Merlin was determined.

Holding back his tears, he continued on his way through the tents. He needed to find one specific tent so soon and there was no force that could stop him at the moment. And there was more reason for his haste than determination.

He was desperate.

He wasn't going to do this because he wanted to, because he was trying to stick to his protective-older-brother role.

He was going to do this because he had to. Because there was absolutely no other option he could take.

No he usually didn't have that much luxury when it was about Arthur, and today was no different.

Not more than ten minutes ago Arthur had stepped in the infirmary tent, looking unusually serious and maybe a bit nervous. Seeing Arthur, Leon and Merlin had stopped whatever they were doing and had rushed to his side, fearing if anyone was injured.

Even if the young sergeant did notice his brother, he didn't show it, which worried Merlin. Instead he turned to Leon, informing him that there was going to be a raide for one of the German trenches which _they had reliable resources_ was now abandoned.

"And we will be in need of a medic for any potential injured, which would be you. Pack everything you might need, we will attack in thirty minutes." he commanded and turned to leave the tent when Merlin grabbed his arm, stopping him midway. "You're going too, aren't you?"

Arthur didn't turn to face him but nodded grimly and tried to free his arm but Merlin wasn't planning to let go so soon.

"I can come instead of Leon." He wasn't really asking for permission. This made it, Arthur sharply freed his hand and turned to face him. He dreaded the conversation but deep down he knew this was coming.

"No, you are needed in here. Private Leon brown was selected for this mission." he answered firmly, but with a hint of something else in his eyes which only someone who knew Arthur as long as Merlin would see. Was it fear? Why would Arthur feel afraid? It wasn't the first raide he had commanded but in none of the other times he had been so fearful! Suspicion grew in Merlin's mind. What was so different about this one? It took a few moments before he realized he had asked that out loud.

"Nothing." Even Leon could see right through his lie. "Well then why are you insisting on Leon? Everyone knows he is more able if he stays in the infirmary and that I am more practical in the field. Not to mention he has just been dismissed from the previous mission."

"No, the decision has been made and everything has been considered."

Merlin finally let go of his hand but didn't let go of the subject. He simply turned to fetch a bag and started to fill it with morphine and bandages. "I don't see why the decisions can't change." He muttered under his breath, sounding calm. Now it was Arthur's turn to grab his arm. He was looking more scared than a few minutes ago. The look of desperation in his eyes made Merlin's heart drop.

"Not this time, Leon is more than capable for this, you have to stay here." Okay, this was odd. Never before had Arthur been so determined to prevent him from coming, and not all their previous missions had been kids play. It was war after all, and they were in the front for God's sake. Merlin was no stranger to the horrors after six months now.

"I'm coming anyway." He said stubbornly.

"No you're not."

"Like you can stop me."

"Damn it Merlin, I order you to stay and as your superior officer, you MUST obey." He practically yelled. Merlin was silence for a moment, looking deep into Arthur's eyes and seeing pain and fear in them. He gently freed his arm from his brother's grasp and handed the first aid bag to Leon, eye's never leaving Arthur's. "Alright" he said calmly, the blond man seemed to relax by the answer but Merlin continued "if that is how it is, I will bring permission from your superior officer." And before Arthur could do anything, he had left the tent, knowing exactly where he should go.

So there he was, walking through the tents, passing and ignoring other soldiers, fearing the consequences of his decision but not as much as he feared the other possibilities.

Determination and desperation make up the strongest driving forces.

After a few minutes he finally found his destination. It was a relatively small tent but they had long learned not to be deceived by appearances. Though it wasn't really hard to acknowledge the importance of this one despite the size, it was like it had a different aura.

Merlin took a deep breath before stepping in. Uther was standing there, in the middle of the tent, focused on a large map on the only furniture in that room, a big table.

Merlin cleared his throat to get the other person's attention. Uther raised his head from the map and took a few seconds to acknowledge the raven haired soldier in front of him. He sighed, immediately guessing what reason had brought Merlin there. He had predicted this an hour ago when Arthur was in the room, begging him to replace Merlin with Leon.

He watched the son of his best friend salute and didn't bother to play the fool and ask him the reason of his sudden presence, but Merlin said it anyway.

"General, I have a request. I ask you to replace Private Leon Brown with me for the raide. He has just been dismissed from his previous mission and is not yet fit for another one so soon, I think I would be more capable." Uther sighed. He looked deep into Merlin's eyes, he saw fear but knew it wasn't for the boy's own life. He had seen the same look so many times, both in Merlin's and Balinor's eyes and already knew there was nothing he could do to change the boy's mind, but he had to try anyway.

"The decisions have been made, you are more needed here." He was fighting a loosing war.

"But Private Brown is more capable in the infirmary and I guess I've proved my capability in action."

