the entire Temple was on red alert and guards stood at every door.
Why had she saved him? Was it because he'd promised to help her become High Priestess? That had to be it. She was disgusted by him - horrified by the things he'd done.
The door behind Kylo Ren swung open violently and Aketra barged in, walking up to her sleeping daughter. She bent down, taking Dalia's face in her hands and rested her forehead against Dalia's. After a moment, Dalia's eyelids fluttered open and she looked up into her mother's eyes.
"Mom." She breathed and Aketra smiled - an actual smile.
"Hi darling." She said, running a hand through her hair.
Kylo Ren felt his heart constrict and looked away, unable to watch. His own mother would never look at him like that again. She would never love him again...if she had ever loved him to begin with.
"What happened?" Aketra asked, and Kylo Ren's body tensed.
"She saved me. I was shot." He said, drawing Aketra's attention towards him. "She gave too much."
"And you let her!?" Aketra snarled, all trace of gentleness gone. She let go of Dalia and walked towards Kylo Ren, her anger palpable. "You used my daughter to save yourself, you-"
"Mom, he couldn't stop it!" Dalia called out, struggling to sit up in bed.
Aketra rounded back on her daughter. "Lie down!" She screamed and Dalia slid back down into the bed, giving up her attempt to sit up.
"Mom." Dalia tried again. "His lung was pierced. He couldn't talk or breathe. He stopped me as soon as he could."
Aketra glared at Kylo Ren and he stared back, unable to even feel fear. There was nothing she could do to him that Snoke hadn't already done. Whatever she did would just fuel the Dark Side. It would be good for him.
"You should never have wasted your energy on him." Aketra snarled, stepping closer to Kylo Ren.
"Mom, we need him." Dalia said. "Atoa needs him. Please."
Aketra froze and turned back to face her daughter. She walked over to Dalia and looked down at her, putting a hand on Dalia's hand.
"If I had to choose between Atoa and you, I would let Atoa burn a thousand times over. Do you understand that?" Aketra asked.
Dalia nodded silently, taking her mother's hand in her own. "I understand." She said.
Aketra nodded. "Rest today. I don't want you to leave this bed until the nurses say you're better. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, mother." Dalia replied.
"Good." Aketra said, walking back over to the door.
"And you." She said, fixing Kylo Ren with a death glare. "If this ever happens again the alliance is over."
Kylo Ren made no reply and Aketra left, closing the door behind her. Kylo Ren looked back at Dalia and they stared at each other in the silence of the room.
"Your mother's right. You shouldn't have done that." Kylo Ren said after a moment.
Dalia tried to push herself up into a sitting position again. "Why not?"
Kylo Ren walked over to her, wishing he could touch her hair the way Aketra had. It lay strewn across her pillow like a million strands of silvery gold. But she wouldn't want that. "I need you alive." He said.
Dalia smiled and Kylo Ren felt his heart constrict painfully at how genuine the smile was.
"I can't give it back to you." He said. "I would if I could."
Luke had taught him how to Force heal but he'd never been able to do it. Luke had never said as much, but Kylo Ren had always known it was because he was too selfish. To Force heal was to give a part of yourself to another person. He'd never been a good enough person to be able to do that.
"I don't need it back." Dalia said. "You need it more."
Kylo Ren felt something inside him twist painfully. When had been the last time someone had risked their own life to save his own? When had anyone ever cared? He didn't care that she'd only done it for her own advancement. She'd done it. And that was more than he'd ever thought anyone would ever do for him again.
Dalia looked up at him, examining his face. "Your scar. It's...faded."
Kylo Ren froze, a terrible feeling sliding down his spine. "What?" He snapped, walking over to the mirror. Sure enough, the cut he had gotten that fateful night was far less obvious than before. The scar was still visible but it was somewhat fainter. No, he couldn't lose it. It was the only thing he had left of- the only reminder of-
"Why did you do this?" He asked, rounding on her - all gratitude momentarily forgotten.
Dalia's eyes flew open before they narrowed in anger. "I saved your life." She snapped. "Why does everyone seem to think that was such a mistake?"
"Because it was!" He cried, suddenly furious.
"Why?" Dalia snapped. "Do you want to die or something?"
Kylo Ren opened his mouth to respond and then shut it again, turning away. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and looked away from that. He should leave.