"It's not about your capability son, it's about the situation." Merlin was silent for a moment, trying to find another way to persuade the general.

"What is different about this raide general?" he didn't want to sound rude or anything, but he really wanted to know what was so dangerous that both Arthur and Uther wanted him to stay back. Uther sighed again. "We are about to cut the supply routes for the German forces in Château-Thierry, but we need some sort of a diversion to get their attention, therefore we are sending a small group to distract them in the no man land."

Small group, no man land, diversion. Words were swimming in Merlin's head, 'this is a suicide mission' he thought. No wonder Arthur was trying to keep him away, were he would be safe.

But then a sudden shiver went down his spine, Arthur himself was going to be a part of the raide.

And he thought he could make him stay? Merlin snorted darkly, and turned to leave the tent when Uther spoke. "You are going anyway, right?" he didn't sound angry. "Yes sir." Was his answer.

"You know if you disobey the orders of your superior officers you will end up in the martial court?"

"Yes sir." He said without hesitation.

"Well then obey! Obey Merlin, there is nothing you can do now!" Uther sounded desperate, Arthur was a military man like himself. They had chosen the danger and were familiar with it. But Merlin was just a stubborn young man who had chosen to be there only to be by his brother's side _he had claimed otherwise but Uther was no child_ and other than that, had no place in there. But then again, he stood tall, looking every inch like a hardened warrior.

"I cannot sit here and wait for someone to bring the news, I cannot sit here and accept whatever happens to him. I have to be there, so I can be sure I did everything in my power to keep him safe, to protect him or die at his side." He roared, eyes shining. Uther stared at him, at those perfect sapphire eyes which reminded him so much of his best friend. Could he really endanger the life of Balinor's son just to assure the safety of his own's?

The other question was, could he really do otherwise?

He lowered his head, 'I'm sorry Arthur' he whispered in his mind. Then raised his head and straightened his back, "Then you shall pack your medical supplies Private Emerson, the battalion will attack in thirty minutes."

Merlin's face lightened and his eyes shone. He turned and rushed out, practically running towards the white tent.

The second he stepped in, Arthur knew he had lost the battle. Sometimes seeing Merlin looking so happy just isn't a good sign. Sometimes it means he has succeeded in doing something so stupid and feels cocky about it. So when Merlin coldly informed Leon that he had been replaced _loud enough so that Arthur would hear_ he just rushed out of the tent to see his father and beg him _again_ to change his orders.

It took mere seconds to reach his tent, he stormed in, completely forgotten about the formalities, shouting.

"I begged you, how could you? This is suicide! You promised not to let Merlin come, please, change the orders, I beg of you-"

"Arthur!"

Uther had to shout in order to interrupt his son's heart-wrenching pleas. When he finally went quiet, looking desperately at his father, begging for answers, Uther continued " I accepted because he was going to get himself arrested for disobeying, I couldn't let him do this. Even in the battle field there is a chance of survival but in the court, even if they don't imprison him, he would be disgraced. There was nothing I could do."

"There was something you could do, you could've persuaded him." Once again Arthur was yelling.

"If it was possible then why didn't you do so?"

This did it. Arthur swore and turned to leave, stopping in midway but not turning back to face his father.

"Do you know about Freya?" he whispered, Uther nodded, even though Arthur could not see him.

"Morgana wrote me..." there was a moment of silence.

"what's her name?"

Arthur opened his mouth but no sound exited his thoat, then after a few seconds he whispered "Eira" before heading out.

Uther shut his eyes, a ghost of a tear fell from his eyes, he thought of Balinor, of how much he had loved to have a daughter and how happy could he be to hear of his granddaughter.

For now, all he could do was to trust them in keeping each other alive, and to pray for this torture to end, so that no more sons and fathers would have to sacrifice themselves and their families.

He could only pray.

….

I'm sooooo sorry for another non-action chapter. I really was planning to get to the actual deal in this part but the conversation between these three characters just became so long that I had to post it as an individual chapter.

But for making up, I published the whole 'Freya's letter' thing as a one-shot called 'letters and tales'. Check it out if you like.

And GOSH, YOU PEOPLE ARE AMAZING. Thank you for all your kind reviews and those who favorited this story, it really means A LOT for me.

Dear Guest (Apr 4): Thank you! You're so sweet, sorry I'm not able to update regularly but I'm trying my best.

Dear Guest (Apr 4): I'm so happy you enjoyed it, I really hope you like this chapter as well.

Dear Guest (Apr 6): for the first part, your suspicions are intresting *evil Morgana-style grin* and for the second part, I'm dying of shame, I PROMISE action scenes are coming soon, just gimme time.

Dear jaeden1112: I'm flattered to hear it had such an affect. And about Novel Star, I'll check it out.