"Ren." Dalia said, something in her voice making him stop. He looked back at her, surprised to see her anger had already dissipated. She just looked upset. Disappointed. Well that was nothing knew. He disappointed everyone eventually.
"Never mind." She said, looking down.
Kylo Ren hesitated, torn between asking her to spit out whatever she had been going to say and getting out of the room as quickly as possible. He opted for the latter, leaving in silence.
"Why?" Dalia asked sharply, the translucent image of her aunt hovering in front of her. "Why did you try to have him killed? I told you he was helping me. If he was going to betray me, he would have done it by now."
"What makes you think he won't betray you after you've served your purpose?" Varra shot back. "Once you've helped him kill his Master, what's stopping him from turning on you? You really trust him to uphold his end of the bargain? For all we know, he might intend to blame Snoke's murder on you and have you executed for it. Don't be naive, Dalia."
Dalia felt her aunts words seep into her skin, striking fear in her heart. These were reasonable concerns. She really didn't have any way of knowing he wouldn't betray her. "Well I have to try." Dalia replied, trying to keep the fear she felt out of her voice. "If he's good to his word, we could avert war. We could have a peaceful transition to democracy. Isn't that worth a shot?"
"It's too risky." Varra said, fear reflected plainly in her eyes.
"Front members give their lives for the cause all the time." Dalia replied. "If I am really committed. I have to be prepared to pay the same price as everyone else."
"You are not everyone else!" Varra hissed.
"Why because I'm the High Priestess's daughter?" Dalia sneered. "I thought you wanted to do away with class."
"Because you're our only spy in the Causha." Varra snapped back. "We need you and we can't afford to lose you."
Dalia fell silent, seeing her point.
"Are you sure you can't back out of this agreement with him?" Varra asked and Dalia sighed.
"Aunt Varra." She said, quietly. "Do you ever get the feeling the Force wants you to do something? Like it's just the right thing to do? And you don't really know why, it's just a feeling."
Varra hesitated, "Yes." She said resignedly, after a moment.
"Well I feel...I feel I have to do this." Dalia said.
"Are you certain this feeling comes from the Light?" Varra asked and Dalia felt a flicker of anger ignite inside of her at the implication.
"Yes." She ground out. "I'm certain. I would know the difference, don't you think?"
Varra sighed. "I'm sorry." She said. "I just- I don't trust him. I don't like the idea of you working with the First Order."
"I'm not working with the First Order." Dalia said firmly. "I'm helping assassinate its leader."
"You're facilitating a coup." Varra retorted. "The First Order will survive just fine without Snoke, I'm sure."
Dalia sighed. "I know." She said. "But that is a problem we can deal with in the future."
Varra snorted. "The future will be here before you know it." She said. "You'd better get ready for it."
Dalia made no reply, pursing her lips in annoyance.
"Anyway, I have to go. There's a new shipment of supplies coming in and I need to help unload it." Varra said. "I'll talk to you again soon. Stay safe please."
"You too." Dalia said, watching as Varra's image flickered and then disappeared in front of her. She sighed, tucking the holographic device back into her notebook.
Kylo Ren had not seen so much as a glimpse of Dalia for days. Aketra had temporarily assigned Lady Kaia to babysit him while Dalia recovered and Kylo Ren found himself unable to deny he missed her presence. Every time he saw Lady Kaia, he found himself resenting her more, simply because she was not Dalia. Lady Kaia had told him Dalia had been transferred from the infirmary back to her own room after a few days but that her mother had forbid her from resuming her regular duties until the doctors said she was fully recovered. He'd thought about visiting her, more than a couple of times, but every time he remembered their last conversation, he thought better of it.
Besides, he had a lot to do. He'd sent out a notice promising to care for the families of anyone who would join the army. The First Order had agreed to cover all the expenses and so far there had been more conscriptions than he'd ever dared to hope for. Between managing the recruitment and assuring Snoke that the planet was not on the brink of civil war, he didn't have much time to think about anything else.
And this was good. Because when he did have time to think, he found his thoughts continually straying towards things he wished he could forget. He hadn't had a decent sleep in years but recently, he was lucky if he got three hours a night. He walked around in a cloud of exhaustion, every little thing irritating him beyond all sense of reason. He had always had a temper and he was known for blowing up unexpectedly...but recently he wanted to scream every time one of the Priests or Priestesses so much as opened their mouth. He wanted to Force choke them for smiling at him. He wanted to destroy everything in the room and then burn the whole Temple down and then maybe the entire planet for good measure.
Even worse, every time he closed his eyes he saw him. Every time he managed to get some sleep, he was tormented with the most horrific nightmares that woke him up drenched in sweat, only for him to remember that reality was worse than anything his subconscious mind could dream up. The only good thing about it all was that Snoke was far, far away. He couldn't feel the conflict that ate away at him, driving him insane. He couldn't feel the guilt that consumed him until he wished Dalia had let him die. It would have been less painful.
A knock sounded on his door and Kylo Ren looked up, realizing who it was before he even stood up. He walked over to the door and opened it to find Dalia standing in front of him. Her face fell as she looked at him, and if Kylo Ren hadn't known better he would have thought she looked concerned.
"Can I come in?" She asked, glancing beyond him at the room inside.
Kylo Ren cringed internally, realizing she would see the mess his room was in.
"I guess so." Kylo Ren said, stepping aside to let her in. Dalia walked into the room, glancing at the place where he had punched the wall the first night he'd arrived. The paint was chipping, falling onto the floor. Dalia looked around the room, noticing the lamp he had broken and the lightsaber marks he had left on the wall. She looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.
"What do you do in here?" She asked. "Fight with the furniture?"
"I can pay for the damage if that's your concern." Kylo Ren replied curtly.
Dalia closed the door behind her and locked it before turning to face him. "I heard you Force choked Lord Aris." She said.
"He deserved it." Kylo Ren said darkly, suddenly furious at the accusation. Had she just come here to tell him off?
"You've been yelling at people for no reason." Dalia continued, "Storming out of the dining hall. Picking fights with my mother? Do you have a death wish?"
"Your mother thinks she can control me." Kylo Ren snapped. "I don't answer to her."
"You look like you haven't slept since I last saw you." Dalia said. "What in the name of Ashla is going on?"
"Nothing is going on." Kylo Ren snapped, taking a step towards her. "And what I do is none of your business!"
"It is my business." Dalia retorted, crossing her arms. "You're here in my Temple. You're terrorizing my friends-"
"They're not your friends." Kylo Ren said, "You don't even like most of them."
"Ren, you can't scream at someone because they asked you to pass the water jug!" Dalia cried.
"I don't care!" Kylo Ren shot back, so furious his vision was beginning to blur. Or perhaps that was just from the lack of sleep.
Dalia fell silent, her eyebrows knitting together in that expression that looked like concern again. Why was she pretending? She knew she didn't have to hide her true feelings anymore.
"Come with me." Dalia said after a moment, and Kylo Ren frowned.
"What?" He asked, suspiciously.
"Just come." Dalia said. "Please."
Kylo Ren hesitated, very tempted to yell at her until she left. However, a part of him really didn't want her to leave. There was something comforting about her presence no matter how much her words infuriated him.
Giving in, he followed her and she led the way up winding staircases that led to a part of the Temple he'd never been in before.
"Where are we going?" He asked and Dalia looked back at him.
"You'll see." She said, stopping at last, in front of a pair of white marble double doors. She unlocked them and then pushed them open, revealing a lavish bedroom. Kylo Ren stopped in the doorway, confused.
"Is this your bedroom?" He asked.
Dalia nodded. "Come in." She said, gesturing for him to follow her inside.
Reluctantly, Kylo Ren entered the room and closed the door behind him. To his surprise, Dalia locked the door and then walked over to a cupboard, pulling open a drawer. She pulled out a Dejarik board and Kylo Ren felt his stomach constrict painfully at the sight. The last time he'd played that game had been on the Millenium Falcon when...Kylo Ren pulled his thoughts back to the present.
"I hate that game." He said and Dalia sighed.
"Please." She said. "Just play one game with me."
"Don't you have another game?" He asked.
Dalia hesitated before sighing again and returning to the cupboard. She replaced the Dejarik board and pulled out a pack of cards. She held them up. "Better?"
Kylo Ren nodded and Dalia placed them on her desk. She walked over to the corner of the room and pulled an extra chair to the desk, gesturing for him to take a seat. He took a seat across from her as she shuffled the cards.
"What games do you know?" Dalia asked as she finished, setting the card deck down on the desk.
Kylo Ren stared at the cards, unable to remember the last time he'd played cards. It must have been at the Jedi academy. He couldn't remember any of the games though. Hadn't there been one about a Jack?
"Do you know The Mandalorian's Bounty?" Dalia asked, "The one where you have to get the most Kings and you're allowed to lie?"
The name sounded vaguely familiar but Kylo Ren found himself unable to remember if he'd ever played this game. He shook his head and so Dalia launched into an explanation of the game that Kylo Ren only half followed. He found her face far too distracting. He found himself staring at the way her lips moved and the way her eyes flitted from the cards back up to him. They were so blue. So beautiful.
"So do you understand?" Dalia asked and Kylo Ren nodded, taking the cards she offered him. He looked at them and then back at her. Why had she wanted to play cards? It had been years since he'd done anything so...mundane.
"I start by taking a card from the center?" Kylo Ren asked and Dalia nodded.
Kylo Ren tried to play his turn, unsure whether he was doing it right, and then Dalia went. They continued, taking turns, in silence for a while, until Kylo Ren realized he felt almost calm for the first time in days. The Darkness inside him was still suffocating but he didn't want to burn the Temple down anymore. He wanted to sit here and play stupid card games with Dalia until he passed out from the bone deep exhaustion he felt.
"I heard recruitment is going well." Dalia said at last, breaking the silence.
Kylo Ren nodded, knowing she would be displeased with just how many Atoans had signed up. "Nearly 1000 have signed up so far." He said. "Training is going to be an issue. We don't have enough Masters."
"You might have to use the Light Side Causha." Dalia said.
"Maybe." Kylo Ren agreed, having realized this himself just earlier that day. There were only 20 Dark Side Masters. Even if he and the Knights assisted, that would hardly be enough to train the entire army. If recruitment remained steady, he guessed that over 5000 might sign up."
"You have a King." Dalia said and Kylo Ren looked back at his cards, cursing internally as he realized she was right.
"I don't." He lied.
"You're bluffing." She said and Kylo Ren rolled his eyes, handing over the King to her.
"This game isn't made for Force sensitives." Kylo Ren said and Dalia grinned.
"But it is so much more fun when you can feel a lie through the Force." She said.
"But then what's the point if you're always right?" He asked.
"It helps you shield your mind." She said. "Lady Kaia used to use it to teach me how to hide my thoughts and feelings from my mother."
Kylo Ren stared at her, suddenly intrigued. "Why did she teach you that?" He asked.
Dalia sighed, taking her turn. "Because when I was young, my mother knew my every thought and my every feeling. It allowed her to control me completely. She would play on my emotions to manipulate me into doing what she wanted and she knew it instantly whenever I tried to lie to her."
Kylo Ren felt his breath hitch as her words resonated with him. What she was describing...it sounded like Snoke.
"When I decided to turn to the Light Side of the Force, Lady Kaia taught me how to shield my mind." Dalia said.
"That's why you're so good at it." Kylo Ren said, taking his turn.
Dalia nodded. "You never bothered to learn." She said, and it was half a question, half a statement.
Kylo Ren felt a flicker of annoyance but answered anyway. "I tried." He said. "I'm not very good at it."
"Are you sure you really tried?" Dalia asked and Kylo Ren looked up to glare at her.
"Yes." He snapped. "I really tried."
"Okay, well..." Dalia said, laying down all her cards to reveal four Kings. "I win." She said.
Kylo Ren slammed his own cards down on the table and shook his head. "Rematch." He said and Dalia laughed.
"Of course." She said, pulling all the cards towards her and beginning to shuffle them again. "You can't handle losing, can you?"
"Not against an insufferable know-it-all like you." Kylo Ren replied, but there was no malice in his voice.
Dalia grinned. "I'm sorry I'm smart. Would you prefer I pretended to be stupid?"
"Well you are so good at pretending...I don't see why not." Kylo Ren said and Dalia stopped, her smile slipping from her face. Kylo Ren immediately regretted his choice of words. Why did he always say the wrong thing?
"I was hoping I didn't have to pretend with you anymore." Dalia said, handing him his hands.
"You don't." He said, and he meant it.
"You don't have to pretend with me either." Dalia said, after a moment and Kylo Ren suddenly felt transparent. She could feel everything he felt; he knew it. He'd never been able to hide his feelings. But somehow, a part of him was almost glad she could see right through him. He just wasn't sure where that part of him came from - the Darkness or the Light.